feverishmentalstate

[feverishmentalstate]

"Why would you wear a lamb skin condom when, for $42.10 and you know the right people, you can fuck the whole lamb?", and other meth fueled ponderings. Part 1

Yes, real question, put to me by a toothless, trembling, skelator-like young....youngish...age androgynous, gentleman, while we were standing in the condom isle of an all night Walmart. He was holding a box of lambskin condoms in one hand, the other hand, unbeknownst to my safe sex loving troll, was vigorously kneading his curiously massive junk.

No! Perv! I wasn't ogling his junk, but when one becomes privy to spectacle, of not everyday origin, one takes a moment to check it out. Not in a "yum giant cock for me" kind of way...absolutely not, but in a "HOLY SHIT!! If this freak gets an erection, hes going to lose consciousness for sure!" kind of way.

Anyway, Walmart, 3:45 am, its Tuesday. Vernan, not his real name, still gripping his wick, turns and looks in my direction. Before I could answer, Vernan, answered himself, kind of. His hand left his cock alone, first time since our moment in time began, and went to his mouth. Well, mouth via nose. What I mean is, Vernan lifted his fingers to his nose, and sniffed them. Then to his mouth to wipe away the spittle that was continuously present on either side of his mouth.

Obviously muscle memory in use, as the hand, upon leaving Vernan's mouth automatically resumed its place gripping his cock. It is this moment that i notice the huge saliva stain on the material of his pants....I also notice his pants have a small padlock holding his pants on, and restricting Vernan from touching his cock, mono o mono. I laughed...

I am nine. Its some made up holiday, and we are hosting, because we lost the drawing, a party for the, OTHER, side of the family. You know the ones: Uncle Bernie/Aunt Bernice, He/she is a spastic transgender, who changes his/her mind every other month. You never know which version of Bern is showing up, Fay, not sure how she is related. She reeks of cat heat spray and....semen! Her favorite past time, "Its so freeing to be eating dick, I mean really choking one down, while my precious pussy is helping with the balls. Little beggars prickly tongue practically removes a mans scrotal skin, and he gets so excited he sprays and sprays.....lovely way to spend a Tuesday evening at church, with the pastor."

Then there was Bill! Back then, in a much more direct time, bill would be considered, and called, a retard. My Mexican uncle Lee Shou, dont ask, said that Bill, "Was so tarded at birth, he had to be fixed and re-traded. Bill had a masturbation lock, made by Mastercock, a little known division of Masterlock.

Long story short, I unlocked Bill. He went up to every family member in attendance, shook their hand and said hi, while simultaneously, vigorously flailing his battered looking cock. When faced with a south paw, Bill, effortlessly switched hands and slapped your palm with the hand, that not seconds before, had been oil rigging his schlong.

The party was over, the only one who seemed to be okay with this was Uncle Bern, he asked if he was blood related to Bill, and offered, no insisted, he give Bill a ride home to the home.

Here I am, some years later, faced with the same choice....lock, or no lock? We are in a family friendly Walmart, Lock boy stands near me and beats his bongo, but through 6 layers of cloth. He looks frustrated....pissed off...evil and, yes, severely retarded. Their never was a choice, Vernan minor was free!

#desire #fascinating #crossed legs #sexy hips #quim

[feverishmentalstate]

How do we find each other when, sexually, there is no common ground?

cut to, shower, dick in hand, it's turgid (hard, no very hard, hardest, like glass), I wouldn't say I was beating it, no, stroking, with gusto, and with a grip that was more kung fu, than any GI Joe could ever hope to have.

Strokes long, hard, have to spit on it to achieve a friction level that allows for quick smooth strokes, but not so smooth as to be frictionless... or cancel out the feeling of being deep inside you. Not you,you're a guy, deep inside her! So deep it feels like the part of my cock that hides inside my body penetrated you to the depth of unfathomable pleasure.

Thumb positioned so it hits just below my head, cock head, not the neck head, but the shaft head, I pump With visions of you ass up and cumming so hard you spasm and tremble, I feel my whole body tense, as if fucking you, I shove my cock deep into my tightly gripping fist, and feel it grow larger as cum fills it and it expels a gusher of semen into you or on you.

I imagine you kneeling before me, my cock deep in your throat, and you effortlessly taking and swallowing my heavy load.

The intensity of my orgasm weakens my knees and I drop to my knees, cock still spasming as it trys to pump out every last drop.

I reach over and hit the stop button, kind of a long video, but I grin thinking I bet you're going to love it. Look up your number, attach file, send!

I imagine you opening the video, seeing my cock and burying your fingers deep into your pussy. So horny you are practically clawing your fingers along your g spot in an effort to squirt onto my cock. I see, in my minds eye, you laying on the floor, overcome by a burning need for my cock.

Cumming you, stand, fingers slick and still knuckle deep in your pussy, running to your car, thumb furiously stroking your clit, starting it and driving intently to my house, bursting through the door, and without saying a word, straddling my hips, shoving my cock deep into your warm tight soaking wet pussy. Grinding hard against my hips, my cock head raking your cervix. It's so fucking .....so fucking....so..oh fuck!

I roll you onto your back and pound my cock into you, so hard I sink half my balls into you with each stroke... I

You've got a message from Sarah. Pulled from my fantasy, that's my phone, you got my video! Oh boy, here we go...

Sarah said..." nice really nice, ugh, gross! Why the fuck are you sending me this shit while I'm at work? Is the cat box done? Better be if you have time to play with yourself!God, what is wrong with you?"

Pop!

Bubble burst...flaccid... embarrassed...wipe myself off... Put on pants over my sticky cock, and begin sifting turds from the ammonia smelling sand.

Thinking, how the fuck did a man and a women EVER start to fuck? How?

There's just no common ground to fuck on. Oh fuck! I dropped a clump into my foot. Great, just great!

I roll into the shower, horny again, start to fist my cock, and of course I think, I'm going to film this, but send it to some other girl. Sarah's just a prude, if I send this to Audra....oh man will she get fucking wet and drive over here and fuck me sooooo.....

Nope, wrong again...

#sexy hips #curvy hips #My cock #fucking hard #women don't get it #dick pic #cumming

[feverishmentalstate]

It's been awhile, wonder why?

When I left off, i was twirling around a living room. Brothers and sisters, watching me as my dead mother, crushed me to her chest...spinning my mouth open, sucking air, trying to get enough in my lungs...to scream. My eyes are those of a panicked animal, wide, pupils black from dilation, wildly locking onto brother...Mike, help me....sister Terri, she is enthralles by tha dance....she twirls in place eyes closed...too tightly closed, I spit tears running down her face. She knows, but hope, mad fucking hope. It has been hard without mom, especially for her....she wont lose her again, but..she will. Tears run down her face.

Julie, sister.....looking at me, face twisted in....what? Envy? Jealousy? Hatred, that mom picked me and not her, again. Just like when she was a small child...mom gave her to her mother. No, help there.

I see brother, Rick, I see his back as he walks out the door, not even a glance backwards to see if I was okay....nothing again.

The music abruptly dies, apropos, only sound is my heartbeat, and the buzzing. So loud, and it fills my head....not true! The flies, the buzzing, I looked where, up til then, I has dared not...I looked into my mother's eyes.

I tried to pull away, myself, my gaze....I couldn't. My mother held me, her eyes, once so blue, so full of love and caring ....(when she was dying, I was too young to leave the house. I would stay with her...she would tell me things, her fears, her regrets, never seeing us grow up, get married, have kids....I was 11....only one of her eyes would open, it was so blue, so blue against the yellow of her skin...it wasnt her fault...cancer was everywhere, she wouldnt have ts me those things otherwise...right?) I looked into her eye...please be blue, please let me see HER IN THERE!

Nope, I felt my panic turn to cold numbing terror, her eye was black and it buzzed...she pulled my face close to hers, I saw them, so many flies...

Her cold arms circled me, I had longed for this, begged God to give me back my mother, not take her in the first......Gods plan, killing my mother in the most horrible, demeaning way possible was Gods plan? To RIP the image of her from my mind and replace it with.....with....this....oh my fucking god, are YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME, PLEASE, BE KIDDING ME. ..please...please....nope, he/she/it, wasnt kidding....

And, there ahe was, grey, one eye closed, one eye roiling with flies, her once fiery red hair dull, patchy from chemo....her lips parted, breath like a solid, thick, mushroomy...no mater how much I fought, cried, begged God again...her parted lips met mine.

It was too much....I knew this was killing me, nothing more, the room was gone, everyone was gone....it was just her and i ...and the buzzing.

A mother's kiss.....curing, soothing, tender....nope! Not this one!

Her lips mashed against mine, painful, and then tenderly, like a lover her tongue forced it's way into my mouth, like old liver....

OH MY FUCKING GOD DAMN YOUGODDAMNYOUDAMNYOUDAMN YOU, god....damn you...

I wake up, panicked, in the same room my mother had...cum to me? I couldnt sleep, couldnt breath, I was 12, and I was utterly alone in the house that I had watch my mother die in....night terrors.

The very first one. I would continue to have them for years. They were the catalyst, those were the begining.

Jump....back...the girl is gone, not sure where. Not sure if she was ever there. Every night, I was pulled into my thoughts, memories, they are crippling me. The meth kept me from the darker recesses of my mind.....in sleep, she would be waiting....exhausted she had little hold....stay awake until, exhaustion struck...like a brick to my forehead...but while others slept, I travelled.

She died on a sunny day, in watched from the doorway...father, sat beside her, she was in a coma, he lovingly dipped a cotton rag into cool water and pushed it between her cracked lips (no wonder he disappeared, he had left months ago, and who could blame him? Me.) The rag between her lips, dad looked startled, mom had bitten down on the rag.

[feverishmentalstate]

Amphetamine Works, part two

Enough about, Father...Back to Mother, like I can help it. She's dead and the fireflies flit flit fit, fit..? No, not fit...Gone. I'm alone. I turn to run, my chest heavesexpandsCONTRACTS! I can't pull air in, can't breathe....She stands before me...... can't breathe....She smiles a yellow smile and reaches for me with arms spread wide....cant breathe....She is grey, so grey....can't breathe....She pulls me against her.......I breathe....In the smell of her as she once smelled. Then it hits, she smells of fetid flesh...We begin to spin as music from, somewhere, begin a to play. I beg myself, ...Please dont! Don't destroy the memories of life, her life! Cut!! It's two years before her death....But she knew...we, all 7 of us, walk along the aisle of a music store. Pink Floyd blades from speakers along the walls...Eyes closed She stands still and listens, it's as if She is drinking it in, like this is the only time, Last time...She knew....She will ever hear this music.

[feverishmentalstate]

Can't sleep, amphetamine worms keep crawling in my brain....part 1

Hard to sleep...too many "Menes" not enough ways. I look inwards, there's nowhere else to look. The TV is in pieces, the house is spotless, the endless boner aches from over use, the girl (no name just girl, sexy sexysensualgirlwhocanfuuuuuck!) lies a foot away-asleep-of course (perhaps....she would let me licksuckfuckcum-again×3....probably, no) She is swimming in the sheets, covered in sweat, semen, her cumx4, rootbeer, and ice cream...perv. Inward, to my sins....my burdens, my mind. It plays the past like an oldtime movie projector, click-click-click, one frame at a time, all in gray scale....no smells, just pictures.... so clear and hurtful....all too vivid in their grayness.... Entering stage right (that's how it feels), I stand in the center of the family room. I've lived in this house all 12 years of my young life. My brothers, 2, and sisters, 2, are firefly pacing, zoom, zoom, flit...lit up with excitement, barely missing each other. My sister, Terri, she's 18,19,20 years old?, stops in front of me, "Moms back, isn't that great?" she asks. Before I can answer, FLIT!, she's gone. I reach for her, but no matter how hard I try, I can't touch her....or anyone. I try so hard to tell them, NO! It isn't great, it's wrong, it's.....mom is dead, has been for over a year now. I look for dad, he knows, hell tell them....but like every other day since mom died, he's not there. He does know. He knows the pain of losing his soulmate, the void where SHE was, is now filled with rending shards of the blackest obsidian. Every waking moment, his mind pushes, thrashes.....searches for her within the void, and is torn to pieces. Alcohol, it keeps the pain down, makes him forget. He bathes in it, crawls upon his belly and rolls in it.....it took her place. Fun fact: when my mother died, my father died too, not physically, but he was gone all the same....I lost them both at the same time. I wonder why he never thought of that? He had to have sobered up , at least once, and saw the terrified little boy he once loved. the boy who, having lost his world, needed something solid to cling to, an anchor, that would keep him from spinning out of control.....nope, he didnt.