easilyabandonedgirl

[easilyabandonedgirl]

Waiting to be releaseed...

To be let go from my mortal form...

[easilyabandonedgirl]

People talk about all kinds of pain.

Physical, mental, emotional, verbal.

Nothing hurts more than saying I love you...

And being ignored....

[easilyabandonedgirl]

I was going through my phone, putting some things together and looking into the happiness behind each photo and I found this.

It made me smile, but also made me incredibly sad.

I'd lived in my new place all of 2 months. Roy was still living with me for the time being. I'll never forget him coming in from work to find me on the floor.

I was sitting there with my legs crossed, open tucked behind my ear, post its scattered all over in front of me with like 3 on the wall.

He says, " hey girly, what are you doing?"

I told him I was going to ask Cole to keep a set of keys to my new home.

Roy ran over excited and sat next to me on the floor. "No fucking way dude. That's rad. He better say yes."

And of course I started to panic "omg. You're right. I didnt even think about that. Omg. What if he says no? What if he thinks I'm a fucking psycho? What if he just doesnt say anything? And then just turns around and leaves? What if he abandons me?" And Roy cut me off at the knees.

"Omg," as he pats my head "that's so not where I was going with that." He nervously laughs because now he can see I'm freaking the fuck out.

I start to ramble "what if... what if.. what if... what if this is too much? What if he thinks I'm an idiot? What if hes like 'this bitch is a fucking weirdo!' and then he just never comes back?"

Roy laughed a little harder, "B. This is who you are. You're such a die hard romantic. Big grand gestures of love are what you do best." He leans over toward me and bumps his shoulder against mine. "Let me help you up B."

He stood up and held out his hand to pick me up. I grabbed his hand and got up, he says, "so how long have you been working on this?"

"Like which part?"

"All of it?"

"Oh, well it took me like less than 5 mins to write all the post its, finding things I love about him was super easy. Sssuuupppeeerrr eeeaaasssyyy. But trying to decide which order they go it, how many is enough but not too many, should I do a heart or square or spell his name? That's taken me like the last 4 hours."

"Fucking B. I swear." And he laughed.

Roy grabbed my hand, pulled me in tight to hug me, kissed the top of my head. He looked me dead in the eye and said, "if he says no, hes a fucking idiot. I have a feeling hes not an idiot, so he's going to say yes. You're different B. You've always been different."

"Yes, I'm aware I'm a fucking weirdo. Was this unknown before? Is this new news? Does he not know? He knows right? Like do you think he doesnt know I'm a freaking weirdo?"

He just shook his head in laughter.

And nearly as quickly as he came through the door, he showered and went back out it. Hugging me, kissing my forehead and screaming, "good luck, text me how it goes, text me if I shouldnt come back tonight cuz I'll stay with christina" on his way out.

It all worked out.

Now I have found the most amazing Daddy in the universe in Cole. I will love him, appreciate him and cherish him always. He will always be my everything. He deserves big grand romantic gestures and all the love I can possibly manage to give forever.

This moment brought us so many beautiful moments thereafter. My Daddy and I. 🖤

[easilyabandonedgirl]

Dreams

They most often turn to nightmares.

No matter how sweet or glorious, how soft and loving, the tenderness is most often, nearly always, putrefied by the obligatory mindset of horror.

And even if the horror itself does not deem the right to each dream, the sequence of reality makes it so.

[easilyabandonedgirl]

I dream about our spot and it makes me happy and sad.

It makes me happy because I think of all the countless smiles and laughs we shared there. I'm reminded of all the feelings of love and joy and happiness beyond just the feelings of pleasure and ecstasy. I think about these moments so often. A place that means so little to so many, but was nearly everything to me for so long.

It makes me sad because I think of how far away you are now. How that spot still exists but youre not here to give it the meaning it once had. It brings me a single solitary smile for a brief moment before the tears begin. Before missing you because so overwhelming that my brain knows no other way to react.

Seemingly inconspicuous to those around us, but heavy and requited love flowed so freely in these lapses of time. So much so, that there were days where 30 or 40 minutes felt like an eternity. Being present in all that I could do and living in admiration of you.

Still living in admiration of you, just missing you even more so.

[easilyabandonedgirl]

[easilyabandonedgirl]

And you wake up from a nap only to have soft tears roll silently down your face without warning...

You fight the heavy pain developing in your chest...

Try to slow the heart that begins to race, pounding harder than ever...

Begging your lungs to expand and draw in the air you so desperately need to calm down...

But the anxiety wins, because it always wins...

Every single time...

[easilyabandonedgirl]

My ex husband messaged me and told me "this is you lol"

So I watched it. Told him it was totally me, he was right.

But what I didn't bother tell him was that it's actually me and Daddy.

From beginning to end it was me and my Daddy.

[easilyabandonedgirl]

Biggest turn on ever

Affection.

Hands down. Without a doubt.

Nothing in the whole world is more of turn on than someone being affectionate with me.

I die every single time.

Their hand rubbing my thigh while I sit next to them OR soft kisses all over my hands, arms, shoulder, neck OR rubbing my head OR whispering cute stuff in my ear OR long, strong hugs OR playing with my hair OR begging me to sit in their lap

Just ugh.

I melt into a puddle of goo always.

[easilyabandonedgirl]

... I miss my Daddy ...

[easilyabandonedgirl]

Sex Q&A

1: When did you lose your virginity? The night before my 16th birthday.

2: Rough sex or soft sex? I am always more comfortable asking for rough sex, but secretly, I always crave soft sex.

3: Do you have any unusual kind or fetishes? I enjoy having my eyeballs licked. Is that weird enough?

4: Weirdest place you've had sex? What constitutes a weird place... like I've had sex in a parking lot like a hundred times so I dont think it's weird at all. Also, cemeteries are absolutely amazing for fornicating. Are those weird?

5: Favorite sex position: idk wtf it's called but I refer to it as "that one thing I learned from watching too much porn."

6: Have you ever had any one night stands? Nope, dont really plan on it. People are gross.

7: Do you prefer to be dominant or submissive? Depends on the other person mostly. I'm a switch so I can do either or, but it really depends on how they make me feel. Like do I feel like I'm running the show or am I being put in my place?

8: Sex on the bed, couch or floor? Oof. I'm too old to be getting up off the floor. Lmfao. Bed sex is nice if you've already showered and you're planning to knock out right after. But couch sex gives you the ability to move around.

9: Have you ever had sex in a public place? Lots of public places. So many public places.

10: Have you ever been caught masturbating? Oh hell yeah. Not by my parents, but definitely by a significant other more than once.

11: what does your favorite sexy outfit look like? Its black, its lace, makes my ass look great.

12: How often do you have sex? Worst. Question. Ever. I've had sex 1 since mid April. Once. I want to die.

13: Is there anybody right now you'd like to have sex with? There sure fucking is.

14: Most embarrassing thing that's ever happened to you during sex? Um, I accidentally stepped on his balls too hard once in stilettos, ruptured his sack, his testicle was like partially falling out. Long story short, the ER was not in the plans but it's where we spent the night.

15: Do you prefer giving or receiving oral sex? Can this answer be both... like I absolutely fucking love sucking his hard cock but when he does that thing with his tongue and those lips and just ugh. I'm going to say I like giving more because I feel better making him feel good.

16: Are you into dressing up for sex? If that's what he wants, or if I'm rreeaalllyyy feeling in the mood for dressing up. Otherwise I'm a long sleeve tshirt and booty shorts kind of girl.

17: Sex in a bathtub or shower? Definitely shower. I'm fat af and dont fit in a bathtub like that. Maybe a jacuzzi tub made for shamu might work.

18: If you could have sex with anyone in the world right, anyone at all, who would it be? Daddy. No second thoughts or doubts.

19: Have you ever had a threesome? Yes, quite a few.

20: Do you/would you use sex toys? Abso-fucking-lutely. If you arent using sex toys, especially in partner play, you're missing the fuck out.

21: Would you have sex with your best friend? No way. That would be so weird. Ew.

22: Do you have any after sex habits, like smoking or drinking? Not really, when I smoked heavily, I did smoke after sex. Mostly naps, if it was any good.

23: Something that will never fail to get you horny? Neck kisses. That's my biggest fucking weakness. No matter what, every single time without fail. But not those soft little pecks, like those mouth-partially-open-tongue-against-my-skin-lips-closing-soft-sucking-making-out-with-my-jugular type of kisses. Ugh.

24: Early morning sex or late night sex? Both. I'm a firm believer that you xant have a bad day if you start with an orgasm and end with an orgasm.

25: Favorite body part on the opposite sex? Eyes. They tell you everything you could ever need to know about someone.

26: Favorite body part on the same sex: Eyes. That doesnt change.

27: Do you like it when your partner moans? FUCK YES! Let me say that again, FUCK YES! Men, if you arent moaning, start.

28: Best sexual compliment you ever got? Long story short, he bitched for an hour about how I was "too tight" and when his uber came, he kissed me and said "thanks for putting my dick in a vise"

29: Do you find tattoos or piercings sexually arousing? I'm going to say no to this, only because I dont necessarily think it makes me more sexually attracted to someone. And hand/face/neck tattoos are actually a turn off.

30: Do you watch porn? All the time. If you say you dont, you're lying. And if you really dont, you're boring.

31: Do you feel comfortable going commando? I literally never wear underwear. I only wear them for the intend purpose of having them taken off.

32: If you could give yourself head, would you? Who fucking wouldnt, like seriously.

33: If you were the opposite sex for a day, what are 5 things you would do? 1. Masturbate using hand 2. Masturbate using fleshlight 3. Get head from a thicc chick until I nut 4. Fuck a thicc chick with a condom 5. Fuck a thicc chick without a condom

34: Have you ever watched someone masturbate? Yes. Lots of times. That's hot af.

35: How often do you masturbate? Usually just twice. Once in the morning and once in the evening, but theres usually 5 or 6 orgasms during each sessions. So call it 2, call it 12. Idc. Lol.

36: Do you prefer circumcised or uncircumcised men? Circumcised, but only because a circumcised penis is just more attractive visually.

37: Which non-genital part of your body do you like being touched or kissed? My neck or my thighs.

38: What kind of porn do you like to watch? It's a toss up between pawg and male solo.

39: Have you ever masturbated because your sexual partner wasnt there when you needed them? Literally the story of my life right now.

40: Are you into BDSM? We're going to simply say yes to this.

I didnt give very long answers. But I got tagged in this very late at night and I need to pretend to go to bed now.

[easilyabandonedgirl]

When you realize the demons are all you have left.

[easilyabandonedgirl]

He inspires my words.

[easilyabandonedgirl]

I posted this to IG at an earlier point in time and some of the messages were rude or dumb, but this one made me laugh the hardest.

He ain't wrong.

[easilyabandonedgirl]

... I'm sorry I always bother you ...

[easilyabandonedgirl]

They never stop.

I just want one night where I sleep soundly without my nightmares and night terrors taking over.

I'm exhausted every morning from the physical pain of my body aching through them.

I so look forward to those 230am calls from Daddy because they wake me up if I'm stuck. I'd rather be resting and awake, trying to talk myself down off the emotional cliff they put me on, than asleep and being tortured and tormented by an artificial reality.

Ugh. I'm exhausted. People are cruel and mean. And my night terrors know just how to make it worse. How to play into all my biggest fears and make each day more impossible to get through.

I cant stop crying. I struggle to find a balance between what my brain sees and hears during the day and what it teaches me at night in these nightmares.

It's all just too much now. I'm not okay. I'm genuinely not okay.

But I have to keep pretending. I dont need anyone worrying about me. I'm not worth all that.

[easilyabandonedgirl]

When I'm sad, and missing my Daddy,

I watch his favorite Disney movie.

I may love the odd movies like The Black Cauldron and Treasure Planet, but Daddy actually loves a musical (he doesnt really like musicals)

I think about him sitting next to me singing the songs while I fall asleep on him after rough playtime and a shower.

He puts me in my pajamas and tucks me into the blankie. Stroking my hair and snuggling me.

Listening to his soothing deep voice.