dylanshales

[dylanshales]

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[dylanshales]

I’m gonna name my daughter Theresa but pronounce it like “there’s a”.

[dylanshales]

tag yourself!

socks: confused about the future, messy buns, bad sleeping habits, loves fantasy, bad dad jokes, ambivert, underappreciated

hoodie: loves winter, indecisive, good at comforting friends, very self-conscious, just wants to cuddle, movie critic

sweatpants: the type to blast music in headphones, dislikes children, klutz, long video calls, the friend whose laugh is funnier than the joke

turtlenecks: philosophical conversations, social anxiety, close circle of friends, spends more time home than outside, thoughtful

skirts: online shopping, probably has a sketchbook, draws “tattoos” on skin with pen, big dreams and big goals, afraid of failure, likes attention

#socks and hoodies

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Swipe RIGHT

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when will i stop reading Y/N as yin

#when i start actually reading 'danielle' qnd not 'your name'

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Not in my cape closet

Requested? : Yep

Prompt : None

Pairing : Han Solo x reader

Word Count : 655 words

The first thing Han sees is red, there was his crush, standing in his vision, but they were talking to Lando. He knew Lando was flirting with them because of his body language, the way his lips curved into a smirk, or the way that Lando is almost shielding (Y/N) with his body. He did not like it one bit. 

The way to fix it? Confront the problem head first. On his way there Han was stopped by Chewies loud groans, his tone warning. 

“What do you know?” Han retorted to the 7 foot hairy Wookiee, heading straight for the problem. 

“And that’s how I won this fine shop right here. Impressive right?” Lando bragged. 

“How bout you get your grubby paws off my friend.” Han warned Lando. 

“How ‘bout you both stop right before anything starts and realize that I only like one of you.” You cut in before Lando could reply. Not even a second later you heard Beckett, Chewie and Qi’ra groan in frustration. 

“(Y/N) hun, I don’t think that was a good idea.” Beckett warned.

“Well it’s true and we all know that Lando does not like me, maybe the robot but, definitely not me.” You retorted. That made Han’s eyebrows scrunch up in confusion and everyone else’s bodies to tense. 

“Then who do you like if it’s not cheat over here?” He asked. 

“The only other guy that was there! You! My best friend since I don’t even know how long now, I cannot believe how stupid you are.” You said exasperated.

“But you’ve never shown it?” That made everyone groan. “I mean there was that time where you suggested we kiss but that was because we were hiding and it was a great idea, but that’s the only thing.” Han said.

“Okay sure, how ‘bout that time where we barely had food to share and I gave it to you instead of eating it myself? Or the time where I gave you some credits, or that tim-“

“Just shut up and kiss.” Beckett said.

“I’m not doing it with an audience.” You snapped, turning and heading off in the other direction.

Han’s problem was solved. Well, partially. Now he’s gotta go fix the problem he started. While walking to the place he’d know you’d be (most definitely your room), he thought back to the few moments you told him about. The one from almost 2 and a half years ago, when he’d been on the streets after being kicked out of fly school, you’d shared your food with him and created an alliance. That was the moment when you’d become friends. Or the time where he wanted to buy some, he can’t even remember, and you’d given him the credits he’d needed for it.

“(Y/N) you can come out now, I’m sorry about not knowing that you liked me. And I didn’t even get the chance to tell you that I liked you too. I mean we all know how stupid I am. I never meant to hurt you because of it. I’m good at picking up things that aren’t about feelings. I mean, you saw that I didn’t know-“

Han was cut of by a pair of lips on his. His eyes were open for a second after realizing it was you. He shut his eyes and slowly placed his hands on the side of your face, cupping your jaw. One of your hands went on the back of his neck and the other on his shoulder. He let his lips wander to the junction of your jaw and your neck as his thoughts became all fuzzy and could only focus on you. He could hear your breathing speed up and your head tilted back to give him more.

“Excuse me, please not in my cape closet.” Lando’s voice rang out.

Han’s forehead came to rest on your collar bones as you two started laughing.

#heart eyes #read

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I’m glad to know that John Mulaney was an English major because it means when he says “college is just ‘I think Emily Dickinson is a lesbian!’ and they’re like ‘partial credit!’” he says it with authority. 

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fetus john

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people wanna hate john mulaney so bad….. but they feel the need to excuse it by finding something problematic like if he’s not ur cuppa it’s cool but own it don’t pretend to be morally c00ler than the rest of us lmao

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anyone wonder the kinky shit mrs incredible aka elastigirl is capable of doing thanks to her flexibility? i wonder how crazy sex between elastigirl and mr incredible is like.. instead of eating pussy, he’s able to put his entire head inside and just inhale the aroma and lick her walls

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it is so wild that Samwise Gamgee is out here playing people’s greying portly stepdads and Frodo Baggins is still roughly 19 years of age

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french recipes: if you’re not making this in paris then what’s the point. fuck you

italian recipes: use the left leg meat of a pig from one of three farms in this specific area of tuscany, or from this day my grandmother will begin manifesting physically in your house

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my favorite student is this little excitable turkish kid who waves me over at lunch every day to holler a joke at me & then urges me to get the other teachers to come listen to his jokes. my favorite so far is Q: what do you call somebody who doesnt want you to go to the bathroom? A: a teacher (the other teachers did not find it as hilarious as i did)

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2012 was truly the PEAK of music. call me maybe? iconic. somebody that i used to know? iconic. what makes you beautiful? iconic. some nights? iconic. starships? iconic. whistle? iconic. everybody talks? iconic. party rock anthem? iconic. boyfriend? iconic. THE LIST GOES ON. we will never again experience a similar period of bop after bop.

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you can’t convince me that everyone in liberty high didn’t have a crush on jeff atkins

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Pull me into a bathroom at a party and tell me how bad you want me. Then fuck me.

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