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“Conversion therapy” is child abuse. There is no gray area. There is no wiggle room. The fuckers who practice it are abusers. The fuckers who send their children off to be “converted” are abusers. Assholes who say “I wouldn’t do it, but that’s their right as parents” are abuse apologists.

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a tribute

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d&d 5e ranger idea:

roll a gnome beastmaster and get a giant frog companion

giant frogs can swallow small creatures, like gnomes

train it to swallow you without harming you

construct a gnomish clockwork periscope and snorkel

climb into your giant frog and hide there all day every day

in combat, pop out and fire arrows then pop back in

enemies look where arrows came from but it’s just a frog

for bonus points, use minor illusion or ventriloquism to speak through it so everyone thinks you’re a giant awakened frog

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please, call me fuckhands

mr. mcmike was my father

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IT’S NOT ‘PEEKED’ MY INTEREST

OR ‘PEAKED’

BUT PIQUED

‘PIQUED MY INTEREST’

THIS HAS BEEN A CAPSLOCK PSA

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parents: the real world is gonna bite you in the ass!!!!11!11 me: damn the real world a freak

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I’ve been thinking a lot about the meeting between Trump and Obama at the White House, and here’s the thing.

Obama used to be a law professor. This is key.

Law school is so, so different from college. 

In college, everyone expects there to be a “syllabus day,” kind of a grace period where they can show up and get the lay of the land, figure out the bare minimum that they can get away with, the TA gives everyone their office hours, there’s an introductory lecture, and everybody leaves a few minutes early to go take a nap or something. You do the bullshit assignments, you say something in class now and then to get your participation check mark, and figure out how badly you can do on the final and still pass. 

But see, in law school, all the methodologies you’ve spent the last 17 years operating under go out the window. Day one of law school is you being thrown into the deep end of the pool—you’ve had a homework assignment for two weeks now, and it’s to read the first 200 pages of your casebook. And now it’s you and the teacher (who is usually as smug as Alex Trebek) gauging and assessing what you managed to absorb while you skimmed through all those pages of reading so you could hurry up and get to the other 150 pages of reading for your next period class, in front of 50 people who are all smarter than you. And if you fuck up, or you didn’t do the reading, you are at the mercies of not just the professor, but the silent satisfied judgment of your peers. 

Law school is hard, and it will make you feel stupid and tongue-tied and like you don’t know anything and can’t form an argument—because you don’t, and you can’t. Everybody there has had a 4.0 since birth. Everybody there was the smartest kid in their class, and you’re all rabidly competing for a sliver of a chance at something down the road. It’s petty, and savage, fiercely entrenched in a culture of formalities and ceremony, and exactly like Washington DC. 

Yesterday when I was driving home, the NPR reporter talking about the Oval Office meeting mentioned that Trump had thought it was going to be a “getting to know you” type meeting, but that he was surprised when Obama stretched their talk out to 90 minutes before sending him along to the Capitol building where he met with congressional leaders for more lengthy meetings and stuff he didn’t want to do.

And he hasn’t even gotten to the actual job yet. 

So think about that as we go into this. 

Trump walked into the Oval Office like a two-pump-chump freshman thinking it was syllabus day, and what he got was the first day of law school, and he hadn’t done the reading like everyone else had, and Professor Obama decided to put him in the hot seat. 

This was Obama’s chance for the most perfect revenge that would never be picked up on as revenge at all. He was gracious, polite—everything he needed to be for a peaceful transition and a good review from the press. And that would continue when the doors were closed, because that’s the key. Not a Come to Jesus meeting, oh no. If Obama were smart—and he is very smart—he would have treated Trump like an equal, and brought the discussion to a level that assumes far more of Trump than anyone has so far. Assumes that he’s an adult who’s been paying attention. Statistics, esoteric minutiae about the executive branch procedure, economic growth numbers, labor figures, domestic policies, countries Trump has never even heard of, shit that would never in a million years have been in Trump’s campaign soundbites or digestible summaries. 

No way to escape. No aides to remember any of it for him. Just the two of them. 

Because that’s what would strike a precise chill into Trump. The thundering realization that he’s woefully unprepared for the hard, boring, thankless reality of this, and Obama’s version of a smooth transition won’t and shouldn’t include remedial civics. 

That’s what I saw when they shook hands and Trump stared at the floor instead of looking back into Obama’s face. He’s just figured out how little he knows about any of this. 

And that should give you a small glow of satisfaction, because after those meetings, Trump definitely has the 1L Terror Shits. In January, the night sweats and insomnia will show up, but for these first few weeks—nothing but diarrhea and self-doubt.  

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stay in school kids. Stay in school and literally never ever leave. live in the air conditioning vents and dont make a sound so they wont know youre there and you wont have to pay rent. At night you can come out and eat textbooks as food

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*goes to england*

me: excuse me, what time is it?

brit: time wots that m8?

*big ben chimes*

everyone starts to count the bongs on their fingers*

brit: OI IT’S 7 BONG

#lmao what

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This video was in my recommendations and is called, “We Are Number One but it keeps zooming in on various things”

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going to get groceries, what we need?

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idk why i just remembered this but all throughout kindergarten and first grade i used to draw a lil snail in the corner of every paper i had to turn in because it was a happy snail so i thought it would make my teachers happy when they were grading papers because i was a pure and simple child but in 2nd grade my teacher would take off 2 points if i drew it on my homework and 5 points if i drew it on a quiz or test so i stopped but like it was so harmless it was just a lil shitty doodle of a smiling snail it wasn’t distracting me or anything from the task at hand so i’d like to say to mrs whoeverthefuck that snail was supposed to be a happy thing u bitch

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I don’t wanna hear a damn thing from white people about “accepting our new president” after the way some of y'all reacted when Obama was elected.

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I’M REALLY FINNA BELIEVE THIS GOAT YALL

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me: *chugs 5 litres of water and shoves an entire kale up my ass* me: AM I NEUROTYPICAL YET

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i don’t mean to be dramatic but anyone that votes trump is dead to me

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*drops olive garden brand italian dressing on my leg and licks it up with my three foot long prehensile tongue*