fire-matriarch

[fire-matriarch]

is rex lapis zhongli’s fursona

#genshin impact

[fire-matriarch]

i forgot tumblr existed for like a month

im back, im sexy, and im here to torture you all with my presence once again

[fire-matriarch]

awesamponk (endearing)

[fire-matriarch]

I can’t believe Technoblade���s entire plan is “I won’t be there to hold Phil back anymore”

[fire-matriarch]

guns can have any use if you’re not a coward

Guns are sooo cool until you realize their only use sucks and guns aren’t really that cool

[fire-matriarch]

The Evidence:

The Magic School Bus can time travel

When asked, Ms. Frizzle denies that she “knows everything”

However, Ms. Frizzle always knows what her students are up to, knows the answer to every question they ask her, and never shows fear even when in extreme mortal peril, as if she’s experienced this all before

Although we know she was in a rock band called the Frizzlettes and was a Shakespearean actress, Ms. Frizzle’s childhood remains mysterious

Ms. Frizzle is EXACTLY the sort of person to travel back in time to teach herself, and is in fact the most likely fictional character to do so

Nobody is ever named “Valerie Frizzle” at birth

Ms. Frizzle dresses queerly and laughs at her own bad jokes

A lot of the series is about Arnold learning to take chances, make mistakes, and get messy - that phrase is more or less targeted at him as a student

Ms. Frizzle looks a lot like a grown-up Arnold

[fire-matriarch]

ok but how fucking funny would it be if quackity took charlie to las nevadas and he just like. makes eye contact with glatt in the lobby and freezes because oh shit is that the god i angered what the fuck is he doing here im literally toast dude. grizzly and condi are going to find my dead body in this shady fucking casino im so done for

but glatt still has amnesia and yeah sure, he feels like he's seen him before, but he met a lot of people he doesn't remember anymore during the presidency. and man does this guy look nervous, like he's literally sweating buckets right now

which leads to glatt offering him an apple to be polite and charlie takes one look at it and nearly has a heart attack

[fire-matriarch]

what makes yall fuckers think c!charlie is just some “wholesome uwu dummy”? sure hes a fucking no-thoughts-head-empty gremlin but what told yall that he has ANY sense of morality? like. mans just casually mentions to quackity “didnt you say you were gonna exploit and manipulate people into gambling or something?” after quackity asked what charlie knew. most people would be CONCERNED ABOUT THAT. but not charlie??? for whatever reason.

listen. im sorry to say it but its true. YOUR LITTLE GLOOP GLOOP IS GONNA TURN INTO A HORRIBLE WAR CRIMINAL WITH NO REGARD FOR LIFE. HE DIDNT EVEN KNOW WHAT A FRIEND WAS UNTIL QUACKITY TOLD HIM!!!!! DO YOU BITCHES REALIZE THE POSSIBILITIES OF THIS????

/dsmp /rp

[fire-matriarch]

las nevadas isn’t a found family, its an office sitcom.

quackity is the corrupt boss who complains too much about his relationship issues and is running his company on a shoestring. “investing in a stripper pole will help the work environment,” he says, and no one has the energy to disagree. 

sam has resigned himself to being a miserable 9-5 white collar worker and just wants a promotion. he’s also pretty sure the new hire stole his ex-bf. he’s cried in the broom closet an uncomfortable amount of times. 

foolish is a primordial being, yet is delegated to coffee runs bc “his legs are long”. one day, quackity asked for two pumps of vanilla in his salted caramel mocha latte, and foolish almost broke his oath of pacifism.  

fundy only got the job bc his boss and his dad are “old friends”. he likes working night shifts so he has an excuse not to sleep. quackity demanding overtime kind of alleviates his abandonment issues, though. 

purpled is the intern who just sits at his desk and chews bubblegum and loudly asks quackity about kinoko kingdom every day. whenever someone asks him to make copies, he replies with “but i’m a minor.”

wilbur is actually the worst employee–he pretends to type up reports when he’s actually arguing with ranboo stans on his dream apologist twt account

charlie doesnt rly know what unionizing is but he’s heard its really good for his bones (that most definitely belong to him) and also for his flesh (all very real and human), so he’s gonna give it a shot 

[fire-matriarch]

[fire-matriarch]

nono, pukicho owns tumblr. stupid

wait i thought you were like the son of the tumblr owner??? are you not????

Huh ? ? ? ?

[fire-matriarch]

this but with the duke nukem voice

[fire-matriarch]

[fire-matriarch]

hi dreamsmp fandom trademarked i’d like to tell everyone about something

quackity but he makes rubber duckie noises. rubber duckie quackity. 

quackity vs technoblade but every time he gets hit he squeaks like a rubber duckie. this felt so incredibly important thank you for your time

#dream smp #quackity #yknow that one plastic duck scream vine? #thats him #c!quackity #quackity is actually just a bunch of rubber duckies in a trenchcoat

[fire-matriarch]

im hot

H ard to love O bnoxious T errible

[fire-matriarch]

I find there is an APPALLING lack of feral Ethan Winters content in this fandom. How dare you and to think I trusted you all

The man is a rabid animal and we should stan him accordingly no more of this boring-guy-can’t-run-or-keep-track-of-his-family crap. Big Momma Vampire Lady slices the man’s hand off yelling about how he’d never see his child again for what he did to her daughters and Ethan went and slaps that sucker back on the end of his arm and said ‘you wanna bet’ before DESTROYING HER ENTIRE BLOODLINE

Like I can just imagine him getting handcuffed by Heisenberg again only to get out once more:

Heisenberg: how did you get out of those I literally welded them to your wrists

Ethan, knowing full well he’s been saving a lockpick for this specific purpose: You see these scars on my hand?

Heisenberg: yeah

Ethan: I gnawed it off.

Heisenberg:wh—what

Ethan: I chewed my own hand off just so I could come kill you, coward

[fire-matriarch]