eveiss

[eveiss]

–From a Certain Point of View, ”An Incident Report" by Mallory Ortberg “It must, however, be pointed out that at present the number of planets destroyed solely by the unaided power of the Force is zero.” MOTTI JUST DRAGGED THE FUCK OUT OF VADER I AM FUCKING LIVING

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"we the jury find the defendant not valid”

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Pale people cant wear adidias jackets without looking like they look like they huff gasoline in czechoslovakia

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So when I was 16 I was in a theatre class & I was partnered with this boy for a kissing scene & I didn’t like him at all but I was Totally Straight ™ he just wasn’t my type and I didn’t want my first kiss to be with him and that’s obviously why I literally threw up at the thought of having to kiss him! I mean, who doesn’t throw up at the prospect of their first kiss with a boy! Anyways, my friend (who I def had a crush looking back on it) said she’d teach me how to stage kiss! And for a stage kiss one person cups the other’s face but puts their thumb on the other’s lips and then they “kiss” the thumb. So she cupped my face & put her thumb on my lips & then as she went in for the “kiss”,,,, my knees actually fuckin,,,, buckled underneath me,,,, like just the thought of (stage) kissing this girl caused me to physically become light headed and fall over, but I was def straight! Only into boys obviously! Never would wanna date a girl! And I played it off as having low blood sugar & being stressed but I’m all reality I was just gay & stupid

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Blue: You can kiss a ghost.

Calla: I suppose you’d know.

Blue: I do know. It’s just like kissing a person.

Calla: Now, that’s something you wouldn't know.

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My 4 year old nephew loves to paint his nails. Any time he sees someone wear nail polish he asks if he can have some too. The most difficult part is getting him to decide what color, because he he wants all of them.

Nail polish is for everyone.

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you gave your game to kevin. give your back to me.

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Can I watch a great film knowing the actresses in it were terrorized and mistreated the entire time? Can I watch a football game knowing that the players are getting brain injuries right before my eyes? Can I listen to my favorite albums anymore knowing that the singers were all beating their wives in between studio sessions? Can I eat at the new fancy taco place knowing when the building that used to be there got bulldozed eight families got kicked out of their homes so they could be replaced with condos and a chain restaurant? Can I wear the affordable clothes I bought downtown that were probably assembled in a sweatshop with child labor? Can I eat quinoa? Can I eat this burger? Can I drink this bottled water? Can I buy a car and drive to work because I’m sick of taking an hour each way on the subway? Whose bones do I stand on? Whose bones am I standing on right now? 

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so i’ve installed this mod “skyrim is windy” which makes the foliage wiggle in the breeze more. but then i didn’t play the game because sometimes i just install a bunch of mods and move on to something else without trying them out. anyways. so then i went out to buy some food and i saw the wind playing with the tree branches and i legit thought “oh so the mod is working nicely” i made a few more steps before i realized…… yea scoob this is real life

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So, when I was doing my thesis on whether or not fanfiction should be considered a legitimate genre of literature, my advising professor asked me for examples.  I gave him the generic ones, of course - “Pride & Prejudice and Zombies” is a horror fanfic of “Pride & Prejudice”, “50 Shades of Grey” is an erotica fic of “Twilight" - and that seemed to make him understand what fanfiction is, but not how it’s useful.  So I thought about it, and, after about a minute, I said, “Paradise Lost is basically a fanfiction of the Book of Genesis.  And The Divine Comedy is an epic self-insertion fic for Catholic doctrine.  So, basically, you were teaching us fanfiction last semester.”  I had never before seen a grown man’s eyes widen with such fear, incomprehension, disgust, awe, and understanding.

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CAUSE I SERIOUSLY NEEDED SOMETHING LIKE THIS WHEN I WAS YOUNGER. I HOPE THIS HELPS YOU GUYS. Don’t forget that drinking plenty of water and tea, eating a healthy diet and daily exercise will make a HUGE difference with your complexion.  Touching your face frequently is also a big no-no.  Everyone’s skin is different, so experiment with your own treatment routines and find what best suits you!!  I think this is a topic that’s almost taboo to talk about, but everyone has it, so we might as well help each other out with what we’ve found successful, right!?

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me: hi how are y

cumstomer:

‪I‬ WOULD LIKE TO MAKE A RETURN

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someone once messaged me to let me know that Hannibal and Will’s age gap was problematic and I was just sitting there like…. Really…. that’s your first and most pressing issue with Hannigram, Really

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“You’re a little scary sometimes, you know that? Brilliant. But scary”