depressed-muffin-666-blog

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100 questions to invade my personal life

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me too

I miss the days of Ryan Ross wearing makeup

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Pete...

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The best feeling ever is when someone openly tells you how much you mean to them

Change my mind

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Me

1. Im a literal fox. Ears, tail n all. Rawr.

2. K but in all seriousness i basically paw at people for attention

3. I also headbutt people's shoulder for attention, when im bored or needy etc etc

4. Depression

5. I get really anxious really easily. Ive been refered to as having "An extremely concerning amount of anxiety" - totally 'professional' therapist i spoke to once.

6. Me: 'k go ahead tell me what to do n shit, im obedient'

Also me: 'bitch if you think you can boss me around like a slave youve got another thing coming'

7. I've realized i cause a lot of fights, but as soon as someone is actually agressive towards me in any way (mostly yelling) ill have a breakdown

8. Needy

9. I cant tell anyone thats not family that i love them anymore because i know that no matter what everyone just leaves (friends or even something more)

10. Its been over a year since ive been over 3 days clean from self harm (not just cutting, any kind of self harm)

11. Cuddles

12. If i feel like someones ignoring me or blocking me out for some reason ill immediately blame myself and ill literally cry

13. I overthink things a lot

14. Needy

15. i either have anorexia or bulimia, still not sure what one yet

16. I draw a lot

17. I vent through drawing way too often and ive never let anyone look through my sketchbook for that reason. Nobody else except me has seen the drawings

18. Needy

19. Im determined to play electric guitar

20. Im super gay (not really, pretty sure im bi/pan)

21. Really really shy

22. I get upset when people dont tell me that they care or that they actually like me being in their life but im too scared to do the same to them

23. Hugeee gamer

24. 5'2 and cant find any comebacks when people tease me for being short

25. Really small. Im just, really fucking small

26. Ive attempted suicide about 7(?)times now

27. My body decides to make me vomit if i have 2 panadol but it can take 15 of them and not???

28. I zone out thinking about things i care about/miss/wish i had a lot

29. I fucking love otters

30. I dont know if im a cat or dog person, just like i cant decide between boys or girls

I wasnt gonna post this, i was just writing random things about me but whatever lmao

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Really depressing vent drawings that i probably shouldn't put on the internet?

Yep.

The body shape i want to have, the cuts i want to erase

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Common things people with anorexia nervosa/bulimia nervosa do

Lately ive been struggling with what im pretty sure is anorexia, so i wanted to just write a little thing that i or others that i know who've struggled with these things do.

1. Water, lots of water. Anorexics/bulimics will frequently replace eating with drinking a bottle or water, cup of coffee/tea etc. For myself specifically i drink at least 2-4 bottles of water a day since it helps get rid of being hungry for a short time (5-20 minutes) not only does it help with that it helps when i force myself to throw up after eating when i didnt want to or when i go over my calorie limit.

2. Limits, im pretty sure this ones mostly for anorexics but whatever. For myself ive limited myself to 300 calories a day, it was previously 100 but i have gone up trying to make people in my life happy. Having a limit under 1000 calories a day can be seriously harmful, please keep that in mind if your thinking if dieting or something like that.

3. Vomiting, frequently bulimics will binge eat and throw up soon after, there isnt much to explain about this and its quite common. Ill usually force myself to throw up if i feel bad after eating or if i go over my limit.

4. Distorted body image/body dysmorphia. A lot of the time anorexics/bulimics will see themselves as fat or sometimes only chubby, even if thats not the case. Sometimes they'll be horribly underweight and still see themselves as overweight, not just disliking their body like an everyday average person, absolutely hating it.

Anorexia is a serious illness, it takes on average, 7 years to recover from and a lot of people dont get that far. Yes, i know i can die, ive seen the statistics but its just not that simple to just eat. Ill probably add to this list eventually, but for now im just leaving it at this.

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I held the flame

of a cigarette

to my arm

I closed my eyes

when I did it

But I still heard:

The sizzle when I burn

squeezed shut

my eyelids saved me

from having to stare

into the fire

as it ate up the skin

of my forearm

I melt

my flesh falls away

but mostly

I burn

deep

deep

down

further than

any cigarette

has managed

to reach

so far

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Sudden realization i run this account as if i have followers when in reality i dont

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Damn i wish i was at that party

All Star by Smash Mouth except it’s playing out of completely blown-out speakers at a party, just as police bust down the doors and swarm in.

requested by @tenx

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60% of people feel annoying when they talk about their feelings.

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While looking into brown eyes people subconsciously feel safe, brown eyes are often associated with comfort and stability.

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I do this weird thing where if someone asks me if im okay and im not ill smile like really weirdly, obviously a fake smile and say something like 'yeah im fine' or 'im just kinda tired' and i say 'kinda' and 'i guess' a lot, also i frequently stutter when i lie but when people pick up on that they think i lie about a lot of things cause i just stutter a lot in general and wow this post is a mess why did i even write it

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Its 2am and i just got really upset because i just realized all of the people ive dated that havent been online are either girls or trans boys so i cant give them a boner when we cuddle and for some reason that made my brain think im never going to date someone irl with a dick and now im really concerned why i thought this in the first place because if i did give a guy a boner I'd be way to awkward about it and I'd probably feel bad and apologize repeatedly.

I just read that back and its the stupidest thing ive ever written but im posting it anyway.

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