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EUROPE

holy shit where do i start?

in a fucking gaming cafe right now in croatia (lol)

the keyboard is croatian so i keep on typing z instead of y. punish.

i dont even know how to structure this because i am up to week 6 and i havent slept in 2 days. i am also still covered in glitter from ultra. god help me.

FIRST WEEK.

Paris, France

Met the lovely Emma who let me stay in her apartment for 1-2 nights.

Got lunch in a lovely, little cafe where we drank French goblets of beer! 

Apartments in Paris are so tiny!!

1st night - Jet lagged so couldn’t sleep so went on tinder at Midnight.

Was slightly worried about meeting a stranger off tinder at midnight but what a night. Went to a bar where we drank whiskey shots followed by beer, went to a french nightclub where we got to party with Parisian locals. cute polaroids, drunk hotdogs and crazy french girl who wouldn’t let me on the podium.

wandered out at 4 or 5am when the sky was a bright royal blue as the light was beginning to break. the streets were quiet and beautiful. seeing Paris at that time was magical. We then got high and went to a french patisserie where i got to try one of each. we then went home and good lord, the french can fuck.

he then offered for me to stay another night. 

we went and saw the eiffel tower together and went for a fancy french lunch where we got a charcuterie board with assorted cheeses and meats, and french wine! amazing. That night I went and saw a show at the Moulin Rouge which was phenomenal. 

we then went to a bar near moulin rouge called Dirty Dick.cool bar, all about sustainability. they use recycled fruit scraps and turn them into liquors, cocktails. they left pineapple in a bucket to ferment and turned it into pineapple cider!! 

got very wasted that night. whoops.

next i went to Versailles

Versailles

,stayed in a fancy hotel to treat myself. Had a bubble bath whilst i listened to Nina simone. Jazz sounds better when you’re having a bubble bath in france... ummm and the continental breakfast, holy shit. there was a section just dedicated to cheese. you could just take huge chunks of brie. France, I love you.

Went to the palace of Versailles. Absolutely incredible. Its the chateu where all of the Louis and Marie Antoinette once lived. All of the room settings were still the way they were. Everything was covered in gold and all of the ceilings were ornately painted. all of the furniture was unreal and the gardens were the biggest and most beautiful gardens i have ever seen. 

wandered through the beautiful (and very fancy streets of Versailles), bought some jacket patches because i put my denim jacket on a candle in a bathroom in paris and it caught on fire haha. funny but v sad.

Next, I visited  Lyon(where emma is originally from) which i wasn’t overly phased by but met some super lovely people, especially these canadian boys! it was a very beautiful, modern city though. highlight of lyon was getting lunch where we got to cook our own meat on a hot stone and visitedamuseum where we saw all these amazing weapsons from ancient empire wars, like shields with renaissance paintings on them, swords that were ornately carved and covered in precious stones, armour and helmets. so cool.

Next, Grenoble and Lac Peladru! Camping was amazing.

and seeing the mountains of grenoble where the old village once was, was incredible and a park with the castle. where two weddings were taking place.

next, Marseilles - i loved marseilles. met some incredible people there too. cooked a hostel dinner with everyone. explored lake calanques with two lovely finnish girls and an american boy. long hike but sooo beautiful

it was so lovely being near the port, super magical city. men painting and playing violins and accordions near the water. 

Next, Cannes

very ritzy, stayed in a lovely airbnb right in the heart of it. lots of super yachts everywhere. got lunch with this hot half russian and half french girl.

hottest girl ever, hot blonde with tig ol bitties, kind of looked like tara reid.

caught up for drinks later that night with her and one of her friends but i got too wasted, ruined my chances and her friend had to put me into an uber (lol tragic)

fun night though, went for drinks at a bar where they gave you lolly bags and then went to a drag show.

then visited the absolute angel, Flavie, in Nice.

Such a lovely time with her and her friends. Yoga, singalongs, cookups, stories, breakdowns and cuddles, and some wisdom about energy!

then took a day trip to St Tropez - sooo fancy. really beautiful place to visit. everything was so expensive though. explored the streets then relaxed at the beach with a giant glass of Rose. Uber in St tropez even had a helicopter option. 

Next, caught a train or bus (??) to Italy. Stayed in Genoa for 2 nights with the lovely Michele and Juliano. two lovely, italian boys.

authentic dinner at trattoria, went to acquarium and african market. lots of africans in italian. genoa was very diverse. really liked it.

next, florence, too crowded and touristy but still beautiful architecture and a cool city to explore. didnt like the fuzzi museum. and only saw all landmarks from the outside because the lines were too long.

visited a pool bar with michael from LA (guy from my hostel)

and did a wine tour in Tuscany! best wine i have ever had. 

then met up with a boy i met in Florence in a seaside town called Livorno.

then Riccione/Rimini, another seaside town. then Padua! which was beautiful. 

Then from Padua to Ljubjiana.

beau

i fell absolutely in love with slovenia. stayed in Ljubjiana for 5 days. one of my favourite cities of the 6 week leg after france!!

 turquoise lakes with islands you could only get to by wooden boat. ancient castles at the top of mountains amongst beautiful, colourful buildings. quiet, cobble stoned streets. triple bridges with various rivers running all throughout the city. people leisurely riding bicycles through the streets. such a beautiful, quiet city. definitely needed after italy. 

delicious food (even though they eat horse - culture relativism though, am i right?)  

stayed in the most amazing hostel. the girls were so lovely and helpful. 

walked the streets, went to lake bled and went and saw the castle. 

met various people, such as a guy that was walking europe!! he had been walking since january. met 2 sweet aussie boys. explored this abandoned army base covered in graffiti and various art installations. super cool. it was called Metalkov

also had nightlife. we went out one night and ended up in a karaoke bar.

such a laugh when there are so many different nationalities. 

dutch girls singing bizarre dutch songs, tragic euros singing oasis, some norwegian girl singing death metal hahaha.

i then got wasted on cheap slovenian beer and did a duet of lets dance by bowie. followed by a solo rendition of say my name by beyonce (coupla slut drops)

NEXT STOP - caught an 8 hour bus to Split in Croatia where i started Yacht week. Stayed on the most beautiful, luxury yacht. Sailed around Croatia for a week. Explored Split, Makarsa, Hvar and Dubrovnik.

Highlights: floating around in the very salty Adriatic sea in my inflatable donut, visiting the set of Game of thrones, exploring all the beautiful old towns, eating the best pizza ever, ringing the bell, getting 3 course lunches every day, getting to visit Montenegro!! 

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Steven Pan for Numéro #170 February 2016 

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Simen Johan

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Is my weight an issue for guys? I know that guys may be interested but they don't usually pursue me, is it because of my weight? I'm not really fat but I'm not skinny either. If it is, why? Can u tell me if anyone is interested in me right now?

Right now your confidence is an issue for yourself. This must be addressed before you even consider getting into a marriage audition. You’ll find someone. But in your current condition you won’t find someone whom you need. This is a time you need to build a relationship with yourself. This is so you won’t be controlled when you do get into a relationship. Every morning you wake up tell yourself, “I’m beautiful, I’m sexy, I’m confident, I’m amazing, I’m lovable, and I will be loved.” You need to say this every chance you have. Don’t just say it believe it. Counter every negative comment it comes into your head would a positive comment. Self-love is an everyday battle. You just won’t magically love yourself, this takes time. But ultimately baby girl you place the value upon yourself. If you believe you are unlovable you will become unlovable. What is felt on the inside is seen on the outside. You have to hold yourself to a higher standard baby girl. You just don’t want to find any significant other. You need the best one that’ll hold you accountable for your personal growth

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Abstract August

The reason why I could not manifest the love I deserve is because I didn’t believe I deserved that love myself. I’d been trying to manifest it because I had been in a state of needing, craving the habit of having someone to make it all better; to make me feel safe. Because being on my own can sometimes be unnerving. Funny. I was afraid of being with myself. Pure insanity. But I see it all around me. So many people playing it safe because they’re scared. Prisoners of the lies they tell themselves. The more I let myself feel everything wholly and truly then completely letting it go, the more I realise I can fall deep within myself and use the time I have with myself not being lazy, but being proactive about becoming closer with my higher self. Whether it be enjoying the sun with my earphones in, stepping into nature, meditating, yoga or writing. These things have helped me to realise my potential, how infinite I am, and how important it is to be true to yourself, not just the people around you. Because these moments are when I am truly with myself; unafraid. I only have to answer to me, and what I say goes. I am now truly beginning to truly love myself for the first time in almost 23 years. Exhilarating.  I’ve already noticed; as though someone had hit a button - life is whirling in a positive direction and those things that seemed right for me when I was in my fearful mindset aren’t so right for me now. I see the potential I have to be so much more. To have and do so. much. more.  A few things I have learned so far on my journey to self love: Remember to be BALANCED. Too much of anything will always turn sour. Be AWARE. Because who enjoys mindlessly doing things because they want to distract themselves from their inner self? LOVE yourself whole and true. Because you are a gift to the universe.   Follow your GUT because 70% of the time it’s correct. As much as your ego may not want to admit. FORGIVE and LET GO because all that baggage is gon’ get real heavy.  And don’t forget be KIND to yourself and others. I can see light coming, the universe is listening to my sincere gratitude for the gift of life I have been given. Who knew that the love I deserve comes from someone I least expected it to. 

Me. 

I am alive.

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THE FACE May 2000 “And All My Clothes Fell Off” Photographed by Vincent Peters

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“You’ve been criticizing yourself for years and it hasn’t worked. Try accepting yourself and see what happens.” —Louise Hay ‬

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my mother says i carry too much in my mouth. take hurt along with me on my long tongue. she says i am loud about the wrong things. she says i am good at hiding the bad stuff by wrapping it in better clothing. nobody knows “i’m ready to die” is a truth when it is swaddled in laughter. you can suffocate the truth if the pillow you use is pretty enough and you clean up after.

r.i.d (via inkskinned)

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Instagram: leulahleaf

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High Cliff State Park, Wisconsin

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Learn to be alone and to like it. There’s nothing more freeing and empowering than learning to like your own company.

Mandy Hale (via hplyrikz)

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