elihslife

[elihslife]

Hello Mr Fox

Today as I was eating breakfast with my partner and mom, I noticed, what I assumed was a baby fawn. Just kidding. It's a FOX!

Such a freaking cutie! Right now my partner is working on some work training, but also applying to jobs and looking at houses on the east coast. My mother has convinced him I think.

How funny!

But I don't know if I do want to move back. I'm enjoying the time spent with my partners family. I also enjoy the luxury of having an HEB and other things I've grown accustomed to.

I do love the architect of the homes from the east coast, but the pricing is crazy and the weather can be rough. But again. Being away from things I've grown to like and love, along with seeing how close my partner and his family is. I wouldn't want to pull all of that away from him.

So who knows. But I don't think we are going to be buying the house we're renting from his friends. They want way too much and it's just not feasible.

[elihslife]

Hello NJ

Came to NJ for maybe a week or two as my mom recently got hurt and decided to come see her and make sure all is well.

My partner decided to come with me, which honestly has been really nice. Showing them around where I grew up and such has been honestly really refreshing and amazing.

Right now my mom is talking my partners ear off. Legit he cannot get a word in. My mom is just going and going and going talking about all sorts of things. Right now I can hear her talking about my dad and how she supported him and such. At first, hearing all this -- I'm a bit embarrassed and I can feel my face getting warm. But then I'm like what do I have to hide? Nothing.

Her perspective of life isn't invalidating and I shouldn't be embarrassed or feel ill or odd. So yeah.

Aside from that. I'm tired. Sleepy.

NJ is an hour ahead and waking up what looks to be 7am here, it's 6am back home. What I'm use to.

So. I'm tired.

I want to sleep or take a 5hr drink.

My mom is off today and I legit feel like she's going to be talking nonstop with my partner. He too looks like he's ready for a nap. Lol

Anyways. Work time.

[elihslife]

Just another day...

Surrounded by dogs all around me, I figured I'd do some writing.

My one dog attacked my other recently and cut off a part of the ones ear off. That was fun.

Lately my stomach feels off and yucky. I'm not liking it.

Im feeling good about life, just wanting to do more per usual.

Find something that's for me. Or a hobby?

I did get a gaming console recently with le boyfriend & we've been playing on that for almost everyday. It's been fun.

Spending time with them and just gaming together. It's fun and cute.

Today I did treat myself to some new undies and socks.

Aside from that. Not much else going on.

Hanging out with friends. Had a mini hangout yesterday with two friends. Got some Asian food and that was quite delicious.

[elihslife]

I think Im more than Jealous....

Gah. At first. When my ex texted, I wasn't really expecting much. But then I saw something about closing on a house and needing to sign over my rights.

Which at first, as I said. Super extremely happy and excited for 'em.

Now?

I can find myself wondering too much about things.

Then to learn the person they cheated with, is working at my previous org. So it kind of feels like I walked away and someone else walked into my exact life, just it worked out better for them, than me.

I know that everyone works in different ways and such, which to me is sort of why I embrace the idea of poly lifestyles and such. I wasn't their yum. Or something that worked for them. Or vice versa.

There isn't any shame in any of this.

Just kinda bummed about it.

Wondering about their new home.

Their travels.

Ugh. I need to stop. Not healthy.

Again. I am happy for them.

Just jealous.

[elihslife]

&& Today I feel Off

The last few days Ive been feeling kind of weird and eh...

Apart of me wonders if its because I haven't taken my pills consistently or even doing my shot on time.

I have 3 interviews with Mesa Airlines for a flight attendant position out in Arizona. Not where I want to be. But the idea of traveling. This could be my in. But Im now moving in with Sancho. So I wonder where this puts me.

I also feel just all of the place with taxes here and running out of money. I need to find another job I think. This one just doesn't pay what I need it to be. I was reading a forum online yesterday about people making 50k and living paycheck to paycheck and Im here making far less than that.

So Im just feeling really anxious is all.

[elihslife]

Things Are Going Well

But I am lacking in taking my pills on time or even remembering to take them at all for a few days...

Aside from that things are alright. I do feel a bit scattered brained.

I also feel like its going to be a doozy getting some documents in to supply to the advisor as moving has been all over the place.

Being around so many dogs has been exciting and also a lot, a lot of work. I know my mom would have some sort of problem with not just the amount of dogs, but type of dogs they all are.

Again, aside from all of that too... not a whole too lot going on. Went out of state to a friends, brothers wedding. Though it was fun, I'm not sure what Id rate the whole wedding itself. I also felt very out of place being dressed in a suit that didn't really fit me at all, but my partner so kindly offered me to wear it for the weekend. Super kind of him!

That same friend I went out of town with is the one coming over this afternoon. Usually he brings his dog over and often spends the night, but I dont think thatll be happening with all the dogs we've got already.

Next week we're off to a camping trip and honestly that has be scattered too.

Things be good, like I said.

But just a tad scattered is all.

[elihslife]

Im annoyed, Im anxious

Aside from this big lug trying to attack my other big fluff and trying to pry them apart with a vacuum, Im anxious about this coming weekend....

Attending a friends family wedding with them in another state for the entire weekend. With their family. Who Ive never met. They all assume we're dating, which is cute. But that doesn't mean Im not anxious about what to wear and spending the entire weekend with a friend and their family.

Ive also noticed Ive been drinking again a bit too much. I thought... maybe I could have some and enjoy with my partner. Sancho. Remember?

But one turned to two.

Then four.

Then a six pack.

Eh let's go 12, maybe 18 pack.

Itll be fine.

Tonight Im suppose to be going to a friends place who I know has a ton of drinks to share. I also am going with another friend who I know is also an alcoholic. So to me, my math odds are against me.

But we'll see.

I'm sure it'll be fine. But still. Annoying.

I also really, really, really need to get to a gym! Ugh.

I'm so out of shape.

My bones in my hands feel brittle. I felt better when I was actively going to the gym.

Who woulda thought Id say that?

[elihslife]

[Period]

Things be going well. Feeling good, having a nice joyful time out of life. It feels good.

Im in love with Sanchos dogs. They're all quite cute and have such a big personality. Each and every one of the 4, that is. Its wild to me that I once was terrified of such animals. Sometimes, I still am. I'll freeze when they get too rough with each other. At a dog park or something. But overall, love 'em!

Works alright. Apparently we be getting raises soon, yet still no word what that looks like.

Im tired but have been trying to catch up on sleeping with lots of naps. Last night Sancho and I went out to eat and then came home and knocked out by 10.

It was nice, but I need more. So much more!

zZzzzzzZZzzZzzZZzzZZzzZzzzzzzzZZZ

Anyways. Thats all for now. Sleepiness is overtaken me.

[elihslife]

I cant decide...

These beignets were quite delicious! Coffee? Eh, not so good.

But even so, I'd go back again.

I'm still here @ Sanchos' place.

I'm tired and sleepy as we went to bed late then I woke up twice throughout the night, each time up for some time.

Ugh.

6 dogs. Insane.

Two-three pee incidents.

A poop situation yesterday.

It's a lot.

But also, still a good time.

I think during my lunch I will take a nap.

After work I'll maybe head home with le pups, so they get out and away from the dogs for a bit. Everyone can ease up and relax.

-------------------[ ]-------------------

I really, really wan to nap.

But I also want to write. I just don't have much to say as I thought I did. Updates are as such;

Spent Vday stuffing our faces in papusas

Been @ Sanchos place for quite some time

Gained weight & need to head to the gym

Prepare for our upcoming cruise

[elihslife]

We're going in torpedo speed y'all!

Things have been wild, wild, WILD!

Legit 1 month of connecting with le Sancho. Its been great. Refreshing. Sweet. Kind. Loving. All the things you'd crave in a healthy relationship.

But its also the beginning, right? Honeymoon stage.

But even so. With all of that.... we've already been discussing me moving in. Again, WILD!

I'd like to. Let's be real. The idea of someone so comforting and such. Its intoxicating. Something everyone craves. But also in the moment, you are caught up in all these feelings and emotions.

But then. You ponder it more and more. Does it make sense?

Who knows.

Anxious and scared. Worried and excited.

I guess we shall see how life plays out.

But we are still just trying to move with the flow of things.

[elihslife]

2 Cruises & Then Some

The other day Sancho and I booked not one, but two cruises!!! One coming later this year going to Mexico and one, legit a year away to Haiti and Dominican Republic from Florida!

Infuckingsane!!!

I'm just flabbergasted.

I'm excited, but just shook.

I'm having such a great time with this guy, but I'm also worried.

Worried about spendings and just falling into something quickly and the expectations of dating someone who isn't poly and what that means.

I know it means it doesnt change who I am. But at the same time. It is different.

On another note, my friend and his friend are also coming to our Mexico cruise! I'm excited for that, but also a bit worried about all the drinking that may go on. I want to have fun, but I don't want to not remember it all and such.

I did slip again. Had 2 beers yesterday with said friend. We went exploring again the downtown scene and ran some errands. Ended our adventure at a brewery where we ordered pizza delivered to our spot. It was such a nice day out.

I'm a bit bummed again, drinking.

But I only had 2.

Though I wanted another. I didn't.

Though I wanted to buy a pack when I got home to drink with Sancho. I didn't.

So thats a bit progress there.

Even so.

Things feel good for the most part, but financially speaking. No.

I need a raise. Or a better job.

Especially if I plan to travel more, go on more adventures, etc.

Sancho and I were looking at trips this weekend. Nola. New Mexico. Big Bend. But all are expensive with gas being high again. Almost $3. Ugh!

Where to go that's free or hella cheap?

It's also wild to be around so many dogs. 6 exactly. His 4, my 2. Just wild. But I'm proud of my dogs being around so many in a not so big space. It's been fun. They're all having such a great time too.

I feel lost again.

A bit overwhelmed.

A lot going on around me.

Time feels off.

Fast.

[elihslife]

Hello Sancho

Things are going well with Sancho.

Right now I am watching 90 Day Fiance and working on my defensive driving course as Im trying to dismiss a dumb ticket.

Ugh.

Annoying.

I'm really spending more and more time with Sancho and I'm liking him more and more.

We click really well.

And let's be real. The sex. Fantastic.

But man. This guy has 4 dogs.

I have 2.

That's 6 dogs total. Wild!

And we enjoy going on adventures and such?

Just makes me wonder.

I also wonder about how well we would work if things were to get serious with us. But I don't know why I'm thinking about that.

That's a long, long, loooooooooong ways to go.

So shouldn't rush things.

He got me my favorite croissants last night and oof. I am going to go heat it up and snack on that now.

Tata.

[elihslife]

Life Update

Hmmm... I feel a bit. Tangled.

I've been spending a lot of time with Sancho.

Which is nice. I like it. I like him. But I feel like I'm getting caught up too quickly in our hang outs that I and slacking on other things around my life.

It's nice that tonight we are spending time apart. I took a much needed nap after work. Then went to the pharmacy to pickup my medications and tools for my testosterone shot.

Came home and did it.

I've got a jam packed weekend ahead of me.

Tomorrow hanging out with a friend who lives in the Memorial area.

Saturday, work, then a date with a guy (no nickname, yet).

Sunday I might see Sancho. Or I might hang out with another friend or just take the day to be with me.

Monday, another date with another guy (also no nickname).

I also broke my 79 days of sobriety. At first it was okay. Sancho and I went on a trip to Austin, which was a lot of fun. Showing him my old spots and such.

Some of which were bars or breweries.

But then I got home and started buying beers again. Drinking a 6 pack every night. Or almost.

So. Here we are.

Almost 1 day into sobriety again.

Which is okay. Things happen.

I noticed what was going to happen and I'm stopping it.

One step at a time. Right?

Yeah.

Anyways. Ugh. I have a ticket I need to figure out what to do about. I also have a Jury Summons. Grr.

I am struggling a little with bills as I've been going out on adventures more recently vs being home more often. So. I need to really buckle down and start applying to new jobs. I don't see us getting any substantial raise that would equate a livable wage for 1 without support of another income coming into the home. Which I'm not looking for.

I like how easy my job is, but ugh. It's not what I use to make. No where near. And no matter what small things I try to cut, its not enough for some bigger bills I got.

Welp. Anyways. Thats my life update.

Tata.

[elihslife]

Im obsessed

These croissants are obsessive!

[elihslife]

79 Days later...

Been sober for 79 days and then had some drinks. I'm not ashamed. A little sad, but overall. I am okay.

Right now I'm so sleepy.

I met this guy. We'll call him Karvaton.

He's cute. Sweet. A little pressing I think. But overall, well rounded guy from what little I know of him and can tell.

We've spent almost everyday together since last week. Cuddling. Kissing. Lots and lots of sex. I'm shook.

We then went off to Austin to explore and venture around. Took him to some of my old spots, including my old Skeeball hangout.

Went to Queer Theory in Austin and had such an amazing time.

We talked about going to NM tonight/tomorrow. But I think I'm a bit pooped and also hella, hella broke.

Waiting for my friend to come over and do their laundry/hang out for a bit.

Then might venture into downtown and see another friend there. Maybe.

Like I said, pooped.

[elihslife]

It is what it is...

Yesterday I went to go see an former best friend... I thought I would be a lot more anxious and such, but I wasn't.

I was firm with what I said and what I believe in.

Old me would have just let things slide. Accept the unapologetic apology I didn't receive and accept that I have a friend again by my side. But I didn't do that. I listened. I expressed my concerns and feelings. And I'm moving on.

I don't want to be around people that lie or cheat or cause issues. Not anymore. I want to live the best authentic life as I can. With people who are doing the same.

It's sad. But it is what it is, right?

I miss our hang outs and the things we did. But I want and need more out of life and connections with people.

[elihslife]

Happy New Year

This time last year I went on the craziest adventure of my life....

Met this guy on an app and hit it off that we ended up driving 14+ hours to another state on a crazy roadtrip that very day we met with his puppy. It was wild, but so liberating.

I sit here and wonder what 2024 will bring us?

The chapter with Cute Boy is over.

Moving on.

I also need to talk to Surfer Boy and let him know what's up and how I'm feeling and been thinking about us.

Aside from that, not much else is new or going on.

The New Year is here and I am shooked.

But so far, it feels good.

Lighter in a way?

I keep thinking about how one day I want to really try and write a book or even make a film? Short film of course. Nothing crazy.

I need to get back into editing and playing with Premiere.

& Thats what I've got.

My thoughts.

Again, Happy New Year!