druidfalls

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Tumblr adding polls was the best thing because it doesn’t matter what you’re asking, tumblr users LOVE sharing their opinions. You could ask something wildly abstract like “What cardinal direction do you associate with the person you reblogged this from?” and by the end of the day it’ll have 20k notes and there’s probably some kind of discourse happening in the replies.

#north

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My boyfriend was showing me his cat and I leaned over to kiss the cat on his soft little baby head and he went "meow" and scrambled away because I'd been wearing my headphones and I accidentally jabbed him with the microphone.

And I said "Damn, this is exactly like in the Iliad"

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if a character means enough to me i will truly never stop thinking about them. i just retire them into a little back room in my brain and periodically bring them out to stare at them under a little light

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funniest adhd thing is when you're like ugh. doing this simple task would be too hard. guess i'll do a difficult one instead

#ugh i don’t want to clean my room lemme just research and understand guideline directed heart failure medical therapy

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*eminem voice* *falls into a hole in a sewer grate before saying anything*

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things that would be dope to be

the marble in spray paint

boulder at the bottom of a lake

the last leaf of autumn… take your sweet old time

lightbulb filament

grain of sand

pillbug that just discovered an insane composter

cumulonimbus cloud

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my brother was making fun of me and our other brother for having the same haircut, and we were immediately like "what the fuck are you talking about? you had this EXACT SAME haircut like a year ago. this is your haircut too. jackass." so we start arguing back and forth until our mom stops us and says "come here." and she brings out her ID from when she was a teenager and... its the same haircut.

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I think "they don't even have X" is one of those memes that's actually funnier in its original context than in anything that's been done with it subsequently. Like, in its original context, this is a joke about a man who has lived his entire adult life alone in a swamp cold-reading the atmosphere of a corporate workplace and deciding that appealing to the receptionist's sense of working-class solidarity is going to get him in the door, and it fucking works.

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Me: I hate gossip

Also me:

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last week i saw a comment on reddit that really annoyed me so i replied “touch grass” and then of course instantly forgot about it. except the next day i saw a notification that a different user had replied to my comment saying:

“All these fun expressions that have come with the Internet! Thanks for teaching me a new one. 😊”

i looked at their profile and they’re a self described “cis grandmother”. 7 days later still very much riding high on the euphoria of having introduced somebody’s cis grandmother to “touch grass”.

#i love teaching my patients modern slang terms like this #i taught an entire batch of 60-80 year olds what ‘no cap’ means with the glee of knowing #at least one of them would say it around their grandchild and knock them flat on their ass #guilty pleasure of mine

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#warden

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before you respond to anon hate resend it to yourself with a carefully placed typo that you can then mock at their expense

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My one friend group can't stop saying, "See you in hell!" in a cheerful voice instead of, "Talk to you later!" and my other friend group can't stop calling things "penis" instead of "cool" or "good", so I just unironically uttered the phrase, "Sounds penis, see you in hell," as I got off the phone.