being neurodivergent is so funny because what do u mean my new adhd hyperfixation is my fuckign boyfriend. bye,
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who up clik like
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guys i had a nightmare ln that i tried to come back from hiatus for like the 70 billionth time but when i did tumblr was literally broken like unusable i kid u not i woke up in a cold sweat..
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flying out today for the hols, gonna write out some of those starters on my flight hehe 🙇♂️🙇♂️
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i think part of the reason my desire to write like...fully disappeared is bc all of the writing i've had to do for school just completely sucked the joy out of it for me.
anyways, if you would like me to continue our old threads, do me a favor and interact w this post! if you want to start fresh and drop our old threads, that's completely ok :)
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the fog rolls in through the shadowlands like liquid darkness, the pale moon slung low and wavering in the sky. ilsa closes their eyes for a brief moment, allowing the ( bitingly cold ) air to nip at their bared skin, bloodied armor discarded for the evening. something here feels … familiar, in AN UNPLEASANT , JARRING way that she cannot quite place. if she ruminates on the feeling for too long, her mind is bogged down by a dull, aching pain, and so, she shakes her head to clear those muddled thoughts. as it were, the crunch of ( boots through dirt ) alerts them to the sound of @drunivers approaching. ❝ shadowheart. was there something you needed? ❞ they quip, perhaps a touch short but not unkind. the recent battle at last light inn had been a draining one, and with ilsa’s URGES GNAWING INSISTENTLY at her slackened mind, her patience is gradually waning.
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u guys im so excited to write again i checked my notifs to see if anyone wanted a starter and i let out an audible 'yippee!' when i saw the notes sjwkfkf
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fresh starter call to try and get this blog rolling again ♡ specify muse(s) pretty please!
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catching up on the dash and rpc stuff in gen, to be veeery clear i do not condone any people's weird, racist, fetishizing behavior, esp when they're borderline blackfishing/misleading other people into believing they're nonwhite
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i think part of the reason my desire to write like...fully disappeared is bc all of the writing i've had to do for school just completely sucked the joy out of it for me.
anyways, if you would like me to continue our old threads, do me a favor and interact w this post! if you want to start fresh and drop our old threads, that's completely ok :)
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i will be back so soon my loves ... in the meantime freaking out because i have a sort - of - date - not - date tomorrow and i really like this dude but i am so off - putting and strange i have no idea how i'm going to pull this off without immediately alerting him to my inherent freakishness (aka my nd swag)
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GINGER SNAPS (2000) dir. John Fawcett
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okay once again feeling the urge to mass delete my blogs and deactivate my discord so in order to curb that im deleting tumblr ™ off my phone and logging out of discord for a bit. consider this a soft hiatus notice for the time being 🤞
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@faereun & shadowheart asked : a platonic kiss on the forehead
kissing meme : always accepting
𝚃𝙷𝙴 𝙷𝙾𝚄𝚁𝚂 𝙰𝙵𝚃𝙴𝚁 𝚃𝙷𝙴 𝙷𝙾𝚄𝚂𝙴 𝙾𝙵 𝙶𝚁𝙸𝙴𝙵 𝚆𝙴𝚁𝙴 𝙵𝚁𝙰𝚄𝙶𝙷𝚃. The Mother Superior had been especially cruel, twisting the proverbial knife in her final moments, taunting the former cleric of Shar with her parents’ torment. Tav had masterfully slid a dagger through the woman’s ribs, but that had not stopped the horror that was to come. Something that had been long dead in his chest had clenched and ached as Shadowheart bid her parents farewell, fangs biting into the flesh of his cheek to distract himself from the thoughts and (lack of) memories of his own parents.
She’d tried to maintain the stoic mask on their way back to their rooms at the Tavern and it was truly an impressive effort, but Astarion had seen the tremor in her hands and the faint quiver of her lower lip. Masks always had a funny way of cracking when confronted with the specters of the past and being so close to his own personal hell practically guaranteed that his would shatter, sooner rather than later.
The rest of their companions had respected her wishes for space, but the elf knew that there were times when people just shouldn’t be alone.
It had been easy enough to wait out the rest of their companions, the vampiric nocturnal wakefulness not so easily shrugged off by the tadpole tunneling in his brain. He could feign it well enough, sometimes even steal an hour or two, but predators nor slaves were afforded the luxury of deep and meaningful sleep — the faintest of changes in air pressure or the softest of noises often jolting him back to wakefulness with a dagger in hand and fangs bared. Even with all of Shadowheart’s training and skill, even she could not stop the beat of her heart or the change in her breathing pattern from reaching his ears. He’d shadowed her through the still bustling tavern, through the winding alleys of the Gate, and to a quiet corner of the park before a neglected statue of Selune.
❝ 𝑶𝒉, 𝒔𝒘𝒆𝒆𝒕 𝒈𝒊𝒓𝒍 . . . ❞
It was when her shoulders started to shake that he announced himself, stepping closer and doing what felt natural — something that shocked even him — and wrapped her in an embrace. Having someone this close, this platonically intimate, made him want to flinch, but he beat down the urge with a ruthless bite to his own cheek. He couldn’t recall if he had lost his own parents, couldn’t even recall their faces, but he liked to think that he too would want someone to hold him if he had to offer them mercy with his own blade. Tears dampened the soft fabric of his shirt, and he squeezed a bit tighter in response and tucked his chin to press cool lips to her forehead. It was all a small, if awkward, comfort from a man who didn't quite know what he was doing, but he tried anyway.
❝ I know, get it all out. I’ve got you. ❞
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isvir laughs, and her warlock companion is thus filled with an obnoxious sense of accomplishment , trying ( and failing ) to subdue the way their chest puffs out pridefully, the way their spine straightens and their posture rights itself. it is annoyingly easy to please ilsa, the human has realized of herself with time; when your memory is so riddled with holes and you've not a true friend in the world, well — needless to say, friendship is A TREASURED THING , though she is ill to ever say so aloud.
'well, i may just take you up on that offer, then. i hate to think what might happen if one of those absolute cultists got hold of you,' she pauses, a wicked grin once again curling at her lips. 'you'd probably get nauseous and throw up on one of the guards, and they'd kick you back out into the bowels of the shadow - curse. no fun for either party, i think,' she continues to prod, though of course , her meaning is lighthearted.
they laugh, watching as astarion squirms uncomfortably underneath halsin's kind gaze , arching an eyebrow in isvir's direction. she's not wrong — halsin is quite charming, and powerful to boot. still, he has a certain air of … clumsiness about him that IS ENDLESSLY AMUSING , in her opinion. 'hm … i do suppose loyalty is an important trait. as is a single man's ability to fell five foes in a single blow,' she recalls then, halsin wildshaping into an owlbear and launching himself through a hoard of cultists . that instance had pretty much cemented him in their good books for the foreseeable future.
the goddess barks out a laugh, rolling her eyes but meaning nothing by it. " by all means, leave me to rest at camp while you trudge about this horrible place, you'll hear no complaints from me. " isvir responds in kind, but her lips only betray a smile. ilsa's worry is well shrouded, but isvir knows. she always does.
raven tresses tumblr over her shoulder as her line of sight follows ilsa's words, landing on the druid and vampire spawn. she covers up a chuckle behind a hand, sipping at her mug. " i think he's charming. " she shrugs, drawing the shaw at her shoulders closer around her form. " and he's got a good heart, which is what matters, isn't it? loyalty is a favorable trait in times like these. " and well, a little power never hurt, which the elf seemed to harbor plenty of.
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there's something about the sharran cleric that genesis feels innately drawn to, her inner turmoil so strangely familiar yet dissimilar all the same. perhaps it's as shadowheart says, then — darkness knows darkness, does it not? it wasn't so long ago that the druid was much like her capricious companion, after all; she too was once so [ blindly and wholly ] devoted to her goddess that it consumed her every waking thought. consumed her ability to compartmentalize, differentiate her wants and needs from those of her mother, unable to separate IDENTITY FROM DEVOTION — and what a cruel fate that is, truly. she drinks in the half - elf's countenance, as it is beautifully illuminated by flickering flames and waning moonlight ; the perfect visage of grief.
though shadowheart will not meet her gaze, genesis looks on, watching for changes in body language, or even the briefest chance of their eyes meeting. 'indeed it does. though i have a feeling my darkness takes a very different shape than yours. and where others would call my … affliction 'darkness', i would think it more comparable to a white hot, burning light. all the rage of the sun, and perhaps more,' she murmurs, thinking of how she'd felt ripping dror ragzlin's head from his blasted body, GUTTING THAT ACCURSED priestess, and leaving the drow for dead. flames had licked up the base of her spine, and her blood had turned to liquid fire in her veins.
'i guess what i mean to say, really, is … you can talk to me. and before you berate me for prying, i understand you have your secrets for a reason,' she barrels on, not giving the cleric a chance to interrupt. 'in a way … i see a bit of myself in you. i just … we might as well find solace in one another, when we're being chased by death regardless of our choices.' she slips a flask from where it rests 'gainst her hip, uncaps the lid and throws back a mouthful of whiskey. it's an earthy , oaken brew , and though the taste is strong, it does little to ease gen's concerns.
the dark swallows everything. sometimes, shadowheart feels as though she, herself, has been swallowed. that she, herself, is lost in some kind of abyss that won't set her free. it won't let her out. memory loss feels vaguely like this : phantom taste on the tongue. a grief so profound every time you look at the moon.
she stops looking at the moon. she focuses on her hands, instead, as they warm by the fire.
❝ what is it you wish to say ? ❞ the raven - haired cleric does not need to glance at genesis to know she is being looked at. it only takes a moment to get her response. ❝ your heart has such darkness. ❞ @faereun speaks, and it causes something to tighten in shadowheart's chest. still, she doesn't look away from the flame. ❝ darkness knows darkness then, does it not ? ❞
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seeing gortash with a eurocentric nose is such a jumpscare holy shit if i saw that man in a gas station at night i would start fucking running
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