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I don’t know what that means, and I’m afraid to ask.

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Beauty is just around the coroner

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I'm not goblin myself but this feels like peak goblin to me...think of all the things you can fit in this baby...think of the ease of gathering...the power...

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I see a lot of posts about people feeling embarrassed, like, about everything, all the time, being embarrassed is I guess a huge part of some people’s lives. well listen

my girlfriend left her shoes in the middle of the living room floor, so I hid them in the oven drawer. because I thought it was a drawer that you could like–store things in?? I don’t know, I somehow made it to this point in my life without knowing that the fire happens in there. then I forgot I’d done it, and like, two days went by.

so the next time we went to make dinner, the shoes caught on fire.

then the oven caught on fire

then our whole house was full of black smoke

then the NYC firefighters had to come out to our apartment. there were like six of them.

half the people in our building came out of their apartments to find out what was going on, and if they were going to die or if they needed to evacuate their cats or something

and then an actual, New-York’s-finest firefighter looked me wearily in the eyes and said “try not to keep shoes in your oven” as he left.

and now we need a new oven.

and I would say that I felt…mild embarrassment? I experienced a patina of chagrin. “whoops,” I thought to myself, as the firefighters tromped off and the firetruck drove off into the night. “I should probably have known that about oven drawers.” then I bought my girlfriend a new pair of shoes, since I’d burned her old shoes. then we ordered a pizza.

if I can not feel embarrassed about that, I hope you guys can take heart.

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when ppl act like leaving gifts for fairies is to get the fairies’ attention so they’ll be kind to you~~ when really leaving gifts for fairies is the supernatural equivalent of a mafia protection racket

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Happy 50th Birthday to my fave cartoon and dog!!!

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can we not do gifted kid discourse Again..... like. please lol

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the "pennywise is surprisingly homophobic" screenshot kills me bc im trying to imagine a point in time where someone watched IT and went "the clown thats killing all these people is probably a gay rights activist on the side though"

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David Shrigley

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I keep using my girlfriend with unusual work hours to get out of coworker interactions and happy hours and hanging out.

But now the company holiday party is upon us.

And I’ve been lying about the girlfriend.

I suddenly really empathise with the characters in Hallmark Christmas movies.

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Woah your an "audiophile"? You listen to music? That's crazy.

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gaud what's your mbti ?

man i haven’t weighed myself in forever. about 5′8″ and 140lbs?