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disneykathy · 6 years

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DISNEY WORLD

Disney’s Animal Kingdom

This is the other park I get lost in. I’ve been there a dozen times or more but it still feels like the Moving Island in “Lost”: “Wasn’t Africa to the left of Dinoland? How can I be in Asia? Where’s the damn big tree?? I can’t see the tree!!”

Never fear...when you first enter, you have no choice but to walk straight to the first “land” of this park: Discovery island:

Directly in front of you will be the weenie for this park: The Tree Of Life! It’s huge!

No...it’s not real! C’mon, sane up.

The “tree” is a 145 foot high sculpture of an African Baobab tree. Wander around the tree, under passages and through the Discovery Island Trails. Besides seeing some interesting real-life animals, you’ll see that the “Tree of Life” aka the “BFT”, (use your imagination), has 135 detailed animal carvings in its wood. They are amazing. Please take time to explore. You just got here-you can still feel your feet.

Under the BFT, in its roots, is a theater. This is where you will find the attraction: “It’s Tough to be a Bug”.

If you have a fear of bugs, take heed: although no real insects are involved in this production, it does evoke creepy crawly bugginess. The waiting area is an underground lair with the constant sound of chirping and buzzing. And the show does evoke a few fun special effects that make most of us laugh, but, if you are creepa-phobic, these effects may shoot you right through the wall. Just sayin’.

The show is a 3D movie with characters from “A Bugs Life” who will introduce you to the life of bugs and their importance in our little Earth lives. It’s fun. You can sit. It’s air-conditioned (actually TOO air conditioned).

And for those with a phobia, really, you’ll be fine... (spiders, roaches and bees, oh my!!!).

If you stay in the Animal Kingdom until dark, come back to Discovery Island and stand in front of the BFT. Once it’s dark, they do a new projection like show on the tree that is stunning! I had no idea they did this the last time I was there, and just happened to be passing... I was like “what the hell goes on with that tree?? There were all flashy lights coming out of its limbs- I thought I was having a stroke!

Pandora-The World of Avatar:

It’s beautiful! This newest area of Disney’s Animal Kingdom is gorgeous! If you’ve seen the movie Avatar, you’ll be completely amazed at how they captured the topography and flora of Pandora. If you haven’t seen the film, you’ll be confused. Just go with it.

Avatar Flight of Passage

If you didn’t fast pass this ride, enjoy your day standing in line.

I’d love to say “it’s worth it”. It’s not. Nothing is worth waiting in line for 4 hours. Nothing. If Elvis and John Lennon cane back from the dead to jam with Billy Joel, Elton John and Bruce Springsteen, I wouldn’t wait in line 4 hours.

However, it’s a great ride. This is a 3D flight simulator taking you on your Banshee and swooping over landscapes of Pandora. It’s only 5 minutes but it’s a memorable 5 minutes!

Warning: there are warning all along the queue area about thinking twice if you’re not healthy. Hey Disney-none of us are. I actually thought of not riding because of the excessive warnings. But...

The truth is, if you can ride “Soarin’” without getting extremely dizzy, having a coronary or bursting an aneurysm, you’ll be swell. Only dif here is, you are riding on something similar to a Star Wars speeder bike? It doesn’t actually go anywhere, just moves to simulate what’s happening on the screen. You are in a crouched position. So, if you have neck or back issues, you may want to rethink.

Na’vi River Journey

Your boat takes you on a river journey through Pandora at night. Again, if you haven’t seen the film, most if the trees, plants, animals, bugs in pandora are bioluminescent-a fancy word meaning that they light up at night in psychedelic colors. So, this ride is like floating through a college dorm room in 1968.

Rivers of light

Again, if you are going to be in Animal Kingdom after dark, you might want to get a fast pass for the Rivers of Light show. There are multiple viewing areas for this light show-one entrance is by The Voyage of the Little Mermaid theater And the other is by Expedition Everest.

I hear it’s a beautiful attraction. I haven’t seen it. It’s like, late, and my feet hurt and I’ve seen enough cool stuff to last me. But, if your still bright and bushy tailed, by all means, go. And let me know how it was.

Africa:

I love the atmosphere here. It really feels like you are visiting an African Village (I say that like I’ve ever been anywhere near a real African Village...). The village is called “Harambe” which I think means “spend money” in Swahili. There are some really interesting shops and food stops here-linger awhile...

Kilimanjaro Safaris:

You should have a fast pass for this excursion. You should also go first thing in the morning; the animals are much more active and visible before the heat of the day. They, as opposed to us, have common sense.

For this ride you will board large Jeeps and a driver will take you over muddy rut filled roads and over creaky rope bridges through a variety of African ecosystems where you will see indigenous animals. It’s a wonderful experience.

Last time I rode, 2 long horned Bongos blocked our way And we had to sit and wait until the mood hit them to wander off. And a Rhino jogged next to the Jeep, a little closer than my comfort zone approved of.

Lions, giraffes, crocs, gnus ...you’ll see them all with a steady stream of comments from the driver. You’ll love it.

Warning: pee first. The ruts are deep and the ride is long.

Gorilla Falls Exploration Trail/Wild Africa Trek

This section is right next to the Safari. It’s a walk through African nature trail where you can spend some leisure time really experiencing the animals. And you will get a close up view of the gorillas! I have an obsession with Silver Back Gorillas And will spend quite some time in this area photographing them. Unless it’s 90 degrees, then I photograph whatever lurks in the A/C.

Festival of the Lion King

This is a theater production where they re-enact the film with all the songs...it’s full of color and pageantry and people love it but I can sit in my house and watch the movie in the a/c without having to spend a gazillion bucks on a one day pass, so I am not a fan. But what do I know??

Asia: this area is also beautiful and evocative. Lots of photo ops to take advantage of.

Expedition Everest- I hate roller coasters, but I love this one! I love the theming in the queue, I love the speed, the yeti and even the drops. It doesn’t feel as wild as it looks, and it’s a smooth ride. If you can keep your eyes open, there’s lots to see.

Again: there are all the standard warnings. I had no problem and I am a major chicken with a bad stomach...so only you know you. Chose wisely.

Kali River Rapids- the signs read “You will get wet”. They should read “You will get soaked to your undies!”.

Kali River Rapids is a wild rapids ride that takes you down a raging Indian River. The theming revolves around an illegal mining/logging camp that you will come upon, showing the decimation of the forest.

You won’t notice this at all because you’ll be praying that the raft turns in your favor and drowns the guy across from you instead. I have ridden this a few times and have never not gotten soaked.

It’s a fun ride and it feels great to get wet in the heat of the day. However, it doesn’t feel great to still be squishing in your jeans 2 hours later or freezing while eating lunch in the A/C! So... don’t wear denim jeans, or, better yet, wear your poncho!

Maharajah Jungle Trek- this is similar to the wild Africa Trek, but with Asian animals-duh. The tigers are the Star of this walking tour and you’ll see them up close and personal. The theming of this Trek is lovely-you’re in an ancient ruin of a Hindi temple.

Up! A Great Bird Adventure:

This is a wild bird show like any other bird show you’ve ever seen except for two things:

1-it stars characters from the movie “Up”

2- it’s outside in Florida so, even though the partial roof keeps you out if direct sun and there are a few large fans, you will still be hot. Unless you go on a cool day, I’d say you can skip this and not live your life in regret.

Dinoland: -

The theming here is just...weird. When it first opened it had a sort of Paleontological bent with fossil beds and some Dino bone exhibits. Then Disney realized that people on vacation don’t care bout science, so they changed the theming to...

Weirder. Now the idea is: this is one of those tacky roadside attractions you’d find on Route 66 in the 50s or 60s. Run by “Chester and Hester”, this two bit Dino-Rama themed low rent stop over features two old fashioned carnival rides - the Primeval Whirl and the Triceratops Spin. The first ride being a small roller coaster and the second is the Dumbo the Flying Elephant Ride with triceratops (triceratops’? Triceratopses?). There are also carnival games and a tacky roadside shop and restaurant. Unless you are with desperate little ones, I’d walk through to pick up the atmosphere and Keep walking.

The real attraction here is Dinosaur!- the ride. This is a dark ride in an enhanced motion vehicle through the Cretaceous period to capture a Dino...And time is of the essence because you have to find said Dino before the great extinction comet hits!

This is a fun trip with lots of bumps, quick turns and jolts..with a few true honest thrills. It is a not to be missed e-ticket ride.

I just rode it and came away unbroken. But, if you have back or neck issues I’d think about skipping it. And, again, use the facilities first.

The Boneyard, which you should save til the end of the visit, is a play area for the kiddies: there are bones to dig up, slides, ropes and climbs and all kinds of stuff to work out any energy they’ve stored up. (You want them to sleep tonight, right?). There are only a few sitting spots for parents/grandparents though. I guess Disney thought we’d be running around sharing joy with our precious darlings. They guessed wrong. They need more seats. And wine.

Well, if you followed my order... and there’s no reason you needed to... you’re done with Disney World!!! Now go back to your room and relax...cuz tomorrow you’re probably spending the day at Universal Studios! ThenThe World of Harry Potter...then Sea World...And Legoland...then of course you’ll have to take the fam to the beach... maybe Clearwater... then you might as well spend a day at Busch Gardens...wait!

You didn’t tour Kennedy Space Center??

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disneykathy · 6 years

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Disney World-

Hollywood Studios and The Half Day Park

Everyone still calls it MGM Studios, Abd that’s ok. I still call the thing in my kitchen that keeps the milk cold, “The Ice Box”.

From opening in 1989 till 2008, it WAS Disney MGM Studio Theme Park. To get a jump on the new Universal Studios Park opening nearby, Disney entered into a contract to give their Park some Old Hollywood cache by using the banner “MGM”. The whole idea for this park was a working studio with attractions harkening back to old Hollywood and movie making.

For some reason, it didn’t float with guests. People referred to it as only a half/day experience. I loved it-but I’m a movie buff and was really interested in backstage tours, sound effects & the animation process (back when actual artists put hand to paint brush).

So, in 2008 they ended the association with MGM and changed the name to its present form. In the ensuing years they have gotten rid of the back stage tour, catastrophe canyon, the animation studio...and there is no more actual filmmaking happening here. Sigh...

Sooo...the last blow to the original concept was closing up the “Great Movie Ride” that was housed in the replica of Mann’s Chinese theater. Double sigh...

They were going to concentrate more on attractions/rides based on films that people not on Medicare had actually heard of. Soooo...

In a year or so, the park will be a full day. Lord help my toes. They are building a new Star Wars Land, have just opened a Toy Story Land, And, in the abandoned Chinese theater, they will be adding a retro Mickey/Minnie ride experience that puts you IN the toon!

Anywho, lets start the tour...

The lay out here is Willy Nilly, so you will need your map or app to find anything. Sort of like the actual Hollywood, without the hookers.

You’ll enter on Hollywood Boulevard...like Main St. USA with shops and street characters but with a 40’s/50’s Movieland chrome shine to it. By all means, check out the stores-some neat stuff not found in the other parks. Really different: like plush Mickey holding a film clapper instead of plush Mickey holding a pirate sword.

After you’ve checked out the stores, bear left and pass the Dockside Diner. Keep going till you see a life sized Att-Att. If you don’t know what an Att-Att is, this is not the ride your looking for. You can go about your business.

Star Tours:

Probably should have a fast pass for this one. This ride is a motion simulator based on the original Star Wars trilogy. It’s fun, it shakes you up a bit-if you suffer from vertigo, well, “May the floor be with you!”

When it’s over, you exit into a shop! Shocker!!! It’s a cool Star Wars shop, though: you can make your own mini-droid. Nerd heaven.

Now you’re gonna head right, past the Back Lot Express counter service restaurant, and find a seat for the next showing of “The Indiana Jones Stunt Spectacular”. This a a stunt show based on the Indy films. There are explosions and pyrotechnics-so if noise or heat bother you, sit further back!

I usually hate these kinds of stunt shows...but I like this one because I loved the movies (except the forth installment blows) and I love Harrison Ford. So I pretend the stunt guy is Harrison and I’m Marion and...well, I’m 63, not dead.

Now, you’ll go left out of the theater and go past Star Tours again, and keep going until you see a Miss Piggy fountain!

Enter the theater for “Muppet Vision 3D”. After a funny muppety pre-show that will set the mood, you’ll sit- yes sit!- and watch a 3 or 4D Muppet extravaganza.

The 3D is state of the art, the plot is ridiculous, and the muppets are adorable as always. Kids will love it, you will smile and enjoy the A/C.

—-alert. Bathroom break.

Moving on.

Good luck finding your way from here-it’s a trek. I’d take an Uber if I were you. But... if you must walk, and you must, take a right, then a left, pass the Commissary, pass the Chinese theater (stop and see if your feet are bigger than Martin Short’s) and enter the “Animation Courtyard”.

If you enter the building directly ahead, you can queue up for photo ops with Some Star Wars characters. If you make a left, the first building you pass has the live show “Voyage of the Little Mermaid”. If you have little ones, definitely make a stop here, if not, it’s just a retread of the movie and fairly lame.

Passing the Little Mermaid, you’ll come to the building housing “Walt Disney Presents”. Go in. This area is basically a Walt Disney/Disney world museum. If you bring kids-they will hate this. Tough.

This Hall presents a little history of the man himself, and dioramas about the development of Disney World, including what’s in the future! Then you can piss off the kids even more by making them watch “One Man’s Dream”, a 15 minute documentary film narrated by Walt Disney about his life.

My late hubby used to make us watch this every visit. It’s good the first time. After 29 times, it just seemed like watching my dead great uncles home movies.

Make a right after visiting with Uncle Walt and you’ll come to “Toy Story Land”.

This is HS newest section. Looks like the Crayola 64 box exploded.

There are 3 rides here: the first one is “Toy Story Mania”: if you didn’t fast pass this one, you’ll have at least a 45 minute wait. It’s worth it!

This is very similar to Buzz Lightyear Soace Ranger Spin in Tomorrowland...but better. You wear 3D glasses and your spinning vehicle takes you through various midway style shooting games and you get to zap duckies, break plates and blast targets for points. I’m very competitive -so I apologize to any toddlers that I may have scared. (I beat ya, Tiffany!)

The next ride, Slinky Dog Dash, is a must. It’s a Small no big drop, no inversion, roller coaster with some quick turns and bumps- but senior friendly. In other words: your toupee may fly off but your dentures will stay put!

From the apex of the ride, you can get a good look at the construction for the new Star Wars section. looks epic.

Alien Swirling Saucers is the last ride in this section. More of a kiddie ride, this one stars the little Martian dudes from Toy Story (The claw!) and it’s evocative of the ride from when we were youngsters called “The Whip”- it’s cute but I wouldn’t wait in a long line for it.

Ok. Now you’re going to hobble back down toward the entrance, but make a left turn before you exit into “Sunset Boulevard”. This street has more shops and the theming is very Hollywood glam. However...

Before you make the walk, let me warn you that the two rides at the end of this Boulevard are NOT kiddie rides. Unless you have read the descriptions and have chosen to ride, or if you are accompanied by those who wish to ride-save your feet.

At the end of the street, on your right, is “The Twilight Zone Tower of Terror”— I mean, right there honey, with that name, you know your not in Kansas anymore.

Let me just say: this is one of the best rides is all Disney World-the theming is awesome—just look at that thing! It looms over the whole park! ...

The back story is: Back in the 30’s, The Hollywood Tower Hotel was the Place to be. Movie Stars infested the place. One night, during a thunderstorm, a group of folks went up in the elevator, which was hit by lightening, were NEVER SEEN AGAIN!

So, the queue area leads to the lobby, now dusty and abandoned. You are led to the boiler room to use the freight elevator (if you are not riding- or chicken out- at this point you can leave the line and wait for your party in a “scaredy-cats” waiting room).

Once you get strapped in your seat in the elevator, you’ll go up up up... the doors will open and you’ll see ghostly twilight zone- type scenes, and run into those poor unfortunate souls from the 30s. The elevator car actually exits the shaft and moves forward through the floor-you pass through a Star field and then...you stop. After a few seconds of heart palps, you drop! It’s an accelerated drop, so it feels like father and faster than it is. This drop is in the dark. Now you are pulled back up to the drop, the doors open, and you see that you are up at the top of the tower with a great yet brief view of the park, then you drop again, part of the way. Then... you go up and down a couple more times, the last drop being the full deal—you’ll even feel weightless for a few seconds!

Its great-but seriously-if you have health issues, don’t ride. I haven’t ridden since I turned 60. I don’t have major health issues-but I’m just calling myself lucky and moving on...

The next ride “Hell No!” In across from TOT. I think the formal name is “Aerosmith Rock and Roller Coaster”. Never rode it, never will.

Set up: your trying to get to the Aerosmith concert. You hop a ride with the band themselves in their limo, then speed through LA traffic.

Basically this is a major coaster, in the dark, that shoots you out of a canon and sends You careening upside down to your death.

Nope.

So, you’ve completed “Hollywood Studios”! At this point, after four days of parks, you deserve a reward! Private message me and I’ll send you a bottle of gin and a box of bandaids.

Next up: Animal Kingdom!

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disneykathy · 6 years

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EPCOT

World Showcase Part 4

FRANCE:

Mimes. Gotta love ‘em, am I right? Well, no, I don’t. I’d rather watch slime mold.

So it’s a good thing that Epcot’s France dumped the clown faced mime a few years ago. Now they have acrobats climbing chairs. Beaucoup improvement.

The Eiffel Tower here is 103 feet tall. However, Imagineers using forced perspective on the 1/10th scale landmark making it look like it’s at least 104 feet tall.

The France pavilion is very evocative of a France that no one has ever been to: “La Vie En Rose” plays in the background as you drink a glass of Cabernet and eat eclairs while reading Barbar and watch non-mimes climb chairs.

Flower carts, street artists and lovely shops abound (if you like perfume that costs more than your average Range Rover.)

But the prime reason for the existence of this pavilion is the film “Impression de France”. This film is so lovely: the first time I saw it I wanted to walk right out and fly to Versailles. It’s a 360 vision kind of deal with scenes of the most gorgeous scenery in France, scored with the works of classical French composers.

The theater is gorgeous and has the best 1 and 2 in Disney! 1)the air conditioning is sub freezing and 2) you can sit in faux velvet lined seats for a full 18 minutes -with your shoes off.

My kids hated this film. “It’s boring! Why do we see this every time??” “It’s beautiful! Learn a different culture! Listen to classical music! Learn shit!!!” “Ugh. Can’t we just get dessert and go to England?” “Why is England so exciting?” “It has no movie that you’ll make us watch” “I’m not having my kids in Great Britain while I’m in France!” “Daddy will be with us!” “Daddy is in Morocco using the bathroom.” “Why do we have to see this again???” “Because mommy’s calves are swollen like Belugas and she’s a sweaty disgusting mess, that’s why!!”

My kids, now middle aged, are finally getting their way: France is building a 3D dark ride themed to the Ratatouille movie. I fear the movie may be axed. Sigh.

Drink: Champagne

Snack: ice cream crepes

Stay Away! Nothing (if you are a diabetic-run!!)

United Kingdom

Baby boomers, rejoice! Lots of Beatles gear in these shops and in the back, there’s an English Garden where a 4 lad pop group performs a British Invasion show. Groovy.

The shops are all vaguely Windsor-Tudor style; quite lovely, and the gardens are spectacular. Souvenirs aplenty here from Irish Knit sweaters to St. Andrews golf balls to tea sets and chess sets.

And Toblerone.

And Cadbury.

You can meet Alice here, or Mary Poppins or many a drunken guest.....

I’m discussing food options in a different blog post but, I had to mention there is a pub here, the Rose and Crown, which is also a table service restaurant. Literally every adult male in this area is mustache deep in a pint of Guinness.

*It’s hot in Florida.

*Alcohol dehydrates.

*Heat stroke is bad.

*duh

#themoreyouknow

Drink; Bass ale

Snack: Fish and Chips

Stay Away! Bubble and Squeak (don’t ask)

CANADA

No, it’s not boring!

In fact, this area is quite beautiful! You can wander passed totem poles, canyons, waterfalls and gardens or buy maple syrup, stuffed moose, plaid shirts or Mountie hats. The “weenie” drawing you into the pavilion is a recreation of the Chateau Lanier in Ottawa, which is home to “le Cellier Steakhouse”.

There is a film here, “Oh, Canada”, a 360 experience reviewing all the gorgeousness of the Canadian Provinces. Stunning stuff, hosted by the annoying but strangely funny Martin Short. However..,

This is usually my last stop of the day. I’ve now walked from Mexico to Morocco to Canada by way of Japan and I have blisters that have spawned their own bouncing baby blisters. And...

You have to stand for this movie! What sadistic Mouseketeer thought this one up??

So...in my 25 or so visits through Epcot’s faux Canada, I’ve seen this movie twice. When they put in hospital beds, I will see it again.

Drink: la Fin Du Monde (French Canadian Beer)

Snack: Rochef Chocolate bars

Stay Away! Maple popcorn

Now you seen the world and you can drag yourself back to your hotel. Oh... but.., one more thing...

You need to stay to watch “Illuminations” , which is the best fireworks show in Disney’s World. If you plop yourself right in front of the seven seas lagoon about an hour or so before the show...right up against the fence, you will get s great view! The other, more pricey option, is to reserve one of the dessert fireworks parties that some of Showcase restaurants have. Book early! They have yummy goodies and wonderful seating areas for the show.

Leaving after Illuminations is fun. A couple thousand hot, tired, crippled folks filing out through Future World, like a zombie apocalypse with Mickey ears. ...and they all want to get on YOUR bus! So, muster your strength and zigzag with serpentine-like stealth through the crowd so you can get on the first bus outta there!

Do not stop for funnel cake. Do not get sidetracked by a pin trader. Do not attempt to use the rest room! Get on your bus!!

And, if this had been your day three at Disney, I hope you will have taken my advice and booked a “free day” tomorrow: Swim, nap, eat, foot surgery.

Day 5- Disney’s Hollywood Studios!

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disneykathy · 6 years

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Epcot

World Showcase Part 3

American Adventure: this is an interesting one.

Think about it. Disney originally had no intention of having an American Pavilion in World Showcase. They assumed EVERYTHING in WDW was American-so how interested would people be in an America exhibit? Well, they realized that a great many visitors would be from other countries Abd would probably be VERY interested in a USA pavilion but... what form would it take? How can you represent America without seeming like you’re blowing your own horn?

Apparently, they decided, “screw it!” and just made the biggest “God Bless America”, “Grand Old Flag” “We’re Special, You’re Not” presentation, slapped it into the center of the whole Dang “World Showcase” and called it “The American Adventure”!

And I love it!!

The pre-Show sets the mood. As you sit, stoop, lie or stand under the beautiful rotunda, you’ll hear a live performance of “The Voices of Liberty” - an 8 member a cappella group who sing in soaring harmonies some of your favorite American folk songs and anthems.

When they finish And you are fired up into a Yankee Doodle frenzy, you’ll go upstairs to the massive theater for the premiere presentation, “an American Adventure”.

The show tells the truncated history of America from 1620 to World War 2, through animatronics of famous figures, rib rousing music and general Patriotic pomp. It works.

At the end they show a montage of historical moments from WWII to present day, with a soaring theme, “Golden Dream”, which will be your ear worm until Canada.

As you’re exiting the theater, you will feel invincible and ready to declare war on Britain. Or have a cheeseburger.

Drink: Red Stag Lemonade w/Jim Beam

Snack:Warm apple cobbler

Stay Away!pumpkin funnel cake

Next to America is Japan. In World Showcase. In, like, real life, it’s like, really far. #themoreyouknow

The Japan Pavilion is dominated by a tall Pagoda while a ethereal torii shrine framed the Seven Seas Lagoon. Japanese gardens are found throughout the grounds-I love all the water features of bamboo gizmos clicking and snapping amidst the water lilies. I’d have one in my New Jersey yard but A)it’s Jersey and B)I don’t have a yard.

There is no film and no ride here. But you can spend 2 hours-easily- in Mitsukoshi Department Store. Everything Japanese is represented here! There are things beautiful (fans, kimonos), fascinating (Anime, Manga), and gross (green seaweed flavored Kit Kats).

I bought a pair of Japanese sandals here once. I think they were called “Sciatica “.

Drink:frozen beer

Snack: Kaki gori

Stay Away! tamagogani-little dried crabs coated in sugar

Morocco ! The best atmosphere of all the countries! The twisty turny alleys with fez shops, exotic fare and belly dancers are enhanced by palm, date, city’s and olive trees! Abd you can meet Jasmine, Aladdin and Jafar here!

No film nor ride, but they have belly dancing groups and a Moroccan rock group that us quite entertaining. (Moroccan rock! Say that 3 times fast!)

At this point, with the Florida humidity, you’ll feel like your in Morocco by now, so get off your feet, find an air conditioned bathroom (yes, I am not above sitting in a toilet for 20 minutes to get cool and rest my feet! A seat is a seat!!)

Drink: Andalucian Nights - brandy rum oj and pina colada

Snack: Baklava

Stay Away!French fries-not exactly Moroccan

Come back for part 4!

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disneykathy · 6 years

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EPCOT: World Showcase Part 2

Leaving Norway and making your way to your left around the semi-circle of nations, you’ll next come to China!

You will enter the Pavilion through a ceremonial gate patterned after the Temple of Heaven in Beijing. This pavilion is stunning- the colors are breathtaking! There are gardens and ponds everywhere: quiet spots for reflection and peace.

Or you can wait in line to meet Milan- your choice.

There is also a massive retail store “House of Good Fortune” where you can spend your good fortune real quick. Jade necklace for $1500? No problem.

Reflections of China is a 360º Circle-Vision film can be found in the central “Weenie” of the China Pavilion; the replica of the 15th century “Temple of Heaven”. This movie features footage of China including the Great Wall, the Forbidden City of Beijing, the Gobi Desert, Inner Mongolia, the Yangtze River and the tropical rain forests. China is BIG! And the film is stunning. However...

Although it does provide #1) air-conditioning, there is no #2...you must stand! There are rails to lean on but... honestly, if this is my 3rd day in Disney World, leaning isn’t going to do it for me. I’ve seen this film twice and I would LOVE to see it again- but my feet just can’t.

...and they don’t let you sit on the floor. Kids get yelled at all the time for doing that. And they make no exception for seniors-trust me on this....

Drink: plum wine

Snack: vegetable egg roll

Stay away!:strawberry red bean ice cream

Moving ever left...you will pass an outpost which is African in decor where they sell snacks and souvenirs and kids can bang on drums...I’ve always assumed they were planning on putting some sub- Saharan country in this large area but never got anyone to pony up the bucks to sponsor it.

Next you will come to Germany! There are many cute shops here, and you may run into Snow White here...I didn’t realize that movie was supposed to take place in Germany, did you?

You can buy Stief teddy bears, Bavarian cuckoo clocks, German chocolates, Toby mugs and beer steins, German chocolate, Hummels, soccer jerseys and German chocolate!!!!

There is no ride or film here...but there is sauerkraut!

Drink: duh! Beer!

Snack: nudel gratin

Stay Away! Sauerkraut!! No one should just walk around eating a big bowl of sauerkraut—it’s just wrong?’!

Next up? Italy!

Italy disappoints me. There’s no film, no ride and all the shops are sort of...well...snooty. Perfume-wine-crystal-porcelain. All very nice swag...but sort of “looky, no touchy”.

The set design is lovely though, and they do have great street performances: singers, jugglers, renaissance mimes (was there ever such a thing??)

You can meet and greet with Pinocchio here! I never realized that film took place in Italy, did you? Just cuz the main characters are name Pinocchio, Gepetto, Figaro...ok, I’m stupid.

Drink: wine of your choice

Snack: Tiramisu Popsicle (I shit you not! This is an actual thing!)

Stay Away! Nothing! It’s Italy!

Stay tuned for part 3!

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disneykathy · 6 years

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EPCOT: World Showcase part one

This is the reason Epcot is my favorite park: not that Futureworld isn’t peachy neato cool and all, but the World Showcase is my happy place. Plus it doesn’t open til 11am, so you can sleep in.

Enter Epcot, cut around to the left of the big golf ball and keep veering left. Eventually you will find yourself in Mexico. It’s a seven minute walk- I timed it. I do those kinds of things.

~As an aside, let me explain that I don’t drink. It’s not because I’m a member of some temperance society, nor is it for religious or medical reasons. It’s because I think beer tastes like Alka Seltzer with soap in it: wine tastes like iodine and liquor tastes like, well, alcohol...bleh.

However, many people enjoy the World Showcase by “Drinking Around the World”- which sounds like a fun game but often ends up with some projectile puking around Canada. I do my own version of this game: “Eating Around The World”-which often ends up with some projectile puking around Canada.

Canada gets no respect.

I will point out, in each country, the drink or snack of choice...you pick your own game.

Mexico! Also my favorite of the Showcase Pavilions. Enter the Ziggurat (Mexican stepped pyramid), and you will enter a fairyland. Inside the ziggurat is a Mexican Plaza at night: complete with shops, Comida and distant volcano. It’s beautiful!

After checking out the wares, taking a selfie of yourself in a huge sombrero and watching the glass blower-get on the short line for the boat ride “The Gran Fiesta Tour starting the Three Amigos”. It’s a cool relaxing colorful ride past the volcano and through a sort of “Day of the Dead” tour of Mexico. Ignore the “Three Amigos”... the addition of Donald Duck and his amigos from a forgotten cartoon was Disney’s unfortunate attempt to get the kiddies to like this ride. Fail.

Drink: Margarita

Snack: Chips with Queso

Stay away!: Hot Chili Lollipops!

—

Norway! A few yards left of Mexico is Norway. You didn’t read THAT in any of your 7th grade geography books....

The first thing you’ll notice is a reproduction of a Medieval Stave Church that is fairly awesome! Go inside and there will be some sort of Viking-ish exhibit- they r usually pretty interesting. !and it’s air conditioned!

The rest of “Norway” is basically the ride “Frozen Ever After”. The original ride in Norway was “Maelstrom”, a very popular ride where you take a Viking ship back in time to the days of Vikings and trolls. The Troll gets pissed off and sends you backwards down a waterfall (short and tame) and then you end up debarking in a Norwegian fishing village where you watched a very uninformative travelogue starring a very blond kid staring at a very old Viking ship... then you were (are) welcomed into a gift shop.

~I’m sure your wallet has noticed by now that most popular rides exit into a themed gift shop? Walt Disney’s middle name was “Elias” not “stupid”.

The “new” ride is the same as “Maelstrom” but with projections of “Frozen” characters. If you didn’t fast pass this, the line will be crazy long. Yet, Despite what I had imagined before I rode the updated version, it’s a lovely ride and you will enjoy it. They also cut out the goofy Norway Travelogue, so you’re one up. And you still exit into a gift shop.

Ps: the Norwegian cast members who work at this pavilion are singularly gorgeous. DAMN! (And younger than my children-damn...)

(Programming note: I don’t mention restaurants in these blog posts as I will do a separate entry for eateries at a later date.)

Drink: Viking Coffee (with Kimora Liqueur and Baileys Irish Cream)

Snack: School Bread

Stay Away!: Lefse-a potato dough wrap with sugar butter filling. Just no.

Part 2 to follow...

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disneykathy · 6 years

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Epcot: Futureworld

Walt Disney once said of his plan for his Experimental Prototype Community Of Tomorrow (EPCOT)~

“It’s like the city of tomorrow ought to be. A city that caters to the people as a service function. It will be a planned, controlled community, a showcase for American industry and research, schools, cultural and educational opportunities.”

Sounded really awesome, right? But then Walt died and practicalities took over and it became the “Futureworld” part of Epcot we know today: a pseudo science-y tech inspired bunch of really cool attractions. My favorite park.

I had a neighbor who knew I had been to Wdw a ton, and they were planning a trip with their two daughters. I told them how much I loved Epcot. When they got home from their trip, Mrs. Neighbor called me over the backyard fence to say how much they hated it! Mrs. Neighbor “My girls couldn’t wait to get out of there and go to 7-Eleven for Slurpees!” (7-Eleven?). So I asked her what she/they didn’t like. She said “It was all science stuff-Energy, horticulture, motion- no rides at all!” It turns out that they went, having read nothing about the attractions at all, and walked right by all of them, assuming they would be forced to sit in a lecture hall and take notes!

So, “Universe of Energy”? Boring! “Pantheon of cheap sugary drinks”? Fun!

So, yes, the “rides” here are loosely based on Science and Technology. So is cotton candy and Facebook. God forbid you learn something while having fun!!

“Spaceship Earth”: the first thing you’ll see when entering Epcot is it’s iconic Weeny: the golf ball! It is actually a geodesic sphere (oh my God, there’s that science crap already!! ). Inside is a 15 minute dark ride taking you up into the sphere as you travel through the history of mankind’s advances in communication from Neolithic cave painting to Steve Job’s Apple IIe.

The end of this show used to have very beautiful uplifting goose bumpy music. Now it just ends. Bring back the sappy finish!!!

Now that you’re back out in the fresh hot sweltering air, go right behind the golf ball. You will pass a large flat building that once was “Innoventions” which used to have all kinds of tech companies showcasing their wares in interactive fun ways. Now it’s a spot to meet characters.

Keep veering right, you will come to “The Seas with Nemo and Friends”. There are a couple nifty reasons to enter-the faux boat ride through the aquarium (The main attraction here) where you’ll see Nemo and Friends intermixed with actual sea life. Cute.

Then there is “Turtle Talk with Crush”. Kiddies love this. Adults will love trying to figure out how a cartoon turtle reacts and responds to live questions from the audience. It’s a pretty neat trick- but it’s so neat that you’ll have to sell your first born grandchild to get a spot. Good luck with that.

The aquarium is your standard “ooh look- fish! Ooh look- a shark” kind of deal, but, in a large tank to the rear of the building are the Manatees or “sea cows”. They are so adorable you could stand and watch them chew lettuce all day! But...don’t cuz you spent $125 to get in this park so.... let’s divy up our time wisely, shall we?

Outside again, straight in front of you, to the right, is “The Land” pavilion. Stop looking at the awesome banana trees, and go in! Down the escalator (and there is an elevator available, also) are the two attraction in this building: “Living with the Land” And “Soarin’”. If you don’t have a fast pass for “Soarin’”, then there’s only one attraction in this building.

I’m assuming you got fast passes for “Soarin’” since you did your homework and know there are 2 mega-popular rides in Futureworld, and this is one. And this is the mega-popular ride that the geriatric set love best. We will discuss the other mega-ride later.

In “Soarin’”, you are strapped into a thing, like a chair, but a row of seats that rises up high, but like.., oh, F it!!.....

“The ride employs a mechanical lift system, a projected presentation on an 80 ft (24 m) concave 180-degree dome screen, artificial scents and wind to simulate a hang gliding flight over several locations across six continents around the world.”

There...I stole from Wikipedia. Sue me!!!

It’s soooo relaxing and gorgeous! You’re in the desert one minute, then the snow covered mountains the next. And hanging your soar hot feet free in the heavily air conditioned room is akin to a nitrous Oxide OD!

Unfortunately it only lasts 5 minutes.

Once you are back on the ground...please visit a rest room, it’s been a while.

After the bathroom break, you can ride “Living with the Land”...not terribly exciting but comfy and cool and, heaven forfend!, you might learn something. The second half of the ride is truly fascinating as it takes you through the “Living Laboratory “ where plants are grown using newer methods of hydroponics...and the greenhouses are are stunning. Pay attention! There is no test later!

Next, to your right, is “Journey Into Imagination”. What was once a really lovely dark ride with Figment the Dragon and Dreamfinder got revamped years ago into a ride through noise and glowy stuff. Then, when the villagers revolted, they added back Figment, but the Dreamfinder remained ditched, but the story made a little more sense. So- basically- it’s a 1 and a 2. (Remember? A/C and seats?). But kids love Dreamfinder...so, enjoy.

There also used to be a fun playground inside with all kinds of imagination spurring activities-now it pretty lame. And the 3D movies that used to run at this location? Not so much. “Honey, I shrunk the Audience” must have worn out it’s welcome and Michael Jackson’s “Captain EO” was just creepy. Let’s just agree that this pavilion needs a make-over.

Now walk back across to the other side of Futureworld, passed the fountain, pass Mousegear (store with every Disney item known to exist in the Universe. Even passing by the door will cause your Visa Card to shiver).

You now find yourself facing “Mission: Space” and a big question: green team or orange team??

This ride is a simulation of taking off in a rocket at 2.5G ( that’s 2 and a half times the gravity of earth) and flying a mission to Mars. It also simulates all the good and not so good feelings if space travel- like spinning and pressure and it’s really super excellent! That is... if you are in great health and can follow directions! During the experience, you Must, keep you head looking forward, eyes open, at the screen. If you turn your head or close your eyes at any time...well, not good.

So, since many people experienced vertigo, vomiting, chest pains, er visits and by the way two people died but don’t let that bother you...

Disney altered the experience: you can choose The green team, which has you go through a non-centrifuge simulation of orbiting Earth-tame but fun and completely safe. Or the Orange team which is the whole barf bag special.

Now, I did this ride/experience when I was 50 years old with my late husband (and no, you Dick, he didn’t pass away in the ride!) and my 18 year old daughter. We all followed directions and we were all fine. But, when we were walking out, the sounds of retching could be heard and many folks were walking into the wall.

I loved it! I will never ever ride it again as I count myself lucky to have escape with my marbles staying where marbles should remain!

Now, go left. If you can still walk...go left.

Now: “Test Track” The other mega popular gotta have fast pass ride. Except, you don’t. They have a “Single Rider” line! So, even if you are a group of five, take the single rider route—-they use that route to fill in the 6 seat cars to capacity in cases of odd number groups! It’s likely you may still ride in a car with someone in your party! But, if you can’t stand to be separated from hubby or Grampy, then, by all means, wait in the two hour stand by line!

So, this ride takes your car on a crash test dummy sort of simulation-for turns, breaking, heat, cold, corrosives...and speed. It’s a major hoot! The last section of the ride send you outside the building taking a tight tilted turn going 65 MPH... which feels a lot faster! It’s fun.

Yes, Milania, your hair will get messed up and that’s when the camera will snap your photo. Oh boo hoo.

So, you done did Futureworld! Don’t forget to buy bandaids and booze on your way out!

Some extra insight...to the right of Mission:space are so empty pavilions...one used to be the “The Wonders of Life”- and had a couple of fun rides in it but was always empty-I never knew why. The other was, until very recently, “Ellen’s Energy Adventure” which starred Ellen Degeneris and Bill Nye who took you on an adventure with life sized dinosaurs to find sources if energy. I really like that one...but...

They are turning it into a “Guardians of The Galaxy” ride! So screw Ellen! Sounds awesome!!!

Another surprise spot to visit: Club Cool. A hidden gem right next to the fountain, attached to the character spot building. Sponsored by Coca-cola, they have drink machines, all free, so you can try coke products from all over the world! So, if your thirsty, this is the place! The have Guarana Kuat from Brazil- which is berry flavored, Vegitabeta from Japan (Apricot and Passion Fruit), Fanta Melon Frosty from Thailand and many more...including “The Beverly”. “The Beverly” is famous for its foulness. It is a bitter city’s drink from Italy made from ground grapefruit rinds and the barf bag remnants they save from Mission Space.

They sell t-shirts saying “Don’t try The Beverly”. Smart t-shirt.

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disneykathy · 6 years

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The Magic Kingdom: Tomorrowland

Hi there! Still with me? You are almost at the end of Day 1! (Or Day 2, if you have the common sense God gave a goat...). Look up from the tea cups and behold-Tomorrowland!

The inherent problem with this land is that today catches up to tomorrow real quick and suddenly you end up with “Yesterdayland”.

Tomorrowland did have a big over haul in the 90’s when Michael Eisner was helming Disney, but it’s ears are, again, beginning to fray.

However-good news! Walt Disney World will be celebrating it’s 50th Birthday in 2021- and they are planning refurb and additions! The new “Tron: Light Cycle Coaster” is already under construction!

But, you’re here now, so you’ll have to accept a little flaked paint and lo-tech. Which should make us oldsters feel quite at home.

The first ride you will pass...and I don’t use the word “pass” unadvisedly, is the Tomorrowland Speedway. It is super popular with the kiddies but it’s also the same lame kind of car race attraction you find alongside a White Castle’s parking lot on Route 66. Pass!

Next, on your right, you will see “Monsters, Inc. Laugh Floor”. This is so much fun for kids and grown ups alike! It’s sort of a Borscht Belt Comedy show with the characters from the film “Monsters, Inc.”. In the queue, kids can even text in their favorite corny joke, which might be used during the show! The audience is directly involved in a lot of the fun, so don’t be surprised to find your face on screen! (That’s right, Milania, put your lipstick on): just don’t be THAT GUY!.

Right passed “Monster’s, Inc. Laugh Floor”, you will come upon “Buzz Lightyear’s Space Ranger Spin”. If you didn’t Fast Pass this, you will have a long wait. Even if you are sans kids, don’t skip it. It’s a hoot! You will be in a vehicle shooting down minions of the evil emperor Zurg...it’s like being inside a black lit video game (or a head shop-if that’s your frame of reference). You score points and it’s fun to try to top the score of your vehicle mate! Last time I rode, I topped the score of my 12 year old grandson- he was perturbed.

Across from you will be what used to be Stitch’s Great Escape-they never could get the tone of that attraction just quite right, so it’s permanently closed. It will be something new by 2021.

In the square in front of you, you will see... no, not there! Look higher! No! That’s your husbands toupee! Higher! There! You’re looking at “Astro Orbiter”. Unless you want to spend 90 minutes to wait to go on a rocket shaped Dumbo Ride, keep walking... but not too far!

On the other side of the Astro Orbiter queue, in the entrance to “Tomorrowland Transit Authority Peoplemover”. Enter!

You have to ride this unassuming little gem! You get into a car of a train that is perpetually moving. It takes you on a slow peaceful, put your feet up and rest, tour of Tomorrowland. There is synced audio that narrates the journey...passing shops, the speedway, inside Buzz Lightyear and Space Mountain! Look closely and you’ll see some early Walt designs for Epcot!

And next is my favorite attraction in all of Walt Disney World: The Carousel of Progress!. Don’t misunderstand-this is not thrilling nor high tech. This is warm and cozy. I first saw this at the New York World’s fair in 1964! (There was no extra charge so my Dad let us see this one!) I was amazed that the theater rotated around the stage to bring you each scene!

The Carousel of Progress tells the story of the leaps of technology in the last century, seen through the eyes of one family from the 1920’s to somewhere in the 1990’s ( I hear tell the end scene will finally be updated for the 50th birthday Celebration !)

They never explain why Mom, Dad and the kids never age...maybe it’s a Dorian Grey kind of deal that I don’t want to know about. No! Not Christian Grey! Dorian Grey!! Get you brain out if the gutter, nana! (But that would be one hell of a new closing scene...).

Now you have a new ear worm ...”It’s a Great Big Beautiful Tomorrow...”. You’re welcome.

Last in Tomorrowland is Space Mountain. Indoor, in the dark, wild mouse coaster. Lots of warnings—-but don’t let them scare you...Disney, more that anything else, does not want to be sued. They really hate that. So, since we are all adults with common sense, just use your judgement about riding. If you have a bad back or neck- probably not. Waiting for a heart transplant? That’s a big N O. Controlled high blood pressure? Did you have a stroke on the highway coming in here? No? Then ride!

It is an older coaster, so expect a rickety ride. And please don’t be one of those parents/grandparents who force their crying 5 year old on it! “I’m scared! I don’t wanna!!” “Oh Sweety! You’ll love it!”. No they won’t! They will hate you forever! Leave them alone! #stopbullying

Well! You’ve done “The Magic Kingdom”. You can relax now with memories of a perfect day—After you walk through Tomorrowland to get to the hub, then walk the, what seems to be,18 miles down Main Street to get to the long long uphill ramp to wait for the monorail, which will be too crowded for you to sit, to take you to the Ticket and Transportation Center, where you’ll hobble down a long ramp where you’ll then wait for the tram that will take you to where your car is parked! Wait? Were you parked in “Mickey” or “Donald”?? I told you to write it down!! Where’s the car??? Wait...is that lightening?

Or you could just sit on a bench and watch the fireworks!

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disneykathy · 6 years

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The Magic Kingdom: Fantasyland

Welcome to fantasyland! -Land of kamikaze strollers, toddler meltdowns, and pastel fluffiness. This is what most people think of when they think of Walt Disney World. It is the land that most kids can’t wait to get into and the land that most parents can’t wait to get out of.

There is a lot to see here. There is a lot to hear here. There are a lot of nervous breakdowns here.

This is also the land where my inner GPS fails and I get horribly lost. There are too many nooks and crannies; it’s like an English muffin of a Renaissance fair.

So let’s just say you came in through the center of the castle. Once you’re over the moat through the drawbridge and passed the bippity boppity boo boutique (yeah- it’s a thing-I’ll explain later), you’ll be standing in front of Prince Charming ‘s Royal Carousel. It’s a merry-go-round.

In fact, just as a sidenote, this particular merry-go-round was originally in Olympic park in Maplewood New Jersey. I grew up in Orange New Jersey and this was my local amusement park so, yes, as a little kid I rode this merry-go-round many times. When Olympic Park was dismantled, the horses were sold off and The merry-go-round ended up at a junkyard somewhere where Disney found it, bought it, replaced all the horses and installed it in Walt Disney World.

Since there is a merry-go-round in every fair, on every boardwalk, and every carnival in America; please don’t waste half your day waiting in line to ride this one. At our age, we’ve been around in circles enough...

Wander vaguely to your left and you will see “Mickey’s Philharmagic”. (By the way, The Imagineer who came up with this name deserves the prize for “what the hell?” Storytelling). Anyway, this attraction is just plain lovely. It’s a 3D film/attraction loosely built around Donald Duck screwing around with Mickey’s Sorcerer’s Apprentice hat, and it recreates scenes of some of the best Disney Musical moments from the 80’s and 90’s. Plus 1)a/c and 2)seat.

Wander a tad more to your left...wait...let me just ask...can you still walk? Usually by this time, the first hints of a blistering future start to loom. If this is your first day, and you wore sensible shoes, maybe you haven’t felt that smoldering burn on your tootsies yet. If, on the other hand, you went with a fashionable 2 inch heel pump, you are probably in the infirmary by now. But you sure looked cute, and that’s what it’s all about, right Milania?

Anyway, go left for a few feet and you’ll come upon “Peter Pan’s Flight”. Unless you fast passed this, the stand by wait is probably 45 minutes. (The ride is a “slow loader”. ) Now, let me preface my next remark by saying- I love this ride. It’s very pretty flying over London in a fantasy pirate ship and it elicits a nostalgic pang from my heart but....

I wouldn’t wait on line for 45 minutes to see John and George come back from the afterlife to do a full Beatles reunion in my backyard, so... SKIP IT!

Across from Peter Pan is “It’s a Small World”. Since you have to ride this, just get on line and deal with it. (I think there is a clause on your Disney Reservation that stipulates compulsory attendance at this attraction.)

You all know that this ride was originally developed by Walt and Co. for the 1964 Worlds Fair in Flushing, NY, right? You didn’t? Where the hell you been?? Anyway, it was at the worlds fair in ‘64 and I didn’t get to ride it cuz my Dad wouldn’t let us do anything that charged an extra fee. Now I have issues. Moving on...

This boat ride has over 300 dancing, singing figures of children representing the kids of the world. It’s fun to try to name all the specific countries recreated by the costumes.

Even though this ride is universally satirized, it’s pretty darn cute. And the song? Well, yes, it’s an ear worm that will haunt you to your grave, but that’s a small price to pay for 8 minutes of international peace and joy!

Now go left and you will wander past Pinocchio Village Haus restaurant, Be our Guest but you’re never gonna get a reservation Restaurant, and Gaston’s pub. You will eventually get to “Under The Sea-Journey of the Little Mermaid” ride. It sucks.

Next...oh, what? You want a description of this newish dark ride? Ok. You wait in a long queue then you get in a ride vehicle and go through scenes if a movie you’ve seen 10000 times. Then you exit the ride vehicle. Happy now?

Diwn and around a curve, you will come to “The Seven Dwarves Mine Train Ride.” Keep walking if you don’t have a fast pass...it’s probably a 2 hour wait. But, if you have FP, enjoy! It’s a great ride!! The theming with the 7 Dwarves and the music from Snow White is adorable! And, being 63 when I first rode this “coaster”, I was nervous, but it’s extremely smooth, no huge drops, and pretty much like Big Thunder Mountain but much less jarring. I had a blast! And if you got a photo pass option, then they send you a nice little video of the ride, with your pic as you take a hairpin turn. All round E ticket ride for 4-75 year olds!

Across from the Mine train is “The Many Adventures of Winnie The Pooh”. Another slow loading dark ride but this one doesn’t tend to get as crowded. If you have a tender spot for Winnie the Pooh: ride! It’s sweet. (I still miss “Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride, though).

Off to your left, and down the hill is “Storybook Circus”. It’s a little offshoot if “Fantasyland” that used to be “Mickey’s Birthdayland” then “Mickey’s Toontown” then “Mickey’s Toontown Fair”. In other words, they didn’t think this through. Sort if like me when u started writing this blog.

It’s basically for really little kids. As Mickey’s Toontown, it was really cute cuz you could visit Mickey and Minnie’s and Daisy’s homes. But they were apparently evicted in a nasty land grab move by Pete. So now it’s a second rate sideshow where you can meet and greet the classic characters (now apparently homeless and working for cheese sticks). There are also a few rides:

1) Goofy’s Barnstormer: a kiddie coaster

2) Flying Dumbo: now there r two! But still slow loading.

...and don’t forget Casey Jrs Splash and Soak station. Ostensibly, this is for little ones. But if it’s Florida hot, and it will be cuz you’re in...Florida, it will be a life saver! (And yes, Melania, get your hair wet-the Vogue Photographer isn’t here today....)

Back up the hill is “The Mad Tea Party”, the spinning Tea Cup ride that is a must ride if you’ve never been on and if you don’t have Transitional Positional Vertigo, like I do. Learned that the hard way...

You are done with Fantasyland! If no one fainted, got lost, vomited or had a panic attack, congrats! You’ve earned your “Fantasyland Merit Badge”. Now find the bathroom, then a shady spot and drink some water, people watch and take your shoes off!

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disneykathy · 6 years

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The Magic Kingdom: Liberty Square

Take two steps beyond Frontierland and you’ll find yourself in Liberty Square. You won’t notice that, of course, because you’ll be running through to get to “The Haunted Mansion”.

Now, to Walt, the Haunted Mansion was a “weenie”. Other Weenies are The Castle, Space Mountain, and other large attractions that act as magnets to draw crowds into the next apparently better place. The term “weenie” comes from Walt himself: he’d tell the story of his dog “Lady” who would follow him anywhere as long as he was holding a hot dog , a “Weiner”, in his hand. So, to keep crowds moving, you offer them a Weenie.

So, to get to the weenie, we all run passed Liberty Square. (Actually, The Haunted Mansion is IN Liberty Square, even though it has nothing to do with Colonial American History. They just didn’t know where else to stick it.)

So, by all means, go to The Haunted Mansion. It’s an E attraction. (If you’re a Disney freak, you know what that means). The queue is fun: dead people and graves are always a hoot. The cast members here have the best time doing their Addams Family best to creep you out.

Once you enter the Gracey Mansion, you will meet your ghost host and see how he met his gruesome end (suicide is always a hoot too!); the cast then lead you to your doom buggies for a ride through the after life.

This is not very scary stuff, and kids who aren’t extra sensitive will love it. Those of us on the wrong end of 50 should be warned that it is very dark walking to your doom buggy and you must hop on very quickly. If you fall you will be trampled by sticky footed fat kids in Mickey ears, so be spry!

Now your ear worm will be “Grim Grinning Ghosts”, which is better than what’s coming in Fantasyland, so enjoy it while you can. The eeriest part of the ride is when the creepy little murderess bride taunts you into coming back. Bitch.

Once you are out in the daylight again, please do check out Liberty Square. It’s adorable. You can take a picture of your hubby in the stocks. You can shop for fake pewter at “Ye Olde Add An Extra E Shoppe”. (You really don’t want real pewter, it’s poison...colonial people had short rum-filled lives). Or...you could go to “The Hall of Presidents”!

This is often skipped but it’s a goose bump inducing show. If you are in any way patriotic or a history buff, you will love it! Every president in exquisite audio-animatronic glory! Lincoln speaks! Nixon nods! George Washington looks constpated! And a big orange bloated mutation gives a short speech about...squirrel!!

Oh...1)air-conditioned 2)chairs

After the show, stay outside the theater-the muppets do their take on American History from above. It’s funny if you’re not starving, sweaty, or have bloody big toes.

Right at Liberty Square is the dock for Liberty Squre Riverboats. If you have time, take the boat ride! It’s calm, cool, pretty and you’ll learn a bit about Mark Twain. And when the Grabdkids ask “Who?” You can give them a smack.

Ok. Your day is half done. Get off your feet. Have lunch. (I will cover restaurants-in later post). Relax for a few quiet moments because, around the corner is an insane asylum called “Fantasyland “

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disneykathy · 6 years

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The Magic Kingdom:Frontierland

We left you in Adventureland in the last post...well now you’re moving on to the Frontier, Disney style! As you reach the end of Adventureland, you’ll notice on your right a fairly large counter service restaurant called “Pecos Bill Tall Tale Inn And Cafe”. As you round the bend you will still see the same Pecos Bill’s, but you’ll notice the style has subtly changed from “Indiana Jones and the House of Pancakes” sort of Motif to “Last Taco Bell’s at the Alamo”. You are now in Frontierland!

Frontierland mingles the Old West with Mark Twain’s Mississippi mud and comes up with a John Muir mural of papier-mâché nature and history. The truth is, though, it’s a peaceful area and one I highly advise you to enjoy from a nice shaded bench cuz some weird shit goes on here.

First, as you walk straight ahead, on your left are two “mountains”. The first is “Splash Mountain”; a log flume ride. The theming is based on the not so subtly racist 1940’s Disney film “Song of the South”. A mix of ‘toons and live action. It tells the delightful story of a happy old slave who spends his days frolicking by the fishing hole telling tales of Br’er Rabbit to a couple of white kiddies. If you thought Pork’s dialogue in “Gone With the Wind” was insulting to all God’s children, you should hear ole’ Uncle Remus! But I digress...

I rode this once, in my 40’s. I told my dear hubby I didn’t like big drops-I just don’t like that little feeling like your lungs are going to spew forth from your eyeballs. He said “but it’s so pretty inside!”. So I went. I started speaking to him again by Christmas.

It is pretty-all the toon characters sing “Zippidee Do Dah!” And “Everybody’s Got a Laughing Place” as your boat gently glides through colorful scenes of Spanish moss and sorghum (I don’t know what sorghum is...but it sounds vaguely southern). But then the music gets creepy, the scene darkens, and, just as you see a hint of daylight, “Brer Rabbit” stares at you menacingly and says “I got your laughing place right here!” And you fall! I swear he grabs his crotch as he says it!! You fall straight down, your heart stops, your lungs fly out of your eyeballs, and you get wet.

For those that like that sort of thing, that is the sort of thing they like.

The next “Mountain” is “Big Thunder Railroad”. It’s your basic Palisades Park wild mouse ride-but with a train. Fun. Rickety. Nice theming-that you might notice if you’re one of those weirdos who keeps your eyes open while taking hair pin turns.

If you have back or neck trouble, well, this will not help that at all. But it’s an excuse to pop out the old “medication”, so...up to you, sweetie.

You are now at a dead end. Walk back past the two mountains and “bear” left. See what I did there? To your right is the infamous “Country Bear Jamboree” show. Remember “Hee Haw”? This is it...but with large audioanimatronic bears. And a moose head that kibitzes from the wall. They joke and pun and sing hillbilly standards. It’s cornpone comedy. Go see it!! Two reasons: 1. It’s air conditioned and 2. You sit.

As you leave the theater thinking you’ve seen things now that you can never unsee, on your left you will pass the Turkey Leg dealer. Stay away. They look delicious. But...look closer..did you ever see a turkey with legs that big? Is it even turkey? Emu? Ostrich? Mothra?

Past the barbecue big bird stand is the waiting area to catch the raft to “Tom Sawyer Island”. If you are with kids that need a little ADHD break, you should go. There’s a fort and caves and rope bridges-they will love it. But if it’s hot out, it’s probably not gonna be so fun -for you. Kids don’t mind the heat. But, if you are kidless and it’s a cool day- by all means, raft over and set a spell on Aunt Polly’s porch and have a lemonade. (But don’t look too hard for Pa Finn’s moonshine cuz you’re out of luck. The happiest place on earth ain’t THAT happy).

Once back from the island. You’ll walk past some cute shops worth exploring-not all Disney plush. And then there’s “The Diamond Horsehoe”. This used to be a meal and a western themed show but it was expensive and was always empty. Now it’s a buffet restaurant.

Lots of buffet restaurants in WDW. Because wild rides, oppressive heat and all you can eat barbecued Godzillabird makes for a hell of an afternoon in Fantasyland.

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disneykathy · 6 years

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Magic Kingdom:Adventureland

I realize that for us seniors, sometimes making our way to the toilet without tripping over a sock and breaking a hip is an adventure... but this is better.

I always turn left at the end of Main Street USA. I wish there was a good reason for this...but there’s not. Sorry. Anyway, when you come to the end of Main St., and you’re staring at that castle...and it’s calling to you, you are now at “THE HUB”. Decision time! Think of this spot as if you are in the center of a wagon wheel and there are 3 spokes extending from your center. To the left is Adventureland, directly in front (hiding not so timidly in front of you), is Fantasyland and to your right is Tomorrowland. Go left. I said so.

As you enter Adventureland, you’ll notice that Main St. sights and sounds disappear completely and you are surrounded by a general casbah-ish, mid-eastern, tropical, Egyptian, Congo-istic place of “Where the hell is this suppposed to be??”. Don’t worry about it-just go with it-you’ve paid enough.

To your left is the first “attraction” you will come upon. “The Swiss Family Treehouse”. It’s a big fake tree with Victorian furniture in it from a movie no one younger than us remembers. It’s cute. It requires climbing 3 flights of stairs. It ain’t that cute. Keep moving-nothing to see here.

You will pass Sunshine Terrace on your right. Keep walking. If you stop for a snack here, you will be introduced to the “Dole Whip” : a frothy citrus frozen orgasm (remember those??) of diabetic joy! Just say no.

Do you feel wet? That’s because you’ve just been spit on by a camel. You are standing in front of “The Magic Carpets of Alladin” ride. Basically, this is Dumbo with Dromedaries. It is a slow loading ride. The kiddies love it, but, if I were you I’d save an hour of my day and skip this one.

Now it’s gonna get good!!! To your left is “The Jungle Cruise”! Hopefully you got a FastPass for this one! It’s a classic Disney ride that is as corny as they come...but it’s a must! The ride queue is hot! So if you didn’t FP it, make sure you have water water water! The ride itself is a cruise down the major rivers if the world-in about 12 minutes. Stepping on board is a bit of a challenge if you are not steady on your feet, but the cast members will assist you and there is no rush- that plastic elephant ain’t goin’ nowhere. The best part of the ride is the “skippers” patter- pun filled and silly but so much fun. Make sure to turn up your hearing aids - or you’ll miss “the backside of water”.

Across from The Jungle Cruise is “Walt Disney’s Enchanted Tiki Room”. People make fun of this attraction/show because, well, it’s stupid. BUT! It was the original Audio-Animatronic attraction created by Walt And worth seeing for this and two other reasons: 1)it is air conditioned and 2) you sit. The show concerns a bunch of birds singing songs and exchanging witty repartee...the theme song “In the tiki tiki tiki tiki tiki room...” will provide your ear worm for the day...until you hit “It’s a Small World”. My advise? Pass this attraction for now, (it’s still morning, by gosh!!) and go later in the day when you are a sweaty mess in need of a dark cool place to tend to your blisters.

To your left, right past The Jungle Cruise, is “Pirates of the Caribbean”. Let me just say that Johnny Depp, in his heyday, was hot. Glad I got that said. It’s important. Anyway...where was I ? Oh yeah, Pirates. Great ride! And usually the wait is short and the queue is cool and fun. Another boat ride, but this time in the bowels of the air conditioned Caribbean isles, where pirates don’t chase women anymore...( side note: the audio animatronics story has been altered in the last few years. The main scene used to involve an auction of women to the highest scallywag bidder. “We wants the redhead!!”-however, someone at Disney finally realized that was a misogynistic wet dream that did not belong in the happiest place on Earth, so now the women chase the pirates.) There is one small “drop” at the beginning of the ride-don’t freak!- and the rest is stunning! I love that they added Johnny Depp’s Captain Jack Sparrow character in various spots along the journey...looks just like him. Exactly. Those eyes. Those cheekbones. Wait...where was I? Oh right, pirates. Do not miss!

So... that pretty much wraps up Adventureland. At this point you’re probably tired and thirsty. Stop at Totuga Tavern for a drink. Not a REAL drink, mind you... no booze in the Magic Kingdom -you’ll have to wait till Epcot to get wasted. By that time, you’ll need to, especially if you’re with the grand kiddies.

Oh-and this is a good time to use the bathroom. Two reasons:1. It’s air conditioned and 2) you can sit.

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disneykathy · 6 years

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disneykathy · 6 years

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The Magic Kingdom-Main Street USA

The most beautiful thing about emerging from under the Magic Kingdom Train Station onto Main Street USA? The view of the castle you say?? No!! It’s the fact that this is the last moment in your vacation when your feet will not hurt! Treasure it: heck, take a pic of your healthy pink toes!

The first thing you will see, to your right, is Town Square Theater: you will happily walk past it’s big porch filled with shaded rocking chairs. ...but...remember where you saw those rocking chairs!! Just FYI.

This “theater” is basically just a shop and a meeting place for Mickey Mouse. In fact, Main Street used to be filled with all sorts of nostalgic shops: Magic, penny arcade, silent cinema, etc. Now it’s basically all Disney souvenirs. Don’t get me wrong, they are beautiful facades and the merchandise is varied and fun...but I miss the old Main St.

There is much to see here...but don’t look! Not yet! You could spend the day shopping this 850 foot mall! Wait til you need a mid day a/c break and then browse away! (Remember, if you are staying in property, you can have any packages sent directly to your room! Don’t schlep them through “It’s a Small World!”. )

Good goody stops on Main St. includes “Casey’s”- good hot dogs:Tums not included! “Tony’s Town Square”: a table service Italian restaurant (more on trying to actually “sit” at a “sit down” restaurant in future post). There’s also a Starbucks (boo hiss!), a confectioners and an ice cream parlor. But, let’s me honest-Disney World is one huge hot humid crowded movable feast! From Dole Whips to turkey legs to Mickey Pops, you’ll find a cholesterol vendor every 4.5 feet. Keep telling yourself that all the walking offsets the “heart attack on a stick” you just scarfed down.

Make sure you let the Disney photographers take your picture in front of the castle! You don’t have to have Photo Pass or Memory Maker or any other “Disney needs a new pair of shoes so give us your $” photog programs! They will take your pic and upload it onto you “My Disney Experience” ap, where you can then ignore the hell out of it. But! They will happily take pics using your personal cell phone or camera also.

Main Street is magical- and not for what it sells but for what it promises....it smells like cotton candy and childhood. Look at the colors! Watch the young families trying to be ecstatic while wrangling errant toddlers. Appreciate the engineered forced perspective of the buildings (they aren’t as tall as you’d think-and they get shorter as you approach the castle to make the street look longer!). Enjoy your first step into adventure. You can do this! ...and if you feel foolish doing any of this...just look behind you at the 6’6” dad with the beer belly and the goofy hat. He WILL be there: I promise.

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