galactifyinggalaxies

[galactifyinggalaxies]

Adek gue kocak bgt bilang “semoga dpt jodoh di sana” di kala dia dtg krn guehhhh. Wkwkwkwkwkwkkwkwkwkwkwkwkwkwkwkwkwkwkw. Kocak baaangeeetttttt.

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“Iya gue pernah ngomong kalo gue maunya sama lo aja ke siapa gitu”

“Ke siapa???”

*diem*

KAYAAA. Kaya lo ngomong gitu buat apa. MANCING BGT mancinnnngghh

Sorii gue harus PATAHKAN all of your nATURAL FLIRTINGS.

Red flag.

You’re already have a girlfriend.

Even tho it’s nice to have someone being nice. Let’s just stop at that heheh

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Why did u randomly mention that we met on a cafe :””””””””” like why. Why did u do that. Hahahaha. Why are you still being like this? Why are u stilll doing thaat

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He’s so disgustingly tone deaf.

He keeps mentioning things I’ve mentioned in 2019 and idk 2022. Things we’ve beeeen throughhhh only.

Mentioning thing that he share the same views as mine.

Stop seeing me as some kind of cool. Im not.

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Feeling way too awkward when hearing him mentioning “batak kristen” “pulang tepat waktu” “izin sama mbaknya” “fh ui” very awkward to hear that it matches mine….. anw that matches her as well tho. but i was therrrrrrrr.

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And i dont know. The anxiety. I dont know if i feel anything to them. I dont. Maybe just feeling left out. That’s probably it. Fear of missing out. But it’s actually fine. I do might miss some things but i bet if i know that, i’ll be pissed off as hell on why the fjck do i have to know those things… But feeling left out is real. But if you think about if these all happens in 2018, i dont care apparently… because it’s all not my place. Im not with them afterall. I am left out. Since the very beginning. And why do i have to feel left out now?

Okay. That … cleared some points. I dont want to expect to spend more time with them. I dont want to include myself with them. I dont want to schedule things. But i do feel drown in loneliness.. no thats not it. Like im not interested in them but i do want some attention…. Thats how selfish i am…… Like suddenly everything gets so boring….. who do i like. What i like exactly. And why am i so disinterested with a little bit of attention. Is this me being selfish? The thing is… the types of people i meet at work and school and church are extremely varied. Add families.

The spectrum I got in my family is… HIGHLY CHRONICALLY ONLINE!!!! We compare animes, mangas, and games like it’s breakfast.

At work, they preferred travelling, favorite restaurants, work, exam, how to achieve more. Stressing me way too much.

While in church.. idk what a spectrum. Confident extrovert people and not very intelligent. Im annoyed with that. With just that, we got different spectrum tho. Not that i judge or anything. But i feel very cringe on that. Secondhand embarrassment all the time. I can not justify and put any reason on how should i like them

So with those varied spectrums. Im not sure on how should i like a person :( and what kind of people i expect… and therefore. Lets step into the unknown….

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Bro let me rethink why I don’t like him… The thing is…. He might be an INTP hahahaha….

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Baik 👀👀👀👀👀👀

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Gue ga mau dideketin dia:( i would be interested in him if he’s more attractive. Fat people could be attractive tau. But he’s not really. Gue attractive ga sih?

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The moment he stopped make a move. The moment i stopped talking bout him here. I am proud

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I can make friends. Kenapa gue ga mau terbuka. Iya gue bisa lucu, asik, berusaha bikin suasana nyaman. Tp kenapa ya. Kenapa gue ga mau. Gue masih bingung kenapa. Kebiasa diem? Apa gue ga mau temenan sama mrk?

Apakah gue ga mau temenan sama mereka? Iya. Kenapa? Krn gue merasa mereka ga keren? Yah temen gue siapa yang keren? Oh gue tau. Biar orang ga merasa gue di kubu tertentu. Iya banget. Gue ga suka kotak… Dan gue ga mau ada di dalem kotak. Kayanya itu deh. Tp ini ujungnya gue yg ada di dlm kotak sendiri. But it’s much better than to choose which box i should be in.

Gamau di kubu orang kaya. Atau orang miskin. Orang keren atau orang ga keren. Orang jelek atau orang cantik. Gamau sama sekali included. Berarti gue peduli pendapat orang bgt ga sih? Tp itu mempermudah segalanya… ga akan ada asumsi, atau ekspektasi.

Makanya gue suka orang2 yg blend in the background wkwk. The wallflowers. Kadang pengen pake baju yg as basic as possible to be biasa2 aja. Tp gue ga suka average hahah.

Mau muntah abis.. pengen nangis. Gamau punya temen. I’d rather be alone. Apa bikin temen aja ya. Gamau gaberani. Im not good in a group. Gamau jahat. Mau jd baik. Oh iya. Ini. Gue pengen jd baik tapi ga mau temenan. Tp ya itu bertentangan dg konsep baik. Tp kalo temenan, gatau gamau… apa justru gue yg berharap sesuatu ya!!?? Coba coba apa yg gue harapkan dr orang… Just someone that i can talk to about my ongoing interests. Kaya, ga butuh kado pas ultah. Selamat ultah juga ga perlu. But i like to give tho. I actually like to be kind, it makes me feel better :(( i dont hope for anything tho, semua kebaikan membuat gue berpikir gue hrs membalas. Hahah. Tp ga suka perbuatan average.

Gue kenapa sih

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Anjir skrg yg problematik si A hahah. Tau ah. Skip

Oke belinda. HAHAHAHAH. U know it okay.

U know it okaaaayyyy.

U gottaa forget him okaaayy.

Lo emang baik okaaaayyyy.

Wkwkwkwkwkw. For the first time gue merasa gue berutang pada A. Makasih A. Justru dia yg paling ngerti gue.

. . .

Okeeeeeeeee ❤ mata terbuka. Time to move on! Cari cowo! Di kantor aja. U know his name. Rajinin PD jumat bareng mba bon wkwkwkwkwkwk. Lebih approachable!

[galactifyinggalaxies]

Omygoshhhh… a year after this hahahahah. Great great great

He actually stalled me for going homee hahahahh.. that actually fulfilled my "I really can't stay but baby it's cold outside" chemistry. Felt nice. But the conversation is too frickin booooringgg ngl. Kenapa sih. Menurut gue dia jangan maksain diri sih sama gue. Atau emang dia generally boring ya hahaahahahah... no no.. but he is ngl. Felt too shallow. Or maybe just our topics and topics he mentioned are just too shallow for me.

Tp gue pura2 bego aja :( why. gamau aja mancing. Nanti gue yg ribet jawabinnya :( Gue inget dia sempet mundur kok ya, when2. Hmmm. Dan gue udah pasang jarak kok ke diaa. Kaya, gue mencanggungkan diri. U know. I think he doesnt want to?

Anggep aja he respects me... is that right

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chaotic siblings & plans

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Iya emang udh lebih dr 365 hari. Udah mau dua tahun. Ya pandemik udah mau dua tahun.

Stop. Looking for justification. Step ahead. Look ahead.

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Goodness. I’ve moved on apparently

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Things are getting complicated. Move on.