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i think the best genre of image is "creatures trapped in starbucks cups with receipts reading [cup of water (no water, no ice, creature)]"

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the name "theresa" is so funny like. theres a what

#I’m lost after the german but the vibes are great

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coca cola

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Them: "White people don't have a culture!"

Me: Oh yeah? Observe 👇

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Menő

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Livestock drama

   “Let’s put pool noodles on the goat’s horns!” says a teenager.

“Why would you,   ” I begin, but they have already stampeded out of the house. I shrug.

   It turns out that when someone puts pool noodles on a goat’s horns, the goat doesn’t really care. They’re very light, after all, and she can’t see them. You know who cares? Who cares a LOT?

   the HORSE. Hero took one look at Nutmeg wearing pool noodles and ran away. You know who doesn’t want to be left alone, ever? Nutmeg. Who went trotting after Hero because he was leaving her.

   Hero, seeing that the eldritch abomination was after him, picked up speed. Nutmeg went into a full run. My kids started chasing Nutmeg to get the pool noodles off her, but could not catch her, because she’s surprisingly fast. The dogs were bringing up the rear, just happy to be going for a pleasant run. Hero was in a panic, leading a parade that he did not want.

   This all resolved. One noodle feel off; the kids eventually cornered Nutmeg and removed the other one. Just - a day at a farm, I guess.

10/02/20

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Under the American regime it's a crime to stand outside a store and not buy anything, if you don't cut your grass the neighbours will report you to the neighborhood surveillance police. Child workers try to raise money by cutting the grass for you

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if i had super speed im sure people would be like "how could you possibly have super speed" and i would be like "ok, ill prove it. name something you can get at a grocery store" and they would be like "hmmm okay. cheddar cheese" and then i would use my super speed to shave their head completely bald almost instantly. theyll never see it coming

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one time when I was a barista I was telling my coworker that I suddenly really missed cows. I used to work with cows all the time back home and then I moved away and suddenly it had been four years and nary a cow.

15 minutes later this old guy came up to the counter with his address written on a napkin & he said “me and my wife have a whole herd of dexters and a couple of new calves. come on over any time”

so after work I was like ok fuck it & I drove to the address and I parked at the gate & I walked down the driveway to the barn and this woman was like “oh my husband told me you might stop by! come see our cows” and she introduced me to every single cow. made my whole week.

thank you cow couple

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