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Dani Diez on Instagram

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"Kill them with kindness" WRONG. drop the opera house chandelier on them.

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obsessed w internet speak but specifically these two recent inventions:

1. statement (directly contradictory statement)

ie: “i’m normal now (lying)” or something like. “doing homework (scrolling tumblr).” it’s like a text version of looking directly at the camera. sarcasm but slightly to the left. amazing

2. wacky thought <- reactionary/self aware comment

it’s like?? the closest thing i can think of is movies where the characters break the fourth wall to pause the show and talk to you about it? like emperors new groove or lion king 1 1/2? self aware ironic kinda talk show-esque. whatever it is it’s brilliant.

love the way we’re bulldozing english keep it up team

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Giovanni Potage from Epithet Erased

#💍

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engie from tf2

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Never forget what we could've had

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women want me for my huge cock (silicone) and my huge tits (silicone) and my funny pointed wizard hat (silly cone)

#comedy

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robin redesign

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Shocking how many people don’t know that hens lay non-fertilized eggs and think the yolk they’re eating is a baby chicken

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you think you’re a better kisser than me??? you think you’re a better cuddler? come over here and prove it punk

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Screeeeching at this meme a girl I went to high school w posted recently

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So I’m on a trip with my robotics team and there’s only two “girls” (me, an enby, and a cis girl), so we get our own beds in our own room, but the guys are rooming four to a room, but there’s only two beds in each room. Which means that two guys are sleeping on the floor every night.

I’m not joking. They were literally arguing over who’s sleeping on the floor tonight (apparently they plan on rotating).

And I asked them “why don’t you just share a bed?” And they all gave me the same answer:

“No, that’s weird! That’d be gay!”

And I just looked at them and I decided to break the bad news to them

“If lying next to another guy makes you wanna suck dick, you already wanted to suck dick.”

I’ve never seen so many Straight Guys™️ enraged by a single sentence before

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the venus girdle (cestum veneris) | aquatilis_expedition on ig

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