destr-y

[destr-y]

amber’s back on tour at the end of the month and that means i am too, doing publicity for her. i’m excited to head out back on the road, but most excited for the fact that we’re going to get our new flat before we go!

obviously, we already agreed to move in with one another a month or so ago but we just haven’t had the time to get the ball rolling on that, and we figured it was best for us to find somewhere new to live rather than one of us move in with the other in their current place. it’s going to be so awesome getting to live with her and calvin, and i’ve also decided to try veganism since amber is and i want her to be comfortable.

everything is shaping up!

[destr-y]

we’re in the midst of amber’s u.s. tour and i couldn’t be happier. getting to work alongside my girlfriend is a pretty cool experience, and getting to visit america for the first time is the cherry on top of the icing.

we head back to the uk on sunday and then we will be spending christmas with amber’s family, since i don’t have any myself. she’s never really asked me about it, but i suppose that’s because i’ve never really brought it up either... eventually i’ll explain but i don’t want her to worry about me if she found out that my dad is consistently trying to get in contact with me. he sent flowers a few weeks ago to my apartment so he knows where i live now... so there’s one of the many reasons i can’t wait to get out of there and move in with amber.

i wish i had known my mæ̀ in order to miss her, or even pray to her.

[destr-y]

amber is going on tour this weekend and i’m so grateful to be able to be working with her on it. i know her manager was a little apprehensive about her dating her publicist but i think things have worked out well and it means i get to go and be with her while she’s on the road at the same time as getting to do my job which i love. 

#ab.

[destr-y]

i think me and amber are better than ever. i was worried for a while but... we’re okay now. i’m going to go with her to stay with her family at christmas since i don’t have any family myself and although i’m really nervous i’m also super excited. this is bliss.

#ab.

[destr-y]

i should talk to amber about my past, maybe? she’s told me about the girl she loved who died... it’s just kind of difficult to bring these things up in normal conversation. i’m guilty of trying to make everything perfect always when really if we want things to work we should lay all our cards out on the table. 

maybe soon.

#ab.

[destr-y]

[destr-y]

amber told me last night that she’s still in love with someone. my heart dropped... but then she said that she had passed away four years ago this december. my poor angel... i’ll do anything i can to make her feel better. she won’t be in this alone.

#ab.

[destr-y]

ne m'aime-t-elle pas? comment puis-je dire?

plusieurs fois maintenant ... le "gossip blog" ... parle de la mauvaise écriture à mon sujet.

je ne peux pas penser à quelque chose de mal que je lui ai fait alors je ne comprends pas. devrais-je dire quelque chose? j'ai peur je vais la perdre.

#ab.

[destr-y]

Et puis ca a fait tilte.

Tu ne m'aimais plus.

[destr-y]

my beautiful, amazing, PERFECT girlfriend has arranged for us to go to iceland and do a horseback tour on these little fluffy horses... i’m so in love...

#ab.

[destr-y]

everything is okay... for now.

[destr-y]

stop. trying. to. contact. me. you abandoned me, why would you think i’d want anything to do with you? 

#papa.

[destr-y]

amber definitely struck a nerve last night with what she said about her manager maybe not approving of our relationship... it’s made me feel like maybe i have crossed a professional line or something. i adore her and i want to be with her but she’s put all these ideas in my head about how things could go wrong and i could mess up my career... idk. i’m scared she doesn’t trust me not to be able to keep things civil and professional even if our personal relationship does go sour.

i don’t really know what to think. it’s not like i make a habit of sleeping with clients, let alone dating them.

#ab.

[destr-y]

he’s trying to contact me again.. sending me emails. trying to call me. i’ve changed my number twice already, i don’t know what else to do. how is he getting my information? as far as i’m concerned i don’t have a father..

#papa.

[destr-y]

am i missing something here? what the fuck...

[destr-y]

well, that gossip blog post threw me off... i’m confused? i thought she liked me? have i done something wrong? i didn’t mean to...

i don’t know whether i’m more sad or angry. i guess i’ll just wait until she can explain herself...

#ab.

[destr-y]

everything is perfect, perfect, perfect