fly-away-littlebluebird

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I've been running this race for too long now.

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I'll keep taking this day, by day, by day I guess

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I never wanted to love you, I just did what I had to. Can't shake all the things I should have said to you. Its 1051PM in December 2021, and I'm wishing I was okay.

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Losing him was blue, like I'd never known Missing him was dark gray, all alone Forgetting him was like trying to know somebody you never met But loving him was red

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Funny thing, grief.

It'll hit you at random times and with inconsistent strength. Sometimes it's a brick to the forehead that keels you over with pain in your heart and tears down your face over the scent of something heartbreakingly familiar. Sometimes it's a pang and an ache in your bones for a hug or sensation remembered yet never felt again. Sometimes it's laced with anger because you're not ready to let go even though it's been so long.

Feel those emotions. Don't bottle them up to explode later. Cry, let that excess of everything out. Journal it. Sink into those memories and let yourself grieve in that moment.

Every time you let yourself process even a tiny bit, that's a baby step forward in healing. There will always be an ache, but there's a difference between a healed scar that's tender but healed, and a gaping wound that's raw and weeping.

Give yourself a gift in grieve: allow yourself the freedom to feel it in small doses so you can stand up once again.

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Regret

“The feelings that hurt most, the emotions that sting most, are those that are absurd - The longing for impossible things, precisely because they are impossible; nostalgia for what never was; the desire for what could have been; regret over not being someone else; dissatisfaction with the world’s existence. All these half-tones of the soul’s consciousness create in us a painful landscape, an eternal sunset of what we are.” ― Fernando Pessoa

As I sailed into the lake I realized the Fates really were cruel. They sent Calypso someone she couldn’t help but love. But it worked both ways. For the rest of my life I would be thinking about her. She would always be my biggest what if.”

― Rick Riordan,

The Battle of the Labyrinth

“Perhaps that is just punishment for those who have been heartless, to understand only when nothing can be undone.”

― Khaled Hosseini,

A Thousand Splendid Suns

Attachment is a funny thing when you are young and innocent. Deep down, you know you will lose everything, but you can’t help taking that gamble. You don’t want to feel lonely. Only once you become an adult do you realize the foolishness of your approach. Nothing is more regretful than having lost everyone you once held dear. That kind of loss isn’t something that will merely disappear within a couple years; the grief will probably last a lifetime. 

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Machine Gun Kelly // Glass House

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happier, ed sheeran

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medicate // gabbie hanna

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let you go // machine gun kelly

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Fort Minor | Where’d You Go Featuring Holly Brook & Jonah Matranga (The Rising Tied, 2005)

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Requested

Seafret - Oceans

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ria mae // not at peace