dn-jaeger

[dn-jaeger]

I know I said I wouldn’t mope and mourn over you but I can’t help but wonder if there was ever any part of you that cared about me at all.

Maybe I just gave you too much too fast or we just found each other at the wrong time. I didn’t want to cut things off between us but can you really blame me when I have to find out you’ve been seeing someone else for about a month through other people when you could have just told me?

You were the first person I willingly let my walls down for after my last relationship because I still felt that I didn’t deserve love or to even find it because of how bad I treated my last partner and handled the breakup. But when I saw you, I didn’t hesitate for a second. I wanted that love even if I didn’t deserve it because for you I would have done anything for to prove that I did deserve that love.

I miss you. I miss being near you, hearing your laugh and seeing you smile. I miss the way you’d make us stop walking so you could look at the dog that’s getting walked across the street. I miss the way you’d frown whenever we drive and the sun screen can’t cover your eyes because you were too short. I miss you but I know I can’t have you in my life after what you did.

[dn-jaeger]

I trusted you. I hardly ever give people 100% of my trust anymore and I thought you could be the one exception but you turned out to be just as bad as everyone else.

I genuinely loved you, when the thought of loving someone else after my last relationship terrified me because I thought that relationship was my last chance at finding something truly good. When I met you that fear was completely absent, I finally felt like I wanted to fall in love again, and I only wanted to fall for you.

Things change and feelings change I get that. But I shouldn’t have to find out that you’re dating someone else, and hiding obvious marks of affection from people that hardly know the nature of our relationship. If you had told me that you started to date someone else and had feelings for them instead of lying through your teeth I would have had more respect and have been more understanding. Also sharing my password for shit that I pay for to share with you was also a new low that I didn’t think you could possibly hit.

Anyways I’m just writing all this because it’s easier to write out all of what I’m feeling rather than poisoning myself and keeping my resentment building up inside me. It seems toxic but I think just expecting the worst out of people, even my friends and loved ones is the safest way for me to go about my day to day now. Because everyone is going to let me down eventually. It’s just a matter of time.

[dn-jaeger]

i wish it wasn’t you who is breaking my heart

[dn-jaeger]

it’s so much fun being in love with someone who doesn’t give two fucks about you haha

[dn-jaeger]

im kind of at the end of my rope here. but again, im too scared to make that jump. i always am. i dont want to give up on whatever this is between us, but at the same time i dont know how much more of this neglect i can handle. 

its a different kind of pain, to feel it down to your bone that you’ve met your other half and for that half to not feel the same way. it hurts even more when i have to sit and listen to you complain about the possibility of never having reciprocated love when im right there next to you. willing to die at the chance to be by your side in the way that you want. 

i dont know what to do. i’ve felt so tired and empty for the majority of this year and i think that it cant get worse and somehow it always does. i dont want to leave you and the friends that ive made with you behind, but i also want this aching pain that i feel whenever im with you to stop too. im just so torn, confused and lost. i know i can’t just sit here and wait it out but what can i do when i know whatever way i go it’s only going to hurt me more than i already am hurting.  

[dn-jaeger]

why should i even bother mending what’s been broken when someone else is just going to break it again

[dn-jaeger]

i wanna k word myself haha

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I got to visit the people of Black Spire Outpost again and built my own lightsaber.

This expansion makes me so proud to work at the resort tbh, hopefully I can transfer to this land soon

[dn-jaeger]

Hopelessly in love with you, I know we’re still working out the details on what we really are but that’s okay. I’ve rushed head first into every single relationship in my life, and for just this once I want to take my time with you. The small moments I share with you are more than enough for me.

[dn-jaeger]

I really want this to work out, it’s the happiest I’ve been in a while and I don’t want to lose that again

[dn-jaeger]

There was a time when it was all about comics for me. I had a girl, probably the same as yours. She always complained that I spent too much time with my own comics. And, eventually, we broke up. Mallrats (1995) dir. Kevin Smith

[dn-jaeger]

music videos set in a surreal cgi desert (1999-2002)

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[dn-jaeger]

I’m falling for you more everyday with every little thing I find out about you.

I could spend all day doing absolutely nothing with you and still feel like I was productive that day.

I really hope we work out

[dn-jaeger]

who wants to do this