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Boy has it been awhile since I've been on here and maybe it should of stayed that way.
Seeing some of the things I posted are making me cringe. Maybe I should delete them. But at the same time I'm like no leave it so I can reflect on them and see my growth.
A little over a year ago I moved with my husband a thousand miles away from home. Saying goodbye to our friends and family and beginning our new life as a family of three since baby girl was on her way. Was it scary? Yes. Did I get homesick? Definitely but it was the best thing we ever did. Now did things go smoothly or as planned? Absolutely not. You see my husband and I have been dating for seven years now and in those seven years we've gone through what feels like hell but every time we have we've always made it back. Yes with wounds that are still healing and scars that will never leave but also with love and care. Treating those wounds and making sure they heal properly while looking back at our mistakes and not only learning from them but also forgiving and trying to move forward. Do I like the up bringing of our relationship? Absolutely not! Believe me if I could go back in time and undo all bad I would do so in a heartbeat and I know he would to. With that said I'm proud of us and our growth as people, as partners and most of all as parents.
What I've learned in this journey is every relationship has its up and downs but how you approach and fix them together determines whether or not it will succeed. Now some peoples relationship may be smoother and easier than others but just because theirs may be that way doesn't mean yours is gonna fail or yours is wrong. Just remember every relationship is different and that is okay.
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I’m sitting in my closet trying not to lose my mind yet again but the more I try the more I lose.
Am I stupid for wanting a happily ever after? Am I stupid for wanting unconditional love from someone? Am I stupid for wanting someone to be loyal? I must be because none of those things exist. He’s shown me that time and time again. And time and time again I stay and now I can’t go I’ve gone to far. I have a child with this man who can’t stay true to me. He says he stoped that he isn’t doing anything but I can’t help but feel that we’ll be here yet again in the future. What’s the saying “hurt me once shame on you, hurt me twice shame on me”? Maybe this is what I deserve
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I wish social media didn’t exist better yet I wish the internet didn’t. I know it’s helped a lot of people in so many ways but it also allows people to do ugly things like cheat!!
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How fucked up do two people who love each other have to be to not be able to love each other? Who clearly want to so badly be in each other’s life but all they seem to do is hurt one other without wanting to?
I wonder have you found this page of mine. Maybe I’m just hoping that you will because I can’t say these things to you anymore but here I can... I miss you!! I miss you so much that it’s unbearable. That i can’t even bring myself to talk about you without me feeling like I’m being stabbed by a thousand swords straight to my heart. I’ve gone through what feels like hell and came back but this! This is something I was not ready or prepared for. I feel so empty. It doesn’t help that my phone likes to make albums of moments I’d spent with you. But I can’t bring myself to delete them. Foolish of me I know but for some stupid reason I’m hoping oh how I hope that I’m just gonna wake up one day and all of this was just a really bad dream. So I hold onto those thousands of pictures and videos of us being young and dumb because you might have said goodbye but I don’t think I’m ready yet. Truth be told I don’t think I’ll ever be. I’m sorry I couldn’t do enough!! I’m sorry I couldn’t be there when you needed me! I’m sorry for hurting you! Oh how I wish I could go back on time and do it all over.
I love you so much my dear but I know I have to let you go for you are happier without me and that’s all I want for you. So I’ll say goodbye in hopes that one we may say hello.
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I dont know what normal feels like anymore by Me
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“This journey is ongoing. It is a one-day, one-moment-at-a-time type of journey. Urges come, but with time they become fewer and farther between. The moments when I did give in do not define my progress. Your moments of giving in do not define your progress. When a child has mastered the art of walking, they aren’t expected to never fall again. They fall less and less, but they are never guaranteed a life free from falling. They are, however, guaranteed progress. Each time we fall, we pick ourselves up, exactly where we left off. We pause to allow ourselves time to rest and recover, and then we keep moving forward.” – Audrey Beaudoin
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