deathwarlock

[deathwarlock]

unbelievably awesome headline + photo combo that i wish was true

[deathwarlock]

hitting the pen and watching paper mario challenge runs

[deathwarlock]

save me trader joes hashbrowns... save me

[deathwarlock]

This is insane

#theres nothing wrong with something objectively hilarious

[deathwarlock]

i think it’s funny when someone acts really angry about something you say online. could be whatever. and you check their profile and go. oh wait. you’re literally 14. nevermind. talking about this with you is like 100% useless. and they go “my age has nothing to do with this” like actually your age has everything to do with this. when you are 14 literally everything is influenced by how fucking 14 years old you are.

[deathwarlock]

Go sharty, it’s your squirt day

[deathwarlock]

[deathwarlock]

we talk a lot about ohhhh what if my calling is to be the greatest mammoth hunter ever and I'm wasting my talents in the modern era but we never think about what if Thog from 30,000 BCE was the only person ever born who could get a sub-7min Donkey Kong Country any%, and he never got the chance. what about thog

#no but for real i was born to skulk in the underbrush and carve wooden spears

[deathwarlock]

Customer: MY SPANISH CAT DMV: GATO MEANS CAT Verdict: DENIED

[deathwarlock]

His Undulations

[deathwarlock]

[deathwarlock]

it sucks that gaming as a whole now has basically no soul anymore. Any game released by a big company has a 90% chance to be dog shit on release, and it's a coin flip whether or not they keep working on it to make it playable. Don't even get me started on the death of self contained single player experiences.

#single player is making a resurgence thank god but man #shits bleak

[deathwarlock]

spice girl called desert spice. is that anything

[deathwarlock]

#pinegrove shuffle... #my old friend

[deathwarlock]

[deathwarlock]

i'm at the only restaurant in the midwest

[deathwarlock]

SEMEN RETENTION-- WRAPPED!

You conserved 137ml of fluid!

You didn't jack off 140,346,824 times!

The thing that got you most horny was... The rich loam by the river delta!

Your warrior essence grew by 84%! WOW!

The thought that kept you from masturbating the most was... The hard red clay of the valley!

Your male spirit takes the form of the Conquering Lion, and its element is the Roaring Thunder!

If you jerked off now, you could save all of us