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Professors diary

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Professor’s Diary -Jan 3rd, 1995 -I have long heard of the lives of the privileged classes, and now I have prepared myself to experience life as a member. Tomorrow, I will don the the uniform of the academic and re-enter society, NOT as I once was, a worker and pawn of the educated classes, but as a peer of those very people. Tomorrow, I shall become an academic! -Jan 4th, 1995 -Dressed…

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The farmers daughters

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The Farmer’s Daughters -The farmer had 3 daughters; Flo, Betty, and Sam. Each girl had a date that night, but being the overprotective father that he was he had to meet the guy first. so sitting there in his chair with a shotgun he meets the guys. the first walks up and says “Hi, I’m Joe, I’m here for Flo, we’re going to see the show, is she ready to go?” The farmer allows them to go…

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#daughters #farmers

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Honey i dont feel like it tonight

Honey i dont feel like it tonight

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Honey, I Don’t Feel Like it Tonight . . . -I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I’ve never figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I’ve never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart. -FOR EXAMPLE: -One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she…

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#Dont #feel #Honey #tonight

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No wonder im deaf

No wonder im deaf

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No Wonder I’m Deaf -Guide – I welcome you all to Niagara Falls. This is the world’s biggest waterfall and the sound intensity of the waterfalls is so high that even 20 supersonic jet planes passing by cannot be heard. -Now, I request the ladies to keep quiet so that we can hear the Niagara Falls!

Funny Animal Jokes https://funnydef.com

No Wonder I’m Deaf [ad_2] Read More Jokes on…

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#deaf

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Dead theyre all dead must read before you die

Dead theyre all dead must read before you die

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DEAD! THEY’RE ALL DEAD! Must Read Before YOU Die! -wocka is dead. no one comments anymore. no one submits jokes anymore. -Can someone fix these glitches?- –when I write a comment and click on submit, half the time, the comment is not posted no matter how many times I try to re-post. –Even if I select “show all” for the full comments list, the hidden comments dont show up. wtf? -I’m…

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Thats him alright

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That’s Him Alright -The old man had died. A wonderful funeral was in progress and the town’s preacher talked at length of the good traits of the deceased, what an honest man he was, and what a loving husband and kind father he was. Finally, the widow leaned over and whispered to one of her children, “Go up there and take a look in the coffin and see if that’s your pa.”

Funny Animal…

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#alright

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Now thats from experience

Now thats from experience

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Now That’s From Experience! -guy goes into a drug store to buy condoms. The girl behind the counter says, “What size?” -He says, “I don’t know.” -She holds up a finger and says, “That big?” -He says, “Bigger.” -She holds up three fingers and says, “That big?” -He says, “Smaller?” -She holds up two fingers and he says, “That’s it.” -She puts the two fingers in her mouth and says,…

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#experience

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The barbers wooden balls

The barbers wooden balls

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The Barber’s Wooden Balls -A man enters a barbershop for a shave. While the barber is foaming him up, he mentions the problems he has getting a close shave around the cheeks. “I have just the thing,” says the barber taking a small wooden ball from a nearby drawer. “Just place this between your cheek and gum.” -The client places the ball in his mouth and the barber proceeds with the…

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Dont share the same bed

Dont share the same bed

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Don’t Share the Same Bed -Three men go on holiday abroad together. The tourist office informs them that there is only one hotel in town with vacancies. The guys go along there, only to be told by receptionist at the hotel that there is just one available room left in the hotel. They are not happy, but as it is their only option, they take the room for one evening and share its only bed.

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Dont buy a labrador

Dont buy a labrador

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Don’t Buy A Labrador! -Paddy tells Mick he’s thinking of buying a Labrador dog. -“Oh, I wouldn’t if I were you!”, says Mick. “Have you seen how many of their owners go blind?”

Funny Animal Jokes https://funnydef.com

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#buy #Dont #labrador

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Its true and you cant deny it

Its true and you cant deny it

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Its True and You Can’t Deny it -A fact of life: -After Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says W T F

Funny Animal Jokes https://funnydef.com

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#deny #true

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The old ladys bet

The old ladys bet

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The Old Lady’s Bet -An old lady walks into a bank and says, “I would like to set up an account.” -The man at the desk says, “Okay, how much would you like to deposit?” -The woman replies, “$5,000.” -“Wow!” says the man, “where did you get all of that?” -“I like to make bets.” -“What type of bets?” -The woman replied, “Tomorrow when, I will come in, you will have a butterfly tattoo an…

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#bet #ladys

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Smoking doesnt just stunt your growth

Smoking doesnt just stunt your growth

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Smoking Doesn’t Just Stunt Your Growth

  -Michael and Beth are married, Beth is a smoker but Michael thinks smoking is horrible. -One night she started smoking after they finished having sex and Michael said, “Would you please stop smoking, you’re going to kill yourself.” -Beth, in return, said, “Sometimes I just need to get in a smoke after sex, do you have a problem with that?” -He…

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If you dont know how to read find another joke

If you dont know how to read find another joke

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If You Don’t Know How to Read, Find Another Joke. -What happens to you if you can not read? -Well, since you’ll probably be staying in Kindergarten, less homework!

Funny Animal Jokes https://funnydef.com

If You Don’t Know How to Read, Find Another Joke. [ad_2] Read More Jokes on Funnydef.com

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A finger lickin funny A Finger Lickin’ Funny. -Mary had a little lamb, fries and a coke. Funny Animal Jokes A Finger Lickin’ Funny. Read More Jokes on Funnydef.com

#finger #Funny #lickin

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Im a jerk

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I’m a Jerk -One night I was feeling lonely, so I went to my girlfriend’s house. She wasn’t expecting me, but I was able to calm her down. She was a bit hesitant, but I didn’t think anything of it. I got her into the bed finally, and you know what happens next. -In the morning, when I woke up she was still asleep. So I got up and left quietly. On the way back home I felt a little bad but…

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Youre not my mom

Youre not my mom

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You’re Not My Mom! -Billy was walking in a shopping center with his mom, and suddenly she stopped to pick up a penny. When she reached out for it, he saw armpit hair. Frightened, he said, “You’re not my mom! I’m calling the police.” The man pulled off his mask and said, “Okay, you got me. But tell me one thing. How did you know I wasn’t your mom?” -“Because my mom’s not Jewish.”

Funny…

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#Mom #Youre