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GIRL you are GLOWING! GIRL you are RADIOACTIVE! GIRL it's FATAL!

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how I sleep at night knowing my daughter is in a prison of my own design because I turned her into a murderer, my son is abandoned on a notorious garbage realm, and my other son is having an identity crisis because they are from a race I taught them from a young age to hate:

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“I Was Looking For Work Boots. I’m Not In The Line Of Work That Amazon Thinks I Am! “

(Source: Bored Panda)

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yesterday for April Fool’s my workplace had a short training article on recognizing computer-generated faces from real ones and one of the tricks mentioned was “count the teeth” and I just wanted to say that it’s both ironic and kind of horrifying how society has unwittingly cycled right back to IF YE MEET A MAN ON THE ROAD, COUNT HIS FINGERS LEST YE DEAL UNKNOWING WITH A FAE 

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A helpful guide to some common birds here in the western US

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I never understood why "Sucks dick" means "Thing nobody likes" should be the polar opposite "This meal is so good, it sucks dick!" You know? OH SHIT

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i think im gonna start carrying around a note in my pocket at all times like “IF I DIE IT IS NOT AN ACCIDENT INVESTIGATE IT” just to waste people’s time after i’m dead too

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What the sneef? I'm snorfin' here!

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Girls will be like "awww my skrunkly, my blorbo, my little meow meow" and then draw that poor guy in a reenactment of a biblical scene

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Wait for it…

Wait for it…

Wait for it…

Missed it by………..ONE POINT FOUR PERCENT (1.4%)

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