dontwakeher

[dontwakeher]

I'm so sorry about how long this is, it wasn't intentional.

I started buying from fast fashion sites at the start of the pandemic, but shortly after I learned about how horrible it is for our environment. While I loved how cheap the items were, and the fact that they were decent quality depending what you got, I couldn't ethically continue buying from them.

Until this month... I went about a year avoiding it but summer is on the horizon and I'm broke. I've always had issues with swim suits due to my insecurities about my body. For a little while I've been making a conscious effort to follow people who are similar sizes as me and it has changed the way I look at my body.

Now, I've been in need of a new swim suit that is cute and makes me feel confident. I used to go with the safe and most modest choice but I want to experiment now. This is were my problem started, my friend recommended fast fashion sites because of how cheap they are. I agree with them because a single swim top on average is around 20 USD. Add a pair of bottoms and you've got a total of around 40 USD and I think that's unfair!

This tiny piece of cloth that I'm only really going to wear for 3 months out of the year is more money than I spend on jeans (that I'll wear year round). So I caved and I spent about the same on 4 different suits. Only 2 of them fit in a way that looks good on me so I'm gonna see if my friends can fit them or I'll donate them for someone else to try. The plus side is that I looked so good in the 2 I'm keeping that its sparked this fire in me and now I feel so hot.

[dontwakeher]

My boyfriend's going back to his hometown and so I'm not gonna get to see him for about a month. We hung out before he left and I knew it was gonna be our last night together for a bit (this will be the longest we've been apart in 4 months so it's a little hard.) He was doing something goofy and I started to tear up. Sure the phone is amazing and I'm thankful I still get to have those conversations with him but it's moments like last night that make our time together so special.

[dontwakeher]

My boyfriend's going back to his hometown and so I'm not gonna get to see him for about a month. We hung out before he left and I knew it was gonna be our last night together for a bit (this will be the longest we've been apart in 4 months so it's a little hard.) He was doing something goofy and I started to tear up. Sure the phone is amazing and I'm thankful I still get to have those conversations with him but it's moments like last night that make our time together so special.

[dontwakeher]

I'm normally staying at my boyfriend's place when we hang out because I still live with family. The thing that sucks is that he still has a very small bed, I'm pushed up against the wall and he's almost rolling off the edge. We stayed in a hotel the other night and the king bed felt so strange and wrong. I jokingly scooted to the edge to be as far from him as possible so he did the same. When I turned around and saw the distance between us I immediately said "no you're so far from meeeeee" he replied with "oh my gosh you are actually such a baby" and we proceeded to scoot closer and cuddle in the middle of the bed.

[dontwakeher]

I just realised why depressed people will wear baggy clothing (myself, seasonally, included). Its harder to wipe tears away when you got tight clothes on, especially if they aren't long sleeves. I'm wearing a tight tank top and read a heartwarming but sad message from a family member and had trouble wiping away my tear. Weird.

[dontwakeher]

So I was dumb and accidentally waited a little too long to get a UTI treated (tmi I know but also of course because America). I had felt like death over the weekend and my boyfriend had went above and beyond taking care of me! I told him a hundred time now but I hope he knows how much I appreciate him. I was threw up, had an intense migraine, was nauseous, had a fever/chills, and didn't want to move a muscle sometimes and he still put up with me. In sickness and in health I guess.

[dontwakeher]

I have no idea why I haven't been documenting these but my boyfriend talks in his sleep. He's done it three times, that I've been awake for, and each time is kinda strange and funny. Here they are:

1) valentines weekend as I was adjusting my sleep position I turned away from him. Right after that he sat straight up in the bed and said "no no no, we don't do that here, mhm go away." After that he laid back down and continued to sleep.

2) a couple weeks ago I was half asleep and his sudden movement woke me up. He leaned over on his side, resting on his elbow, and looked at the floor. He then mumbled something and yelled "so many god damn dots on the god damn floor! Fuck!" After that he mumbled "pick em up" laid back down.

3) recently I was having a little trouble sleeping so I was awake for half the night. At one point he sat up, pointed both his middle fingers at the ceiling aggressively, and laid back down. This time he rolled to his side and saw I was away so he said "hey baby" and gave me a kiss. I had asked him if he knew what he just did and he said no. I told him and he just went "oh" so who knows, maybe he was asleep the whole time.

[dontwakeher]

I'm almost 3 months in with my boyfriend and he's gonna finally be getting his own place. While he's already a 1 hour 30 minute drive from me the town he's gonna be at adds another 30 minutes to that. He's gonna be moving in the next couple months but once he gets settled and the slightly bigger apartment opens up (400 sqft to a 600 sqft with about a $50 difference in rent) he offered to let me move in with him. By that point we'll be six months in at least so I don't really see a problem with it, especially because him and I already wish we could see each other more than just weekends. But, when I told my friends about it today they said that was a big decision... I'm not sure if it was because they were just surprised or if they think I'm being stupid. I don't think it's stupid. The main reason I'm wanting to do it is because I've found this emence joy in him and I want to be able to see him as much as I can.

[dontwakeher]

My boyfriend's getting out of the army early for mental health reasons. He found out today and is a little stressed about it. I'm happy that he doesn't have to deal with them anymore, and so is he, but I'm also worried. It sounds selfish but because of this he's going to be moving back to where he used to live. He has more friends and job opportunities there so it's understandable but now I have to start thinking about what I'm going to do. He'll only be no more than 6 hours away but there is no way that either of us want to do long distance.

He's offered to let me live with him and whoever's his roommate(s) ends up being so I won't really have to worry about that. As long as the Army doesn't try to skrew him over and he still gets his benefits then money won't be too much of an issue initially. We've known each other for almost 3 months so the idea of living together in a whole new state sounds kinda scary but I've wanted to get away for so long that it sounds kinda nice. Now I just have to talk to my friends about it.... yikes

[dontwakeher]

He hid it at first but he confessed to me that my valentines post about him made him really happy. I guess no one has ever made a post about him like that and now I wanna ask his past girlfriends what's wrong with them. He's so amazing and sweet that I wanna scream it to the world. But I guess I'm also lucky that they sucked so much or else I wouldn't get to have him in my life.

[dontwakeher]

He told me he loves me on valentine's day. As we were laying in bed cuddling and talking about our past. He turned to me and started telling me that even if I didn't feel the same yet that he needed to let me know how much he cares about me. I had felt it for a while and was just waiting for him to say it because I fall a little too easy and didn't know if it was gonna be too soon.

[dontwakeher]

My boyfriend's been saying love a lot recently. We've known each other for almost 2 months but we're coming up on our 1st month of dating. He hasn't told me he loves me but he has said stuff like "would you still love me if..." and stuff about being in a "loving, caring, ect. relationship". He told me he "like likes" me yesterday and made a joke about me not having to say it back after I said it to him. I feel like he knows how deeply I care about him and it's probably love, I guess I'm just still a little nervous that he'll see something in me that he can't stand and will wanna leave. I know I fall in love way to easy but he feels different. I don't wanna say it too soon and make him feel weird because he's talked about not really knowing love in the past.

[dontwakeher]

He's everything I've ever wanted

And what I deserve

[dontwakeher]

I just love it when I get new clothes in a size that I'm I'm comfortable with and my mom questions if they'll fit.

I used to get size large on everything because my mother engrained in me that clothes shouldn't be tight. She pushed this on my brother and I because of her own insecurities whether she realizes it or not.

Over the last year I have become comfortable with my own body and learned to love it. I no longer feel the need to wear baggy clothing and get size medium. Now, every time my mom checks out the new clothes I bought she looks at how big they are and her first response is "did you try them on".

She sees these smaller clothes and thinks "there's no possible way that'll fit my daughter" and it sucks.

[dontwakeher]

My friend is commissioning me to take photos for the jewelry she made and plans to sell. I'm super excited because this will be my first time being paid for my art and passion.

[dontwakeher]

[dontwakeher]

My boyfriend called me last night when he was getting ready to go to bed because he wanted to hear my voice. We ended up talking for 4 hours.