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#Domagick Day 19- Beginner's Mind Challenge- Recapitulation and Fire

Parts of me felt shredded after yesterday’s session. Fire was just the right energy, to cauterize whatever I had torn into. Today, I had a good opportunity, to make a small fire at home. I’m still having a lot of flashbacks. Listening to music is helping me with that. Music is medicine to me. It can take me back to places, and times where I used to be. I can feel myself traveling on the sound waves. I’ve been to a lot of concerts over the years. I’ve seen probably well over 100 acts. It’s fun to time travel on the sound waves but….. It absolutely comes at a price. I can go back in a blink of an eye with the tunes. But right now, I’m not sure that I want to. I didn’t realize how much anger, I still have towards some things. Granted, in those situations my anger is absolutely justified. I wondered what would occur now, if the same things were to happen. I don’t want to make myself toxic in this process, but I definitely have to face some things that are being dredged up.  My ex, who was my dearest best friend, turned raging alcoholic over a number of years. Abusive, narcissistic drunk. Granted he’s sober, nowadays. He even got to the stage in AA, where he asked me to forgive him. I think, I’ve gotten to the point where I forgave him but I’ll never forget. How could I? There I am, back at my old house again. I don’t want to be there. I never want to go there again. I can’t let this garbage be stuffed down. I think many people walk around with their baggage stuffed deep down inside of themselves. I’ve seen it make people miserable. I thought that I was past all of this. I can still smell the air and feel the anger. The attachment is still there. It’s got to go. I read that the Toltec Warriors would often try to experience their emotions as deeply as possible, and then detach from them completely. I wonder if I’m even capable of this? It seems to go against my natural way. I often invest way too much of myself.  It’s something that I actively work on, in an effort to remain as balanced as possible. Since the morning, I had been flashing back to memories from inside my old house. I had been doing my work while listening to a certain playlist. It had songs on it, that I listened to frequently, while I lived there. I hadn’t even gotten into the recapitulation, and was dealing with these inky bits, and pieces of myself in these unwanted moments When I got into the session, I felt the swirling electric energy surround me. It was similar to when we do remolinos in Palo Mayombe. It’s a type of fire cleansing that becomes like a tornado around the person. I could see the sigils burning within the fire, and the energy enveloped my entire body. It was cleansing and purifying, yet now my body feels seared. It’s not quite as bloody, as it was when I began. I tranced out into the fire for a long time. Then, I began to channeling reiki into the fire, while recapitulating. I worked with all the Usui symbols, and some of Karuna symbols. That was very effective in clearing out a lot of residual  gunky energy. I still have things to work on regarding that past relationship but I’m getting through it. I definitely want do some more fire recapitulation before the end of the challenge. I really like combining the recapitulation, fire and Reiki together. Soon, I need to go to my Boveda, because my spirits are really pushing me. I’m going to try to push myself to go there tomorrow.

#domagick

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#Domagick Day 18 Beginner's Mind Challenge- Recapitulation

I was planning to do recapitulation with fire today, but things did not go according to plan. Do they ever? Last night was difficult. I’ve been having a lot of flashbacks, since starting this challenge. One of the reasons, I gravitate towards recapitulation is because I have a lot of lost memory, and missing time.

I can trace the loss back, to when I died in the mid-2000s. I am fairly aware of what happened, to a point at least. What I have gathered has come from divination, and journey work. I’m still missing a lot of details. It took me a number of years to figure things out. I think that I’m finally at a place now, where I at least have an understanding of what happened. I’m just trying to put the rest of the pieces back together.

Since beginning this challenge, I’ve had flashbacks. These are memories which I have not been able to access for over 10 years. I’m also having new memories, which are uncomfortable, to say the least. I’m also having a lot of dreams regarding the past life issue, which I spoke about earlier in the challenge.

I can’t get it out of my mind.  I’ve let go, I walked away, I tried to forget, but yet it’s still there in my face. I ask myself…Am I doing something wrong? Is this my fault? Is it me, not letting the situation go? I’m just not sure. For whatever reason, I can at least come to the conclusion, that there is some unfinished business. (Time to seek out more in-depth divination)

I don’t want to be disrespectful to the spirits, nor the soul involved in that. I’m terrifically curious by nature, and I want to understand why the attachment is so strong. I sit here, and I ask myself what I can do to make peace with it, so to speak? I don’t want to repeat the same mistakes, and have to come back here again. Relive this bullshit war. At least that’s what this whole thing feels like.

Usually, when I have a problem with a spirit, I just walk downstairs, and let my Kimpungulu take care of it. This is different. It’s complicated, and I don’t want to fight with it.  It’s definitely, not a typical run-of-the-mill spirit problem. Obviously, the soul is important to the Orisha.

While the Kimpungulu have basically zero rules, which can be a lot of fun at times, the Orisha are a different story. The only reason why I’m still incarnate in this body is because of them.  I have to respect whatever destiny they have for that soul, so that I can complete mine. Obviously there’s a lot more to the story.

Here’s the thing though, I thought, I left the situation in peace, but it’s like that soul doesn’t want peace. It’s very angry with me, and there’s no way it’s going to relinquish my energy pieces. They would rather destroy me, than give me back my pieces. I feel like the only reason why it’s so connected, is that it wants revenge.

While typically, I would never put up with this kind of BS, this time it’s different. I only feel love, and compassion towards that soul. I just want to heal whatever this is, and have them float on, and be happy. They must have been very special to me.

Today, when I did the recapitulation I worked with Karuna Reiki instead of fire. That’s what today called for. Before the recapitulation, I meditated for at least 20 minutes sending Karuna Reiki to the past life situation. I also sent Reiki to myself which was greatly appreciated.

The past life situation was not easy at all. The Reiki pushed back really hard. I worked with Harth to heal the situation, and to clear the anger. Let’s just say the situation was not accepting of my peace offering. At least that was my impression. I know that I need to go sit with my Boveda, and seek guidance. It’s the only way I’m going to fix this, and by doing so hopefully fix myself.

I did about 20 minutes of recapitulation, where I worked on integrating the new energy pieces. I also worked on healing my reaction to the recovered memories. It helped a lot. I feel a lot more balanced and my energy is lighter. I went out to the store today and things were more “normal”. I amped up my protection before I went out this time. I also added a few new exercises to strengthen my shielding. I will probably either work with fire tomorrow or the ancestors. If, I can get myself in the right frame of mind to do that....

#domagick