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Orgasm Control: A List of Benefits
I get a lot of questions about the benefits for me and for my husband about the benefits of structured orgasm control as part of addressing the issue of “mismatched libidos” in heterosexual relationships. For many people, as soon as they make a start on this journey, a range of benefits become clear pretty quickly. So, in this case, I believe the requests for providing a list benefits are for people who are still in the process of deciding if this approach is for them.
The short answer is - yes, your life (and sex life) will change for the better. Give it a try.
The second short answer - yes, use a chastity cage. While it is possible to practise orgasm control without one, the benefits for you, but especially for him, of using a chastity cage are exponential. Perhaps the list of benefits below will elucidate why:
Control vs Neglect
In most heterosexual, long-term relationships, women have a significantly lower sex drive than their male partners. Men have less sex than they would ideally like. In this sense, marriage means that females control the allocation of sex. Already. However, without a deliberate structure and communication around the element of this control, the mismatched libido is interpreted by the male as ‘neglect’ or the feeling of not being desired. This can drive the male to pornography, masturbation or ‘nagging for sex’, which puts unwanted pressure on you, and is a serious turn-off.
When orgasm control is discussed and structured as part of the couple’s sexual dynamic, the male’s perception moves from being ‘neglected’ to ‘controlled’. The latter is highly arousing, and the sexual dynamics flips on its head. By controlling his sexual release, you as a couple are indicating that it has a ‘value’ far greater than when he is simply free to masturbate at will. His greatest physical reward, and the oxytocin, bonding, dopamine rush that follows becomes linked to you, not to Pornhub.
More Sex, More Orgasms (For YOU)
Orgasm control is about controlling the MALE orgasm, not yours. The worst thing you can do is be sexually inactive between release windows. Rather just call the whole thing off now - it will not work.
Rather, you can and should have frequent orgasms - and he will love giving them to you. My partner and I have sex frequently outside of his release window. I unlock him and we have standard sex - the only difference is that he is not allowed to cum. He goes slower, uses toys, users his hands and tongue - whatever he needs to do to follow the rules - and I can deliciously and *selfishly* enjoy it. Once we're done, he is locked back up until next time.
This is what he expects and desires - don't feel bad for one second. Stop thinking in the old school "Sex is about the male being satisfied" mindset. It is mindblowing for him in every way - both mentally and physically.
Reigniting the Desire
As has been said on this blog before, males are programmed to ‘move on’ emotionally after ejaculating. Orgasm leads to a spike in prolactin which is a ‘shut off valve’ for intimacy and sexual desire. Frequent masturbation is therefore a total intimacy killer. Controlling the male orgasm leads to increases in oxytocin focused on you as his key objects of desire. He is heavily sexually aroused and his desire for you will skyrocket. Now, he is fully aware that he can’t do anything about it until his scheduled release, so it translates as increased intimacy, and increased energy for other things.
No Pressure for Sex
Modern marriages are defined by women ‘feeling bad’ every time they are not up for sex. The perception of old-world society is that it is the women’s duty to provide sex whenever the male desires. With chastity and orgasm control, this is completely reversed. Sex is not the goal, and the ongoing sexual rush of the denial is what the male will savor the most.
We have PIV (penis in vagina) sex frequently. Most often this is outside of his release window, so he knows that he is not allowed to orgasm, and after I am finished, he is re-locked. It's a mind-screw and a challenge for him, but he absolutely LOVES it!
Chastity is Effortless
With him in chastity, I can do all of this without really having to do much. A bit of attention here and there, a bit of teasing and he is at a constant, positive simmer. It is about communication, structure and commitment.
Release Days are Effortless
When I do allow him an orgasm, this too can be as effortless as you could possibly imagine. On release days, his excitement is so high that bringing him to climax can take as little as a few seconds. This is about “release” - after weeks locked up he will not be able to last very long. Sometimes he will cum just by taking the cage off... In which case, job done 😂.
I usually start by having him bring me to orgasm as usual - with his tongue, hands or a toy. Now it's his turn (for once!).
First decision - do you want him to have his release while in the cage or unlocked?
Caged: it's about balls and nipples. I recommend one hand plays with his nips while the other pulls, squeezes and strokes his balls. Then begin tapping his balls at a regular rhythm, building intensity slowly. Tell him he has permission to cum... Keep tapping and in a few minutes he will come to the edge. He is to ask permission one more time before he about to cum. As he is coming, tap / slap harder until he is finished.
Unlocked: Take off the cage, grip his balls tightly and pull them away from his body, back and forth. Try to touch his nub as little as possible. At most, use a slow, infrequent stroke with a single finger from the base of his nub up the shaft to the tip. He must ask permission just as he is about to cum. At this point, tighten your grip and pull his balls away from his body and hold them there until he is finished.
Tip 1: If you do unlock him for release, always relock directly after he orgasms. This significantly reduces the "drop" he will experience after orgasm and will push him through the 2-3 grouchiness period much smoother. He loves it if I put the cage on him, but if you prefer he locks himself, straight after his release, firmly tell him that it's time to go back in the cage.
Tip 2: Feed it to him! Tell him to clean up with his tongue or at least lick it off your hand. Recycling is important 😂.
Cages Look Sexy
I think of chastity cages as jewellery which is very aesthetically pleasing. Unlocked penises flop about, lean to one side, grow and shrink unpredictably and are often pretty badly manicured. When locked in a cage, everything is so neat. Males will need to do a bit of gardening down there to make it as comfortable as possible. Everything is held in place. His nub is encased and immobilized. His balls are held tight and presented forward. He will want to wear tight underwear or swimwear for comfort purposes, which presents such a neat little package. Every time I see the cage I am reminded that he is doing this for me, and I get a little shiver down my spine. It just looks better, and I love it!
Arousal on Demand
Males think about sex all the time. The vast majority of sexual thoughts and corresponding erections go completely ignored. When locked in chastity, these sexual thoughts (and erections) are contained, and are linked to you as the keyholder. This is highly arousing for the male, and will feel like direct attention from you - even though you may not even be in the same postcode. The cage works for you full-time, and is there whenever the male is aroused. Extremely powerful!
Discipline
The chastity cage helps males to stick to the rules. Most males masturbate significantly more than you will ever imagine. For the vast majority, they will NEVER have gone 21 days or more without masturbating since they first discovered it in their teens. With a cage, masturbation is simply off the table. They must direct this energy elsewhere. Which leads to :
Weight Loss and Conditioning
All of this extra energy must go somewhere, and in most cases, this is directed to physical exercise and conditioning. Many women report that time in chastity has lead to significant weight loss and body sculpting in their males. Motivation and drive are seriously tangible chastity benefits that you will notice as little as 7 days in.
Service
Oxytocin is the courting hormone. Increases in this wonder drug caused by orgasm control will often lead to a far more focused, attentive and service-oriented mentality. Whether conscious on his part or not, I notice a happier, more helpful male, with a higher attention-to-detail and eagerness to please. Use this as you see fit!
A Better Sex Life
Most importantly, chastity and orgasm denial will improve your sex life. Sex does not equate to penetration anymore, although it certainly can if you wish. Unlock him at any point in the schedule for sex of you're keen for it - it's just that outside of the release window, he will have to find a way not to orgasm. You are the focus until his release date!
Most importantly, "sex" in long-term marriages is about sexual interaction - intimacy, honesty, communication and care. This is why you are doing this in the first place. Rewire your thinking as a couple, and become a highly engaged, balanced and aligned sexual partnership.
Conclusions
These are just some of the many benefits that are associated with the exciting journey of male orgasm control. Drop some more in the comments and I can add to this ever-growing list.
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Chastity Game: “Time is Money”
General Rules
You agree to a chastity sentence for a certain length of time, but you can freely exchange days in chastity for a certain amount of money. You can also exchange days/money to be unlocked for periods of time or even for sexual acts with or for your key-holder. You get the excitement and experience of being locked in chastity without the threat of permanence, and your key-holder gets the thrill of controlling your orgasms with the potential to make some money!
Example
I sign a contract with my key-holder (a female friend with “benefits”) for 1 year at $20/day. Say after 65 days I decide I don’t like the game and want out of chastity, it will cost me $6,000 to buy the remaining 300 days, and then I get the key back.
We agree beforehand that I can get unlocked whenever I want, but it will cost me an extra day (or $20 cash) for every half hour and I have to be handcuffed or otherwise restrained so that I don’t try to masturbate. If I do want to masturbate, I can also do that whenever I want, but each time will cost me 7 extra days (or $140) and before I’m released to do so my key-holder locks a collar around my neck and chains it to something sturdy so that I can’t go anywhere until I’m safely locked up again. Additionally, she has to give me a handjob whenever I ask, but it will cost me 10 days ($200) and I have to be restrained first so that I can’t escape. If I agree to a ruined orgasm, the hand job only costs me 5 days ($100). Lastly, I can have a “free day” whenever I want; this is 24 hours of being unlocked with the ability to do whatever I want during that time. It costs me 25 days ($500) and the only stipulation is that I have to wear a metal collar locked around my neck so that I’m forced to return for my chastity cage (or the collar obviously never comes off).
In addition to the guaranteed privileges above, I can get a blowjob from her for 20 days ($400) or have sex with her for 25 days ($500). However, these are subject to her willingness – she doesn’t have to do it if she doesn’t want to.
I can also do things for her to buy time back from my contract: I can give her oral sex in exchange for 1 day (she has to have an orgasm for it to count, of course), I can spend 6 hours in bondage in return for 5 days (usually a tight hog-tie with a blindfold and ball gag), or I can give one of her guy friends a blowjob for 6 days (it’s only worth 3 if I don’t swallow).
Everything mentioned so far has been negotiated before the contract was signed, but special favors can be created along the way as long as both of us agree to them. Perhaps she offers to take off an additional day if I wash her car or clean her bathroom, or maybe she’ll deduct an entire week if I do something really embarrassing like show my chastity cage to her friends and then serve them all night while they get drunk and tease me!
At the end of the year, I’m required to serve any remaining time on the contract – time that has been added for being unlocked and/or serviced along the way. The game could potentially go on forever in this fashion, except that after 1 year my key-holder has the option to deny any of the previously guaranteed releases. No longer can I get let out to masturbate, get a handjob, or just relax unless she allows it. The game obviously gets much more difficult after the year is up! Of course, she could comply with some or all of my requests and keep me in chastity as long as I keep adding time along the way, or she can just hold the key and make me serve my time without any release at all. Or I always have the option to pay her the cash equivalent of any remaining debt/time.
Additional thoughts and comments
Once my debt is has been paid, the contract is up and I simply get the key back and the game is over, regardless of how much time has or has not passed. There is also no way for my key-holder to accumulate debt of her own.
I have to provide my own chastity device but my key-holder gets to approve it. I can change devices along the way, but that also requires her approval.
The 6 hours of bondage starts when I’m completely bound. We can negotiate a higher price based on added discomforts, such as an enema, butt plug, nipple clamps, etc.
Anytime she’s to let me out, she can demand that it be done at her convenience. So I likely have to drive over to her place or meet her in public if she’s away from home (if I so dare). However, she can’t intentionally change her agenda for the sole purpose of making it more inconvenient for me.
When I’m released to masturbate, there is a 30 minute time limit, which includes the time it takes to lock myself back up.
Whenever my key-holder is getting me off (HJ, BJ, sex), there is no minimum time limit. As soon as I cum she can lock me up again.
There is no rule preventing her from showing me extra kindness or sympathy, though it’s not very likely to happen!
If I go over the allotted times (30 min. to masturbate, 24 hrs. for a free day) there is a 100% penalty and I cannot roll it over into a 2nd consecutive cycle (e.g. if I go 5 minutes over while masturbating, I’m charged an extra 7 days and I’m not allowed to masturbate again right away).
There is nothing that my key-holder can make me do. If I wanted, I could choose to simply serve the entire year in chastity without release, without adding any days, doing any favors, or paying any money (but that’s not very likely either!).
Even though the game is played under a contract (however formal or informal) one should choose their key-holder with care!
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Edging and Orgasm Denial Techniques
Stumbled on a good resource on Medium.com I thought worth sharing:
One of the hardest things about male chastity is actually getting your man to stop himself from cumming.
My husband and I, have found a simple way to do this. First comes the strategy, and then there is are specific tactics within the strategy.
The strategy is easy: he’s found it’s easier for him not to have an orgasm when he imagines it as a ‘cliff’ he’s going to go over.
And once he knows where that ‘edge’ is, then it’s much easier to back away from it (obviously); but it’s also easier then to avoid with subsequent edging. That’s the really important thing because it means we can make love and play for a long time without having to worry about him being too excited to carry on without having an orgasm.
The trick (he says) is knowing how to find the edge, recognise it when it’s approaching and not go flying over it in his enthusiasm.
So now we come to the orgasm denial tactics.
Remember: the point of ‘no return’ is the edge.
So as he’s approaching it he mentally maps his orgasm and how far he is from it onto a path to the edge of the cliff. He literally sees this path in his mind’s eye and imagines himself walking along it.
Now, if you’re going to ask me exactly how he does this, I can’t answer because I’m not in his head. But this is how he describes it to me and I can say two things for sure:
It takes practice. And you’re better erring on the side of ‘safety’.
It works. The chances of him cumming when he’s not supposed to are vanishingly small now. This is A Good Thing, for two reasons: first, we can have a lot more fun and do more things without worrying; and secondly, it makes my teasing of him much more worthwhile because I can push him further.
By working as a team it’s possible for me to take him to that edge and back over and over again before calling it a day.
And like anything, the more you do it, the better at it you’re going to get.
Don’t make the mistake of thinking all or even most of the fun of chastity is to be found in tease and denial, because if you’re not serving her desires and worshiping her body then you’re missing out on some of the most exquisite torture you can imagine. My favorite rapidly became the strapon — almost as good as the real thing and certainly good enough for long term orgasm denial.
Bottom line: your man does not need to orgasm.
He may want to, and there are reasons you might sometimes allow it (and some fiendish ways of doing it for him), but when it comes down to it he doesn’t need to orgasm, ever.
Link here.
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Cum Eating Husband...
My husband stood naked in the kitchen. He had a hard cock, of course, and his pubic hair was shaved. There was lubricant dripping from the end of his cock.
I was dressed and ready to go out the door for most of the day. I walked over to him, reached down and grabbed his sperm filled balls and gave them a firm squeeze. I gave him a soft kiss and said see you later. We both looked down at his cock as I slid my hand up its length and wiped a large drop of pre-cum off the end of his prick and onto the end of my finger. I moved my hand toward his mouth, he automatically open it. I put my finger in his mouth and he licked his pre-cum off my finger.
“When I come back, I’ll take care of this for you, would that be OK?
He just moaned.
“I’ll let you cum in me, when I come back. Would you like that?”
He said yes
“God, I bet there is a huge amount of cum in those balls” He hadn’t cum in a number of days.
He said he thought so too.
“And then you know what I want you to do after you cum in me?”
He nodded his head
“Tell me what I’ll have you do, you know you want to talk about it with me”
“I’ll lick my cum from you”
“That’s right you will, and why will you do that?”
“Because you’ll tell me to, because I love you and I love your pussy, even when it’s filled with my cum”
“Especially when it’s filled with your cum, because you’re my cum eating husband aren’t you?”
“Yes”
“Yes what?”
“Yes, I’m your cum eating husband.”
We both look down at his cock, it is so hard it looks like it could snap.
“I bet if I touched your cock it would explode”
“It would, I have not doubt”
I don’t touch his cock, but I do take his hand and say, “Walk me to my car”
Our garage is part of the house and there really isn’t much chance of our neighbor seeing him, but there is a little chance once the garage door opens.
As I back out of the garage and head down the driveway, the last thing I see of my husband is him waving goodbye with a hard bobbing cock. It’s very cute. His balls are going to be sore by the time I get home. I think I’ll take my time.
We weren’t always this kinky. It started a couple of months ago when my husband, in a fit of passion and a little drunk, told me he wanted to lick his cum from me after making love. Really what he wanted was for me to make him lick his cum from me.
We never did anything about it, he seemed to lose interest in doing it once he came. Over the next few months, he mentioned it once or twice and I could tell he still had an interest in me making him do it, but I think he was embarrassed to mention it much. Then one evening, we were having a drink on the deck of our club. It was a beautiful night and it was our first drink, we were standing by ourselves. My husband had his arm around my shoulder. He kissed the side of my head and said. “When we get home I want to make love to you and then I want you to sit on my face and make me eat my cum from you. I have fantasized about this for a long time, and I just can’t make myself do it, so you have to just do it for me. Promise me you will make me do it, lick my cum from you”
I was shocked. I just looked at him. This was not the conversation I was expecting. He was obviously embarrassed he said it, I could tell he wished he hadn’t. He needed to get past this fantasy by it becoming a reality.
“OK, not a problem. I don’t think your going to like it, but you are going to do it, that is for sure. And don’t try to get out of it because you are definitely going to eat your cum tonight. You have asked a number of times and then just didn’t do it, tonight, you’re not getting out of it.” I smiled because there was a little tent in his pants.
Just then friends walked up to say hello. I know he was going to have an interesting evening thinking about what was going to happen. I also decided we would talk about it on the drive home to raise his embarrassment level a bit … and his cock.
That was the beginning. After he came in me, he didn’t really want to go down on me. I pushed him onto his back and reminded him that he wanted me to do this. I then crawled up and straddled his face, holding my hand over my pussy to keep his cum in me. I asked him if he was ready, he said yes, and I removed my hand and started to lower myself. He just said, “Oh my god.”
I don’t know if he liked the taste of cum but he did like me making him lick me clean. And I liked getting a nice soft tongue in me after having sex. I liked getting his cum cleaned out of me. I liked the idea of him eating his cum after all the cum I have eaten. I liked fucking his face after he fucked me. This was all pretty nasty! I liked it, and he defiantly liked it, and right then I decided that his cum eating was going to be a regular part of our love making. After I came and we were holding each other, I asked him what he thought. He admitted the taste wasn’t great, but not too bad, but what he liked most was having me “make” him do it. He said he really liked his submissiveness and really liked my dominance. I grabbed his cock and it was partially hard again. We made love a little more and we fell asleep, he was still hard, but I was tired.
The next morning before we got out of bed he was hard again. Very hard in fact. I asked him what we were going to do with that, and he said he wanted to be brought right to the edge of cumming, and then left hard and horny so he would think about me all day. I played with his cock and balls for about 10 minutes, stopping twice so he would not cum. When I left the bed to get coffee, he was naked on his knees, legs spread wide, balls pulled up and cock pointing toward the ceiling bobbing and leaking.
During the course of the day I could tell he was very horny. As we passed he would touch me or kiss my neck or shoulder. By the time we went to bed, he was almost crazed. We made love quickly, and he came very hard and long telling me how much he loved me and how he thought of me all day.
After he came I let him rest for five minutes and then told him to get “down there and clean me up.”
He did without hesitation. I might be able to get use to this dominance thing.
The teasing part of his submissiveness also developed over time. Once he started eating his cum more often, he felt there was nothing more dramatic than that, so he told me all of his fantasies. One was his desire to be teased and to have his orgasm delayed. I now enjoy seeing his cock hard and leaking, and NOT letting him cum.
He is more attentive when he is horny
Nudity is also a turn on for him. He likes being naked and hard while I am dressed. For him, nudity also includes being clean shaven “down there”. This too turns him on because he feels very “naked” for me, and it is something that only I know about. He also likes the process of shaving his cock and balls, it keeps him horny and thinking about me because it needs to be attended to often. He does look very naked when he is shaven.
So that is how my husband ended up naked in the kitchen with a shaved hard cock, horny and desperate to cum, talking about eating his own sperm from my pussy after he cums, with his fully dressed wife squeezing his balls and stoking his hard on, but not letting him cum. It all makes sense now doesn’t it…
Thanks to LoveMyWife
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