freelypsychiccloud
A Broken Man
Mental illness caused by or just supplemented by traumatic brain injuries. Who knows? Fighting for the things I’ve given away that I’ve lost through painful mistakes. The pain is overbearing, the anxiety, the shortness of breath the longing for redemption.
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It wasn’t confidence it was stupidity, which looks very confident when a person knows only what they want to see and believe what their warped mind wants to believe. It wasn’t porn I was rejecting you for. It was a man hiding who was lost in the labyrinth of his mind, it was a sad man hiding in a basement too afraid to try. Then something happened and clarity for but a breif moment changed everything. The drugs were not working anymore so the shame was strung across the floor for the world to see. Struggling to for redemption, determined to earn that which once was bad.
The love I had for him was the most intense but was so the pain that went on and off for the longest relationship I have ever had. I lusted for him and only him since the day I laid eyes on him. His confidence changed when I left and it shows how can you be so weak when you broke Me and rejected me. Your not the man who hurt me and yet I still hurt. Can you forgive me for being so blunt about my feelings? I don’t want to hurt you I want you to know I respect myself enough to not give in to you because you want it! You have to earn it because when I gave you to me so freely you rejected me for porn.
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Enveloped in a feeling
The overwhelming sensation
Love - Hate, something so revealing
Just at the hight of elation
A blow from behind
Left reeling from pain
Sanity lost
A pure heart is the cost
The price must be paid
Tarnished and scared
The path has been laid
Forgiveness is sought
Grace cannot be bought
Love does not bind it
does not shackle
A flame to some
A fire can rage
If left freely to burn
The embers will fade
Fuel must be added to keep it alive
Through storms it can endure
The love must be pure
Part 2 Purify the Love
The fire starts from out of nothing
Burning what it sees
Nothing is off limits plastic, rubber
Beautifully colored leaves
Consuming as it feeds
Burning bushes trash and the trees
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Could you just wanna fuck me forever honestly or would you want to swing
I could honestly want to only fuck you. Do you want to swing?
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This has been a major problem of mine my entire life
🟣 Instagram 🟣
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“Why couldn’t you just Kill me, death is much simpler, less painful; but their is the hope that keeps things going. The empty hope that I lie to myself about everyday. If there is just a sliver of hope then i shall be forever bound to you”
—Zane Billings
Nymphetamine
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Thinking that death would be welcomed is a deceitful thought. Death takes away any chance of redemption, healing, forgiveness, for things to get better.
My brain is slightly askew. My thinking is like walking through a fun house full of distorted mirrors forever bending my thoughts and emotions. There are but a few truths that I am sure of and one of them is my love that I have. It doesn’t always show and I must fight for it to shine through the mess that is my mind. If I’m not careful I can get lost in the dark corridors of myself. I find that it is best to stay out of myself and be helpful to others. When I focused on me I quickly find out that I’m all alone with only myself. Loneliness, regret, sorrow, pain, torment my soul daily. The nightmares have returned, and the screaming in my sleep has come again.
I’ve come to find that people can plant small seeds of doubt. If I water them with attention and give them the light of my mind they grow and start to become me. Be careful what you think, be careful how you act, be careful or you will become someone you don’t recognize.
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