detransformerreformer

[detransformerreformer]

De transitioning: My personal experience

I’m going to talk about something the mainstream media doesn’t talk or want you to know about. While the transgender agenda is being pushed by the mainstream media and the debate for bathrooms hit college campuses. After living as a woman since 2014- September 2021

In 2014 while being faced with a substance abuse problem, mental illness, homelessness and yet another failed attempt at love I began my transition from male to Female. With no more than a single appointment at a doctor I was easily given hormones to begin changing my body. This is a fact that scares me more than anything and I heed serious warning to those considering to make such drastic changes to their body, and to parents everywhere to do everything they can in order to prevent their child becoming sterile and so many other mental effects that are bound to change your child forever on a quest to play God themself. God forbid we pay attention to those who later want to transition. The LGBT community tells us we are the wrong ones for feeling this way and try to shut us up. I’m going to speak and its your decision to listen but here’s my own account of living transgender.

I was molested at 5 something that affected me and corrupted me on both my sexual identity but also being so young this was something I kept from my family. This sexually immoral event was why I felt I was exploited from my femininity and adolescence by a predator. This damage carried over and was the root of some bad decisions I have made in hindsight. Including my sexuality and because my father worked in the Ministry this affected my spiritual walk as well until recent epiphanies, I see how this was just a ripple in my ocean. He took what he could from me and that taught me if they’re going to take it from you “make them pay for it”. These underlying issues are addressed or even a concern for doctors to start you on hormones, in fact they were hardly mentioned. As I said I was suffering from substance abuse, constant hospitalizations, homeless and even had ankle monitors on due to some legal trouble at some of these appointments.

All my psychologist was concerned with was increasing my hormones or being LGBT herself spoon fed me lines that were already confirmed by the loads of fan mail I was getting “Look how pretty you are, you have it so easy to be passible you could be a face of what trans looks like.” My beauty became all that people saw, this became a mask, a charade and after all the trauma I was going through I wore that well. Like a suit of armor pushing down my past doing everything I could to forget who I was including deleting years of photos of my younger male self. Just one of so many upon the pile of things I regret, I tried to erase the person I was in order to forget somethings that made me hurt. I grasped on this journey to transition like a life preserver after jumping off the Titanic, I gripped this life ring for my life when my life was already a shit storm of complicated and underlying issues.

Looking back I don’t even know given the already damaged history that became the start of my transition how anything as serious as this could have been approved. This was such a nervous time and I felt the pressure, and as a committed perfectionist I had to make it perfect. The start was everything far from perfection and I’m going to disclose now you never will feel “good enough” trying to be something you never were born to be. I found affirmation in being transgender through being able to easily obtain what I wanted from men. I used this not only in ways to make me feel better about myself but to get something I wanted after allowing them what they all wanted; My body. The doctor had a checklist I would answer and even with red flags present like when I thought I was female actually stemming from the rape that later manifested as a eating disorder in middle school, and sexually later as an adult. None of these red flags were discussed and everything was fairly scary despite how easy I obtained Hormone Replacement Therapy.

Now social contagion is making people feel like they might be transgender, parents are blindly putting their kids on hormones medically they have little to no knowledge of the long term effects and sterilization. Why now? Why all of a sudden is this a trend? It has become a trend like acid wash jeans and everyone jumps on the bandwagon instead of addressing more major traumas beneath the surface. I am so concerned for anyone thinking about transition please seriously consider my warning. I was so mentally unwell and vulnerable when I made this very decision, no one dared pull away or tell me the truth that I was making a mistake. In fear of what action that could push someone already suffering from suicide idealation, my parents or anyone who loved me not dare question this decision I was making.

I could run away from a lot of problems like Arianna. I moved to a new city where no one knew me in order to write a “New Life”. I went to somewhere where no one knew the old me so their only option was to know who I wanted them to and only parts of anything else that slipped my tongue. I would be vague in describing or talking about who I once was; it was all about who I am now and where I was going. Living in the fast line they were only too willing to have another racer. Before becoming transgender I was in the Air Force and was already groomed in adult film while serving in Germany as a open bisexual. I never hated who I was as a male, was just called names and given labels that carry a heavy weight and stigma. I carried my porn career over under a new name Jade Jameson when I became a sensation under the Pornhub Transgender category shortly after my breast augmentation, my hormones by this time had feminized me to a enviable “pass ability” status. As I transitioned I became an online celebrity. I was bombarded by misogynistic men and them objectifying me wasn’t looked at with the disgust as I do now. Just seeing it as more affirmation for me and a payday if they really liked me. My fame became so bad I couldn’t even have a drink in my local bar in Cleveland Ohio without being noticed. My best friend and I had to worry more about my safety and location than having fun most nights. When I left Cleveland for Columbus my eyes were opened to just how much I felt in danger being transgender when on 4 separate accounts my local fans in my new place for my fans to try and book in their futile and pathetic attempt in order to get close to me.

All of this became too much for me, the unbreakable finally reached a breaking point. I deleted social media and took down my content, that same day discontinuing my hormones. I couldn’t take the person I saw in the mirror anymore, the little things I used to like about myself became the things I hated. I was so alone, after being used by so many people I suppressed myself and became secluded in order to guard myself from being hurt by anyone close to me I stopped letting people in. It came down to most of my daily contact apart from family and my one consistently proven loyal best friend Jen, was from the same people who made me feel like shit, the men who objectified me. I never hated who I was as a woman but felt I was a victim of circumstance and influence. I had labels forced on me and started to believe them. I started to believe because I wasn’t masculine I must be feminine. The fact I was more into feminine things became a label and that is why we have to be careful. Our words can hurt others. I was bullied for being feminine and started to damn myself for it. I have never hated my biology. My closest friends agree when they talk about the “bottom” surgery I would be filled with fear rather than excitement. I believe this could contribute to transgender suicide rates being so alarmingly high, the fact that a lot of people who have SRS later regret it. I have come to terms with who I am as a man, I feel like my God never made a mistake. Even though this was a learning experience, I can take what I have from this and be able to use it to help others. It has selfishly become something I will use for myself now for research. I am almost 6 months sober at the time of writing this. I no longer drink, use drugs or even makeup to hide from my problems but to face them was what took real courage and bravery. I have learned in living as a woman how to be the kind of man most only dream of (loyal, trustworthy, and genuine) and how to treat women. My relationships with family and friends who don’t wanna use me but love me as I am. Accepting my mistakes and all as true love should. I don’t see this as a bad thing but something that has changed me, but something left unchanged will always be the love and support they have for me. I also found the true meaning of self love and I won’t ever let someone take that away or let their opinions get to me anymore. Since my fame was a security issue and something that has been a problem for me I have taken myself off social media in order to take time to re learn about the person I am, and let God heal me from all the damage others and myself have done. My purpose is to only educate based on my personal experience.

[detransformerreformer]

De transitioning: My personal experience

I'm going to talk about something the mainstream media doesn't talk or want you to know about. While the transgender agenda is being pushed by the mainstream media and the debate for bathrooms hit college campuses. After living as a woman since 2014- September 2021

In 2014 while being faced with a substance abuse problem, mental illness, homelessness and yet another failed attempt at love I began my transition from male to Female. With no more than a single appointment at a doctor I was easily given hormones to begin changing my body. This is a fact that scares me more than anything and I heed serious warning to those considering to make such drastic changes to their body, and to parents everywhere to do everything they can in order to prevent their child becoming sterile and so many other mental effects that are bound to change your child forever on a quest to play God themself. God forbid we pay attention to those who later want to transition. The LGBT community tells us we are the wrong ones for feeling this way and try to shut us up. I'm going to speak and its your decision to listen but here's my own account of living transgender.

I was molested at 5 something that affected me and corrupted me on both my sexual identity but also being so young this was something I kept from my family. This sexually immoral event was why I felt I was exploited from my femininity and adolescence by a predator. This damage carried over and was the root of some bad decisions I have made in hindsight. Including my sexuality and because my father worked in the Ministry this affected my spiritual walk as well until recent epiphanies, I see how this was just a ripple in my ocean. He took what he could from me and that taught me if they're going to take it from you “make them pay for it”. These underlying issues are addressed or even a concern for doctors to start you on hormones, in fact they were hardly mentioned. As I said I was suffering from substance abuse, constant hospitalizations, homeless and even had ankle monitors on due to some legal trouble at some of these appointments.

All my psychologist was concerned with was increasing my hormones or being LGBT herself spoon fed me lines that were already confirmed by the loads of fan mail I was getting “Look how pretty you are, you have it so easy to be passible you could be a face of what trans looks like.” My beauty became all that people saw, this became a mask, a charade and after all the trauma I was going through I wore that well. Like a suit of armor pushing down my past doing everything I could to forget who I was including deleting years of photos of my younger male self. Just one of so many upon the pile of things I regret, I tried to erase the person I was in order to forget somethings that made me hurt. I grasped on this journey to transition like a life preserver after jumping off the Titanic, I gripped this life ring for my life when my life was already a shit storm of complicated and underlying issues.

Looking back I don't even know given the already damaged history that became the start of my transition how anything as serious as this could have been approved. This was such a nervous time and I felt the pressure, and as a committed perfectionist I had to make it perfect. The start was everything far from perfection and I'm going to disclose now you never will feel “good enough” trying to be something you never were born to be. I found affirmation in being transgender through being able to easily obtain what I wanted from men. I used this not only in ways to make me feel better about myself but to get something I wanted after allowing them what they all wanted; My body. The doctor had a checklist I would answer and even with red flags present like when I thought I was female actually stemming from the rape that later manifested as a eating disorder in middle school, and sexually later as an adult. None of these red flags were discussed and everything was fairly scary despite how easy I obtained Hormone Replacement Therapy.

Now social contagion is making people feel like they might be transgender, parents are blindly putting their kids on hormones medically they have little to no knowledge of the long term effects and sterilization. Why now? Why all of a sudden is this a trend? It has become a trend like acid wash jeans and everyone jumps on the bandwagon instead of addressing more major traumas beneath the surface. I am so concerned for anyone thinking about transition please seriously consider my warning. I was so mentally unwell and vulnerable when I made this very decision, no one dared pull away or tell me the truth that I was making a mistake. In fear of what action that could push someone already suffering from suicide idealation, my parents or anyone who loved me not dare question this decision I was making.

I could run away from a lot of problems like Arianna. I moved to a new city where no one knew me in order to write a “New Life”. I went to somewhere where no one knew the old me so their only option was to know who I wanted them to and only parts of anything else that slipped my tongue. I would be vague in describing or talking about who I once was; it was all about who I am now and where I was going. Living in the fast line they were only too willing to have another racer. Before becoming transgender I was in the Air Force and was already groomed in adult film while serving in Germany as a open bisexual. I never hated who I was as a male, was just called names and given labels that carry a heavy weight and stigma. I carried my porn career over under a new name Jade Jameson when I became a sensation under the Pornhub Transgender category shortly after my breast augmentation, my hormones by this time had feminized me to a enviable “pass ability” status. As I transitioned I became an online celebrity. I was bombarded by misogynistic men and them objectifying me wasn't looked at with the disgust as I do now. Just seeing it as more affirmation for me and a payday if they really liked me. My fame became so bad I couldn’t even have a drink in my local bar in Cleveland Ohio without being noticed. My best friend and I had to worry more about my safety and location than having fun most nights. When I left Cleveland for Columbus my eyes were opened to just how much I felt in danger being transgender when on 4 separate accounts my local fans in my new place for my fans to try and book in their futile and pathetic attempt in order to get close to me.

All of this became too much for me, the unbreakable finally reached a breaking point. I deleted social media and took down my content, that same day discontinuing my hormones. I couldn't take the person I saw in the mirror anymore, the little things I used to like about myself became the things I hated. I was so alone, after being used by so many people I suppressed myself and became secluded in order to guard myself from being hurt by anyone close to me I stopped letting people in. It came down to most of my daily contact apart from family and my one consistently proven loyal best friend Jen, was from the same people who made me feel like shit, the men who objectified me. I never hated who I was as a woman but felt I was a victim of circumstance and influence. I had labels forced on me and started to believe them. I started to believe because I wasn't masculine I must be feminine. The fact I was more into feminine things became a label and that is why we have to be careful. Our words can hurt others. I was bullied for being feminine and started to damn myself for it. I have never hated my biology. My closest friends agree when they talk about the “bottom” surgery I would be filled with fear rather than excitement. I believe this could contribute to transgender suicide rates being so alarmingly high, the fact that a lot of people who have SRS later regret it. I have come to terms with who I am as a man, I feel like my God never made a mistake. Even though this was a learning experience, I can take what I have from this and be able to use it to help others. It has selfishly become something I will use for myself now for research. I am almost 6 months sober at the time of writing this. I no longer drink, use drugs or even makeup to hide from my problems but to face them was what took real courage and bravery. I have learned in living as a woman how to be the kind of man most only dream of (loyal, trustworthy, and genuine) and how to treat women. My relationships with family and friends who don't wanna use me but love me as I am. Accepting my mistakes and all as true love should. I don't see this as a bad thing but something that has changed me, but something left unchanged will always be the love and support they have for me. I also found the true meaning of self love and I won't ever let someone take that away or let their opinions get to me anymore. Since my fame was a security issue and something that has been a problem for me I have taken myself off social media in order to take time to re learn about the person I am, and let God heal me from all the damage others and myself have done. My purpose is to only educate based on my personal experience.