exurgedomine
He who became God
"The stars are hidden on a rainy night."
ind. semi-sel. canon divergent
Pein/Nagato
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He looks straight back, unmoving.
she is looking straight at you π³ and not Speaking.
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πππππππππ : ππππ π
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Writing / roleplay prompts collected from the POV chapters of Daenerys Targaryen in A Dance with Dragons , the fifth book of the ASOIAF saga. Feel free to adjust pronouns / etc. as needed.
tw: dark & mature themes, death, violence, suggestive / sexual content
β There is no need for you to see this. β
β He died for me. β
β It is bad luck to touch the dead. β
β They are only girls. β
β The blood of the dragon does not weep. β
β I am still at war, only now I am fighting shadows. β
β They are soldiers, not warriors. β
β Their training teaches them to obey, fearlessly, perfectly, without thought or hesitation β¦ not to unravel secrets or ask questions. β
β Iβll see them when Iβm dressed. β
β A crown should not sit easy on the head. β
β You are so radiant today I fear to look on you. β
β Women do not forget. Women do not forgive. β
β Does he believe a pair of pretty slippers will win my hand? β
β If he proposes that I wed this man again, Iβll throw a slipper at his head. β
β I am only a young girl and know little of the ways of war. β
β Why, it must be because you have no other purpose but to plague me. How many times have I refused you? β
β I see that you are eloquent as well as beautiful. I am quite persuaded. β
β You take too much on yourself. β
β Help me dress. Iβll have a cup of wine as well, to clear my head. β
β Come sleep with me. Dawn will not come for hours yet. β
β He was a good brother. β
β Say the word, my sweet, and I will send you from this awful place. β
β I would sooner stay with you. I feel safe when Iβm with you. β
β I want to keep you safe. β
β No one ever kept me safe when I was little. β
β I want to protect you, but . . . it is so hard, to be strong. β
β I donβt always know what I should do. I must know, though, I am all they have. β
β Weβll both sleep, and dream of sweeter days. β
β Who would ever dare to love a dragon? β
β There is no woman more lovely than you. Only a blind man could believe otherwise. β
β A bath will help soothe me. β
β How did you get past my guards? β
β Your guards never saw me. β
β Why should I fear him? β
β If you have some warning for me, speak plainly. β
β Remember who you are. β
β I was praying. β
β Prophecies are treacherous. β
β If this is truly what my people wish, do I have the right to deny it to them? β
β Truth was never welcome at that court. β
β He was a traitor who met a traitorβs end. β
β He played a part in your fatherβs fall, but he bore you no ill will. β
β The king wanted you killed, but he spoke against it. β
β You think they would harm me? β
β I should have seen it coming. Was I so blind, or did I close my eyes willfully, so I would not have to see the price of power? β
β I would give them back to you if I could, but some things are beyond the power of even a queen. β
β What have I unleashed upon the world? β
β If they are monsters, so am I. β
β Are they meant to inflame me? β
β Would my lord prefer something sweeter? β
β I will not trust you, but I need you. β
β A cravenβs knife can slay a queen as easily as a heroβs. β
β He is playing games with me. But I can play as well. β
β I do not wish to speak of him. β
β Let us speak instead of love, of dreams and desire. β
β I am drunk with the sight of you. β
β Why did you abandon me? β
β I am almost certain that I asked you for your hand. Begged you, even. β
β You gave up too easily. β
β I must marry, all agree. β
β I am not so foolish as to wed a man who finds a fruit platter more enticing than my breast. β
β If you will not take me for your husband, I am content to be your slave. β
β I have been rained on and I have been sold. It is not the same. No one wants to be owned. β
β Is that meant to frighten me? I lived in fear for years. I woke afraid each morning and went to sleep afraid each night. β
β Let me stay and help persuade you. β
β You look . . . weary. Are you sleeping? β
β You know how much I value your wisdom. β
β You need a king beside you to help you bear these burdens. β
β Have you no smile for me? Am I as fearful as all that? β
β I always grow solemn in the presence of such beauty. β
β I have never wanted war. β
β You have not said you love me. β
β That is not the answer of a man in love. β
β What is love? Desire? No man could ever look on you and not desire you. β
β A new time has come, and new things are possible. Marry me. β
β Kiss me as if I were your wife. β
β No. I do not love you. β
β Itβs him I want, not you. β
β One day all men must die, but it serves no good to dwell on death. I prefer to take each day as it comes. β
β Words are wind, even words like love and peace. I put more trust in deeds. β
β So it seems that I may wed again. Are you happy for me? β
β A queen belongs not to herself, but to the realm. β
β Marriage or carnage, those are my choices. β
β Did he wed for love or duty? β
β I know he was very fond of her. β
β I could become fond of him, in time. β
β I need to change, to make myself beautiful. β
β You have grown more beautiful in my absence. How is that possible? β
β I have missed you so much. β
β They never told me you were here, or I might have played the fool and sent for you at once. β
β I have only one urgent need. You. β
β A man surrounded by foes cannot defend himself. No, when faced with many enemies, choose the weakest, kill him, ride over him and escape. β
β He is as bold as he is bloody. β
β He is a monster. A gallant monster, but a monster still. β
β Do you take me for the Butcher King? β
β Better the butcher than the meat. β
β All kings are butchers. Are queens so different? β
β Most queens have no purpose but to warm some kingβs bed and pop out sons for him. β
β Have you forgotten who I am? β
β He would make a monster of me. A butcher queen. β
β There is blood on my hands, too, and on my heart. β
β I am tired of hearing what you will not do. β
β Will they joust for me? I should like that. β
β He plays you for a fool. Do you want a serpent in your bed? β
β You could not have saved them. β
β Oh, gods, what have I done? Have I sent him to his death? β
β I have no more help to give. β
β I will not turn away from them. A queen must know the sufferings of her people. β
β I cannot heal them, but I can show them that I care. β
β Shall I wash your hair? β
β All those pearls will make me rattle when I walk. β
β The pearls symbolize fertility. The more a woman wears, the more healthy children she will bear. β
β Your clothes are stained with blood. Take them off. β
β Only if you do the same. β
β I thought you would be the one to betray me. I thought . . . β
β Promise me that you will never turn against me. I could not bear that. Promise me. β
β I wanted you from the first time I saw you. β
β You boasted that youβd had a hundred women. β
β He has a sellswordβs conscience. That is to say, none at all. β
β I would give up my crown if he asked it of me. β
β If I gave up my crown, he would not want me. β
β I do not want this night to end. β
β Marry me instead. β
β You know I cannot do that. β
β You are a queen. You can do what you like. β
β Marry me, and we can have all the nights forever. β
β We cannot wed, my love. You know why. β
β Once I am wed it will be high treason to desire me. β
β It has been too long since Iβve killed a man. Might be I should seek out your betrothed. β
β Are you unwell? In the black of night I heard you scream. β
β It was the wind that you heard screaming. β
β It was just a dream. Go back to sleep. β
β She dares say that in open court? β
β That smile has won many a maidenβs heart, Iβll wager. β
β Please, you must not tease me. β
β Come back to bed and kiss me. β
β The queen your mother was always mindful of her duty. β
β A knight is no fit consort for a princess of royal blood. β
β I never knew my father. I want to know everything about him. The good and . . . the rest. β
β If he loved you, he would come and carry you off. β
β How did this happen, that I am drinking and smiling with men Iβd sooner flay? β
β This is peace, so why does it taste so much like defeat? β
β I want no gifts from you. β
β There is no honor in him, only hunger . . . for gold, for glory, for blood. β
β Every child knows its mother. β
β They are dragons, and so am I. β
β You have more enemies than you know. β
β Gods grant that we have made a son tonight. β
β I heard you crying. β
β Crying? I was not crying. Why would I cry? β
β Stay. I do not wish to be alone. β
β Remind me that there is still good in the world. β
β I will have you beside me, what other protection do I need? β
β How much of this do you believe? β
β I am looking into hell, but I dare not look away. β
β He takes great pride in his . . . his swordsmanship. β
β He boasts of bedding me, you mean. β
β Once I dreamed of flying. β
β Men are mad and gods are madder. β
β You are dead. β
β You never mourned me. It is hard to die unmourned. β
β I loved you once. β
β I waited long enough. I waited my whole life. β
β You lingered in a place that you were never meant to be. β
β Home was all I ever wanted. β
β You wanted me. β
β I was tired. I was weary of war. I wanted to rest, to laugh, to plant trees and see them grow. β
β Remember who you are, what you were made to be. β
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βI beg of you: release me, do not hinder me, and I shall ensure no harm befalls your subjects during the pursuit of my quarry. Aid me, andβ¦ and I shall give unto you that which our enemy seeks; that for which they have stolen away our people. But as chieftain, I must save them, or else perish in the attemptβthat effort at least I owe to them. Again, I beg, as one leader to another: release me, and this quarrel shall trouble your lands no further!β
In desperation, Hoshijime prostrated themself before him, head pressed to the stone tile in humble supplication. It took every ounce of their willpower to remain conscious, though their wounded body visibly trembled with exhaustion and pain. β @storiedocs
Pein stared down at this pitiful person before him, prostrated with urgency, spouting of wants he had no drive to entertaining.
"You have already troubled my lands and the laid the foundation of malcontent among my people. Pray tell, what is so important that I should consider, even for a moment, to allow you back to your duties?"
His cold hands were not free of black rods; gripped the stalk and aimed at the chieftain before him. Where there should be mercy was instead caution and he had little time for country squabbles among everything else.
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His eyes lower with the upwards crescent of his smile," you have a valid point in the vessel's value being contained by those whom possess it, but many 'carriers' seem to value less or even more of such porcelain."
"Fickle these things, aren't they?"
" ....how foolish of me. perhaps i was too focused on the vessel's value being only measured as a recipient.........and not as a cherished treasure, even with its imperfection. you opened my eyes yet again, nagato. "
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"An endless pour that waters both of them, infinitely, I suppose. Broken things only lose value to those that don't seek one for them."
" but what would happen if the receptor were to chip and crack as well? what would become of the two broken, useless vessels? "
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Those eyes; dull without even the fluorescent light to gift it luster. It was a pity to see such a prodigy fall at the crest of his greatness to the most natural of occurrencesβ usually reserved for the elderly and the wicked. Nagato supposes his deeds were enough to mark Itachi for penance, even if the Uzumaki marked the Uchiha for assured sainthood. A branding only deserved as the judge proffering it held an endless, scrolling list of crimes to outweigh all the bad and ill-intent the Uchiha would have ever had.
"You're excused."
The Akatsuki tower with its famed Deva statue were no more. Mere legend that dust the ground where this newly formed temple stood, serving only as a place of reverence and business for the infamous God of Ame. True to the nature of this sodden country, this building bore little light other than what could be gleaned through the cracks of the ceiling pipes, leaving only enough for Nagato to shine under the midday sun.
"Mm," his lips purse with disapproval and a displeased noise humming from his throat. "Itachi-kun, you know how I feel about your beloved country."
Adjusting back in his seat, he raised his steepled fingers, touching them to his lips in thought. "What purpose does my intel serve? What could your people possibly want that you do not already have? Your spies litter the land like insects, but I'll applaud your sincerity to come directly to me."
In all honesty, he doesn't know why he's surprised.
γ
€What has his life been, if not a sequence of fuck yous leading to situations that should never had been allowed to occur, when not downright tragedy and catastrophe? Itachi's own demise was cheated by milimetres only, or by seconds to be correct; brotherly love enough to break through the shackles of hatred so meticulously so falsely crafted throughout the years. Therefore, what moral superiority does he have to be surprised that Nagato is still alive? None. Much less to be surprised to learn that Ame, indeed, remains under his care and jurisdiction.
γ
€Β«Nagato,Β» he answers, then, to acknowledge a former colleague's greeting; head tilting in the general direction the familiar voice came from. Where his eyesight is little else beyond almost complete darkness with the presence of occasional shadows and dying light, sharingan allows him to check the man's chakra signature and, without doubt, confirm his identity. It appears they aren't to beat around the bush, either, which the Uchiha is grateful for. Despite not on the brink of death and rot anymore, his body is still weary after the long journey and will welcome the possibility to bypass unnecessary games of words and riddles.
γ
€Β«I apologize for intruding,Β» he adds next, ever one to be polite [the same gentle child who greeted the alleged Akatsuki leader a decade prior] and well aware of how Ame is no welcome place to foreigners, Β«and I'll do my best to not waste your time. Given that you know my reasons to be here, I won't deny it. I was sent directly by the Hokage to gather intel on Ame and the current state of affairs in post-war.Β»
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"Then may the vessel heart of the other lay below and supply itself of the love that overflows."
" they say the heart is an infinite vessel, but some are chipped like aged porcelain, and any drop of love will leak right through the cracks. "
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Nagato post-war struggles with a "sense of self". He considers Ame to be a living breathing part of his spirit since he curtains the country with his rain + his decades of living through other bodies. When he is down to just one body and the country, he doesn't recognize the body that he is in, that it's healed, and that he is autonomous.
His reactions vary from slight discomfort to total depersonalization depending on how bad it is.
#.hc#// ask to tag#|| And if Konan somehow doesn't survive then he struggles with grounding himself from it tbh.
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A bird with a nest to return to will flourish; gather its strength, return to the woods anew, and continue to build its home until comes the heavy storm that scatters its fortune to the land below. It sings its song in Spring and huddles in burrows by Winter, the nature of its warm blood making it no less mortal than the vermin it hunts.
Nagato finds himself hearing the squawk of a raven whom flew far, far from home. Its calculated steps walk itself to his throne, near blind and wanting. This flock was always wanting, he's come to learn. If not this one, then its distant cousin and their distant ancestor from there. A pack of avian nuisances that pick away at warm flesh, not yet blessed by death and squabble when the body swats them away.
"Itachi," this god calls to his guest," it has been a while."
He shifts on his iron throne, fingers hinging on each other at the joint with an elbow perched on one armrest. Was the sight of such a youthful, pretty face a source of welcome? No, far from it, but given this poor thing trudged itself through the trenches outlining the country, Nagato will be lenient with his time.
"I figure it is not me you want, rather Ame, so speak and I'll humor you."
Closed starter β @kiigan
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a kiss to resolve suppressed romantic/sexual tension . β Obito and Nagato
kiss / @hatredcurse / @exurgedomine
Obito should not feel his skin crawl when Nagato followed behind him en route to his private cavern office in the hideout. The day was way past midnight and they should really be retreating back to their own space and unwind. Settle down with their own paperwork to do β¦ Obito was about to close the door in Nagatoβs face as a joke, but the Uzumaki was relentless, walking in anyway. Β Β β Alright then, β Masked voice remarked while closing the door slowly. β Please, make yourself at home. β Sarcasm was dripping as Obito shook his head.
Nagato stood there rather smug, nose in the sky. His hands come forward, placing palms on Obitoβs shoulders, staring intently.
Somehow, without words, Obito could feel what Nagato wanted from him.
Sure enough, the Nagato's finger tapped twice on the spiral mask that remained on his face. Obito grunted out, Β Β β No. β Β Β and shied away from the closeness between them. However, Obito was caged by the strength of Nagatoβs arms. He could dematerialise right here and walk through the man in his way, but it seemed rather disrespectful to do it to Nagato.
From the moment Obitoβs face was seen sometime ago, Nagato had been nothing but kind and accepting of him. Not just of the irreparable damage on his face, but all the lies that this face has told prior to the reveal. Obito was not Uchiha Madara. His plans may very well not be the βEnd Allβ of the century. But Nagato has not begrudged him.
[ Β not yet, anyway. one day, they will all leave him, by the reveal of history or by the cruel hand of fate. Β ]
Obito huffed with his chest, Β Β β Fine. β Β Β Gloved hands clicked the mask off, phasing the orange into the Kamui dimension. He stared at Nagatoβs nose with furrowed brows, unwilling to meet the Uzumakiβs eyes. Β Β β Happy now? Are we done? β Β Β Words of apparent annoyance.
Nagato smiled gently, feeling triumphant inside, Β Β β More than happy, β Β Β But he did not leave the hold he had on Obito, instead pushing further into the Uchihaβs space by moving hands to the mismatched face. Nagato has never minded how different Obitoβs skin felt under his hands, how one side is soft while the other is stiff and rough like bark. Rather, he was acutely aware that Obito must have gone through some ordeal that left him β¦ left him like this, so defensive of oneβs own countenance, and so angry that Nagato was forcing the issue and looking at it. Β Β β But Iβm not done with you yet. β Β Β The only way to coax Obito was to be gentle and patient. Nagato has gone through a lifetime of pain, and though Obito still hid so much mysteries behind the darkness, Nagato still thought he could understand and resonate with the pain. Even if those things never see the light of day, this was enough between them.
β Like porcelain, so beautiful. β Β Β Nagato caresses Obitoβs face, whether cracked or scarred or smooth. He tries to catch Obitoβs eyes, but the Uchiha refuses to meet him even halfway. So, Nagato tries again. Β Β β Like marble, exquisite and one-of-a-kind. β Β Β At that, Obito exhales the tension between them, looking even more down, but he closes his eyes. His shoulders dropped in dejection.
Nagato deemed that Obito was now softer and more pliant in his hands, so he shifted the Uchihaβs neck easily. Ah, there was no more frown on that face, just a distraught man who refused to believe Nagatoβs words. Β Β β Itβs true. I donβt care what you are, so long as you are mine. β Β Β Nagato dismisses any of Obito's reply, affirmative or rejection, by sealing their lips together.
Obito responds greedily, even though he shouldnβt. But this love? This β¦ belonging? How could an Uchiha reject its own spirit? One day, Nagato will regret loving him.
It is not this day.
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βI miss the days where the Akatsuki wasnβt a name of fear, but of hope.β Konan would admit one day when she visted her old friend. Jasper orbs watched the flower and crafted in hand. βAnd look what we did to itβ¦ all people remember are criminals. Not the selfless souls that were willing to sacrifice their lives to bring peace to this country. How could we do that to them?β How did they lose sight of things so horribly? What would Yahiko think of them? || @musesofchaos
Nagato admits that it's certainly vexing the outcome of the Akatsuki. Caught up in his hubris and duty, everything that the two of them aspired to was tainted by the very thing that inspired them; greed and the twisted morality of war.
"In this new world, there is chance to blossom meaning anew, Konan," he suggested, if not to spur an inkling of that self-same hope back into her.
Mentions of Yahiko made him pause, fingers pressing together at the tips as he thought solemnly to himself.
"The Yahiko we knew would certainly not be happy, however, who is to say that after the decades of work and manipulation we suffered would he have held true to his values as well." The Uzumaki said this as not to doubt him, rather to ponder the point. He considered him and Konan to be wise, careful people who mended under such conditions: would Yahiko the same? It's apt to say maybe he had a fighting chance given that Nagato suffered under the burden of the God's Eye.
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Nagato stares at a body vacant of spirit, of its dignity, thumbs trailing over the curves of its cheekbones, down into the pockets sectioned beneath. Oh, how he has defiled this corpse in the pursuit of the unattainable. The skin without any blood to swell and scar around the entry point of his heavenly rods. Really it's no different with leather with how the exterior felt like paper and it never calloused when in use.
"I apologize," he whispers into those pale orange locks, as he has done an unquantifiable amount of times before," I promised to let you rest, yet I cannot leave you."
The lavender burdens seated in Nagato's skull scanned over this body, almost wishing it could spare a portion of its ability to be selfish one last time in his life and spin a soul into a vessel long abandoned by its owner. A modicum of stupid belief that the body could perform such a miracle on its own, step into the heels of destiny manifested in flesh, and hug those long dead arms around the Uzumaki once more.
To want such a thing is futile in a world bereft of divinity. So, instead Nagato laid to rest the body back on its altar; the only option available for his long passed companion.
"Happy birthday, Yahiko."
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konan hastily approaches God with a humble posture and an intricate package in her hands. she stops and bows respectfully before him and makes her offering; a handmade origami box containing handmade chocolate; both lovingly crafted by none other than herself. " today is the day for gifts of heartfelt nature. i pray that you enjoy it, nagato. " || @karenuhana
Nagato heard quick steps rush down the hall towards him, forcing him to incline his head with urgency. Worry fixed into his brow whenever Konan appeared ( elusive was her expression ) and a box nestled between her palms.
"Thank you, my angel." he says.
He receives the gesture and peels back the lid to see chocolates. His lap the shrine of his temple, he picked up one of the many pieces and inspected it.
"Did you make these?"
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"Love sometimes expresses itself in sacrifice," earnestly whispers Taiyin. || @senjufound
"It does," Nagato agrees with the heiress apparent. "Whether or not someone understands the meaning and weight of the sacrifice, is another conversation."
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The mirror does not lie. Reflected within it is only himself, yet his mind plays tricks and overlays the many others that have suffered under his foul jutsu. His entire life he has always been a mere witness to happenings: witnessing Yahiko's rise to leader, Konan's rise to her own potential, their shared loved, the rise of the Akatsuki-its fall-its rise again. It was difficult to say that any part of Nagato's life did he ever feel like a participant.
Even within his own body, he was a mere spectator, experiencing everything as it were through the flesh of others: God existing in pure form through his own creations all the same.
"Does it?" he looks to her again, seeking refuge in her softened gaze," with disregard to all the obviousβ do you think it possible for me to seek a normal life. Like one we always dreamed of?" A life where the two ( supposedly three ) married off, 'flourished their gardens', and added to their "family". However, such prospect felt lost without Yahiko that Nagato didn't know how to proceed.
It was a silly question. They were in peace, it was all that they ever yearned for and yet the war in Nagato's heart never seem to have ceased. Just what was he clinging to so fervently? He doesn't know.
the hand moving to his hollowed cheek made konan look away as she sunk deep into her memories. it was like everything happened yesterday.
yet another day of hunting for precious treasures that a young orphan could find and call her own. the country was plagued with war; what was a leisure stroll could mean certain death at any second, but the girl was brave, she had to find beautiful things.
and there it was, laying across the swamped road, the most wonderful treasure she has ever found in her life. bright, messy red hair, cold pale skin and so weak from hunger.
nagato. the world's greatest fortunes could never compete with him.
the way he stands now, he does not look too different from his child self, and the affection konan held for him when younger is the same as now, and it will be the same for as long as her heart beats.
...
ah, konan became lost in nostalgia, she just noticed she was staring at an empty space all this time.
" ......i see........if that is really all, then i am glad i could help you. if i can say something else, though......it makes me relieved to be able to look at you, and speak to you as you are now. "
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(2/3) tarot cards I did for the @founders-tarot-zine! Three of pentacles with my three emo kids
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PretentiousΒ & Poetic Sentences, Vol. 5
(PretentiousΒ sentences from various sources for muses that like to speak in grandioseΒ sentences. Adjust phrasing where needed)
"Men of business frequently find their personal lives disrupted by the larger portraits they paint."
"Not everything mad is madness."
"When fruit is rotten, it cannot ripen again."
"I simply can't abide rudeness."
"I am what I am. If there are self-made purgatories, and we all have to live in them, mine can be no worse than someone else's."
"Death is just a change, not an end."
"A man needs something to proceed himself, other than mere rumour."
"It's like I'm having the most beautiful dream and the most terrible nightmare all at once."
"There's nothing more dangerous than a wounded animal."
"There's a strain of cruelty on your shining armour."
"There is no room for gods."
"The human brain can be an unpredictable mystery ride."
"I'm just wondering what it was that took the life out of your face."
"The quieter we become, the more we hear."
"I take my coffee black as midnight on a moonless night."
"You know more than most that we can never escape being animals."
"Is this real, or some strange and twisted dream?"
"Fear of pain is worse than pain ever was."
"Guilt or grief; which one can you bear?"
"Hell is going to follow me wherever I go."
"Sometimes, pain can drive a man harder than pleasure."
"Death is for other people, not for us."
"Replacing the quiet elegance of the dark suit and tie with the casual indifference of these muted earth tones is a form of fashion suicide."
"Wishful thinking is existential dreadβs bastard child."
"Why gamble with money when you can gamble with people's lives?"
"A dream you dream alone is just a dream. A dream you dream together is reality."
"I suspect you're becoming more and more human all the time."
"A god cannot survive as a memory. They need love, admiration, worship."
"Don't search for all the answers at once. A path is formed by laying one stone at a time."
"Only a fool fights in a burning house."
"Perhaps we're dead already, and we just don't realise it."
"We make the bad things that happen to us our fault. It's a way to imagine we have some control, which we don't."
"We all have our darker side. We need it; it's half of what we are."
"Your mind is like a diamond. It's cold, and hard, and brilliant."
"Man stagnates if he has no ambition - no desire to be more than he is."
"I was told that you were here. I should have felt it in the air, like static electricity."
"A man who doesn't love easily, loves too much."
"Trauma is the closest thing we have to time travel. The moment of trama is imprinted on our mind, indelible ink on paper."
"Love sometimes expresses itself in sacrifice."
"When this kind of fire starts, it is very hard to put out."
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