feral-animal-blog

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Ned’s Declassified School Survival Guide - Waxing Your Chest

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'what are words' starter pack

- “how are you?” “Yes.”

- no volume control. Yell or whisper, there is no inbetween

- what was this sentence about again

- clicking/tapping/’umm’ing furiously while trying to focus your mind enough to remember what the sentence was about

- stammering

- worse: spitting by accident

- i’m rambling about myself again how do I stop

- *says someone’s name once* *they don’t hear* “oh well guess that’s the end of that. we had a good run”

- rehearsing any kind of request, compliment, or any planned exchange a trillion times in your head

- writing out said exchange as a form of rehearsal, ums and errs included, so literally nothing is left to chance

- the inevitable sequel: why aren’t they following the script?!?

- the mind-wipe mid-conversation

- focusing so much on paying attention that you don’t actually process what they’re saying

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BPD is this horribly awkward combination of constantly needing validation but feeling really uncomfortable when receiving it

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I thought I was getting better, but now I’m stuck being worse than before

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I’m the worst person I’ve ever met

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Borderline Personality Disorder is a mental illness that causes impulsive behaviors, intense mood swings, and issues with self-worth. More common in women than in men, one of the biggest hallmarks of BPD is an extreme fear of abandonment. They can take extreme measures to avoid real or imagined abandonment. On top of this fear, their markedly disturbed sense of identity, ongoing feelings of emptiness, and uncontrollable emotional outbursts often leads to unstable and chaotic relationships with others. It  is common for sufferers of this personality disorder to engage in frequent self-harm and risky behaviors such as unsafe sex, gambling, reckless driving, drug use, binge-eating, and spending sprees. Due to their stormy attachments to people, mood swings, and anger, they often find that their behavior tends to drive others away. People with this disorder also have a very black and white way of thinking, called ‘’splitting’’. They can go from idealizing someone one moment and then suddenly believing the person doesn’t care enough or is cruel. 

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“I have done bad things. I can’t take them back, and they are part of who I am. Most of the time, they seem like the only thing I am.”

— Veronica Roth (via purplebuddhaquotes)

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I’m disgustingly repulsive and deserve to be hurt

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i know this is a mental disorder but starving myself just makes me feel SO much BETTER

like when i eat normally or binge i want to kill myself but when i starve i just feel so good about myself

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do my dark circles and deteriorating health make me look hot

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i fucking hate when someone actually cares about me.

first of all: I know you’re gonna leave me, it’s just a matter of time.

second of all: i feel guilty for feeling bad and making them worry abt me.

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