djarinbarnes - Tumblr blog

djarinbarnes · 10 months

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Coming Home

Pairing: Benedict Bridgerton x fem!reader, modern AU

Summary: Modern AU. Someone is waiting in the darkened hallway when you get home.

Warnings: 18+ smut, minors DNI, dom/sub play, stripping, light bondage, a smidge of nipple play, dirty talk, hair pulling, biting, intercrural sex, vaginal sex, slight edging, slight orgasm control, mirror sex.

Word Count: 3.3 k

Authors Note: Unbetaed, anon request from October last year HERE (request: dom Benedict kinky mirror sex). This isn't necessarily in the same universe as the Kinktober breathplay, but it is very much a similar modern DomBenedict being a total filthy menace. Sorry that I'm many months late with this one anon. Enjoy! <3

“And where exactly have you been?” his voice is resonant and rich, sliding down your spine as you close the front door behind you.

There, at the other end of the short hallway, on a bench seat, bathed in shadow, he sits. The predatory look he shoots as he leans forward, his strong jaw catching the muted lamplight, makes your insides quiver. Barefeet, shirt unbuttoned at the collar, blue to enhance his hazy intense eyes, his elbows resting on his knees, his big hands clasped before him as he shoots you an expectant look. You don't say anything; he knows you have been to after-work drinks with some friends. This is something else entirely.

This is a game he wants to play.

“Strip.”

It’s a clipped order. And your nipples pebble hard at just that one word. The look in his eye is gleaming and wolfish; you find yourself obeying before you even know what is happening. Your wool coat hits the floor, but he tuts as you go to unwind the scarf.

“Everything but the scarf,” he amends quickly.

Frowning in slight confusion, breathing a little uneven, you toe off your shoes at the same time as you pull down the zip at your side to loosen your dress enough to push it off your shoulders. With the simple black dress gone, you stand before him, a few feet away, watching his chest expand and contract as his eyes slide down your frame, taking in your bra, knickers and thigh-high stockings, partially obscured behind the long, soft cashmere scarf.

“Who are you wearing that outfit for?” his ask tinged with something dark, shifting in his seat slightly. You know the telltale signs of his arousal, and you feel a tiny wave of victory because he can't hide it from you.

“Myself,” you retort, defiant. It's the truth; sometimes, you like to wear luxurious lingerie just as a little secret thrill for yourself—an everyday decadent luxury.

He hums with a thoughtful mien as if he can't decide whether you are being honest. “Lose the bra,” he commands.

You reach behind and flick open the clasps before letting the bra slide down your arms, your breasts mostly concealed behind the scarf; you fling the bra at him in an act of coquettish defiance. He snatches it from the air one-handed in an impressive display of lightning-quick reflexes. Something about his cat-like dexterity makes you throb.

“Now the knickers,” his tone sharp as he runs his fingers over the lacy cup of your bra in his grip, still warm from your body heat.

Again you follow his orders, thrilled he is being quite this commanding; it's been a while since he did this, and you are more than willing to play along. As your underwear pulls away from your body and slips to the floor, a warm slickness between your legs tells you exactly how okay you are with it.

There is a creak of antique wood as he leans back, his legs spreading a little wider, his elbows resting on the padded back of the bench seat. You see the prominent bulge in his trousers, intentionally on display for you, and you swallow heavily, almost a reflex as you remember what it's like to take it down your throat.

“Turn around,” you heed the instruction immediately, breathing a little heavier as you await his next order. There is a growl as you feel his weighted stare on your bare bottom. “Roll down your stockings, bend over as you do it,” his tone rough-edged.

Starting with the left, you bend and roll the lacy top of your stocking down, leaning forward more as you reach your knee, shifting your stance a touch wider as it passes down your calf. You hear his breath hitch as you feel the warm air glaze the dampness on the inside of your thigh. As you remove it from your foot, you snap back up, tossing your head so your hair sways, gyrating your hips in a small circle—a little show just for him—the grunt he makes spikes the adrenaline coursing through your body. You repeat the same process with your right leg, listening intently to his slightly laboured breath. You half expect a hand to reach out and grab or spank your bottom, but he doesn't. You are now completely nude, apart from the soft scarf hanging loose around your neck.

There is a creak of wood, a rustle of material and a wave of his scent as he stands up behind you; you take a deep breath, eager to discover what happens next. A hand moves your hair slightly so he can grab the scarf, and then the material is pulled achingly slow backwards off you, sliding up over your body, your pebbled nipples catching against the gossamer fibres making your breath hitch.

“Put your hands behind your back,” his voice stern, as the scarf slips off your shoulders completely. You do so, instantly linking your hands before being asked to do so. “Well done,” the tone is rich, and a shiver runs down your spine at the compliment.

Lust spikes in your veins as he loops the material around your wrists, your own scarf now tying you up. A hand grasps the nape of your neck and spins you to the right, a full-length mirror right there, the one you both use to check your reflection before you leave out of the door. You feel a pulse between your legs as you catch sight of yourself utterly naked, hands bound and him behind you, still fully clothed except for his bare feet. You know what is coming, and you love when he does this; makes you watch yourself be fucked by him. He’s never done it in the hallway mirror before.

“You are going to watch,” he intones, and you cant school your little smirk at your correct guess.

“What is so funny?” his ask is clipped and hot in your ear.

“Nothing… sir,” you volley and enjoy the sight of his rapidly dilating pupils in the mirror as the honorary title you use in play drips from your lips.

He grabs your chin, the hand twisting so his thumb hooks around the corner of your mouth.

“Get my fingers wet,” he orders.

Without thought, you suck his thumb, wettening it with enthusiastic tongue strokes, doing the same with his pointer finger as he bites your neck lightly, his teeth dragging over your jugular.

“Good girl,” he praises, and your responding whine makes him chuckle. “And now the other hand,” he encourages, removing that thumb and forefinger and swapping for the other hand—a droplet of your saliva webbing between his withdrawn fingers right before your eyes. After a few seconds, he withdraws that hand from your mouth with an appreciative glare; a wet pop sound as you stare at him in the mirror and await his next move.

With a force that makes you gasp loudly and rock onto your tiptoes, he roughly pinches your nipples simultaneously, painting silky wetness onto each nub. You moan loudly and start to writhe under the increasing pinch, but he doesn't let go; he keeps watching you intently as you scramble in his grip and breath hard.

“Please, sir,” you appeal quietly, craving both more and less. It smarts, but the sort that makes you throb under his grip, a beeline right to the ache between your legs.

Just as the sensation bleeds into something more metallic and edgy, he lets go, and you sag down and back into him, exhaling raggedly. He cups your breasts and, this time just flicks his damp thumbs over the reddened buds, his chin hooked over your shoulder, watching his actions intensely in the mirror.

“Fuck me,” you breathe, meeting his eye in your joint reflection.

“Hmmm,” he rumbles, turning his head so his teeth graze your neck again. “You didn't ask nicely enough,” something in the taunting way he says it makes static skitter across your skin.

One hand slides up to grasp around your throat. A thrill runs through you as you feel the heel of his palm dig in, restricting your swallow just a fraction.

“I said,” his tone now steely, right into your ear, his eyes meeting yours in the mirror. “Ask nicely.”

He pushes his clothed cock into the valley of your bum cheeks, glancing the side of your hands tied behind the dip of your back. Something so carnal about this, a thrilling taste in your mouth, something crackling in the air.

“Please,” you appeal. “Please fuck me.”

“That's more like it,” he asserts.

You moan your approval as his teeth capture your earlobe, one hand disappearing as you hear a zip pulled down. You writhe against him, rocking your bottom back against that hardness as you feel the wave of body heat from his warm flesh. He hasn’t even undone the button at the top of his fly, just unzipped and taken his cock out. Something about the fact he is commando and isn’t even going to take off a single item of clothing is so exhilarating.

Your breaths staccatos with anticipation as he rubs himself temptingly over your cleft. He tilts his hips forward, and you take a readying inhale, awaiting his push into your body, but he does not. He slides his cock between your damp thighs, his tip brushing your throbbing clit. You drop your head, closing your eyes and groaning at the tease.

“No!” he commands, a firm hand yanking the hair at the base of your skull, forcing your head up, “you have to watch.”

Your eyes flutter open, and you watch his cock surging between your thighs, glistening with the evidence of your arousal.

“You are so wet, aren’t you?” he snarls, and you can only nod fractionally, his grip on your hair tightening and twisting, the fibres of the soft scarf tickling your bound wrists between your bodies. “Say it,” he demands.

“I am so wet for you, sir,” you enunciate as he stills, a solid mass between your thighs.

“Yes, all for me. Slide on me,” he grabs your hip and encourages you to move, to take over what he began.

Your scalp burns a little where he tugs your hair, directing your movement there as well as you undulate on him, aroused by the drag of him against your soaked flesh. You speed up as you chase each nudge of your swollen clit.

“That's it,” his praise stoking your insides, making you desperate to please him, to maybe finally take pity and fuck you so damn hard your legs give out. You arch backwards and lean your shoulders into his chest, turning your head to inhale his sturdy neck, a trace of cologne there that makes your tongue dart out and lick the slightly rough crease in his skin. All the while, you ride the cock pressed heatedly between your thighs. Wanting more, you cross your ankles to squeeze him even tighter.

“You little genius,” he groans. “I want you to keep your feet just like that as I fuck you.”

“Please, sir,” you appeal again, breathy and hopeful.

He chuckles richly. “Okay, my girl,” he slows your movements with one hand. “I suppose that's enough teasing,” his hand finally unfurling from your hair and grasping both of your hips, manhandling you until he can ready himself to enter you. You revel in the heat and stretch as he slips just a little inside.

“Watch,” he commands, and you do. Your eyes pinging between his hooded gaze, watching you in the reflection, and his cock spearing slowly inside you, opening you up. “Fuck you always feel so good,” he groans, turning to bury his face into your hair as he reaches your hilt.

The feeling is always the same, overwhelming weight and invasion deep in your body, him holding you open as your walls cling to him like a glove. His hand rounds your chin and ensures you are looking right at the apex of your thighs as he slowly withdraws and then quickly slides back into you, rocking you onto the balls of your feet. You chiefly rely on his grip to keep you upright, arms bound, ankles crossed.

“Fuckkk,” he snarls, his breath hot into your scalp as you ripple involuntarily around him as he withdraws again. “You really like this, don't you?”

“Yes sir,” you respond instantly, your voice surging as he pushes back into you with a force that makes you want to reach out a hand to steady yourself against the mirror, but you are unable.

“I’ve got you,” he murmurs, breaking character briefly when he intuits your instability, an arm banding around your waist to steady and reassure.

You see the mask slip back over his face as he starts to speed up; the teeth on the zip of his fly abraid your bottom with each stroke. Every time you grunt softly as he takes you hard, hitting that spot inside that obliterates all of your thoughts, keeps you rooted in your body, pliant in his grip.

“I should have tied your ankles, too, with your underwear,” he growls darkly as you moan at the idea.

“Or spreader bar,” you respond, panting slightly as an image pops into your head—-your legs forced wide apart as he takes you hard, your hands still bound but in front of you, your heated palms leaving outlines on the mirror as he fucks into you.

He stills, buried inside. “God, I love you,” he confesses, sounding winded. You know it’s mostly a reflex to the idea you posit, but it’s also genuine.

“I love you too,” your reply is instant and equally sincere. “Now please, please make me come,” you entreat, rubbing your wrists together where they are bound, trapped between your bodies.

A feral grin claims his face in the reflection, and a hand wraps around your throat, pulling you back so you are arched into him, joined where his cock is plunged into you and his tongue now in your mouth.

“What do you need to get there, my girl?” His ask is whispered over your lips as he takes shallow, slow pumps into you.

“Just you,” it’s an honest response, “and your fingers,” circling your hips a little so your clit catches between your tightly crossed thighs.

He chuckles richly; the arm around your waist unfurls its grip. You watch, mesmerised in the mirror as that sizable hand slides achingly slow down over your belly and line of hair, and you hiss as his middle finger slides into your folds and catches your swollen clit.

He begins a slow circular rhythm that matches his stroke, one full circle for every move in, then another for every withdrawal.

You groan gently and twist to nuzzle into his neck.

“Watch,” the warning low, rumbled.

So you snap your attention back to the mirror—to him, to his fingers speeding up fractionally, causing you to whimper gently. With every few circles, he gets faster, as do his thrusts, and more demanding, too—building you up to something.

A curse escapes your lips as you feel your knees start to lock and unlock, the burn in your leg muscles from the building tension as he spirals you higher. He’s fucking into you without mercy now, grunting gently at the exertion.

He mutters encouragements into the patch of hair behind your ear, all the time watching you, that searing gaze observing as you climb, every micro-expression on your face, every twitch of your body under his complete control. You know you are close when your eyes roll and close, every sinew tensing as you circle that edge of fire. Fucking back as hard as he pushes into you, greedily chasing your completion, bearing down heavily on his fingers, growling almost.

Just as you are about to break, he removes his fingers, and you whine loudly. So close but denied.

“Sirrrr,” you slur, desperate for his touch again.

He huffs a bemused noise as he keeps fucking into you.

“What, my girl?”

“Your fingers, please,” you beseech, twisting to look up and back at him.

Warm fingers hook into your mouth, tart with your juices.

“There you go, my fingers,” his tone almost mocking. “I bet they taste exquisite, don’t they?”

You mumble in assent around his digits, answering him even as you know he’s being intentionally obtuse.

“Please……”

It’s a quiet plea, and it works. Sometimes like this, he just wants you pleading for him - his kisses, his fingers, his cock, anything to make you mindless in your submission.

Then his fingers are back harshly on your throbbing clit, the denied orgasm roaring close again.

“That’s it,” he pants, encouraging you as you fight the tension; his fingers are almost a frenzy against your clit, his hips pistoning. “Give it to me; I need it.” The commanding tone is back again, hot in your ear, demanding your orgasm as if it’s his to possess. Indeed like this, it is very much him playing your body like an instrument, bowed against him like a cello, him plucking each of your strings expertly to extract a symphony from you.

And with one harsh thrust, you are falling, strong hands holding you in place as your knees buckle, your whole body going tense, a tight, squeezing constriction on his cock that makes him snarl and growl like a wild animal thrusting hard to fight your rippling cunt. He curses his admiration as you shake and quiver in his hold, sated desire flooding your system, leaning in his grasp as he starts to thrust again, you murmuring a slight protestation.

“Again, my girl,” he lectures, and you limply lift your head. A harsh bite on your neck makes you inhale sharply, and your eyes fly open. “That wasn’t a suggestion,” his tone steely as you realise he’s serious. He wants you to come again. You can feel the tension in his arms where they hold you and know he’s not far off himself. Desperation in his moves and the way he grips you, almost bruising in intensity.

“Give it to me, sir,” you twist to utter into his ear, desperately wanting a hand free to run into his hair, grab near his roots and tug hard, that extra layer of discomfort to propel him closer.

He is panting hard now, staring in the mirror as he pushes you off the ground, speared onto him helplessly bound at his mercy.

“I’m yours,” you stutter, knowing it’s the catalyst that pushes him over, taking you with him, the world blotting out, everything in you firing and breaking as you scream. His fingers dig deep enough to leave bruises on your hips as he grunts and bites the nape of your neck, his hips stilling as you feel his cock pulse and the warmth of his cum coating your insides.

Still in his grip, he stumbles you both a step forward until you are leaning against the mirror, heavy breath fogging the glass as he leans into you, recovering.

“That was quite the welcome home,” you jest gently, and his panting breaths morph into laughs, his hands undoing the scarf on your wrists between your bodies.

“I wanted to surprise you,” you can feel the smile in his warm tone. “To make your coming home special today.”

“Why today?” you whisper as he trails gentle kisses over your shoulder and rubs your wrists tenderly to soothe any discomfort from the binding.

“It’s the anniversary of the day we met,” he scolds gently.

Recognition dawns, biting your lip in apology, recalling with perfect clarity how your eyes had met…. In a mirror at a classy, upscale bar two years ago.

Suddenly the choice of the mirror makes total sense. Your hand shoots up to cup his jaw as you turn around with him still leaning into you, crowded against the mirror.

“Happy anniversary, Benedict, my love,” you smile, pushing up onto your tiptoes.

“Happy anniversary, y/n,” he echoes softly.

Benedict taglist: @makaylan @foreverlonginguniverse @iboopedyournose @colettebronte @aintnuthinbutahounddog @severewobblerlightdragon @margofiore @writergirl-2001 @heeyyyou @enichole445 @enchantedbytomandhenry @ambitionspassionscoffee @chaoticcalzoneranchsports @nikaprincessofkattegat @baebee35 @crowleysqueenofhell @bridgertontess @fiction-is-life @lilacbeesworld @angels17324 @broooookiecrisp @queen-of-the-misfit-toys @eleanor-bradstreet @divaanya @musicismyoxygen84 @benedictspaintbrush @miindfucked @sorryallonsy @lilithseve @cayt0123 @hottytoddyhistory @truly-dionysus @fictionalmenloversblog @zinzysstuff @malpalgalz @panhoeofmanyfandoms @kinokomoonshine @causeimissu @delehosies @Mlovesbridgerton @m-rae23 @last-sheep @kmc1989 @desert-fern @starkeylover @corpseoftrees-queen @jeanfreau

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djarinbarnes · 10 months

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started writing again. feels good.

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djarinbarnes · 11 months

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Pedro Sanctuary

It's here! After months of collecting and organizing I am proud to present Sanctuary Notion Database - a majestic array of Pedro Pascal fanfiction, if I can say so myself

I hope this way more people will get to know these wonderful works.

Please see notes & how to - it has important info and very nice video tutorial, yep, I made fucking video instruction for it

(as always, watch out for authors’ warnings and remember - this is 18+ blog)

Dear writers, thank you all so much for all of it, you are extremely talented people creating amazing worlds with your stories!

And also thanks to Pedro for being him.🤍

Sincerely,

@khindahra

Writers are mentioned in the comments section (because tumblr probably has broken from so many cool people)

Love you ✨

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djarinbarnes · 11 months

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shit.

where to begin?

life caught up to me. shit happened. too much happened.

work. family-related stuff. more work.

so yeah. what I wanted to say was - I'm sorry for not being able to write. it's been something I've enjoyed doing to let off steam for so many years.

but the spark is gone.

I know you're keen on what's going to happen to our couple in me recordarás. I'm hoping I'll be able to finish the story one day.

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djarinbarnes · 1 year

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Elementary Masterlist

pairing: pre-outbreak!joel miller x teacher!reader

series rating: E (minors DNI, 18+ only, single dad!joel, smut to come)

summary: You’re Sarah’s fifth grade teacher, and after meeting her father at a parent/teacher conference, you find yourself developing a strong interest and affection for the two struggling Millers.

chapters marked with * indicate explicit content. minors DNI.

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three*

Chapter Four*

Chapter Five*

Chapter Six*

Chapter Seven*

Chapter Eight*

(all other chapters tba)

drabbles

reader helps guide sarah through a big milestone (period talk warning)

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djarinbarnes · 1 year

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permanent taglist

@what-is-your-wish @buckys-little-hoe @rynabarnesrogers-reading @imboredat2am @desir-ae @kakakatey @stardust-galaxies @fentybucky @awaywithtime @girlygirl14534 @hansensgirl @babymango-writes @linkpk88 @punkerthanpascal

me recordarás taglist

@demoneyesanddamagedsouls @raisuniverse @pedritoispunk @gioispunk @emilianamason @hiphopdancer101universe

taglist form

me recordarás - six

･ ⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･

Pairings: Javier Peña x female reader

Rating: Mature - explicit themes

Word count: 3.6k

Summary: summer has come to an end. you find yourself thrown into a whirlwind of emotions, difficult choices and more adversity, like you’d never believed possible. someone is there to pull you out of it - but it’s not someone you’d ever imagined.

SERIES MASTERLIST

Read it on ao3 here

previous chapter

･ ⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･

Watching Javi sleep beside you was something you’d been thinking about. Dreaming about. And here he was - right there in your bed, his lips slightly parted as soft breaths left his mouth. You let your fingers dart out and smooth over the soft skin of his cheek.

You’re propped up on your elbow, your chin resting in the palm of your hand. You’ve woken up a few moments before - the slight, dull ache between your legs reminding you that yesterday had been real.

You let the digits trail down to his lips, tracing the shape of them before you lean down and press your lips to his. Then you move your fingers over his chin and down the length of his neck, letting your fingers rest over his pulse.

It’s a soft, dull thud under your fingers, and you feel him stir under you. You let your fingers trail over the scarred skin of his shoulder, where the skin had healed over the wound. It’s pink and soft under your skin, only a few months old.

Keep reading

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djarinbarnes · 1 year

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me recordarás - six

･ ⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･

Pairings: Javier Peña x female reader

Rating: Mature - explicit themes

Word count: 3.6k

SERIES MASTERLIST

Read it on ao3 here

previous chapter

･ ⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･

You’re so caught up in drawing circles around his scar, that you don’t notice his eyes fluttering open, watching you as your focus is a hundred percent on him. He admires the way the sun is caught in your lashes, the way your hair is slightly mussed up from sleep.

He reaches up slowly, his arm under your body, his fingers finding what they can of the bare skin of your back and you gasp. You look back at his face and he meets your expression with a soft, crooked smile. It’s warm under your thin duvet, and you relish in the feeling of being so close to him again.

“I’ve never seen anything as beautiful as you,” His morning voice makes your heart flutter and your thighs clench slightly. It’s hoarse and gruff, heavy with sleep, but you love it nonetheless. You’d forgotten what it was like waking up with him, and you’d missed it a lot.

With a swift movement he was on top of you again, resting on his forearms over you, leaning down to capture your lips in a soft kiss. His lips capture your bottom lip between them, and you sigh as he moves in between your thighs, which you spread to grant him access to you.

You feel his length caress your thigh as he moves between your legs and you moan softly into his mouth. You want him. Again. You buck your hips up, your center meeting the soft skin of his erection and he groans against your lips.

With one arm holding himself up, he reaches over and grabs a condom from your bedside table. “Will you do the honors?” He breathes against your lips and you nod, grasping the package from his hand and ripping it open. You scoot down a bit so you can reach, before you roll the latex over his cock.

You return to your position, just a scoot up, and his arms are caging you in an instant. His lips meet yours again, as he grabs his length in his hand, swiping the head through your folds, finding you already wet for him. With a grunt he pushes his length into you slowly, his hand coming around your waist to pull you close to him.

He slides into you fully, and you throw your head back with a moan. With your throat bared to him, he leans in and attaches his lips to the column of your throat. His hips meet yours softly, the length of him filling you up ever so deliciously.

He keeps holding you steady around your waist, thrusting into you in soft strokes and you crane your neck back to kiss him. Your lips capture his this time, and you clasp your legs around his, wanting him impossibly closer.

Javi all but grinds into and and against you, the coarse hairs at the base of him causing the friction to build against you and inside of you quickly. Your skin feels warmer and your toes colder, like all of the warmth in your body is centering in your torso, ready to be let go.

You explode into fireworks as Javi keeps grinding against you, and with your eyes fluttering closed, your back arches off the bed and into Javi’s embrace. He works you through it, his lips moving against the expanse of your jaw, peppering kisses against your skin and pulling you back to the ground. He lays you against the sheets gently, his fingers gently caressing your cheek.

You let your eyes flutter back open, looking right into his deep, chocolate brown eyes, his eyebrows slightly drawn together. You felt naked under his gaze - even more naked than you already were, like he was looking into your very soul.

You felt yourself get shy, your eyes diverting from his to the side, trying to hide yourself from him. You draw your arms up over your breasts with a sigh,

“Never hide yourself from me, hermosa.” He turns your head to face him with a finger before he leans down, kissing your lips softly. “I can’t even put into words how beautiful you are.” He kisses your nose before leaning his forehead against yours.

“I love you,” you breathe, feeling breathless from his compliments. He kisses you again, and you meet his actions with fervor. You feel his erection stir inside of you, and you realize you didn’t feel him coming. You shift your weight, urging Javi to roll over, and he does.

You sit on top of him, your ass against his thighs with the duvet pooling around you. He��s fully sheathed inside of you, and when you’re on top of him, he feels impossibly deeper than you’ve ever felt him.

You lean forward slightly, bracing both your hands on his shoulders as you start moving on top of him. You angle your hips slightly, letting your clit press against his pubic bone. One of his hands grasp your thigh, his fingers tighten against the muscle, the other one grips your hip to further urge your movements.

Your jaw goes slack and you throw your head back as he angles his hips slightly, his cock buried so deeply within you you see stars. You feel the edge of euphoria approach quickly, and you gasp as his hand collides with the globe of your ass cheek. Your head whips forward at him, your eyes widened before you giggle, and you tug your bottom lip in between your teeth.

Your mouth falls open again as he draws his knees up, bracing his feet against the mattress before he starts fucking up into you, holding your hips over him and guiding you as he pleases. You whimper at his rapid movements, your orgasm lingering within reach and with just a few more thrusts you’re coming undone on top of him.

He groans as he keeps grinding himself up into you, and with a few more movements he’s emptying himself into the condom and you collapse on top of him. Your ear lands just under the scar under his collarbone, and you sigh at the sound of the rapid beating of his heart.

His hands are gentle as he strokes your back, and you feel yourself being lulled off into slumber. You don’t know how many seconds, minutes, hours pass before you’re startled awake by someone barging through the door of your apartment.

“Jesus fucking Christ!” Eddie shrieks and you shoot up, the duvet thankfully covering you enough to shield your modesty from your best friend. Javi is just as shocked as you at the sight of his nephew in the open door, and within a few seconds Eddie has left the apartment and slammed the door behind him.

“Fuck,” you breathe with a laugh, and Javi chuckles under you. “He’ll need to bleach his eyes after this.” You joke, and you feel Javi sit up under you, his softened length stirring under you as his lips trail kisses over your collarbone.

“Ed’s just jealous,” Javi speaks against your skin and you slap his arm gently, before moving off him. Your hips are killing you for being in the same position for so long, and you mentally curse yourself as the pain doesn’t fully subside.

“He’s my best friend,” you state, and quickly make your way to the bathroom to wash the sweat and smell of sex off your skin. Javi joins you in the shower after discarding the condom in your trash.

“And he’s in love with you.” Javi speaks behind you, before trailing kisses along the curve of your neck, up to your ear. His hands come around your waist under the stream of water, fingers denting the skin of your stomach slightly. “Just as I am.”

“He’s so not,” you breathe, laying your head back against Javi’s shoulder, offering him room to touch your body.

“Have you seen the way the kid looks at you?” Javi’s hands part - one heading for your breasts, the other for your core. You whimper at the feeling his touch brings, and it kind of takes you aback - how easily his touch turns you on.

“Javi, please.” you grasp both his hands, against your own will, but you both need to get your day started. He whines against your skin, reluctantly letting go of you so you can finish your shower. Since you washed your hair yesterday, you opt on just washing your body.

Javi watches you with intense eyes, and you feel very exposed, even though he’s seen most of you by now. It’s still just so new to you. You decide on not talking more about Eddie since his uncle is standing buck-ass naked in your shower with a semi.

Javi showers after you leave the small space, and you lay out a towel for him. As you walk out of the condensation-filled room, you finally notice a bag by your door - apparently one Javi had brought with him. You figure it must contain some clothes for his stay.

“Hermosa?” Javi speaks from under the stream of the shower. You speak your affirmative, letting him know you’ve heard him. “I was thinking, now that you have to move from this place… If you wanted to go apartment hunting with me. Or house hunting. I guess we’ll find something that feels right if we don’t limit ourselves too much.”

He proposes the idea as nonchalantly as suggesting what to have for dinner. You stop in your tracks and soon thereafter the shower stops running. A few more moments pass before Javi’s walking out of your bathroom, towel around his waist, a few drops of water dripping from his much curlier hair and onto his broad shoulders.

You’re just looking at him, like he’s grown two heads. It might be the case, since he’s proposing something so serious so early on in your relationship.

“What?” He grins at you, both of you frozen in your spots, looking at one another. You take a step towards him, eyeing him before opening your mouth.

“Isn’t it a big step?” You speak, your voice frail. You’re terrified of Javi dismissing you like you were nothing, and if his proposal to move in together was a joke, you knew you would feel both overwhelmed and angry.

“It is.” Javi says, taking an equal step in your direction. “But I want this with you. I want to move in with you.” He says as his hands encapsulate yours. He brings the backs of your hands to his mouth and places a kiss on both of them - all while maintaining eye contact with you. You feel your heart bloom and beat faster in your chest.

“Wh- what about you-your job?” you stutter. You’re surprised - you’ve never stuttered before in your life, and here you are - Javi making you so nervous and flustered, that you can barely speak a sentence. “I…In Colombia?”

Javi lets go of your hand and raises his hand to stroke over the apple of your cheek. “I quit my job before I came here.” Javi reveals and you gasp softly. You hadn’t expected that at all - you knew his job was dangerous, but you were under the impression that Javi liked his job, and wanted to stay there until he retired.

“I needed to do it. For my own sake and yours. I need you safe. The-” Javi trails off. You know he wants to mention the baby, yet he can’t bring himself to do so. “Our future children. I can’t protect you there, or from there. And I need you. I need to be with you. So I’m moving back to the States.”

“Oh Javi,” you whisper, before throwing your arms around his neck. His arms come around your waist and you relax into him - actually overwhelmed by his words. You had no idea he felt so strongly for you, but it made you giddy inside.

“I love you, hermosa.” He whispers over your hair and into your ear, and you pull back to kiss him. He’s right there as you retract yourself, and you capture his lips easily with yours. Again, he kisses you with fervor, and you whimper into his mouth as he grasps onto your skin and molds your muscle after the weight of his fingers.

“So is that a yes?” He breathes against your skin and you smile softly before nodding. It was a definite yes. Javi kisses you again before letting you go to get dressed. You do the same.

“Let’s go find Eddie so we can apologize, then we can see what’s available for rent, mm?” Javi truly is unable to keep his hands off of you, and you kiss him back when he corners you against the front door.

2 months later

“I love the sight of you right there,” Javi says as he comes through the open corridor and into the kitchen of your new, shared home. You giggle as his arms wrap around you from behind, his lips finding the side of your neck in an instant.

You and Javi had settled on renting an apartment closer to your campus until you graduated. The apartment was a little bigger than your previous, and you were very happy with the 2 bed, 2 bath apartment. Even though it was a complex, your apartment was on the third floor, and you could see the Sandspur Island from your living room.

The sun rose in your living room, and you found yourself absorbing the rays of sun peeking through the window as you stood in the kitchen - only a half wall and a line of cabinets separating you from the couch space.

Eddie was surprised when you told him you were moving together. It was something he hadn’t even been able to imagine in his wildest dreams. You felt bad for him - with the revelation Javi had made to you, even though you didn’t know if it was true or not.

Eddie was simply your best friend, and you would never see him in any other way. Maybe it was harsh, but there was something about him that just didn’t see past the friend criteria. He was sweet, handsome and intelligent, and you were sure someone would date him at some point.

You told Javi all of this, and Javi responded with a laugh, saying Eddie was saving himself for you, and that was why he’d never dated anyone - in hopes you got your eyes up for him.

“Do you not see it?” Javi had spoken, one day after Eddie had left. The two of you had been studying at your place all evening, and Javi had cooked for you both and done the dishes after. Eddie had told you a few days before he started seeing someone, and you and Javi had actually seen them when you’d been getting take-away.

“See what, Javi?” Eddie had left moments before he’d asked the question. No, apparently you did not see it, since you were so confused about what Javi was talking about.

“The difference between her and you. He looks at her like she's the prettiest girl in the world. But you... He looks at you like you are his whole world.” It pained Javi to say the words, but he recognized the glace Eddie was giving you all through your studying session.

“Javi… That’s no-...” you sighed, but he held a hand up.

“It’s true. I know the look, okay?” Javi sat down beside you. “ It’s the same look I have when I look at you. Steve was very insistent on telling me I was whipped in Colombia. He used those exact words.” You looked at Javi as he spoke. “And now I see it in Eddie.”

“But I love you.” you say softly, and he nods. You lean over and take his hand, and he kisses the back of yours - a habit you’ve come to love.

“I know hermosa. I’m not implying anything. I just thought you should know.” Javi leans over and pushes a strand of hair behind your ear before leaving a kiss on your lips. “I love you,”

You and Javi easily fell into a routine - he would get up, make you both a cup of coffee before he would bring his cup with him into the bathroom, and get himself ready for the day. You would get out of bed a little after, join Javi in the bathroom after making yourself a slice of bread and drinking the coffee poured for you, before getting dressed and heading to uni.

What Javi did while you were at uni was a mystery to you, he rarely spoke of his day to you, yet he was very interested in what you’d been doing at uni, and what subjects and themes you were currently learning about. He often made you read your assigned texts aloud to him, and you enjoyed the way he would rest his head in your lap, close his eyes and relax.

Maybe it was a way for him to get out of his own head for a little while, and you were happy to grant him that opportunity. At the moment, your class had been assigned to read Macbeth from none other than Shakespeare himself. It somehow made the texts stick better when you read them out loud - maybe because you were really reading them and not just skimming over the text.

After uni today, you manage to read the entirety of Act IV aloud for Javi, before he turns in your lap and starts placing kisses against the shirt covering your stomach. You giggle and read the last two pages before closing the book and putting it away. He looks up at you from your lap, and you feel your heart jumping over a beat at the sight of him. He looks young, as he lays there.

It’s incredibly mundane, and something you’d never expected to happen. Maybe because it wasn't like Javi to be like this - pretty much a housewife at the moment, you guessed - just being home and reading the newspaper, doing the laundry and ironing his shirts. You didn’t even know how the two of you had so much clothing altogether.

“I love you,” you say as you trail your fingers through his hair, and he repeats the words back at you. You loved the way it came so naturally to you, and it made you further believe that it was the right decision to say yes to moving in with him. “And I’m not wearing any underwear. I thought you’d like to know.”

Javi gets up from the couch and holds his hand out for you to take, and you gladly accept. He places a kiss on the back of your hand and walks backwards to the bedroom, and you follow him with a giggle, and a bite of your lip. His eyes are on fire with something you instantly recognize.

“What did I say about you and that lip?” Javi’s voice is low, and you feel yourself reacting to him already. You make it to the bedroom with your hand in his, and he stands himself with his calves against your shared bed.

“That I shouldn’t bite my lip…” you tease, before taking some quick steps forward, and throwing your arms around his neck. “Because it turns you on an awful lot..” you giggle, and kiss him hungrily. You both fall back on the bed, and you’re quick to position your legs on either side of his hips.

“Hermosa…” He groans and you smile against his lips as you continue kissing him, your hips now moving in circles over his clothed erection. “You’re gonna kill me. Please, I’m old.” You're quick to lean back on your heels, undoing his belt and pants before you both work on getting both your lower clothing off.

You lean over to the bedside, grabbing a condom and handing it to him as you get off, taking the remaining of your clothes off. His movements still - like a schoolboy caught reading a porn magazine - as you reveal your breasts to him. He’ll never get tired of that sight.

When he finishes, you’re quick to straddle him again, sinking down on him fully. With a unison moan you start moving over him, giving you both pleasure. When you’re both spent, you simply lie on his chest, listening to his heartbeat as he draws circles on your back.

It’s a momentary bliss, but you’re relishing in it. You have no idea what the future has in store for you, but at this moment, you don’t care. You’re here with Javi, and that’s all that matters.

･ ⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･

#javier peña x reader #javier pena masterlist #javier pena x you #javier pena smut #javier peña x you #javier pena x reader #javier pena fic #javier peña #javier pena fanfiction #javier pena imagine

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djarinbarnes · 1 year

Text

Touch - Masterpost

Benedict Bridgerton x fem!Reader

Summary: You fall in love with Benedict Bridgerton over the course of a year, admiring his lovely long fingers and all the ways they connect you. A love letter to BB/LT's beautiful hands and regency 'hand stuff'.

Winter Rated: G

Spring Rated: G

Summer Rated: 18+

The Following Autumn Rated: 18+

Epilogue Rated: 18+

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djarinbarnes · 1 year

Text

Thank you! Its coming sometime next week 😏🥰

me recordarás - five

･ ⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･

Pairings: Javier Peña x female reader

Rating: Mature - explicit themes

Word count: 4k

a/n: IT’S HERE! a quicker update this time!! I hope you enjoy! lmk what you think!

SERIES MASTERLIST

Read it on ao3 here

previous chapter

･ ⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･

A few days after your conversation with Eddie, Javi finally made an appearance at your door again. You’d started wondering where he was - if he wanted to see you again. You surely hoped he would, based on the way he’d held you and almost kissed you.

Almost. The thought of him and his scent and the feeling of him against you had your mind wandering and your soul quivering in your entire being. You hated the impact he apparently had on you - the tight grip he held you in.

You had so much you wanted to say to him - scold him for leaving you when you needed it the most, scold him for not being there when you needed him the most and mostly scold him because he left you wanting more.

You’d been trying to figure out in which order you would say the things you needed to say to him, repeating everything over and over again to yourself, almost like you had to prepare a speech for an upcoming exam.

Czytaj dalej

#love dina

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djarinbarnes · 1 year

Text

This…. 🥵🥵🥵🥵

Fear and Loathing Masterlist

Javier Peña x f!reader anthology series

Summary: Working with Agent Javier Peña was hard enough, tangling up with him at a bar in a moment of weakness makes co-existing with him even harder.

Rating: Explicit (18+ only! By reading this you are asserting you are over 18.)

Content: NSFW, enemies to lovers, pining, yearning, angst, fluff, heavy alcohol consumption, Narcos-level violence, smut (specific tags in individual chapters), no Y/N

Rebound || Rumors || Rematch || Respite || Recon || Regulations || Re...

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djarinbarnes · 1 year

Text

Im so obsessed with this 🫠🫠

𝐚𝐝𝐝𝐢𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 | dark-ish!joel miller x reader

sequel to 𝐭𝐫𝐢𝐜𝐤𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐝𝐞

𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲 | your... relationship with joel, if you can call it that, has become all you know. you might be his only indulgence, but what happens to you when he needs to leave the boston qz?

𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭 | just under 6k

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 | no episode 2 spoilers/no relationship to the show's plot, extremely dubious consent SMUT (18+ only as always; unprotected sex, non-graphic somnophilia, free use, cnc), angst, graphic depictions of addiction, drug use, and withdrawals, daddy kink, breeding kink, implied but unspecified age gap, degradation and praise, mean!joel but with some hints of soft!joel in there

The lights are on, but you’re not home

Your mind is not your own

Your heart sweats, your body shakes

Another kiss is all it takes…

There were words in your mind, a faint melody echoing, but you couldn’t tell where any of it came from. You didn’t think you dreamt it, but you weren’t even sure if you’d been asleep this morning. Time didn’t seem to move the same way when he was gone.

You were tangled in Joel’s sheets, but suddenly it was too warm for them and so you kicked them off, letting the still air of the room sink onto your bare skin. Your eyes were open sometimes, shut other times… but because the view never changed— the window, the table and chair, the radio— you never knew how much time had passed.

It had to be afternoon when you heard the door open and shut; normally, if he came back during the day, it was the afternoon. You imagined getting up and greeting him, but you knew you couldn’t— too tired, exhausted to the bone, still recovering from what happened before he left this morning. In fact, you were already damn near asleep again by the time he had stepped inside.

He approached the bed, tilting his head slightly as he watched you lay still on your back. He said nothing, just started to open his belt.

“I can’t,” you pouted, but he just grinned at you.

“Can’t say no to me, baby,” he reminded you softly.

“Joel, please,” you whimpered, as he climbed on top of you with a groan, “no— m’still sore…”

“Shh,” was his only reply, his hand reaching into his jeans so he could guide his cock to your opening. He wasn’t even fully hard yet— but he was hard enough, and he forced his head into you with a grunt.

“Fuck,” you sobbed, holding onto him tightly to cope with the pain; he stretched you open and reawakened the pain from before when he’d fucked you for hours, spitting on your pussy to keep it wet when your body had given all it could.

He buried his face in your neck, breathing in deep, whispering a few things you were too caught up in your discomfort to really make out. “Just need you right now,” that was one you remembered— “need you, baby…”

This was pretty typical. Well, it didn’t always hurt this much, but waiting for him all day just so he could come back and use you however he wanted, that was normal. So normal that you’d basically forgotten what life was like before this— before him, before the pills… it was like a memory of a dream, fading faster than you could try to remember it each morning.

He kept you high pretty much constantly, though not nearly enough for your tastes. It was a delicate balance: not enough pills, and you might say ‘fuck this’ and leave him, if you even knew how; too many, and you’d be too fucked up to do what he said— or worse, you might OD. His regiment for you was strict, and designed to keep you addicted enough that you needed him but without getting your tolerance too high.

It was only a few months after this little arrangement started that you moved in. He wanted access to you all the time, and frankly, you only agreed to it because you thought you could find out where he kept the motherlode and steal a lifetime supply of pills before disappearing into the night. Of course, even if you had found the stash, he would’ve found you not too much later— because it’s Joel, and that’s what he does. But it didn’t matter now, because you never found anything more than what he was already going to give you, and that was… you didn’t even know how long ago that was. Everything was sort of a blur now.

He pulled out, but he wasn’t done; he was only stopping to roll you onto your stomach, running his rough hand down your bare back with a soft hum. You hissed as he slid inside you again, but if you knew how to do anything by now, it was how to lay down and take it. Joel admired this talent of yours; “Jus’ take it, baby, mm,” he cooed encouragingly, his thrusts deeper yet slower as he got back to it. “Good girl.”

Even though you were so weak you could hardly grab the thin pillow under your head, you still moaned and arched your back at that. You tried not to think too much about why you craved his approval so much, mostly because deep down, you already knew: he gave you purpose, the one thing drugs couldn’t give you. The pills kept you happy, numb, satisfied; he made you feel like you actually might have some shred of value, even if he was the one who robbed you of your dignity, freedom, your independence of both body and mind.

It was worth it, though. A fair trade, you thought.

“Joel,” you whimpered when his fingers dug into your arm, holding you tight while he laid on top of you; his lips and teeth trailed along your neck and shoulder, his hips grinded against your ass as he fucked you as deep as he could. By now, it didn’t hurt when he went that deep— you’d basically built up an immunity, but that didn’t mean you couldn’t still be sore when he fucked you before he left only to do it all again as soon as he came home. His stamina was impressive at best, dangerous at worst… you might not have agreed to move in here if you knew how often he would want to get his dick wet.

“Yeah,” he agreed, “s’me, baby, m’right here…”

You wondered if he really thought you weren’t sure— you weren’t that high, but it wasn’t the most outlandish idea. Sometimes you woke up to him already inside you, sometimes you drifted in and out of consciousness while he was using you and he didn't even slow down— sometimes he'd give your face little slaps to try to keep you awake, mumbling 'look at me, baby, look up at me with those pretty eyes'...

Maybe you dreamed those, you couldn't even be sure. "So good," he grunted as his pace increased and he fucked you faster. "Perfect little pussy, nice and tight for me."

You buried your face deeper in the pillow to muffle your whines, but he yanked your head back by your hair. “Fuck!” you yelped as he pressed his lips to your ear.

“Wanna hear you,” he explained in a grunt that made shivers jump up and down your spine like lightning. “Lemme hear how much my little whore likes it— let ‘em all hear.”

“Fuck,” you said again, closer to a sob now, “Joel, daddy, please— please, fuck, m’gonna—”

“Gonna cream for me?” he finished for you, and you shut your eyes tight as you nodded. His free hand was kneading your ass, still decorated with a few old bruises from the last time he gave you some nice hard spanks. “Gonna soak my dick?”

“Yeah,” you panted, “yeah— you’re gonna make me come…”

He let go of your hair, instead wrapping his arm around your neck— he didn’t use it to choke you this time, just to keep you close as he pressed himself to you. He usually stayed fully dressed, and didn’t give you anything to cover yourself; you would steal a shirt of his from time to time, only for him to take it back to put on before he left— as if he didn’t have anything else he could wear, you knew he had more than one fucking shirt.

Maybe he just wanted to make you stay naked. Maybe he just wanted to take the scent of you with him when he left. Who’s to say?

“So good, so fuckin’ good,” he praised, groaning loudly as he sped up even more. “Tell me what you want.”

That was code for tell me what I want to hear. “Want you to come inside, daddy,” you sighed, “wan’ it all inside me, please, want you to— to fill my pussy—”

“Fuck,” he moaned, his voice deeper than ever, and a shudder tensed up your insides around him. “Yeah— fuck, keep going.”

“Please, please,” you rambled, your own pleasure ready to burst even though there was still that edge of pain to it all, “wanna be full of your come— wanna… want you to… knock me up…”

He laughed, but then he growled a second later and fucked you more brutally than ever until you bit back a scream. “Yeah? Fuck, you’re such a needy slut,” he spat. “Need my come that bad? ‘Cause you wanna be pregnant?”

You swallowed, nodding as you pretended that wasn’t one of your biggest fears. “Yes, daddy, please— need you, need you, fuck, I need you—”

“Come,” he ordered, “right fuckin’ now, come for me—”

He kept talking, but you stopped listening; when it hit you, it was like your muscles were too weak to do what your orgasm dictated they should— because normally, everything in you would tighten and your toes would curl and your head would fall back and it would be obvious that you were coming for him. Instead, all you could do was lay there and let it wash over you, pangs of pleasure and pain alternating while he groaned and came with you. He coated your walls with every pump, thrusts faltering until his forehead rested on your shoulder with a long sigh.

“Fuck,” he whispered, only indulging in a moment of rest and stillness before he pulled out and got up. It was amazing to you how he could just shove his dick back in his jeans and zip up and it was like nothing happened— amazing, and sad. Meanwhile, you couldn’t even get up off the bed, couldn’t even walk if you tried. He had such an effect on you, and you were just an instinct for him— just a fill to a need, like food is to hunger or water is to thirst. Maybe you sort of liked to be needed, but it wasn’t easy.

“Is it time yet?” you asked.

“No,” he answered quickly, firmly, and you rolled your eyes. He never told you what time you were allowed to get your fix, usually he just told you that it wasn’t time yet. It felt like it was never fucking time. What was even the point of all this if he made you wait? You never made him wait— you tried, but he made it clear your body was his and your job was just to spread your legs when he was ready.

You like to think that you’re immune to the stuff, oh yeah

Closer to the truth to say you can’t get enough

You know you’re gonna have to face it, you’re addicted to love

You were lucid enough now to actually question how and why those words were in your head; your eyes were heavy, but you kept them open to look at the radio. “A song…” you realized aloud.

He looked over at you again. “Huh?”

You summoned your little strength to lift yourself up— just enough to turn onto your side and slip under the sheet again. You were cold again, even though the temperature in the room hadn’t changed. “The radio… there was a song,” you mumbled.

He stepped up to you again. “What song?”

You shook your head. “Didn’t know it,” you said. Because of course you didn’t, you barely knew anything, you were too young to remember before. You barely even remembered last month— the pills will do that to you.

“Well, how did it go?” he asked.

Looking away, you tried to conjure it in your mind, but it was so distant. Did he want you to hum it for him, sing or something? Your throat was tired from screaming all that bullshit about getting pregnant— it was gonna be a pretty rough go, if you tried that. “I… I dunno,” you mumbled. “My brain’s all… it’s fuzzy. I need the pills.”

He tightened his jaw. “Are you trying to negotiate with me?” he asked, the tone of his voice making it obvious that the correct answer was no.

“I— no, I,” you stalled, “I really can’t remember, I just… maybe if you give me some—”

“God damn it,” he rolled his eyes as he started to reach into his coat pocket. “One. Y’hear me? One.”

Suddenly you were full of energy, sitting up on the bed and reaching for him eagerly. “Yeah, yeah,” you agreed, nodding fervently. “Thanks, s’gonna help, Joel, really.”

You tried to grab the pill as soon as you saw it, but he jerked it away. “Jesus,” he grumbled, “give me a second.”

He set it on the bedside table, taking out a gun from his belt next and using the butt to crush the pill. You watched, enraptured, practically drooling, as he ground the pill into powder and prepared a line for you.

“Do you need—?” he began to ask as he backed away, likely about to offer a rolled up paper or something to make it easier, but you were already face-first in it, holding one nostril shut and running the other across the surface of the table.

One wasn’t much, but neither is a sip of water when you’re stranded in the desert— but it’s still incredible. You hummed a little as you sat back on the bed, tilting your head back. It was already hitting, and you were already feeling better than you had all day.

A one track mind, you can’t be saved

Oblivion is all you crave

If there’s some left for you, you don’t mind if you do

“You remember it now?” he asked impatiently.

“Yeah,” you sighed. “Yeah, uh—” you cleared your throat and did your best to sing the hook, the part that repeated a thousand times— “might as well face it, you’re addicted to love.”

You opened your eyes again for his reaction, maybe hoping he might say something nice about your singing voice or thank you for remembering. That wasn’t quite how it went. “Shit,” Joel hissed, then again, louder: “Shit!”

“What?” you wondered, your voice sleepy and slurred as you sunk back into the bed, ready to go back to sleep— real sleep, the kind you can only get from a hit. It wouldn’t last long, but it would still be better than anything else.

“We’ve gotta go.”

“What?!” you said again, though this time you had a lot more energy, because you heard what he said. He was already shoving things into a bag. “Joel, we— what? Go where?”

“Long story, I’ll explain on the way,” he promised. “Just… start getting your things together.”

What things? “Seriously, we can’t— I can’t—”

“Do what I fucking say,” he said sharply, stopping what he was doing to look at you intensely. “Don’t make me tell you again: Get dressed. Get your shit. We’re going.”

The first day was torture. You thought maybe he was getting sick of you, too— you weren’t very… useful. You couldn’t even keep up with him, couldn’t follow as quickly or navigate the rocky, uneven terrain outside the QZ like he could. You held out hope that you were going to get your daily dose soon— he only gave you that one before, never your full allowance— but as it grew darker, you realized he was going to have you skip the day since you wouldn’t be in any condition to hike once you got your fix. He promised, though, that you could have a double dose tomorrow if you were patient. It was still nearly impossible to wait for it, but it was a nice motivator to keep moving.

He never explained where you were going exactly, or why— just that the song you heard on the radio was code for something that he needed to handle. In a weird way, you were flattered that he was bringing you with him, even though all you could think about was going back home and curling up in his bed.

What you expected to be the worst part of this, though, turned out to be one of the only good things about this situation: sleeping. He brought something to roll out on the ground, and it helped, but you’d been dreading sleeping on the ground from the moment you stepped outside of Joel’s apartment. The thing about sleeping out here, though, was that— unlike at home— he held you at night. Sure, it wasn’t the first time you’d cuddled with Joel, but it was the first time you really noticed it— normally, he would hold you while you slept but he’d be gone before you woke up, so you’d really only be aware if you happened to wake up while he was still asleep. Instead, now, it started from the beginning: he motioned for you to lay down with him, opening up his arm for you and letting you rest your head on his shoulder. He held you close, promising it wouldn’t get too cold, even breathing in deeply against the top of your head.

It took you longer to fall asleep than him, and not just because you were craving your fix; you couldn’t really wrap your brain around all of it, and every time you looked up at his sleeping face, you realized how rare it was to see him this vulnerable.

In the middle of the night, awakened by the pain of craving those pills you were waiting for you traced his features— the lines on his forehead, the slope of his nose, the salt-and-pepper stubble on his jaw.

Having a mischievous thought, your eyes glanced at the jacket rolled up under his head; the right side pocket, he’d pulled out the pill from you from there. Is that where he’s keeping the rest of them? You examined it, wondering if you could somehow reach into it without unrolling it or waking him up.

It definitely wouldn’t have worked, but you didn’t even get a chance to try— when your fingers brushed over the jacket, the sound of your fingers on the fabric just beside his ear woke him up. He just stirred at first, but then he blinked his eyes open and hummed as he held you tighter.

“Can’t sleep,” you whispered, and even though you didn’t think that was good news, he smiled at you and turned on his side— pulling you into him, nuzzling his face in your neck.

“Tell me what you need, baby,” he mumbled just beside your ear.

I need the fucking pills, Joel. “I need you,” you whispered instead.

He rolled you onto your back, kissing up and down the height of your throat, humming soft praises to you. It was so easy to give into him, like second nature: you spread your legs and let his body slot between them, hooking your ankles together behind his back and holding on with trembling hands to his broad shoulders. “Gonna give you what you need,” he promised, and you sighed in satisfaction— you were still imagining tomorrow, when he’d give you what you really needed, but a little dopamine in the meantime would stave off the shakes at least.

He pushed up the borrowed shirt you were wearing, and pulled your panties halfway down your thighs. A second later, his pants were shoved down and he was inside you— and yes, it stung at first, but it was also shockingly comfortable. Not just the penetration itself, but the slow movements of his hips, the kisses on your jaw and collarbone, the way he held you…

“So good, my good girl,” he whispered to you, making you moan shamelessly. “Shh, not so loud— need to be quiet, okay? Not too loud…”

Nodding and biting your lip, you tried your best, but every time he filled you made waves of relief flood your body; it was hard to keep from just saying his name, over and over, like a mantra as he took you to enlightenment.

It was mostly wordless after that, spare a few times you hissed out a yes or he mumbled a fuck, but much more was said in the silence. The way his hand gripped your thigh, fingers digging into the softness of your skin, said don’t leave, don’t even move, you’re right where I want you. The way his teeth nipped at your neck said I’m holding myself back, but I can only control myself so much. The way you hid your face in his chest said I know if you look at me now, you’ll see everything.

He must’ve heard that, then, because his free hand brushed your hair back and guided your head to lay down on the jacket-pillow again— he stared down at you, and bent down to kiss away the tear on your temple. Maybe a more gentlemanly sort of guy would actually stop and ask why you were crying, but you knew he already knew that this wasn’t a cry of pain or anguish, he knew that if he stopped you’d just whine and beg him to keep going.

So he didn’t stop, not until he’d made you fall apart to the pleasure and your walls were coated with him once again. Even as weak as your body had become, you still found the energy to give him one more squeeze when he grunted at the end, the rough sound of his pleasure which you took a little too much pride in being responsible for.

Only then did you finally fall asleep, with him still inside you and surrounding you, your whole body going a little numb— yet you were warm, ecstasy running through your veins, thick and sweet like syrup.

Some things didn’t change at all: he wasn’t laying with you when you woke up, already re-packing the bag and checking his map one more time. At least he wasn’t totally gone, like most mornings, but of course he’d never leave you out here on your own.

Another thing that didn’t change was your favorite question. You’d probably asked almost ten times already: “Is it time yet?”

It never was— you tried to keep walking, keep following, but each step was worse than the last and your body felt completely drained. Joel apparently didn’t understand this, but the pills didn’t really get you high anymore, not in the way they had when he was just your dealer once a week. You needed them just to feel normal; it wasn’t for fun, you weren’t partying or anything, you just wanted the pain to stop… you just wanted to sleep.

At least you got a few hours last night, but your body could only take so much, and your brain could only survive on so little.

“Is it—” you began as you trailed behind him.

“Don’t ask again,” he ordered, still marching ahead determinedly. “You’ll know when it’s time.”

“How will I know?” you asked, but he didn’t answer, he didn’t even look back at you over his shoulder. He just readjusted the pack on his back and kept moving forward.

The sun was so low you couldn’t even see it past the buildings on the horizon, a tangerine haze settling over the ruins of wherever-the-fuck-you-were, and he was guiding you up a long cement spiral— a parking garage, if you were thinking clearly enough to consider what this used to be.

You were thinking clearly enough to know this wasn’t a necessary path through; this was a detour, and presumably it was where you’d settle for the night considering it had all the necessary attributes of a temporary shelter. You liked this better than the last place— you could probably get inside one of the cars left behind, clean it out a bit, and have an especially secure (and padded) sleeping spot— but there was still one glaring flaw with this plan: it was nearly time to stop for the night and you still didn’t get your goddamn fix.

You’d been saving your complaints in case he went back on the offer to double you up for today, but you couldn’t hold it back anymore. Your hands were shaking— almost made you paranoid that you got infected somehow, even though you had managed to avoid any runners the past two days.

“Please, Joel, m’goin’ crazy over here,” you whimpered, clutching your arm. “I need—”

“I don’t have any!” he finally snapped at you. “I was out when we left.”

“No,” you denied instantly, “no— you’re lying, you had one— you gave me one.”

He sighed, his expression and tone losing their frustration and shifting instead to a sort of solemnity as his shoulders slumped. “It was the last one.

It was like instinct: you ran at him like you really thought you could take him down. Of course, as soon as you reached him, he held you back without even putting much effort into it while you clawed and screeched and and said every horrible thing you could think of. “Fuck, Joel! Fucking fuck you! I hate you!” you screamed.

“You wouldn’t have come with me if I told you,” he offered, as if that were a defense.

“No fucking shit!” you yelped, trying to writhe your way out of his grip on your wrists, but it was useless. So you tried to kick him— and then he went from mildly irritated to properly done with your shit. Shoving you back, he pushed you away and you tripped on a broken chunk of cement; the pain of hitting the ground was nothing— nothing compared to the aching need that crawled under your skin, nothing compared to the twist in your heart that made your eyes and nose burn. Sniffling, you hid your face with your arm so he wouldn’t see you cry.

He knelt down in front of you, sighing like he was about to say something, but he didn’t.

“I need them, Joel, I need them,” you kept repeating weakly. “I’m so— fuck, I can’t even think without them…”

“You can’t think with them, either,” he replied. “They were messing with your head, kid.”

No, you were messing with my head. You made me your slave and now I’m stranded in the middle of fucking nowhere about to go into withdrawals.

His hand came to rest on your knee, and you were too exhausted to even pull away. “You needed to get clean— now’s as good a time as any.”

You pulled your arm down so you could glare at him. “Now, Joel? Cold turkey, hours from the nearest QZ, no doctors or nurses or fucking anything around— now’s as good a time as any?”

He frowned and looked away.

“You know how much you had me on, you know I can’t just stop.”

“You’re gonna have to,” he shrugged. “Unless you have a better plan.”

“We’ll go back—”

“Are you fucking kidding?”

“We— there’s gotta be something on the way, somewhere we can go to get more—”

“There’s not,” he promised. “You’re just gonna have to ride it out. But it’s gonna be so much better when you get to the other side— it won’t control you anymore—”

“Will you?”

He stopped. For a second, he actually looked sad— heartbroken, if you didn’t know any better. After a long silence, his face straightened out again and he looked at you, just as cold and stern as usual. “You know you can’t leave,” he said. “Not because I’m making you stay— because you’ll die if you go alone.”

“I know,” you admitted, only able to whisper because speaking any louder would make your voice break with a sob. “I know, Joel, I know— m’fuckin’ useless, I know—”

“Shh, hey,” he reached forward, hesitantly stroking your arm through the material of his own shirt that you were wearing. “That’s not what I mean. I just can’t let that happen to you— you have to stay here. Just for the night.”

As if tomorrow you’d be free— but tomorrow would be the same, tomorrow might be even worse depending on how bad the withdrawals got. Tomorrow wouldn’t give you some magical way to get home, or to get your fix, or to trust him again after that monumental lie.

Still, you both knew that you had no choice tonight: you were here now and he was all you had.

You didn’t even sleep for a second. The two of you hunkered down in a rotted Land Rover just because, well, it felt like the fanciest option and the seats were in better condition than most; he held you all night, rubbing your back and trying his best to soothe you as the pain grew and grew. You cried into his chest— you wanted to hate him, but the way he held you was the only thing that didn’t feel like pure agony right now. You wanted to blame him, but you subconsciously associated him with the cure; some part of you was convinced he was the cure.

“Hurts,” you choked out, as if this was some new information for either of you; it was like everything inside you was sharp, your toes were curling inside your boots and your brain felt like it was swelling up and pressing against the inside of your skull. “Hurts, Joel…”

“I know, I know,” he soothed, letting you grip as tight as you could onto his arm. “It gets better— it’s gonna stop hurting soon.”

"I think I'm dying," you announced, "am I dying?"

"No, baby," he sighed, "you're not. You'll be fine."

“I think I’m gonna die,” you sobbed anyways. “I can’t— I can’t do this… I just want it to stop…”

“I know,” he said again. That was the meat of it, really: you kept telling him how bad it hurt and he kept telling you he knew. But you couldn’t imagine how he could understand pain like this.

It was quiet for a long time, probably hours. You’d stopped crying— you felt empty of all tears, of all words or thoughts— and just tried to breathe as slowly as you could. Your heart wanted to race even as you sat perfectly still, curled up in his lap, and it scared the shit out of you; so you were doing everything you could to try to get your heart rate down, taking long breaths and saying nothing and keeping your eyes shut as you rested your tear-stained face on his shirt.

His own breathing was the only other sound in the car— you could hear his heartbeat, too, with your ear on his chest, and you tried to get your own to match it. It was steady and strong, not weak and unpredictable like yours; it was fitting, really.

It almost startled you when he spoke; it made your heart pick up again, slightly, but you didn’t react otherwise. “I couldn’t give you anymore, sweetheart,” he whispered, petting your head softly. “I know you fucking hate me, I know what I did to you for this long… you know it’s almost been a year? Since you first ran out of rations and offered yourself instead, can you believe that?”

You were too weak to answer— he probably thought you were asleep, he only got to talking this much when at least one of you was asleep.

“I never felt good about it,” he admitted, “but I was able to let it go for a while. Having you was worth it. I felt like fuckin’ shit keeping you hooked on that crap but I couldn’t lose you— I knew if I stopped, you’d leave. What I didn’t realize was I was gonna lose you to the drugs if I didn’t get you clean. You were too fucked up, baby, you were barely there… this was the only way, m’so sorry, but this was the only way— couldn’t lose you, darlin’, I couldn’t lose you…”

He was holding your limp body so tight, so close, burying his face in your neck; you’d never really seen him like this, he had his moments but he was generally pretty aloof. You wished you had the strength to tell him: I was never gonna leave you, Joel. I was never strong enough for that.

You watched the sunrise, through the filthy back window of the car and between the cement levels of the dilapidated garage. Then you watched Joel sleep, and felt a different pain than the shudders of withdrawals that you’d almost gotten used to by now: the pain of loving someone, and having no fucking idea how to survive it. You were still angry with him for what he’d done, and why he did it, but you knew you were going to tolerate it all— and not just because you had to. You needed him now, for much more than just survival.

The shakes hit again, and though you held your fist tight to fight it, the movement still woke him. He opened just one eye first, and you couldn’t help but smile slightly at the expression on his face.

“Drink some more water,” he encouraged you— and you were perfectly capable of handling that task yourself, but he still unscrewed the canteen he’d brought and held it to your lips, tilting it forward slightly for you. With his guidance, you drank a bit more than you usually would have, which was probably a good thing. “How are you feeling?” he asked when he let you stop.

“Better,” you admitted. “I didn’t think it would ever get better but… yeah, better.”

“It might come and go for a while,” he warned you, “but we won’t start moving again until you’re ready.”

You nodded, rubbing your own arm as you noticed a slight chill inside the car. Your legs were still draped over his lap, and he wrapped an arm around them. “M’ready,” you decided. “Just… might need a break—”

“Yeah, of course,” he offered; you’d never seen him so effusive, if that was the right word. He could certainly be gentle, it wasn’t the first time you’d seen that side, but that was usually little physical things like petting your head or cleaning you off with a rag or something. Not words: not promising, in a not-so-obvious way, that he would do anything to take care of you now. That he cared more about keeping you safe than getting to where he needed to go.

Still, you didn’t want to abuse his mercy. It didn’t take you too long to get everything together and head out, setting down a new path that he’d actually explained to you somewhat in advance: past that big tree there, between the two grey buildings, and East for a while…

For most of the morning you were silent— he led, you followed, walking along the uneven ground and avoiding anything that looked like it might be connected to the larger network of infection.

It must’ve been about an hour before you finally found the courage to say something. “I don’t hate you,” you blurted out.

He looked over your shoulder at you, an unreadable expression on his weathered face.

“Just wanted you to know that,” you explained.

He nodded, turning back forward, and you kept moving.

#dina recs

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djarinbarnes · 1 year

Text

A ROLLERCOASTER.

Realised Too Late - Part 3

Part 1, Part 2 Summary: You’ve been best friends with Frankie since high school and you’ve harboured a secret that whole time that has eaten you alive. You’re in love with him. You know he only sees you as Arce (Maple), the nickname he gave you on your first day. You’re just his Canadian friend, never anything more. When his life takes a series of different turns, however, you’re there to support him through it but how long can you do that before it just hurts too much?

Warnings: Pregnancy, Angst, Loss of a Baby, Smut 18+

Pairings: Frankie Morales x Reader - Ben Miller x Reader

Notes: This chapter is a tough one. It's something that is close to my family as my sister lost her daughter to SIDS at 12 weeks. If you have suffered from losing a baby and may get triggered by the subject then I'd advise against reading this.

‘Deep breaths baby.’ Said Ben as he held you in the back of his brothers truck ‘We’re almost there.’

Frankie’s knee was bouncing frantically in the front seat as he watched Benny try and comfort you as another contraction ripped through you. Today was the day. The day you all learned whether your baby was his or Ben's. He knew he had to share them even if it was his, Ben wasn’t going to ever let you go. The two of you had become a solid as stone as your pregnancy had progressed. You’d never referred to the baby as his, only Ben’s and that had killed him a little more each time but you weren’t his. He had no right to be jealous.

‘Fuck Ben.’ You cry, crushing his hand in yours as they got closer and closer together ‘I can’t… I can’t do this.’

‘Yeah, you can baby.’ He said sweetly, placing a kiss on your brow ‘Not long now and we’ll meet our baby boy.’

‘Mmmmm, our baby boy.’ You hummed, smiling at him through the pain ‘I like the sound of that.’

‘We’re here!’ Announced Will as he pulled in front of the hospital, Ben quickly hopping out and swooping you into his arms before sprinting inside.

Frankie was hot on his heels, cap in his hand as he then followed him and the nurses as they pushed you towards the maternity ward. He could only focus on one thing. You. He watched as you were laid down onto a bed, the doctor announcing that you were almost ready to start pushing and that the nurses needed to get you into a gown before you were moved to a delivery room. He stood there, unsure of what to do or where to be but when the doctor noticed him stood there looking like a lost lamb he told him he needed to leave. That only the parents could be there.

‘No please.’ You pleaded, looking at Ben who gave you a small smile and a nod ‘Please can he stay. There is a chance it’s his.’

‘Right.’ Was the doctor's response before you were wheel out, Benny and Frankie right behind you and as you entered the delivery room Ben stopped beside you and Frankie stood on the other side, giving you a small smile before looking at the doctor ‘Right I need you to push for me now sweetheart but not to hard okay.’

‘I can’t’ You sobbed, shaking your head as tears rolled down your cheeks ‘Baby I can't.’ You choked as you looked at Ben who kissed you sweetly before resting his forehead against yours.

‘Yes, you can baby.’ He said ‘Come on… Push.’

And you did.

You screamed with each one, panting in between before you were forced to push again and when the doctor told you that he was almost there your strength was renewed and with one last final effort, he arrived. Bloody and screaming with a face red and furious. Ben was allowed to cut the cord before he was whisked away so the doctors could clean him up and you finally allowed yourself to rest.

‘Congratulations.’ Said the nurse as she handed him to you and you knew instantly who's he was as he looked up at you.

‘Shit.’ Benny breathed as his hand flew up to his mouth and he let out a choked sob.

Blue orbs peeked through his lids and a thin layer of blonde hair covered his head. There was no doubt in your mind. He was Ben’s.

‘Shit he’s perfect.’ Benny sobbed as he leaned down to place a soft kiss on his head ‘We have a son.’ He finished as he looked at you and then at Frankie who was staring at the baby with an indecipherable expression plastered over his face.

‘Fish?’ Ben said, pulling the man from his dark thoughts.

Frankie looked up at him finally, eyes shining with unshed tears before looking at you and taking in a tremulous breath.

‘Congratulations.’ He said as his eyes flitted between the two of you, glancing once more at the baby before leaving.

Your heart broke.

You knew how much he was hoping the baby would be his. He’d told you as much one evening when Ben and Will had decided to throw an impromptu barbecue and Frankie had ended up drinking way too much.

‘I really want him to be mine’ He’d said as he had stared at your bump ‘I may never get another chance to be a father. I’ve lost one already. I know it’s selfish but fuck… I hope he’s mine.’

There had been a small part of you that had hoped that for him too but in reality, you wanted it to be Ben's. Despite him telling you otherwise you had been terrified that if the baby turned out to be Frankie’s, that would be the end of you both.

‘I should go talk to him.’ Said Ben, giving your arm a squeeze.

‘Baby I-.’

‘I’ll be right back.’ He interrupted before sprinting out the room, catching fish by the shoulder and pulling him into an empty room ‘Fish what the fuck man?’ He challenged, giving him a frustrated look ‘Your best friend has just had a baby and all you can say is congratulations before storming out?’

‘There’s no reason for me to be there now.’ He said coldly, not looking Ben in the eye ‘He’s clearly not mine.’ He growled ‘You got what you wanted.’

‘Fish-.’

‘Why are you still here man?’ He snapped, shoving Ben ‘You have everything I want!’ He pauses as Ben tilts his head but still says nothing ‘You have her! You have a son!’

‘Fish. I know you wanted a kid but-.’

‘You have the woman I love.’ He interrupted, venom dripping from each word ‘I just wanted him to be mine. Just wanted to have one thing that I could share with her but no… He’s yours and I am left alone and with nothing.’

‘Fish I know you’re hurting but don’t hurt her.’ Ben pleaded ‘You mean the fucking world to her man and she’s not going to be able to cope if she thinks you hate her.’

‘She has you!’

‘Fuck you, man.’ Ben snapped, finally losing his temper ‘You say that I’m with the woman you love well news flash Francisco! You had your chance with her. You had years to be with her but you chose differently and now she’s with me. I fucking love her so much Fish. She completes me and yeah I’m not going to lie to you. I’m relieved the kid's mine but my heart is breaking for you brother because despite everything that has happened I still love you and care about you.’

‘Ben-‘

‘No Fish… I’m speaking.’ He growled, raising his finger to shut Frankie up ‘Now you are going to go back in there and you are going to be a friend to her. You are going to put your selfish shit to one side and be her best friend. Are we clear?’

Frankie could only nod. A little shocked by Ben’s outburst but when the younger Miller turned to leave, he followed without question. Will was in there when the two of them got back and you smiled at Ben but beamed at Frankie, relieved that he’d come back.

‘May I hold him?’ Asked Benny as he came to a stop at your bedside and placed a soft kiss on your lips.

You nodded and handed the tiny bundle to him, your heart swooning at the sight of Ben holding his son. Then your eyes travelled to Frankie who was stood there with a conflicted expression on his face but as you smiled at him you saw him relax a little, taking ginger steps to your side before placing a friendly kiss on your temple.

‘I’m sorry Arce.’ He mumbled against your skin and you look up at him with a sad look on your face ‘I shouldn’t have stormed out.’

‘No, you shouldn't have.’ You scorned before your features softened ‘But I am glad you came back.’

‘Always.’ He replied, smiling at you sweetly.

The first two weeks of parenthood were hard. Lucas was a fussy baby, refusing to sleep and refusing to eat and you and Ben were exhausted. When you hit week three though he seemed to calm down and the two of you were able to start falling into a routine with him.

‘Well, someones a hungry chunk this morning.’ Said Ben as he sat at the table, Lucas in his arms and suckling away happily at his bottle.

‘Takes after his dad.’ You teased as you gave him a wink.

‘If you hadn’t given me the best gift in the world a few weeks ago I’d spank you for that comment.’ He said as he smirked at you before looking down at the wriggly baby in his arms ‘Can you grab me the towel.’ He said as he placed the empty bottle on the table and held him over his shoulder before proceeding to pat his back, chuckling when a little burp escaped Lucas' lips ‘That’s my boy. Better out than in.’

‘Frank and Will have invited us round this weekend for the race.’ You said as you placed a steaming hot mug of coffee down in front of Ben.

‘Oh, how does that sound Lukey?’ He asked as he lifted his son so he could look him in the eyes ‘Wanna watch your first Grand Prix?’

The baby didn’t answer, just looked back at Ben with wide eyes before farting and scrunching his face as he started to cry.

‘Nice my boy.’ Ben giggled before pulling him to his chest and standing, rocking him gently ‘Someone needs changing.’

‘I can do it.’

‘Nah it’s cool I've got it.’ Said Ben as he kissed you sweetly before walking up to Lucas’ nursery.

Ben had taken to being a dad so well. He wasn’t afraid to do the yucky stuff and he lived for bath time, that was something you both loved to do together. Everything felt so perfect. You had everything you ever wanted and it felt like nothing could take that away from you. Little did you know that fate had other ideas.

2 months later…

The day started like any other. The sun shone through the cracks in the blind as you stretched your arms and legs, hand landing on the empty space beside you that was still warm. He wasn't long gone. You smiled as you stared at Ben’s side of the bed. He loved to get up and give Lucas his morning bottle. He said it was so that you got a little more sleep but you knew, in reality, it was him wanting a little alone time with the baby. Lucas was growing like a weed, already so long in the body and outgrowing his clothes quickly and you knew he was going to be tall like his dad. His hair was a sandy blonde and his eyes a sapphire blue that you swore could see right into your soul every time you look into them. You turned your head to look at the photo, that Will had snapped a few weeks ago, framed on your bedside table. Ben was planting a kiss on Lucas’ cheek whilst you beamed at the camera. The picture-perfect happy family.

‘NOOOOO!’ Ben's scream pulled you from your reverie and your blood ran cold ‘No no no no.’ You heard him yell and you leapt out of the bed.

You sprinted into Lucas’ nursery to see Ben on the floor, cradling him in his arms but he was deathly still. Deathly pale.

‘Ben?’

He didn’t answer. Just sobbed as he rocked on his knees and pulled his son closer to him.

‘Baby what’s the matter?’ You asked but in reality, you knew, you just didn’t want it to be true.

‘He’s gone.’ He choked and you fell to your knees, cradling your stomach as a guttural scream crept its way up your throat.

‘No, he’s not.’ You wailed ‘He’s not you're lying to me.’

Ben could only shake his head before burying his head in the crook of Lucas’ neck, his tears staining his son's onesie.

‘He’s sleeping Ben.’ You said, eyes wide ‘Just sleeping baby.’

He wasn’t sleeping.

Ben eventually called an ambulance and Lucas was pronounced dead. You didn’t leave the floor of his nursery until they took his body away, informing you both that you would need you to come to the hospital. Ben called Will when they arrived, having to fight hard to keep himself together for you as you sat there and stared off at nothing. Unwilling to accept what was happening.

‘Ben.’ Said Will as he pulled his brother into a hug, cradling his brother’s head as he sobbed against his shoulder.

Frankie sprinted to your side, pulling you into his arms and holding you as you fell apart and for a while, there were only the sounds of your shared grief filling the air of the room you were in. The rest of the time in the hospital felt more like flashes of time rather than linear moments. You stood there, numbly looking at your son's body as it lay there in the morgue. He was so tiny and it all felt so wrong.

‘I have concluded that this was SIDS.’ He stated and Will pipped up asking what that was ‘It stands for Sudden Infant Death Syndrome. Unfortunately, there’s no explanation for why he died. It just happens. I'm truly sorry for your loss.’

‘Thanks, doc.’ Said Will as he led his brother out as he broke down again but you stood there a while longer, looking at the tiny being you’d pushed into this world laying there void of life.

‘Come on Arce.’ Said Frankie softly as he put his arm around your shoulders ‘ Let's go.’

‘Can I stay with you?’ You said out of the blue, taking him by surprise ‘I can’t go back. I can’t go back to that house that’s filled with him.’

‘Of course.’ He said softly, pulling you against him and holding you as you allowed yourself to cry.

Your relationship with Ben started to fall apart in the months that followed Lucas’ death. You couldn’t stand to be around him, his presence reminding you too much of the one that was missing. It was killing you that the love that the two of you had, had been ripped away from you and now the only person whose touch you could stand was Frankie’s. Ben moved out and eventually you moved back in. Frankie put all of Lucas' things in the attic, not willing to throw them away despite you begging him to. He knew you. Knew that eventually, you’d regret throwing it all away so instead, he hid it all away, knowing that one day you would thank him.

‘Do you want to move back in?’ You asked out of the blue and Frankie looked at you in shock ‘Hate being alone in this house. Keep listening out for him but…’

‘Are you sure that me moving in is what you want?’ He asked, a little unsure how smart this was.

‘I’m so alone. Ben and I haven't spoken in months. I have no one but you.’

‘Arce-.’

‘Please, Frank.’ You pleaded ‘Please.’

‘Fine cariño.’ He said as he pulled you into a hug ‘I’ll move back in.’

6 months later…

‘When is there going to be a decent American driver that can take this British guy down a peg or two?’ Asked Frankie as he sipped his beer and you chuckled at his statement.

‘Hamilton is a freaking amazing driver!’ You stated as you elbowed him playfully before taking a swig of your cider ‘He’s so close to overtaking Schumacher’s number of world titles.’

‘You’re such a nerd.’ He teased and you stuck your tongue out at him.

‘Most guys find my knowledge and love for F1 hot.’ You sulked, pushing your bottom lip out as you crossed your arms.

‘Oh, it is.’ He replied ‘Not many things sexier than a girl that loves her cars.’

‘And Star Wars!’ You finished for him and he chuckled.

‘And Star Wars.’ He agreed.

You both continued to watch the race. You drank and laughed and for the first time in months, you felt at peace. You and Ben had met up a month ago to talk but as you had sat across from him in the coffee shop that you both loved. You realised that you no longer loved him. You still cared for him and it had felt good to talk. To share in each other’s grief but losing your son had killed the love that you had for each other. You’d always treasure, however, that short time you had shared with Lucas.

‘Want another?’ Asked Frankie, pulling you back to the present.

‘Are you trying to get me drunk?’ You questioned as you gave him a suspicious look.

‘No.’ He replied, grinning at you.

‘Yes. Please.’ You replied.

He returned a few moments later with your drink which he handed to you before sitting down beside you again and pulling you into his side. You curled into him, his scent making your brain go a little fuzzy. Once the race was over you put on Star Wars, the two of your mouthing the words before catching each other doing it and bursting into laughter. Your eyes locked and you smiled at each other, the air between you crackling. You trapped your bottom lip between your teeth and Frankie felt his length twitch in his sweats, gazing back into your eyes before you closed the distance between you.

The next few minutes were a flurry of clothes being torn off and the clashing of teeth before you sank down onto him and moaned loudly as he filled you completely. Your pace was fast and hard from the onset, bouncing on his lap as he held your hips to guide your movements.

‘Fuck I’m gonna cum.’ You whined, gripping onto his shoulders as you hit your peak ‘FUCK.’

He was right behind you and he grunted against the shell of your ear as he filled you with his cum, kissing your lips softly as you both came down from your high.

‘Fuck’ You said as you let out a breathy chuckle.

‘Yeah.’ He replied, grinning at you as he let his head fall back against the couch.

Climbing off of him you sprinted to the bathroom to clean yourself up before returning with a cloth for Frankie. He accepted it graciously before tossing it onto his shirt that still lay on the floor.

After a few moments of silence, you piped up ‘What does this mean Frank?’

‘What do you want it to mean?’ He asked, turning his head to look at you.

‘I want you.’ You admitted ‘I never stopped loving you Frankie and if you’ll have me. I want to give us a try.’

His silence made you nervous and you started to fidget in your seat.

‘I’m too late.’ You mumbled ‘I’m sorry… this was stupid… I-.’

You interrupted by his lips smashing against yours, his tongue seeking entry which you happily allowed and he moaned in your mouth as you straddled his hips.

‘I love you, Arce.’ He said as he finally pulled away and you grinned at him.

‘I love you too.’ You replied, grinning at him.

2 months later…

‘This can’t be happening.’ You lamented, staring at the stick in your hand.

You’d been suffering from some similar symptoms over the past few days and had decided that you’d get a test to check. You decided to take both just to be sure and as you looked at the one in your hand and then at the one sat beside the sink you choked on a sob.

They both said the same thing.

PREGNANT.

‘Babe?’ Shouted Frankie as he knocked on the door ‘You okay?’

‘Uh yeah.’ You replied, shoving the tests into your pocket ‘I’ll be out in a sec.’

You had no idea how he was going to take this. You’d been together 2 months but as much as you worried about what he was going to think, you were more scared about how Ben would feel. You’d both told the Millers you were together after just two weeks and Ben had taken it well but was he going to be able to accept that you were pregnant less than a year after Lucas had died?

You knew you needed to make an appointment to be sure. You had to be sure and when you were. Then you’d tell him.

You lay in a familiar room with the same doctor who had done your scans of Lucas prepping you. They’d been sorry to learn that you had lost him and even sorrier to learn that you and Ben had separated because of it.

‘How did this one come about?’ She questioned, squeezing your hand ‘I uh… Well, my boyfriend and I… The night we got together. I’d forgotten to take my pill that day and well… I think that's how it happened as I haven’t forgotten one since then.’

‘Hey, it’s an easy thing to do.’ They said as they gave your hand another squeeze ‘Let's take a look, shall we? See how far along you are.’

She squirted the jelly on your stomach and started to move the probe around but you found yourself unable to look at the screen. Unable to accept there was another life growing inside of you. Until you heard it.

Thump. Thump. Thump.

‘There they are.’ She said softly and your head whipped around to see a familiar shape on the screen ‘Strong heartbeat. I’d say you’re around two months along so your theory looks likely to be right.’

‘They’re okay?’ You asked, tears welling up in your eyes.

‘Perfect.’ They replied, smiling at you sweetly.

‘What you fancy for dinner tonight?’ Asked Frankie as he placed a soft kiss on your lips.

‘Don’t mind.’ You shrugged ‘You choose.’

‘Steak?’

‘No, I can’t have steak!’ You said suddenly and Frankie gave you a bemused look.

‘Why not?’ He questioned ‘You love steak.’ He noticed that your face drop ‘Baby you okay?’

‘I uh… I need to talk to you about something.’

‘Okay?’ He replied as he sat down opposite you, watching as you plucked up the courage to speak ‘Baby you’re freaking me out. What is it?’

‘I’m… pregnant.’

‘You’re what?’

‘I’m pregnant.’ You repeated and his face went blank as he processed what you’d just told him ‘I went for a scan today. I’m two months along.’ You finished as you pulled out the pictures and pushed them towards him.

He looked at the pictures you had slid in front of him and his hand flew up to his mouth as he choked on a sob, hands shaking as he picked up one of the photos.

‘I know this is soon and that this is a huge step for us so early on but I want this Frankie. I want to have this baby.’

He still said nothing.

‘Frankie please.’ You urged ‘Say something.’

He didn’t say a word. Just stood and walked over to you before proceeding to drop to his knees and kiss your belly.

‘Thank you.’ He sobbed, wrapping his arm around your middle.

‘You’re okay with this?

‘Okay?’ He replied, smiling up at you ‘I’m the happiest man on the planet.

Ben had struggled with the news but ultimately he was happy for you both. In the end, he couldn't be upset when this baby was a complete accident but he knew that it would heal some wounds that everyone still suffered from and when your's and Frankie’s daughter arrived, things felt a little more right with the world again.

Lucas could never be replaced but Alexis brought joy to all their lives. Ben was pretty hands-on with her but not in a way that you or Frankie were uncomfortable with. He became her favourite uncle, taking her on day trips so that you and Frank could have some quality time and always coming back with an army of stuffed toys.

When Sebastian was born, you decided to give him the middle name Lucas in honour of his brother. It was something that Ben had suggested and the both of you leapt at the idea. I small dedication to the sibling that neither of your children would get to meet.

Ben did meet a girl eventually and they had two gorgeous boys together, his kids and yours being inseparable. Most weekends were spent at each other's houses, watching as your children played together.

Ben gave you away at your's and Frankie's wedding. Took care of Alexis and Sebastian when your youngest daughter was born. He, along with will, took them both to their first fight which they had loved and they had soon frequented his matches along with his own boys. Ben calling him his squad.

Despite all the pain you all finally found happiness.

Everything worked out in the end.

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djarinbarnes · 1 year

Text

If you need somewhere to get lost, come join me here 💗

Masterlist

Here is my masterlist but you can also find more of my work on AO3 ❤️

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Fic Requests - Masterlist

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* Indicates Sexual content

Francisco ‘Catfish’ Morales - Masterlist

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djarinbarnes · 1 year

Text

It hit close to home for me as well. Mainly one of the reasons I didn’t know in which direction I wanted this to go in.

But I’m happy I chose this one after all 💗

me recordarás - five

･ ⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･

Pairings: Javier Peña x female reader

Rating: Mature - explicit themes

Word count: 4k

a/n: IT’S HERE! a quicker update this time!! I hope you enjoy! lmk what you think!

SERIES MASTERLIST

Read it on ao3 here

previous chapter

･ ⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･

Keep reading

#love dina

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djarinbarnes · 1 year

Text

permanent taglist

me recordarás taglist

@demoneyesanddamagedsouls @raisuniverse @pedritoispunk @gioispunk @emilianamason @hiphopdancer101universe

taglist form

me recordarás - five

･ ⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･

Pairings: Javier Peña x female reader

Rating: Mature - explicit themes

Warnings for the chapter: masturbation, feelings, a fight, possessive Javi, oral sex, fingering, squirting, piv safe sex, revelations

Word count: 4k

a/n: IT’S HERE! a quicker update this time!! I hope you enjoy! lmk what you think!

SERIES MASTERLIST

Read it on ao3 here

previous chapter

･ ⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･

Keep reading

#taglist reblog

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djarinbarnes · 1 year

Text

me recordarás - five

･ ⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･

Pairings: Javier Peña x female reader

Rating: Mature - explicit themes

Word count: 4k

a/n: IT’S HERE! a quicker update this time!! I hope you enjoy! lmk what you think!

SERIES MASTERLIST

Read it on ao3 here

previous chapter

･ ⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･

Your racing thoughts have done nothing but make you sweat and worry even more. You decided on a warm shower to 1. calm your racing mind and 2. wash off the sweat that had soaked your thin nightshirt. While you stand under the stream of hot water, you’re thrown back to Colombia, where Javi ate you out in his shower.

You let your head fall forward, and take a deep breath, feeling the heavy patter of drops of water on your back. It’s like you can feel it - his fingers igniting your every nerve end under the touch of them, and the way they felt so deliciously thick inside of you.

You wanted him. You wanted only him, and it scared you. It scared you, that in a mere two weeks you were so dependent on a man - a stranger, almost - that you had a hard time imagining your life without him and imagining your cunt clenching around anything else than his cock, fingers and tongue.

Your hands held you upright against the wall as your legs quivered beneath you, and you felt the slick coating your inner thighs. It was so filthy of you - being so easily turned on by the mere thought of him inside you had your cunt clenching around nothing and your slick leaving you in heavy amounts.

You let your hand trail down your body, only one hand now bracing you against the wall, and you saw stars the second your fingers came into contact with your mound. You knew it wouldn’t be long before you came to a climax, and it felt so freeing and pleasurable. You dipped a finger into your heat - it felt nothing like the way it had felt when Javi had buried his fingers in you.

You swiped your thumb over your clit, and you came in an instant on your fingers. “Oh fucking hell,” you breathe out, feeling your legs give in under the weight of your body. It had been in Colombia you’d had your last orgasm - and you didn’t even realize it before now. It was like you had been entirely too focused on so much else than bringing yourself pleasure.

With a sigh and the water on your skin turning cold, you rinse yourself quickly and step out of the shower to dry yourself off. As you were wrapping the towel around you, you heard a few knocks against your door. You throw your hair in a towel as well, and as you open the door separating your bathroom from the rest of the apartment, some steam escaping the small room.

You don’t think twice before you throw open the door, revealing your towel clad body to Javi. A few moments pass where you just look at each other, Javi’s eyes traveling up and down your exposed body. You sensed that Javi did have a physical reaction to the sight of you, and you already knew you were fucked.

You let him into your apartment, and he watched you as you trodded around your small space. You wanted to say something. Tell him how much you had missed him, how much you longed for his touch and his presence. Yet you found yourself wanting to scold him more. To yell at him, and give him a piece of your mind.

You feel the anger grown within you, feeling the warmth blossoming in your cheeks and the hairs rising on the back of your neck. Your nostrils were flaring, and you kept your back to Javi as you came to a decision on what to do. You take a deep breath, trying to calm yourself, but you lack the strength to keep your emotions contained.

“Hermosa…” Javi started, and you felt yourself unable to breathe properly. “There’s so much I want to say, yet I don’t know what I can allow myself to share with you. It’s… hard for me. These feelings. I want to, but it’s been so fucking challenging to even look at you and see nothing but hurt and…” you don’t look at him.

You hear him as he shut the door - his steps louder than you imagined. “You gave me twelve days, Javi!” Your face was burning, your skin on fire with anger. “Twelve days for me to show you who I am. What you gave me was twelve days of tumultuous thoughts and worry!” It felt good.

“I worried so much about you while you were away those days. If you’d been shot, if you’d found someone else! And then you come home, and tell me you love me while you hold me. Then nothing. I hear nothing from you! I try calling you multiple times a day, desperately trying to come in contact with you! You brushed me off like I was.. a plague to you!”

“Was it all just a lie? Am I really that gullible?” It’s merely a whisper, but it stings in Javi’s heart nonetheless. He wants to say something. Desperately. He opens his mouth to speak, but no words dare come out. He lets his gaze divert from the spot on the floor in front of you. Javi was embarrassed.

It felt so strange - getting reprimanded by a woman close to 15 years his junior, but he knew he deserved it. He felt like someone finally had the courage to talk back to him. “You know, this isn’t going to work.”

Javi looked at you, still only clad in a towel after your shower. You had your hair wrapped in a towel, and Javi thought you were the most beautiful thing he’d ever laid his eyes upon. Javi rubbed the back of his neck, knowing he wasn’t supposed to be thinking of you like that in a situation like this.

“What do you mean by ‘this?” He reluctantly asked, and sighed. He rose from the bed to crack open your window. “‘This’ can be a lot of things.” His lips were starting to get chapped from all the biting of them he was doing. You let out a huff.

“You and I.” you whisper, actually dreading what you were about to say. “This thing we have between us. It’s not going to work. It was never going to work. I can’t live in a situationship where I know nothing.”

“I’m not leaving you.” Javi lit a cigarette by the cracked window, and you let him. You were too upset to say something. And you certainly didn’t care, since you were moving out in less than a week. Javi rubbed the hand not holding a cigarette against his pant leg.

“Excuse me?” You breathe, and Javi follows your silhouette in the window. He assumes you’ve seen him with his back to you, since you pick the towel off your body and put on your underwear. He feels like a creep, yet he can’t take his eyes off of you. He feels his tongue jerk in his mouth, and he takes a last puff of his cigarette before flicking the butt out of your window.

“I said,” he speaks as he slowly makes his way over to you, his eyes on the length of your back. “I’m not leaving you.” His front is right up against your back, and you close your eyes at the feeling and the thought of the inevitable that’s about to happen. “Not again. I’m staying right here.”

His warm hands seek out your hips, and your eyes widen slightly. His touch feels like lightning against your skin, his touch heating your flesh in the form of handprints. Your lips part slightly, and you take a deep breath to calm yourself.

You feel Javi move closer, and you close your eyes, the next breath you draw in trembling. “Unless you really want me to.” It’s a mere whisper against the skin of your neck, before he kisses your skin ever so lightly. If it wasn’t Javi, and if your skin weren’t already on fire and your senses heightened, you surely wouldn’t have felt it.

“Say the word, and I’ll go. I’ll leave you alone. No matter how hard it will be for me to stay away.” With a shuddering breath you turn to face him, his face still close to our neck and yours close to his. It feels like you’re playing a game of hide and seek - the thing both of you are hiding are your feelings for each other, and the portrayal of the same.

“I’ll give you forever, if you just let me.” Your eyes flutter open slightly, and you study his shirt, feeling your hands growing clammier with the continuous heating of your skin and the way his breath is still alighting your nerve ends. “I swear. I’ll do anything.”

A few moments pass where nothing but silence and your bated breaths fill the room. You both await the other to make the next move. You decide to break the thickening atmosphere with a statement.

“Don’t leave me ever again,” you breathe against his neck, and the hands resting on your hips tightens. Your fingers come up and stroke his arms languidly, sliding all the way from his bare underarms, over his covered biceps, coming to rest against the heated skin of his exposed neck.

You pull back slightly to give you both room, your hooded eyes finding his expression mirroring yours. You crane your neck slightly, your fingers following the flush of his neck to where it meets his jaw. You tighten your trembling fingers, your thumb resting against his cheeks and the remaining fingers toy with his hairline behind his ear.

You lean in slowly and slot your lips in between his, right where they belong. You feel Javi relax against you, and you draw him closer, encouraging him to do the same. You feel his arms coming around you, pulling you against him tightly. One of the hands resting on your hips travels down over the expanse of your ass, caressing the globe of it before the other one follows, testing the waters.

When you let him, and with a moan of encouragement, knees bend and deft fingers grab at the inside of your thighs, and he lifts you like you were weightless. This time, you don’t comment on the strain on his back as he carries you to your bed, following you down as he lays you against the covers gently.

His lips are still slotted over yours, your tongue gently meeting his as your lips part further, his hand traveling down the center of your chest to grasp at your breasts. With a moan you press your head back into your pillow, allowing you to fully look at Javi for the first time since you told him to stay.

He sits back on his heels over you, swiftly undoing his shirt before discarding it by the side of your bed. You lean up and let your fingers graze the scar on his shoulder where he was shot, before you raise yourself further and place a kiss against the scarred skin. His eyes are lecherous as he watches you kiss his skin, the wet touch of your kisses making his heart thud harder in his chest.

He falls in love with you all over again. There was a certain glow in your skin, and he contemplates if he’s ever found anyone as beautiful as you, right in that moment. He needed to claim you back. Because it did feel like he had already lost you.

“I need you.” You breathe against his skin, and he feels his mouth run dry. “I want you so desperately.” it’s almost a whine, and if it was any other situation, Javi would have found it pitiful. He couldn’t bring himself to think that way about you, though.

“I need you to tell me what you want.” Javi breathes, his finger lifting your chin to gaze into your eyes. You easily get lost in his chocolate depths, and you feel a shudder wracking your body. His fingers caress the length and curve of your jaw, and a sharp breath gets stuck in your throat.

“I want you to eat me out. Prepare me, take care of me. I need you to fuck me with your fingers, before you fuck me with your cock.” You barely believe the words leaving your mouth. You’d never had the courage to say something so sultrily before.

Javi’s throat constricted around a lump. He had trouble breathing, yet it was a wonderful feeling. He watched as you reached behind you and unclasped the bra you had just put on, before you laid back on your bed, a shy expression playing on your features.

He halted. Javi had never halted in sexual acts, ever. He’d always been the one to initiate sex, any kind of sex. And here he was - looking down at the most intriguing woman he’d ever met, intriguing only because she had a wonderful mind and a mouth not afraid to speak.

You felt your stomach drop when Javi didn’t act as you’d hoped. Had you said something wrong? And then he pounced on you. His hands gripped the back of your head and your neck, fingers tightening in your hair as he kissed you ferociously, leaving you breathless.

His tongue met yours, and you whined. Javi was turning you on so wonderfully. He trailed wet, hot kisses down the column of your throat, between and over your breasts, his tongue circling your nipples. You wince slightly, and he notices. He pulls back gently.

“They’re a little more sensitive than usual…” you trail off, and Javi understands instantly. He leans down again and places a firm kiss against the peaked bud, the rosy patch complimenting the bloom of your chest perfectly.

He pushes himself further down to stroke his tongue over the skin of your stomach, his thumbs caressing your sides as he moves down. He pays special, careful attention to where your small incisions were stitched up, and you watched in awe.

While he kissed the skin between your naval and mound, his hands glided down your hips, his fingers hooking into your panties and pulling them off expertly. He looked up at you through hooded eyes and heavy lashes, and you nodded with a deep, irregular breath.

Then he continued his venture down between your legs, the light touch of his hands around your thighs sending shivers up your spine and making you even more nervous about what was to come. You knew you had already been turned on a little less than half an hour ago, and the feeling hadn’t subsided yet.

Javi looked up and met your eyes as he leaned in, the coarse hairs of his beard tickling the soft skin of your innermost thighs, his warm breath fanning over the sensitive petals defining the middle of your vulva. He leans in and spreads your folds with his tongue gently, and you whimper.

You’d forgotten how it truly felt. How it felt to be so close to Javi, and so intimate with him again. All of your thoughts disintegrate into nothing as he sucks your clit into his mouth, lightning jolting through your veins, and making you gasp.

You push yourself up to look at Javi, the redness blooming under the skin on your chest making your whole throat flushed in a sporadic manner. You whimper at his assault on your clit, all while his fingers are massaging your thighs heavily, keeping your legs still as he tastes you.

You keep yourself raised on your elbows but throw your head back when he swipes his tongue down again, catching a bead of saliva that has made its way down the length of your cunt. Javi is focused on keeping your wetness contained, and the action doesn’t go unnoticed as he keeps everything centered around your clit and your opening.

You barely feel as one of his hands lets go of your thigh before it’s buried deeply within you, and you let out a guttural moan at the action. Your mouth falls open and you don’t hold back - whimpers and heavy moans fill your apartment as he twists and curls his finger inside of you before he adds another.

You’re sure by now that you’ve died and are floating around the universe. Stars are the only thing you see, lust clouding your vision as your second orgasm crashes into you at full force, your cunt gushing against Javi’s face as he curls his fingers against the front of your channel, and holding them there.

He retreats from your clit and he smirks, watching as your chest heaves while you try and catch your breath. “Squirting on me and all, hermosa.” he grins and you flush impossibly redder. It was hot, there was no denying it. You had only heard about squirting and you hadn’t figured out what exactly it was - but now you knew.

“Holy fucking shit,” you breathe and finally open your eyes as your breath settles. You look at him through hooded eyes and smirk, casting a glance down to where coarse black hairs met denim. “Do you have anything…” you breathe, all shy now that it was finally going to happen - you sure hoped it would.

Javi nods, before pushing off your bed and undoing his pants, pushing them down his tanned legs. You suck in a breath at the revelation of no underwear, and you bite your lip as you take in his size again, for the first time in months.

He reaches over to search his jacket, prying open an inner pocket before pulling out a whole 10-pack of condoms. You stifle a giggle - you wouldn’t hesitate to fuck him again and again and again…

You watch as he pries the package open with his teeth, before his hand comes down to tug at his length a few times before he rolls the latex over his cock while his eyes are making their way up your body, from your feet to your eyes.

You hold his gaze as he climbs onto your bed. You spread your legs for him and scoot a bit further down to welcome him in. He rests on his elbow above you, caging you in slightly before you lean up to kiss him. It’s wet and heated, and tongues collide soon thereafter.

Your hand travels down between the two of you, finding his cock and tugging him closer to you. He moans at your gesture, and you align his cock with your entrance. He pushes into you languidly, two moans mixing into one in the cavern formed with both your mouths.

It feels surreal having him inside you once again, and your hands don’t know where to place themselves. One ends up on the globe of his ass, making sure he’s staying close to you. The other tangles itself in the hairs at the back of his neck, and he buries his head in the crook of your neck.

You feel his heavy, scorching breath against your collarbone as he starts a pace that has you whining for more. “More, Javi, please, faster…” It’s all words coming out of your mouth at what feels like the same time, and it encourages him to pick up the pace.

His mustache tickles your collarbone and the crook of your neck, all while he peppers kisses along your pulse point, his cock stroking against the utmost depths of your cunt. His hand strokes your side, grasping the skin of your waist, the other twirling your hair as he keeps himself upright.

He thrusts in long, heavy strokes, his balls drawing noise from where your skin connects, and you throw your head back at the overwhelming sensations overcoming you. It ripples in your belly, the coil tightening slowly but surely.

It’s like he can feel your climax approaching, because his hand travels down and finds the hood of your clit, urging your climax further, pulling you to the edge of euphoria quicker than you’d ever thought possible.

Your walls clench around him tightly as your climax overcomes you, your head craning itself further back as you gasp for air. Your body convulses unlike anything you’ve ever felt before, the overwhelming feeling sending sparks through your whole nervous system.

He groans against your skin before he empties himself into the condom, before collapsing on top of you. Your arms wrap around him and you exhale, relaxing against him. He raises himself slightly, his lips finding yours gently as you both catch your breaths.

“I meant everything I said, hermosa.” He shifts slightly, letting his softened cock slip out of you before laying on his side beside you. You turn slightly and look at him with a soft expression, urging him to continue. “I love you. I do.”

Your lips tug slightly, feeling your heart flutter. “I want you, and I want to be with you. I’m still scared shitless. With everything that happened…” He trails off, and you feel another tug at your heartstrings. This time though, it’s in sympathy. “I never told you.” Javi breathes and you grasp his hand in yours.

“Lorraine and I… tried. We lost three times. And it broke us. It broke me…” Javi lets his gaze focus on a freckle on your torso. “It didn’t feel the same after that. I couldn’t give her what she wanted, and it hurt more than anything.” Your thumb strokes the soft skin of his hand, and you lean in and rest your chin on his head.

“I’m afraid the same thing is going to happen with you. That I’m never going to be able to give you a family.” You feel a lump form in your throat, and a heavy tear landing against the back of your hand, intertwined with Javis. “That I’m never going to give you everything you deserve.”

“Oh, Javi.” You feel yourself tear up at his revelation, and it touches you deeply. You lift his head by his chin, urging him to meet your eyes. He does, his chocolate eyes glossy with tears. You lean in and place a kiss on his lips. “I am so sorry.”

You barely have the words to explain what you’re currently feeling. Javi gets up and rids himself of the latex, before he’s coming back to the bed. You sit up, and watch him as he kneels in front of you. There’s a short moment of silence, where neither of you speak.

“You must believe me when I say…” Javi starts, and you feel his hands grasp both of yours. His words halt, and he shoots his gaze down. You beat him to it, and open your mouth to speak.

“I want this, Javi. I want you. No matter what’s to come. And I’m not giving up on us. I believe in us.”

･ ⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･

#javier peña #Javier Pena #javier peña x reader #javier pena fic #javier pena imagine #javier pena x you #javier pena smut #javier pena x reader #narcos #narcos fanfiction #narcos fanfic

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djarinbarnes · 1 year

Text

Jesus

Blind Truths - Part 1

Masterlist

Summary: Up until now, you and Javi had a purely professional relationship. You work together and that is that. But, when Javi has an accident in the field, you’re forced to spend more time with him and truths are revealed.

Warnings: Like AO3, I chose to give none. This fic is not suitable for under 18’s... This will be in 2 parts.

Relationships: Javier Peña x Reader

Up until that afternoon, your relationship with Javier Peña had been purely professional. You were a researcher of sorts for his department. The leads came in and it was your job to check their validity. You didn't see or speak to him outside of the office and you preferred it that way. After all, on your first day, you were warned about the Bogota Bachelor.

"You're pretty... He'll eat you right up." Said one of the CIA guys one morning as you poured your morning coffee.

You'd blushed at his comment. You had not been called pretty by anyone other than your parents and your high school bestie. So to be told by a complete stranger that you'd be desirable to the most desired man in the office gave you a real ego boost.

Only, he never made a move.

You were a little disappointed initially. You'd developed somewhat of a crush on the man but after two years of purely professional words shared, you managed to shake those feelings. He was nice enough to you. Would give you a sweet smile and bring you a coffee every now and then but that was as far as things ever went.

Fast forward to the present day and all that was about to change.

...

Steve panted as he stopped momentarily to catch his breath. He couldn't stop long, the guy was getting away so as he sprang back into action, he looked to his left and saw Javier sprinting along the adjoining rooftop. This had become a theme for them. Chasing Sicarios across rooftops. This time though, they'd both made the sensible decision to wear a vest. One too many times in recent months, they had almost taken a bullet.

They were closing in now and the guy knew it. The house ahead was a dead end. The only way out was down.

Steve leapt to the roof after the guy, his eye catching Javier doing the same and then he was stuck. Guns pointing at him from his front and rear.

"Manos arriba hijo de puta." (Hands up son of a bitch.) Javier growled but the man didn't move.

His shoulders sunk and rose with each heavy breath he took and for one painfully slow moment, everything was silent. Then in the blink of an eye, he pointed his weapon and fired. Time slowed as Steve watched Javier get knocked from his feet and fall from view. Steve's momentary lapse of attention was all the man needed to leap from view, down a fire escape and to safety.

"JAVI." Steve yelled upon realising their quarry had disappeared. He sprinted to the edge Peña had fallen from and saw the agent laying unconscious on a balcony below.

Steve didn't even think about leaping down onto the table that sat near Javier's prone form, the distance a lot less dangerous than what Javi had fallen. He then jumped down and fell to Javier's side. Worried hands fumbled about as he attempted to decern what his partner's injuries were.

"Javi... Javi, can you hear me?"

The agent didn't stir and Steve started to panic. He was careful not to move his partner too much. He was no medical expert but he knew that it was bad to move someone who'd fallen from a great height and looking up at the roof, Javier had fallen at least 7 feet straight onto his back. Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed a small pool of blood starting to develop under his partner's head. Steve knew that wasn't good.

...

You were watching the clock, eagerly waiting for twelve to come around so that you could take lunch. It had been a slow morning. Two sets of agents had been out in the field this morning and you were their port of call for any emergencies. It was only a small aspect of your job but it was the one you hated the most. Not because it was boring but because you dreaded someone calling in to tell you an agent was down but you knew that these things happened. These were dangerous times in a dangerous country.

"This is agent Murphy." His southern drawl came through the speaker, crackly but still clear and your stomach dropped as you picked up the headphones to answer.

"I hear you, Agent Murphy." You said, your name flowing down the waves as you fought to keep your voice steady.

"Agent down." Steve stated and you felt sick "Agent Peña has taken a gunshot to his vest." He continued and you breathed a sigh of relief "Fallen from a roof onto a hotel balcony. Sustained a serious head injury. I need medical assistance." He finished before rattling off the address.

The breath you'd managed to capture was ripped away from you again as you noted down everything that Steve told you. You were immediately on the phone after, calling for a medical evac and praying they got to them both quickly.

"Medical help is en route to you Agent." You stated, amazed that you had managed not to lose it completely.

Your relief came into the room a few minutes later and you were quick to dash to the bathroom and throw up the contents of your stomach. Perhaps you weren't cut out for this.

...

Steve balled his shirt up and pressed it hard onto the wound to the back of his partner's head. His hands were shaking so much. He couldn't believe that they were in this situation yet he also wasn't all that surprised. Since Escobar had escaped, the two of them had become desperate. Connie had left and Steve had grown more reckless so Javier had taken it upon himself to make sure the man was taking some sort of care of himself. Steve knew it was his time to return the favour. He needed to make sure that Javier made it out alive.

"You're gonna be okay brother." He muttered to his unconscious partner "You're gonna be fine." He promised and he hoped he was right.

He hated making promises he couldn't keep.

...

You'd been worried when your boss had called you into her office. You had wracked your brains for what you might have done wrong. You prided yourself in your work. You put your heart and soul into it, knowing you were helping to make a difference in Colombia. You wondered if it was because of the other day. When Simons had come to relieve you and you hadn't briefed him before leaving. He hadn't said anything to you but you didn't know him well enough to know whether he would have.

You knocked on the door and waited for a tick before being called in. You then stepped into Messina's office gingerly, taking the seat she motioned to and wringing your hands in your lap.

"So you're probably wondering why I called you in here." She started and you gave her a nervous nod "Well, I understand that you were a nurse for a few years before leaving to join the DEA as a Research Specialist."

"Yes, Ma'am." You replied "Turns out I didn't have the stomach for it." You joked and she gave you a small chuckle "What does that have to do with why you wanted to speak to me?" You asked and she gave you a small sigh as she sat back in her chair.

"We, as you know, Agent Peña was injured in action a few days ago." She started and you nodded "He sustained a nasty head injury that has left him temporarily blind."

"Blind?" You blanced and Messina nodded grimly.

"The doctors have assured us that his sight will return as the swelling goes down however he needs someone that we can trust to live with him for a few weeks whilst he recovers."

"Why me?" You asked, your stomach twisting a little as you awaited her response.

"Honestly?" She asked and you nodded "Between you and me, I need someone that he hasn't screwed and left high and dry." She chuckled and you swallowed thickly "I know you have a good working relationship with Peña and Murphy and we need someone that we can trust."

"Right." You replied, nodding grimly.

"You can say no." She stated, taking you by surprise "This isn't an order. Agent Murphy has offered to help him but we need him here and not babysitting Javier Peña."

"It's fine Boss." You replied, holding your hand up to stop her "I will be happy to help him." She gave you a nod and you took a shaky breath "What about my work?"

"Simons can pick up your workload for the time being." She replied plainly "Lord knows it's about time he pulled his weight around here." You snorted at that before looking at your boss in horror at your sudden outburst. Her response was a rambunctious laugh that brought a smile to your face.

"Did they say how long it would take for his sight to return?" You asked and Messina shrugged.

"The doctors said it's hard to say. Could return tomorrow, and could return next week. He's got a pretty nasty concussion. Suffering with dizziness, broke his arm and dislocated his shoulder also." She stated and you sucked in a breath "He was lucky really. Could have been a lot worse."

You nodded grimly and she gave you a reassuring smile.

"So he's going to need assistance with cooking meals, his medications, etc?" You asked and Messina nodded.

"I'm hoping we won't be without you for too long but I really appreciate your support."

You gave her a nod before getting to your feet. You weren't sure how this was going to go but you knew that you wanted to help. It was your tip that had sent Javier and Steve out into the field that day. You felt responsible for what had happened.

...

"I don't need a babysitter." Javier growled as he crossed his arms like a petulant child, only to wince at the pain that movement brought.

"Why isn't your arm strapped up as it should be?" Admonished Steve and Javier rolled his eyes.

"He's right Javier." You interjected "You should have it strapped to help it heal. Won't be much use to the DEA if you have a gammy arm."

"I'll be no use to them if I can't see" Javier grumbled and your brows drew together as you sat down beside him.

"Javier, your sight loss is temporary." You said softly and the man scoffed "You just need to have a little faith."

"Easy for you to say." He grumbled and you threw your hands up.

"Whatever, act like a child." You growled, taking both Javier and Steve by surprise "I am here to help you get better. You will let me strap your arm up. You will take your medication and you will do as you're told because I am here at the request of Messina and I will not let you make me look incapable."

"Yes ma'am." Replied the agents in unison and you smiled to yourself as you gave yourself a small nod.

You proceeded to strap Javier's arm up, give him his pills and cook him dinner. The agent grumbled here and there but otherwise, he remained quiet for the rest of the evening. He was silently grateful you were there. When he'd been released from the hospital, he'd worried about how he was going to get around. Waking up blind had been the most terrifying thing he'd ever experienced. The hardest part of this was when it came to getting ready for bed. You sat him on the edge of his bed before grabbing him a fresh t-shirt and some sweats for him to sleep in. You blushed when you pulled down the ones he'd been wearing, averting your eyes and desperately searching for a distraction from the fact he wasn't wearing underwear. The situation was no less embarrassing for Javier. Usually, he was confident around women but with you, he was shy and unsure.

He'd had a crush on you from day one. Something Steve had teased him about almost daily. For that reason, he had chosen to keep things professional between the two of you. He didn't want to taint you with his reputation. You were too good for that. So to now be stuck relying on you for everything had those feelings rushing back tenfold.

He allowed you to manoeuvre him how you needed. You slipped his legs into his sweats before lifting them up and letting him pull them over his hips. You helped him out of his sling, into the fresh t-shirt and back into his sling again. Giving his arm a gentle squeeze when you were done to let him know he could lay down.

"Thank you." He said softly as you made your way out of his room, stopping you in your tracks "I know I was acting like a jerk earlier but I really do appreciate your help."

"It's fine Javier." You replied, giving him a weak smile "Sleep." You finished before making your way out of his room.

...

You and Javier slipped into a routine with ease. His sight had yet to return but his other symptoms had eased off. He wasn't suffering from as many dizzy spells and the headaches had receded to dull intermittent pangs every now and then.

Despite the routine, Javier had grown more irritable the longer he was blind. You could understand why. He was completely reliant on you and that must have been hard for him. Javier Peńa hadn't needed to rely on anyone for years. Now all of a sudden he was rendered useless and vulnerable and he hated it.

"You didn't have to bring dinner, Steve." You said as you helped the blond dish up.

"Nonsense." Steve said as he waved you off "You've been babysitting Peña all day, least I can do. Heck, you deserve a night off."

"I may be blind but I'm not deaf," Javier grumbled as he felt his way to the kitchen table.

"Javier, I told you to wait and I'd come and get you." You scolded and he growled.

"You're not my fucking girlfriend." He snapped and you winced at his statement.

No, you weren't. You weren't pretty enough to earn that title.

"Don't be an asshole Javi." Steve warned, "She's just trying to help you."

"Yeah well, I don't need her fucking help." He snapped and that was it.

"Fine, you don't need my help... Serve yourself." You scoffed, grabbing your plate of food and heading for the table.

Javier was rendered speechless. Truth was, he did need your help. He needed it more than he cared to admit but he was tired of being unable to do things for himself. He blindly felt his way to where Steve was standing and cursed when he stuck his hand in his food. Steve smirked but otherwise remained silent as he watched his partner feel around for the cloth hanging by the sink. When he found it, he wiped his hands and then carefully felt for the edge of the plate. Grabbing it and lifting it carefully he blindly headed in the direction he believed his table was.

"Gonna eat that in the lobby Javi or?..." Steve trailed off and Javier stopped, hanging his head before turning back and giving both you and Steve a pleading look. You didn't budge but Steve did. He guided his partner to the table and helped him put his food down before grabbing his own and sitting beside him.

"Sorry," Javier grumbled before digging into the food that Steve had brought and you shared a look with Murphy before digging into your own meal.

The next few evenings followed a similar pattern. Javier was grumpy, you and Steve told him off and then he ate his dinner in silence as he sulked. You couldn't help but feel sorry for the man though. He was trapped inside his own head, unable to do anything but listen to you and Steve drone on about work or how he was getting on. You'd heard him sobbing one night when you had gotten up to use the bathroom. You could see that the longer he went without regaining his vision, the more he lost faith that he'd ever get it back.

The days merged into a week. You drove Javier to his check-up and sat patiently for him in the waiting room. You hoped for his sake that the doctor gave him some good news because he was growing more and more irritable as the days went by. He thanked you for your help but he was still short and snappy with you and Steve. Your patience was starting to wear thin and you weren't sure how much longer you could take it.

Your attention was grabbed by a nurse helping him walk back to you. You grabbed his arm and thanked her before steering him from the building and back towards the truck. He was silent the whole way back. You decided not to push a conversation and when you made it home, you helped him to the couch and proceeded to make him a coffee, knowing he'd want one.

Steve arriving later that afternoon would finally give you the answers you wanted.

"How'd the appointment go?" He asked as he opened a beer and handed it to his partner.

"Doc said the swellings going down and that my sight should return soon." Javier replied and both you and Steve shared a look before he asked what you were both wondering.

"So why are you so fucking miserable?" He asked and Javier growled.

"I'm not." He grumbled and you rolled your eyes.

"You've not said a word to me since we got back." You argued and Peña groaned.

"Don't have to talk to you." He snapped and that was the final straw.

"I'm done with this." You snarled before making your way to his spare room and grabbing your suitcase.

"Hey." Called out Steve as he sprinted after you "What are you doing?"

"I don't have to put up with this." You grumbled "I offered to help because I felt guilty for what happened to him. It was my tip that got him into this mess but I don't deserve to be treated like shit for it."

"This ain't your fault sweetheart." Steve stated as he grabbed your hand "I know he's being a miserable bastard but he needs you."

"He doesn't need me." You scoffed "Said so himself."

"You know he didn't mean that." Steve urged but you scoffed.

"Sure he did."

In the other room, Javier could hear your conversation and his guilt started to swallow him up. He knew that he had been a bit of an asshole lately but he hadn't realised that he'd been hurting you. He pushed himself to his feet. He had to talk to you and tell you he was sorry but as he straightened up, he suddenly felt off. This wasn't one of those dizzy spells he'd been suffering from or even head rush. No, this was something completely different.

"Please, don't do this." Steve pleaded "I can talk to him, get him to-"

Steve was stopped in his tracks by a thump and you rolled your eyes at him.

"Peña's obviously trying to prove he doesn't need me." You uttered as you shoved a few more items unceremoniously into your bag.

Steve let out a sigh before he jogged into the lounge, ready to berate Javier for getting himself into trouble again but what greeted him made his blood go cold. Javier was on the floor, eyes rolled back into his skull as his body writhed on the floor. Blood trickled from his mouth and from his temple and Steve screamed your name before dropping to his partner's side.

You were out in a flash and you choked on a breath when you were greeted by Javier seizing on the living room floor. You were at his side in a heartbeat, supporting his head as the seizure started to subside.

"Steve, call an ambulance and grab me a cloth." You ordered as you stroked Javier's hair.

The agent did what you asked, tossing you a cloth from the kitchen as he spoke to the operator on the phone. Javier was completely out of it. His already unseeing eyes darted around the room and you pulled him into your arms and held him as you pressed the cloth to his head wound, hoping it brought him some semblance of comfort.

"You're okay Javi." You said softly "You're going to be just fine." You repeated as you kissed the crown of his head and rocked him gently.

The ambulance arrived a short while later. You went with Javier and Steve followed in his truck and then you both waited together for news on his condition. Your stomach twisting into knots. You knew as you waited, that you couldn't leave him. Not now.

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