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to the one who broke my heart and mind, yes i hate you and want you to die. but i am god’s child and i am determined to transform this pain into love. i reject the ideology of punishment and hatred and violence. i will not rest until i find the way of forgiveness. i am grateful to not have to live with your karma 💔 🪷 and in the meantime i am working on creating more fruitful language
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"Hence, in comprehending speech, we engage with possibilities that remain to some degree indeterminate."
Matthew Ratcliffe, Grief Worlds 🖤
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tombs of atuan, ursula k le guin. “she knew nothing of forests, or cities, or the hearts of men.” 🪷🌙
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no longer will i listen to what someone has to say over what they do. but i also know that there was nothing in the world i could have done to prepare for heartbreak. and the presence of heartbreak is proof that i did it right: i loved as deeply and as powerfully as i could. and so i will pray for anyone who is not heartbroken, that they can be brave enough to be naked in front of the ocean and not hide from the monster coming out of the lake. because the thing about the monster is that she needs your love more than your fear.
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"You must abandon yourself mentally to your wish fulfilled in your love for that state, and in so doing, live in the new state and no more in the old state. You can’t commit yourself to what you do not love, so the secret of self-commission is faith - plus love. Faith is believing what is unbelievable. Commit yourself to the feeling of the wish fulfilled, in faith that this act of self-commission will become a reality. And it must become a reality because imagining creates reality" (The Law and The Promise, Neville Goddard 15). ♡
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how grateful, cinematic, and sensual food becomes in the imagination when you are fasting. a peanut butter banana sandwich with a green protein smoothie. yogurt with nuts and fruit and manuka honey. garlic green beans and bok choy. nutella and ube swirl ice cream. hummus, kalamata olives, and cheese. a toasted french baguette with brie, ham, and butter. warm sourdough dipped in peppered olive oil. tacos, queso, and strawberries. salmon rubbed with brown sugar and smoked paprika. september figs, and oranges with salt. dark chocolate covered almonds. frozen candy grapes and black licorice. baked and salted sweet potatoes. spicy bulgogi. roasted broccoli and curry. sliced gyro, yellow rice, and tzatziki. yellowtail. shepherd's pie. chili mac with green onion. a large, caramel iced latte.
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misogyny makes claims about “women’s nature” in order to justify exploitation. so keep your wits about you — the ideas spread about dating, work, love, these can easily be influenced by some overarching belief in a “woman’s nature” which becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. and i don’t just mean in the typical obvious ways, but in the less-typical, less-obvious ways, ways that often come from women themselves, often through speaking about their bad experiences with men. be careful to identify boldly with a unified “woman’s experience” — in the end, the details matter, and transphobia hides in details. there are cultural currents we are taught, yes, but you cannot find your identity in these things. you cannot find your identity in being kind, loving, wise, nurturing in order to justify why you are obsessed with your partner or can only feel safe in the world with a man — but the patriarchy is not just about love and relationships. it is ultimately a structure that involves everything. the patriarchy is work, prison, surveillance, the church. therefore, expand your discernment in applying it to things beyond “men and relationships”; you cannot find your identity in work, punishment, the attention economy, or holiness. we forget that these things are the patriarchy, and not men themselves, inherently. people become their perceptions of the world, and you live in your imagination. so when you notice in yourself the urgency to find work or a “career,” or to punish someone after they hurt you, it is the same logic as the urgency to “find a husband” — logic contingent on the belief that you are unsafe, inherently lacking, and will die unloved, as well as the logic that your fears can be solved through institutions like marriage, work, or prison. but you already know that these are lies. the devil likes to create an ideology of hopelessness and isolation — ideologies of supremacy and black and white thinking. but god is multiplicity, variance, hope. consumerism breeds hopelessness, but god is free possibility. so have some patience for the natural process of possibility, which unfolds over time. you would not rush a wave to be a wave, this thought doesn’t even occur — how could you? the wave expresses itself exactly as it needs to. likewise do you.
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why turn love into data science? there is no wisdom there. you can claim trends, but in the end the details matter. you’re not a generalization about men, modern dating, or attachment wounds. you’re the ocean become human. your regeneration is formless and words are futile devices.
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be mindful of what you are consuming, and don't let yourself be affected by someone else’s energy that isn’t yours. have discernment; the eye is the light of the body.
the peace and love you are seeking is going to be found in the company of other women who have gone through what you have gone through, not in the recognition or behavior of the man who never sought wisdom in the first place.
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If you spend most of your time in your mind entertaining un-ideal information and giving all of your trust to seemingly static three dimensional circumstances you’re in Hell. Create do not perpetuate
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"To attempt to change circumstances before you change your imaginal activity, is to struggle against the very nature of things. There can be no outer change until there is first an imaginal change. Everything you do, unaccompanied by an imaginal change, is but futile readjustment of surfaces." 🖤 neville goddard
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sometimes men can become dependent on you emotionally and then resent you later for their dependence. then when they start to run away, they can make you feel like you’re the needy one asking for too much. but this is not the truth. remember who you are, and your strength and independence, and don't let an emotionally immature man color your self-perception. if he couldn’t speak his own truth, how could he ever say something true about you? girl, grow up. you know better!!
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Brandi Milne (American,b.1976)
And The Days To Come
Acrylic
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