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‘Di malayo nararating ng isang bakla

This was a statement I constantly heard from my mother when we talk about the topic of LGBT discrimination. As a bisexual, it is difficult for me to hear these words from my own mother. These types of conversations are often incited by television or movie scenes depicting homosexual acts or discrimination against LGBT members. Scenes in movies often show how gender realization starts at a young age and that people who question their gender feel ostracized around other people especially among their family and peers. Oftentimes, when the character opens up about one’s sexuality to his/her family, they see the person differently and it is often not in a desirable manner. The character is often accused of being a failure of a child and the he/she should “choose” to be straight or else other people would not treat him/her right.

These kinds of scene condition my mother to think the same way. She always tells me how hard the life of a homosexual is and that I should never “choose” to be one. Deep down, I know she is saying this because she feels I am not “heterosexual” enough. I understand my mother’s perspective. It’s not that she’s homophobic but rather, her perspective was shaped by the environment she grew up in. My mother, being part of a different generation and social group, has a perspective that is contrary to my Generation Z mindset. This brings me to my first point that the difference in our social groups actually affected how my identity developed over time. My social group and generation have an entirely different mindset with my mother’s generation. We are more open-minded about these social issues because of our exposure to an increasingly diversifying and globalizing culture. This exposure has led to us to become more tolerant of different people’s behaviors and adapt to these changes. Also, in the Philippine context and of Jesuit education, the notion of religious beliefs is also becoming more inclusive and open-minded about the LGBT community. This acceptance has urged in us a willingness to also become more liberal to the topic. This is also actually rooted in the crowd of people I choose to be with: LGBTs, girls or guys who are as liberal as me.

Second, the way I socialized with others was affected by such a statement. The image that I portray to my family is different from the one I portray in front of my peers and other strangers. There are elements in the dramaturgical framework that encapsulate my multiple faces. People think that I am a composed person who is very transparent to everyone. Little do they know that I also hide my own gender identity from my parents because of this fear and that my tolerance of LGBT is somewhat flawed because of my fear of being identified with them outside my social circle. It is one thing for my friends to know but another for my family and relatives to do so. Adding on to that fear is my mother’s conditioning of how hard life would be for me if I publicly reveal my bisexuality. These difficulties include non-acceptance from conservative workmates or difficulties in getting a job in some companies and most importantly, acceptance into the Catholic Church. This religious aspect, like I said, is brought about by how traditional Church teachings were back then which is very different to the current approach. Socialization became somewhat limited for me in a sense that I tried not to be influenced by my peers’ personality and have my own development uninfluenced by my LGBT friends out of fear that I will be ostracized in the long run. However, this has had a negative aspect on my development since socialization is a necessary and ordinary component of one’s own character development and manner of communicating with others.

Lastly, the statement has made me more conscious of identifying with my gender and try not to be part of the common connotation of a bisexual male. Ordinarily, a lot of people stereotype bisexuals as closeted homosexuals. They are just afraid to accept their homosexuality because of some external factor that might ostracize them. The stigma of being bisexual is another reason why I do not like associating myself with bisexuals or the LGBT community as a whole. Because of this stigma and the fear of being discovered, I conform to the gender roles of a heterosexual male especially in front of my family and strangers. It is not entirely difficult to do so since my tastes are not really that different from a heterosexual male. This is the one of the misconceptions regarding general roles. By stereotyping people to act a certain way, people who act differently from the stereotype are judged as closeted or “nagpapanggap”. People fail to realize there are around at least 81 existing genders and there is a difference between biological sex, gender identity, sexual orientation and gender expression. All these factors constitute to how a person acts around his/her peers. I choose to conform to gender roles that people perceive as not typical of a bisexual because I choose to be identified as heterosexual in the eyes of strangers who are unaware of any of my other factors. This misconception, while detrimental to the perception of bisexuals just shows one of the flaws of the concept of gender and sexuality and how easy it is to make people perceive your sexuality to be. It also shows how difficult it is for the members of the LGBTIQXYZ community to be open about it out of fear of judgment. My mom always tells stories about her gay friends who are salon artists, tailors or unemployed and how their lives are very meager and lonely because of their sexuality. I choose to break that stigma about bisexuals by choosing to be more than that stigma and when I am in the position to be different from that stereotype in the future, I can proudly say that I am bisexual and “malayo ang aking narating sa buhay!”

By knowing yourself and understanding the inner machinations by which we work and interact with other people, we have more room to develop our personality and know what we are capable of doing. While we may come from different social groups and different generations, we have to understand that our development and opinions vary because of our social map. We come from different genders so our experiences and the reason why we are what we are may not be of our own doing but rather an effect of our environment and surrounding so to simply ostracize people because of what they are right now without knowing the reason is just downright unfair. People hide behind what they truly are out of fear of being stigmatized and it is really something that affects and inhibits a person’s development especially since their socialization is limited to what they perceive would not give others a poor notion about them. That’s why my response to everyone who stereotypes people based on their gender is “malayo ang nararating ng taong kilala ang kaniyang sarili.”

Sources:

Goffman, E. (1991). The presentation of self in everyday life. In J. Henslin (Ed.), Down to Earth Sociology (pp. 98-108). New York, NY: The Free Press.

Grotevant, H., & Cooper, C. (1985). Patterns of interaction in family relationships and the development of identity exploration in adolescence. Child Development, 56, 415-428. 

Moore, S. & Rosenthal, D. (2007). Gender, sexuality and romance. In Sexuality in Adolescence: Current Trends (Ch. 6 pp. 132-155). New York, NY: Routledge. 

Schacter, E., & Ventura, J. (2008). Identity agents: Parents as active and reflective participants in their children’s identity formation. Journal of Research on Adolescence, 18(3), 449-476.

-Carlos Campo 160339

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Module # 3

Ever since I was little, I have always been surrounded by women. Aside from studying in an exclusive all-girls school, I live with my mom, my grandmother and two maids my entire life. I lived most of my life being surrounded by girls in spaces I am comfortable in like my home and in school. I have always been so comfortable being in an environment with no males that I do not notice that some of my actions do not show proper ettiquette or do not follow social norms anymore. A statement I would always hear growing up, until now, was “Sit properly!” or in my mother’s words: “Kababae mong tao lagi kang nakabukaka” or “Kababae mong tao para kang lalake umupo”.

At home, I am very comfortable lounging around sitting in any way I want because there was nobody at home except for my maids, my grandmother or my mom. Basically, all were girls. Whenever we would have visitors around like my cousins, aunts and uncles, I remember my mom would always remind me to sit properly when eating or when sitting around. Another example is when I am in the car, my mom would always remind me to sit properly because the driver is there. Even though I am wearing jeans and long clothing, she would still get mad if I am slightly “nakabukaka”. She would say “ang pangit tingnan kasi babae ka” or “baka tinitingnan ka ng driver di mo alam”.  These phrases show how conservative my family is so I also grew up being concerned of how I act and how I dressed up. Coming from a very conservative Chinese family, my mom would always mind the things I wear. I could not buy clothing without her permission and without her inspecting it when worn. I should always show her how it looks like before she would agree to purchase it. When I want something that is trendy but reveals too much skin, my mom would get mad and begin sermoning about how short my shorts are or how tight-fitting this top is. Of course, I listen to her because I care about what other people my think. I might see it looking nice and trendy but others might also see it as too revealing.

In relation to these things I hear growing up, I realized that social norms affect and influence all of us. The rules and expectations of society towards our behavior and human activities  influence our actions. We become cautious of how we act because we might think that what we are doing is already “frowned upon” by society. For example, when sitting unlady-like, my family and other elders always tell me to sit properly like a girl. When my mom or any adult tells me to sit properly, I recognize that I am violating this norm or expectation of girls to sit lady-like. There is deviance because I am violating something that people expect from me because I am a girl. These social norms serve as a useful purpose and to correct our behaviors. They are unwritten rules that everyone should know for example making eye contact when talking, giving personal space or saying thank you to someone you asked a favor from. As simple as these examples, society really expects these things from all human beings because it is always the right thing to do. It has been tradition and breaking it would cause commotion or would be frowned upon by society.

Additionally, there are gender stereotypes that we can never escape in soiety. We label and define women as people who have to act gentle, who sits properly or are very “mahinhin”, while men have to be tough, strong and can do whatever they want that will show their “manhood”. The concept of gender stereotypes influences how society sees man and woman. The phrase “kababae mong tao..” implies that women’s actions have to be restricted and they are not free to do what they want because they are girls. The statement “Kababae mong tao para kang lalake umupo” clearly shows that there is this gender role or difference that is expected from society. For example, being a volleyball player myself, whenever my mom sees men playing volleyball she will tell me “mga bading ito ah” even though they are really not. We automatically connect volleyball to a girls sport while on the other hand basketball is for guys only. I am already assuming that when my mom sees girl basketball players she would say “mga tomboy ito ah” because of how rough and close-contact the sport is. Moreover, there are gender roles that are placed on the minds of people that might have been the influence of our ancestors in history. Ever since before, women are seen as weak, stupid and not capable of doing what men can. Although a lot has improved through time, there are still gender roles being played. It is not usual seeing mothers as breadwinners of the family while fathers are the ones taking care of the children and doing household chores right?

Lastly, socialization plays a huge role as it goes beyond the household, which means that it is not only our parents’ influence on how we act but it is also how society shapes and influences us. The people we surround ourselves with has a huge impact on us. Studying in an exclusive all-girls school back then, we were very comfortable with our surroundings and were sort of care free with the way we act. For example, it is okay to ask for a sanitary napkin out loud because we are all girls here anyway. Those things are different in the real world and also depends with the crowds you are in. The people you surround yourself with influences the way you act. Socialization is a process of preparing individuals for acceptance in a specific society. That is why we do not only have our parents but our family, our friends, schools and our religion to shape us in becoming who we are. Thus, hearing these statements growing up made me more self conscious with how I act towards the opposite gender, how I dress up and how I present myself to society.

To conclude, these concepts and themes helped me see the bigger picture and understand myself more. Hearing such statements while growing up helped me shape who I am. I became more self conscious and aware with how I act and how I present myself to other people. We all want to be accepted in society that is why we follow these social norms and we let society control us. However, at the end of the day, it is still our choice to do what we want in our lives, especially if it is for our growth, development and well-being.

Danielle Joyce Lynn N. Chua

Sources:

Goffman, E. (1991). The presentation of self in everyday life. In J. Henslin (Ed.), Down to Earth Sociology (pp. 98-108). New York, NY: The Free Press.

Grotevant, H., & Cooper, C. (1985). Patterns of interaction in family relationships and the development of identity exploration in adolescence. Child Development, 56, 415-428.

Miller, D. (2013). What is the relationship between identities that people construct, express and consume online and those offline? Foresight: UK Government for Science, 15 pages.

Moore, S. & Rosenthal, D. (2007). Gender, sexuality and romance. In Sexuality in Adolescence: Current Trends (Ch. 6 pp. 132-155). New York, NY: Routledge.

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“Kababae mong tao..”

They say, family plays the biggest part of our lives. Rooted from specific values, norms, beliefs, we are shaped into individuals we sometimes do not really have a choice but to obey and eventually, be part of our own systems.

“Kababae mong tao..” is a phrase that had made a huge impact in my life. Coming from a Chinese conservative family, I would often hear this line from my mom when I was younger and even at present, from time to time. This phrase would often be connected to some other lines such as “Kababae mong tao, lakwatsa ka nang lakwatsa.”, “Kababae mong tao, yung upo mo hindi maayos.”, “Kababae mong tao, ang kalat kalat ng gamit mo.” “Kababae mong tao, pupunta ka sa bahay ng lalaki?” Definitely, these words aren’t and will never be pleasing to one’s ears. And so, growing up, I tried to avoid any circumstances that would trigger my mom to uttering these words to me. I would have to choose the parties that I will attend; I would always be conscious of my demeanor and things; and I would seldom go to a guy’s house. Little did I know that this thought of avoidance actually resulted to my actions and voice to become so limited.

Because of these three words, “Kababae mong tao..”, there became a clear distinction between the roles of a guy and a girl in the society to me. Guys are known to be blunt, strong, aggressive, and are freer to do whatever they want while girls, on the other hand are known to be prim and proper, emotional, sensitive, and has lesser freedom for the reason that I would always hear: “walang mawawala sa lalaki”. To be honest, looking at the front stage, I can look and portray to be happy and contented with what I do or I am tasked and only allowed to do. I also do whatever is told to me that is proper and live with it to avoid any conflicts by rationalizing things so that it would be more bearable. However, looking from behind/back stage, I will not deny the fact that there would be times that I just want to disobey the authority figure. I want to prove my mom wrong and try to open her eyes to a different perspective. I want to be free and do things I feel like doing without people telling me that it’s wrong because it’s against the norm. I mean not like I would totally forget about the word “self-control”, but just to have the freedom to decide for myself as to where I would go, what I would do, who I’ll be with. It’s because I am confident that my parents were able to raise me up well, that I wouldn’t do things that would cause harm to myself or to anyone.

I may sound a bit rebellious and discontent but to be fair with my mom’s strict upbringing, it also made a positive impact in my life. I grew up to be prim and proper, organized with my stuff almost all the time, and responsible with my own actions. And because my mom had always been strict about drinking or even attempting to try alcoholic drinks, I became the person who would prefer to have lunch or dinner when going out with friends rather than going to clubs or parties and getting drunk. When people would ask me as to why I don’t want to drink or even try alcohol, I won’t just say that it’s because my mom would get mad at me or that it’s against my values, but more so because it became a matter of preference now. Talking about sexuality, if for stereotypical guys, being able to have sex with a lot girls is something to be proud of, for me, my virginity is something that I would save up for my future husband. Like the stereotypical role of women in the society, I honestly see sex as an act of expressing love and greater intimacy brought about by love. Hence, it is the best gift that I could ever give my future lifetime partner.

True enough, “when a norm is internalized, it is literally turned into something “inner”, it becomes a personality trait”. Though people may not agree with everything one believes in, and may sometimes look unreasonable, but we also have to accept that it’s really hard to change what is already existing in an individual’s personality trait.

Sources:

Goffman, E. (1991). The presentation of self in everyday life. In J. Henslin (Ed.), Down to Earth Sociology (pp. 98-108). New York, NY: The Free Press

Grotevant, H., & Cooper, C. (1985). Patterns of interaction in family relationships and the development of identity exploration in adolescence. Child Development, 56, 415-428

Moore, S. & Rosenthal, D. (2007). Gender, sexuality and romance. In Sexuality in Adolescence: Current Trends (Ch. 6 pp. 132-155). New York, NY: Routledge.

Schacter, E., & Ventura, J. (2008). Identity agents: Parents as active and reflective participants in their children’s identity formation. Journal of Research on Adolescence, 18(3), 449-476

- Rhea Cathleen T. Chong

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Module 3

“Ayy… Babae” “Babae kase…” “Kababang tao..” These are some of the statements that I frequently hear from my brothers whenever we’re in the car driving or parking, or at the gym working out, or in marathons. It has been brought to my attention that such statements, having this negative connotation attached to it, has become a norm in describing certain circumstances or situations involving women. I’ve realized how such statement, coming from my brothers, has affected my self-development as a person in different ways after analyzing how I react to it through my actions. It is indeed true that words are powerful, that it can improve and destroy those affected by it. But the question lies on how this statement has affected me personally. How did it result me to act in a certain way? In order for me to better understand the answers to this question, I have made some theories on how certain concepts help bridge a connection between the statement and my development.

First, the concept of gender stereotyping has influenced the creation and existence of such stereotypical statement, which resulted to a certain reaction and behavior that I have towards certain situations. In cases when someone is trying to park a car with so many tries and still not being able to successfully do so, people tend to assume that the driver is a girl - “Babae siguro nagdridrive niyan”. People think as such because women are usually witnessed and said to be weak when it comes to parking a car, therefore people tend to generalize women as such. Another situation where generalization occurs is when a car keeps on trying to insert in the traffic but fails to do so therefore decides to wait for all the cars to pass before going. People also tend to assume that the driver is a girl because of the lack of aggression and slowness of action. The reason for such mindset is that women tend to panic a lot therefore choose to stay on the safe zone and wait. Other common stereotypes are indecisiveness therefore they keep on switching lanes, fearful therefore they usually have a huge distance in between cars while waiting in traffic and many more. These stereotypes has affected my behavior and mindset when put to these kinds of situations. These stereotypes motivate me to prove them wrong. In the context of driving and parking, I try to observe how my brothers normally do such and later on apply their techniques or possibly improve them when I do drive and park myself. There is some sort of driving force that helps me break the stereotypes and do better. When going to the gym, I always make sure that I am at my best form in doing the reps and sets, as well as pushing myself to y limits especially when doing weights to prove that women does not equate to weak. Gender stereotyping has made me become more competitive and determined as a person.

Second, gender ideology and cultural considerations play a big role in parents’ psychological control over their child’s development. These ideologies shape what is allowed and is valued in society. In a conservative country like the Philippines, women are expected to act feminine, gentle, soft, cooperative, warm, poise, prim and proper. Maria Clara is considered the epitome of a woman. And because of these, as parents, they would want their children to be acceptable to society and therefore shape and brainwash their daughters into being the ideal woman set by society. The statement “Kababaeng tao..” serves as a restriction on what it means to be women. That certain actions that defy society’s characteristics of a woman is unacceptable. That is why, I tend to become a different person in front of my parents rather than in front of fellow girls my age. My parents would never understand certain behaviors - being quirky, loud and etc.- I have but my friends do. This is the reason why I tend to have a mask covering myself in front of my parents and in front of my friends I let loose. Since I social media makes it easier for us to choose who can view or access our posts, it is my venue of releasing whatever I cannot in front of my parents. Whenever I post a video online of me in a party, I make sure to block all my relatives from seeing them before posting because I know it is unacceptable for them to see me getting wild and partying. Who would want to get reprimanded by their parents? Not me, which is why I prefer on put on a mask rather than hearing them criticize me and say “Kababaeng tao..”

Lastly, apart from family’s influence, the crowd I am exposed to also contributes to my self development. If you are surrounded by people who believe that women are submissive then you tend to doubt your capability as a women. For me, since most of my friends think like so in certain situations, like when carrying boxes or any material that is heavy, I tend to depend on men when faced with similar situations. Therefore, I feel incapable and dependent on men. Not only that, certain cases include when men find certain things acceptable since you are a woman. When dressing up, my friends would understand if it would take me an hour or more because I am a “girl” - “Babae kase..”. However, if a man takes more than 30 minutes to dress up, then it would be weird for my friends. Therefore being exposed to such kind of mindset would make me think that it is okay to make others wait until I finish dressing up because it is acceptable for me to take long since I am a girl.

In conclusion, we should think first before we say something because we are not sure how other people take them. Positively or negatively, words affect a person’s growth and development therefore, we have to be careful and evaluate first how it can affect others. The three concepts mentioned above serves as a connection or a bridge on the development between the statement and the self.

Sources:

Schacter, E., & Ventura, J. (2008). Identity agents: Parents as active and reflective participants in their children’s identity formation. Journal of Research on Adolescence, 18(3), 449-476.

Grotevant, H., & Cooper, C. (1985). Patterns of interaction in family relationships and the development of identity exploration in adolescence. Child Development, 56, 415-428.

Miller, D. (2013). What is the relationship between identities that people construct, express and consume online and those offline? Foresight: UK Government for Science, 15 pages.  

Miller, D; Madianou, M. (2012). Should you accept a friend’s request from your mother. And other Filipino dilemmas, International Review of Social Research pp. 9-28. - Erica Dychutee

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Module 3 Essay

“Mag-iingat ka sa kung paano ka gumalaw kasama mga lalaki.”

This statement is just one of the many things my parents, and other older members of my family usually tell me with regard to relating with the opposite gender. Growing up, especially going through highschool and adjusting in the earlier stages of college, friends have greatly helped me in coping with challenging situations, and have motivated me to always go on despite them. Eventually, even though I came from an exclusive all-girls school, we have established relationships with some male friends who became part of our barkada. At first, being unfamiliar with their presence, some of us do not really know how to properly “act” towards them, but as we have gotten closer as friends, we have become more comfortable and more trusting of one another.

However, coming from a conservative and slightly traditional family who has taught me the values that they were also taught when they were younger, hearing statements like this after hanging out with my barkada, or going to events and parties with them is quite common especially in our household. I believe that this personal experience is a specific example by which the Social Construction of Society can be seen because through this statement, it is implied that there is a “proper” way of acting towards the opposite gender and that I should be careful to not go against it. This “proper” way is established in our minds even if the meanings that are put towards certain things are technically subjective and arbitrary. Sometimes, we do not often know exactly where some things or meanings came from, and yet we take them as they are and believe that they are right. Relating it to how it has affected me as a person, I have become more cautious and vigilant of my behavior especially around men or people I am not that comfortable with. This is probably because I am afraid to be a deviant in the eyes of my parents or the rest of my family. In my mind, a set or rules or norms are to be followed and are deemed to be right, and anything that might go against those are avenues for possible judgment of the person.

In connection to this is the concept of Social Control which is the enforcement of some sort of sanction or punishment when these norms or rules are not followed. Again, relating it to my personal experience of hearing this statement, although I have not been severely punished because of not following a certain norm or rule, the fact that I am more conscious towards relating with other people says something about how I view these norms. In my case, since as much as possible I do not want to go against what my parents have told me, and probably also because I have already established a certain trust that they know what they are saying, I tend to just follow what they say and be careful that my actions do not send the wrong signals to others.

Although these norms or concepts may somehow have a rationale or logic behind why they have been established as they are, there is always a probability that some form of miscommunication or misunderstanding may occur. An example of these misinterpretations is the establishment of Gender Stereotypes. Certain manners or behaviors have been associated to genders, and have somehow limited a person’s physical, emotional, and spiritual aspects. Men are seen to be more aggressive, dominant, and tough. They are not easily hurt and are said to be more blunt, analytical, and less sensitive to other people’s feelings. On the other hand, women are deemed to be more submissive, home-oriented, sensitive, emotional, and nurturing. The statement above somehow says, although not explicitly, that it is a woman’s responsibility to be more cautious of sending the wrong messages because men might take it another way. Relating this to reality, people might think that uncalled for actions directed towards women are caused by their actions, and not by the motivations of the people who commit them. Because of this, things like victim-blaming, and other criticisms may arise. Conversely, the stereotypes attached to men or to being masculine may affect how a man relates with others, in the sense that he might think being emotional or home-oriented are signs of weakness or are things to be ashamed of.

Lastly, in relation to the establishment of Gender Stereotypes and knowing the possible effects of these on both genders, Goffman’s Dramaturgical Framework may also be discussed. It is in this framework that the concepts of the front stage and back stage may arise. Because there are so many social constructs, norms, punishments, and stereotypes, people tend to have front stages, or may show certain actions that will create an image of how they want to be seen by others. In contrary, they may also have back stages that show the more authentic feelings of the person, most of which are not meant to be seen by others.

In summary, the concepts mentioned how the statement at the beginning changed or shaped my personality, and how I view certain matters. Although it may not be a very pleasant thing to hear, especially for women, perhaps it is purposeful in the sense that it serves as a reminder of how we, both men and women, are surrounded by all these notions, concepts, norms, and stereotypes, but neither are we limited to conforming to them, nor are we expected to always agree with them. For me, I can say that although the statement I mentioned made me more conscious and vigilant of my actions, it has also motivated me to not always let those kinds of statements prevent me from building friendships with both males and females. I have learned that ultimately, even if we are exposed to all kinds of statements and expectations, at the end of the day, we are still capable of making the choice that we think would be best for ourselves.

Sources:

Goffman, E. (1991). The presentation of self in everyday life. In J. Henslin (Ed.), Down to Earth Sociology (pp. 98-108). New York, NY: The Free Press.

Miller, D. (2013). What is the relationship between identities that people construct, express and consume online and those offline? Foresight: UK Government for Science, 15 pages.

Moore, S. & Rosenthal, D. (2007). Gender, sexuality and romance. In Sexuality in Adolescence: Current Trends (Ch. 6 pp. 132-155). New York, NY: Routledge.

Schacter, E., & Ventura, J. (2008). Identity agents: Parents as active and reflective participants in their children’s identity formation. Journal of Research on Adolescence, 18(3), 449-476.

Kyla Grazine Marie M. Kison 161085

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Carlos Campo

Several years from now, I see myself stationed in a Philippine embassy abroad working for the welfare of our Overseas Filipino Workers. In this new country, I will be living alone and working with only a small population of Filipinos whom I surely have not met before. My lifestyle will be completely different from that in the Philippines because of the different culture present and the different resources available. Such a difference in my lifestyle and the people around me, especially since I am a gregarious person, will surely affect my well-being and personal development. I may be lonely in the first few moments in this new environment because I am used to settling somewhere I am comfortable in but of course, I have no choice but to accept the country I am assigned in and learn how to adapt. I have no problem with adaptation because I like to view myself as a person whose personality adapts to the people around them. Authenticity is not an issue here because I try my best to relate to my peers and at the same time, not make it seem strange or off. Adaptation is also necessary because as they say, we live in a world where "survival of the fittest" is the norm. In deciding this new environment, I chose to be practical and optimistic in the sense that I assumed that I will continue to pursue the work I want to settle in the future. Thinking of a new environment was not particularly difficult since I always expose myself to new environments and new experiences. Rather, anticipating something in the future to happen is somewhat hard to imagine because I tend to change my mind a lot about what I want to do or imagine "what if it does not happen?".

When I go to that foreign country, I will be bringing several maps with me. Maps will help give me a sense of settlement in the place where I am in. Also, collecting maps has always been my hobby ever since I was a kid. I already have a suitcase filled with maps from all around the world. I will also make sure to bring a map of the Philippines with me to remind me where I am from and to show other people the place where I came from. It was somewhat easy for me to think of an item to bring because I thought of the practicality of bringing something useful. I have always been practical with my decisions with a little bit of sentiment to what I want so a map was the first thing that came into my mind. They are actually very close to my heart because I like knowing where I am at every instance of my life. During road trips going to Baguio, I like knowing the names of the towns we pass by and I follow them on a small map of the Philippines that I always carry around. I think having a sense of where I am helps me become more comfortable of my surroundings and of my current position. It might seem territorial but as someone who wants stability in his own life because of my lack of it in some aspects is a small price to pay.

Once I'm there, I will frequently send back refrigerator magnets to my family. This is something that my family does whenever we go somewhere new; we buy ref magnets unique to that place usually something with the name of the place or something that is unique to that place. The magnets are also practical items such as bottle openers because my mother wants it to be of some use and not just ornamental. While thinking of an item to send back to my family, I was thinking along the lines of a pasalubong that I will give to them but we do not give pasalubong to one another so instead, I thought of something that we will buy in the place we are in. I realized that my practical and sentimental nature came from my parents as seen in our selection of souvenir items. Aestheticism is not the sole role of buying these things but we also put a practicality to it to see why we need such things. We try to make the most out of the things we have because of our middle-class status and I and my brothers were raised this way to spend wisely and practically but also with sentiment.

I can actually see how my well-being is affected by my environment and how I use these items to cope with the changing environment around me. I understand well-being as my current state of mind and body. It directly answers the "How well is my being?". It is a question of one's own state of being or existing at a given time and space. In Albert Alejo's "Loob ng Tao", it is said that the inside of a person is not simply what's not outside so we can understand it in the sense that the well-being of a person and their emotional and thinking selves are very complex because there depth and breadth. Our well-being is likened to this in the sense that we only know how good our well-being is in a shallow level but on a deeper level, we have to dig into our personal experiences and look into the complexities of our thoughts. The openness of my mind to other cultures was brought about by my interests. According to Hermans, the society and self have a symbiotic relationship in the sense that society affects the self and the self innovates or changes society. I can see my interest in going out into society and integrating myself with others as an effect of my open mind and relationship with society. Globalization is something that I see in a bigger scale that will help my own well -being grow and for society in general to also grow. This mindset of mine is almost becoming automatic. Thinking about myself in a global perspective and being asked what I want to do in life is similar to Kahneman's description of our System 1 of thinking. Also, being asked "How are you" and answering back "I'm okay" even though we're not is something of an automatic response. If we think of it in the system 2 way of thinking, we actually think deeper and reflect more on ourselves and our state of well-being. This all shows how complex our well-being is and how more we can grow outside our own comfort zones.

Reference:         Alejo, Albert. In Press. Ang Loob ng Tao. Social Transformations: Journal of the Global South. 
         Hermans, H. (2015). Human development in today's globalizing world: Implications for self and identity. In L. Jensen (Ed.), The Oxford Handbook of Human Development and Culture: An Interdisciplinary Perspective (Ch. 3, pp. 28-42). New York, NY: 
Oxford University Press. 
        Kahneman, D. (2011). The characters of the story. In Thinking, fast and slow (Ch. 1, pp. 19-30. New York: Farrar, Straus, and Giroux.

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Hey, there! Have you ever imagined yourself being away from your family, friends or loved ones – going to places on your own, doing things that you don’t normally do such as doing chores, preparing your own food, washing your clothes, etc. or basically doing everything ON YOUR OWN because you have no one to do it for you? Honestly, I can’t imagine living a life like that since I grew up to be the person who is very much reliant to the people around me, just like how I would share random daily stories, or problems that I just need to vent out. However, even the most unexpected or unimaginable circumstances do actually happen simply because that’s life. But if we think of it, they’re not all bad for it’s usually the time we get the chance to get out of our comfort zones, right?

As I was sent away to study abroad, thoughts such as “Will I survive without my family and friends’ presence?”, “Will I be able to make new friends or excel in school?” “Will I be happy without my loved ones by my side?” linger in my mind. My feelings had a mixture of joy, for having the freedom to explore, grow and live on my own; of fear, for being anxious of what can happen and turning out to be a failure; of disgust, for having to live a life that I am not used to (a low-maintenance life and a princess-no-more); of anger, for independence comes with great responsibility and the stress of having no one to rely on; and of sadness, for the longingness of love, affirmation, and sense of security. I knew that it was really a big adjustment I had to make. Being far away from the life I was once used to was a huge challenge that can greatly affect my whole being as thoughts, feelings/emotions and behaviors are all interconnected – either it can make or break me.

There are days that I would feel physically and mentally drained from school. Not to mention the loneliness and homesickness that I’d occasionally have to endure. Because of the breakdowns I had once in a while, I was close to suffering from depression until I remembered something that I brought with me. It was my collection of the palanca letters I received from my family and friends during my 4th year high school retreat. The reason why I brought these, of all things is because I believe it’s the best representation of my loved ones’ significant presence in my life especially in times that I’m feeling so down. Every now and then, these very special letters would give me a sentimental feeling for the fact that they were personally written by the people I have crossed paths with. Reading their messages, as though I’m hearing their voices whispering to my ears does not only reminds me of how blessed I am to have people who love and care for me, but more importantly of how I was able to make an impact on their lives and how I can also touch more people’s lives in my new environment by being open to new experiences and people just like before. These letters, in one way or another rejuvenate my purpose and direction in life. They also turn negative thoughts and emotions to positive ones as I read the words of encouragement from the people behind each letter. That even without their physical presence, I am reminded that there are people who believe in my capabilities and that I am not alone in facing life challenges.   True to its purpose, my spirit was lifted. Furthermore, given that I am now in a new environment which may affect the way I think, feel, act and perceive things, it’s still nice to have something that I can go back to and lead me back to my core in the case I become doubtful of who I really am. From this, I’ll be able to draw strength in the toughest times and continue with life with full of positivity, which can also influence others. In Mead’s words (as cited in Hermans’ text), “The society deeply penetrates the self just as, in reverse, the self is able to influence and innovates society.” And so, I am forever thankful for these letters for it is through these that I am able to reconnect with the people I left behind as well as myself, and consequently connect with the new environment I now belong.

In my journey to this new environment, I would say that it’s really hard to function as a whole when one does not understand the complexities of the inner self. The self is not just something that one should neglect to understand because according to Alejo, “Ang loob ay hindi lamang isang sulok ng idbdib, kundi isang daigdig ng makahulugang ugnayan.” And so, if one cannot understand what’s happening inside the self, what more the happenings outside of the self? How will he/she be able to react positively to the changes if inside him/her has also lots of things bothering him/her? Thoughts and emotions won’t be properly regulated; thus, it will create a domino effect to his/her actions and behaviors, which can really be unhealthy.

Now, if I were to send something back home to my loved ones that would be a snow globe of a place where I am currently in. It is because snow globes usually represent enchantment and happiness, and I want to let them know that I am living the moment with the opportunity given to me (as the experiencing self). In the same way, I would be able to share a glimpse of my delight through the image that the snow globe displays, not to mention the magical feeling that the snowfall give when the snow globe is shaken. And once I get back, the snow globe can help me recall and reminisce both the best and the worst experiences I’ve had that definitely had made an impact in my life (as the remembering self).

To cut the long story short, being mindful of my core and making use my mind’s System 1 (intuition) and System 2 (self-control & logical thinking) in coming up with decisions really helps me function as a whole and cope with life. Because of it, I am able to regulate my thoughts, feelings/emotions and actions well that aid me in having an adaptive response to the different circumstances I am faced. It allowed me to understand other people; hence, creating a deeper connection with others and living a more purposive life. This journey became an opportunity for me to realize the true essence of well-being as the wellness of the WHOLE being — the physical, emotional, mental/psychological and social being.

Citation:

Hermans, H. (2015). Human development in     today’s globalizing world: Implications for self and identity. In L.     Jensen (Ed.), The Oxford Handbook of Human Development and Culture: An     Interdisciplinary Perspective (Ch. 3, pp. 28-42). New York, NY: Oxford     University Press.

Alejo, Albert. In Press. Ang Loob ng     Tao. Social Transformations: Journal of the Global South.

Kahneman, D.  (2011). The characters of the story. In Thinking, fast and slow (Ch. 1, pp. 19-30. New York: Farrar, Straus, and Giroux.

By: Rhea Cathleen T. Chong

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HOME AWAY FROM HOME

If there is anything from home that I would bring to the new environment that is college, it would be this Keds shoebox. At first, it does not look like anything of value, especially with its worn-out edges and flimsy material; however, I still chose to bring this with me because it is something close and dear to my heart. Inside this box is a collection of palanca letters from retreats, small notes given to me both in regular and special occasions, and gift cards that I have accumulated through the years. These letters consist of memories, feelings, and information about myself and how other people see me. It is a glimpse of my “loob” or that world of thoughts and feelings that other people do not know. These letters are my key to interacting with the past, reflecting on the present, and what is to come in the future. Whenever I would feel down or stressed, I would look through the pile and read some letters once more, often tearing up because I would remember how I felt when I first read them.

Choosing what to bring was quite hard for me to think of at first because I am not used to being away from my family for a long time, let alone being away from my personal belongings back at home. I tried to think of something practical, something that would obviously help me in living all alone in college. I thought of pillows, pots and pans, blankets, etc., not realizing immediately that aside from these things, I would definitely need something to aid me in coping with possible homesickness. Being comfortable in a new environment will surely take some getting used to. Also, since there is a great possibility that I will meet people of different cultures, values, and beliefs, I might struggle to find my identity, feel insecure about the things I know or do not know, and it might be difficult for me to open up to others. And although it excites me to be with old friends, meet new people, learn and discover more about the world, it is always great to have something to look back to. It is appeasing to know that there is a piece of home that is constantly with me, whatever I experience or learn while I am away.

These letters will help me take a break from the hustle and bustle of the city and the amount of work I am supposed to do. Aside from developing myself mentally through the classes I will be attending, it is as important to take into consideration the emotional side of me by doing things that would calm me down and relieve my stress. Through these letters, I will hopefully become more mindful of the things around me and become more appreciative, knowing that despite everything, there is always something to be thankful for.

On the other hand, the thing I will send back to my family may not seem as symbolic or as valuable as the item I will bring with me; however, it is also something unique and very important to me. I will be sending back my eyebrow pencil. It is a makeup tool I have been using for a while now, especially whenever we would go out of the house to attend a party, mass, or some special event. I use this to look more put together, and usually, to make myself feel more confident. Because of how frequent I use this, my family is already aware that it is something important to me. It already came to a point that they would tease me for being so “kikay” or obsessed with how I look. I guess it is because of this that my System 1 is at work when I use this very simple makeup tool. I automatically associate it with a lot of things because of my everyday experiences.

As opposed to this, my System 2 was again at use when I was choosing what to send back to my family. I wanted to send back something unique to my school, something that would remind them of where I am, but I chose this because back home, I am sure that it is something they would automatically associate with me. Knowing that being in a new environment would keep me away from them for a long time, I want to leave something that is very much related to me and that would surely make them remember me. Sending this back to my family is a simple gesture, but it means a lot to me and hopefully to them as well.  

Also, since my eyebrow pencil has played a big role in making me feel more confident, maybe sending it back would help me realize that there other ways to feel good about myself. Maybe it is by doing so that I realize how unique I already am, and that I do not need to do something in order to make me feel that way. Just like the Keds shoebox which I will bring with me to college, my eyebrow pencil (or the lack thereof) can also enable me to become more appreciative of what I have and who I am, and hopefully, would make me a little bit more confident than when I still had it.

REFERENCES:

Hermans, H. (2015). Human development in today’s globalizing world: Implications for self and identity. In L. Jensen (Ed.), The Oxford Handbook of Human Development and Culture: An Interdisciplinary Perspective (Ch. 3, pp. 28-42). New York, NY: Oxford University Press.

Albert Alejo. In Press. Ang Loob ng Tao. Social Transformations: Journal of the Global South.

Kahneman, D.  (2011). The characters of the story. In Thinking, fast and slow (Ch. 1, pp. 19-30. New York: Farrar, Straus, and Giroux.

Williams, M., Teasdale, J., Segal, Z., & Kabat-Zinn, J. (2007). Part I: Mind, Body, and Emotion. In The mindful way through depression: Freeing yourself from chronic unhappiness (pp. 11-49). New York: The Guilford Press.

By: Kyla Grazine Marie M. Kison

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As I venture out to a new environment for my Junior Term Abroad, I came across an understanding and a realization of the self to a positive well-being led by independence. One realization would be adaptability. One must be able to adapt to changes to be able to maintain a healthy relationship and living condition. Adapting to a new environment and culture isn’t new to me. I was born with Chinese blood in a well known city in Manila, grew up in a small chaotic province of Iligan in the southern island of Mindanao and soon transferred back to the big city of Metro Manila. The environmental shift and differences in values from a provincial life to a city life was a stepping stone to my adaptability. Having to consider my Chinese descent, I have accustomed myself to a Chinese-Filipino hybrid culture influenced by the Western, Spanish and Japanese during the early years of colonization. It is quite complex to have a mix of Chinese and Filipino cultures, taking into consideration that the Filipino culture we have now can be considered a “third culture” since it has adapted to certain traditions introduced to us by our previous colonizers. Such hybridity gave birth to “Third culture kids” like me who live a life influenced by multiple cultures and having multiple identities. The cultural hybridization and acculturation has then made me become more adaptable when introduced to a whole new different setting, which is actually great for my well being.   Another would be the open-mindedness. Going to a new location requires openness to accepting a new perspective of the way of life. I try to keep an open mind understanding how and why people act and react in a certain way in this new environment to interact with them better. At the same time I tend to stick myself to a homogenous crowd where I feel more comfortable in because I feel more secured around like-minded people when I’m in a foreign location. Homophily prevails at the first few moments of my stay at the new environment mainly because I would want to test the waters first and then slowly become familiar of the new setting. After a while, heterophily takes over as I get accustomed to the changes and as I look for challenges during my stay. Being away from my hometown is pretty hard and depressing on both me and my family. Being accustomed to a culture known for being family-oriented, it’s pretty much a challenge to be separated. Most likely, people end up having separation anxiety. Sending something to update my family of my status would help ease up the struggle and relieve their worriedness. Every time I travel with my family, we always buy keychains as a souvenir. We have a collection of keychains from every country or place we visited all over the world. The keychain does not only symbolize the experience and memories we have made during our travel but it also symbolizes the bond we have as a family. Therefore, upon entering this new environment, I would like send back keychains to my family as a symbol of  me sharing my experiences to them despite the distance. The keychains serves as a reminder of the bond we have despite being in two different places and the memories I have made in my travel that is all dedicated to them. The action of me sending the keychains to my family serves as an acceptance to the culture I am currently exposed to in my new environment and sharing it to them. It is a form of adding up to the cultural hybridization by adapting to the new ways that I am exposed to. Choosing keychains as the object required me to use system 2, which requires effortful mental activities, because I had to lay out the choices first of the possible objects that symbolizes my family and travelling then decide in the end which object best fits the description.

On another note, globalization plays an important role in the influence of having an open mind. It promotes the interaction and sharing of ideas and information to a global perspective. Participating in the Junior Term Abroad Program itself is an effect of globalization. It allows the interaction of people, ideas and many more in a global scale. Globalization has influenced so many factors in my life, not only in cultural practices but also in my interests and ways. One of the influences of globalization was my self discovery on my own creativity.I started gaining interest in planners and bullet journals as I scrolled through pictures and short clips on how to maintain, design and use planners on the internet. My interest soon developed as I watched do-it-yourself and designing videos until I was able to execute and create my own. Planners served as my direction in life, therefore, for as long as I have it with me, I’m reminded of which direction to go to. It serves as my guidance and companion where I set my goals for each month of every year and keep track of my achievements and progress. It is something I consider valuable and will always be a necessity to me especially when I enter into a whole new different environment alone. Throughout the years, I have put to practice planning for the year and setting my goals before the year starts. It took some time for me to make it a habit but all i needed was to practice mindfulness. Focus and direction is important in coming up with a planner because every single detail counts and affects how you set your plans for the entire year. When asked about which object do I consider valuable for me to bring along with me as I enter a new environment, I would automatically say my planner. It’s an automatic response for me, System 1, because I consider it a travelling necessity. Wherever I go, I make sure I have my planner with me. It’s as if I depend my day to day life and well being on my planner. Bibliography Batja Mesquita, Michael Boiger, Jozefien De Leersnyder. (2016). The cultural construction of emotions, Current Opinion in Psychology, 8: Pages 31-36, ISSN 2352-250X, http://dx.doi.org/10.1016/j.copsyc.2015.09.015. 

Hermans, H. (2015). Human development in today’s globalizing world: Implications for self and identity. In L. Jensen (Ed.), The Oxford Handbook of Human Development and Culture: An Interdisciplinary Perspective (Ch. 3, pp. 28-42). New York, NY: Oxford University Press. Kahneman, D. (2011). The characters of the story. In Thinking, fast and slow (Ch. 1, pp. 19-30. New York: Farrar, Straus, and Giroux. Williams, M., Teasdale, J., Segal, Z., & Kabat-Zinn, J. (2007). Part I: Mind, Body, and Emotion. In The mindful way through depression: Freeing yourself from chronic unhappiness (pp. 11-49). New York: The Guilford Press.   By Erica Raiza T. Dychutee

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A person living in good conditions will have a positive impact on one’s well-being. When life is going well, we are very positive and happy. We are surrounded with positive emotions around us. May it be in physical, economic, social or emotional well-being, when everything is going well then we are satisfied and happy. Understanding ourselves will give us the well-being we aim for. The self has its own life and power and it has the capability to express whatever it wants. To help us in our well-being, we have to mindful of ourselves. We have to make better decisions and be open to new experiences in order for ourselves to grow as humans. In a situation wherein I am away from my family and friends and living in a foreign country to study in a university, I bring with me objects that I believe will help me understand myself better and I send objects back home that will express my feelings towards this new journey in life. This new experience will help me grow as a person and understand myself deeper.

An object I will be sending back to my family are pictures of me in my new environment. Pictures of the moments and memories that I made while I was away from home. Pictures of the friends I have made and all the new people that have helped me cope up with this change. I am sending pictures to show my family that I am okay and having fun here in college with the new people and environment I am in. These pictures show that I have grown as a person and I have become more independent through time. I have reflected and understood myself better through this once in a lifetime experience and opportunity, studying in a university abroad. Let’s face it, I may not be that experienced in life but if we thought it through, college will be one of the best memories you will have and will cherish through your life. It may not be the same for everyone but college is where you will grow and have more freedom in deciding things. You will learn more about yourself and how you deal with situations with other people and within yourself.

“Ang loob ay hindi lamang isang sulok ng dibdib, kundi isang daigdig ng makahulugang ugnayan..” - Alberto Alejo, SJ (Ang Loob ng Tao)

College does not only teach you the academics but it also teaches you about life and how to be the person who you want to be. College is where you realize that to live a happy and contented life, you have to always see the good in things and you have to surround yourself with good people that will make a positive impact on your life. I am choosing to share these pictures to my family because these picture show the happy and interesting events in my life while I was away from them. They will have a better idea on what I have been up to and what is going on in my life. I do this because I care about them and I love them. I know that it is not easy living far away from my family. I know that it is even harder for my parents to see me go because I know that they will be worried about me. These pictures will assure them that it is okay to let me go because I will never forget all the values they taught me. This is a learning experience that will teach me how to be independent in a foreign country. Everything that I have learned back home will be taken with me as I go through my journey in life. These pictures show them how thankful I am for having a very supportive family who would always be there behind my back during good and bad times. Of course, I will have some down moments while I am away and I can share that through the phone. When I have problems or when I am feeling lonely, I am connected to my parents through the help of modern technology. But these pictures will last forever and will be enclosed in this permanent image.

Something that I will be bringing with me to my new environment are essential oils. These essential oils remind me of my mom and of home. The scent of these oils will remind me of the scent back home when my mom would use to diffuse these oils in my room. She believed that these oils will help me have better concentration and be in a good mood. Not only do these oils smell good but they are also therapeutic which means that it is medicinal and can help alleviate stress, anxiety and other feelings of sadness. Being away from home can be very lonely and being homesick is very common. The culture in my new environment is very different from home and it will take time to get used to the new culture. Being in a foreign country where the personalities of people are very different can add to the loneliness. For example, when my foreign friend tells me a joke but I will not get it because it is something only their people will understand. I experience culture shock when I am exposed to this unfamiliar way of life and I am not able to “read” the meaning in this new environment. These thoughts can impact how you feel and how you behave. Thinking about home and all the friends you left will make you miss them and their company. No one will get you like the way they do. These thoughts about being alone in a foreign land will affect how you behave and might give you anxiety and stress. It is definitely not easy being away from home and being away from all the things you are used to seeing, hearing and doing. The culture we are used to is a way of life and has become a part of us. I decided to bring these essential oils with me not just because the scent reminded me of home but also these therapeutic scents will help me cope up with feelings of sadness or the culture shock I am witnessing in this new environment.

Being mindful and understanding one’s self is a practice that develops through time. We have to have patience  in order to be more aware of ourselves and how we deal with the life experiences we are facing. The social and cultural surroundings will definitely affect ourselves and we should make this a learning opportunity to grow, experience life and understand ourselves better.

Danielle Joyce Lynn N. Chua

Bibliography: 

Alejo, Albert. In Press. Ang Loob ng Tao. Social Transformations: Journal of the Global South. 


Hermans, H. (2015). Human development in today’s globalizing world: Implications for self and identity. In L. Jensen (Ed.), The Oxford Handbook of Human Development and Culture: An Interdisciplinary Perspective (Ch. 3, pp. 28-42). New York, NY: 
Oxford University Press. 


Kahneman, D. (2011). The characters of the story. In Thinking, fast and slow (Ch. 1, pp. 19-30). New York: Farrar, Straus, and Giroux.

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Me, Myself and I: Carlos Campo

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Danielle Chua

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Rhea Chong 💗