dearmumnopeeking

[dearmumnopeeking]

Marnshun is that you warning me today?

Somehow i feel lucky,

Lucky i anticipated ma card getting lost

Lucky this morning ma butt scraped against the key and releasing it to remind me at just now to check

Lucky i checked cause if it were too late i wouldve gave up and just ran

Lucky i remain calm and finished ma workout on pace and steady with strength to do 2 more k

I know its me getting stronger and wiser but i think its also you right

Thank you Marnshun

[dearmumnopeeking]

Can i try?

Can i pls try?

I've got a chance to get it

So like suffer and get it

[dearmumnopeeking]

Im tired

Im tired cause i can feel everyone judging me

I feel everyone judging me on how low value i am

I feel them put labels like

She not worth it

She 's not strong enough

She's just going to be like that. Average

She will just be slow

She will just be weak

She's not worth the investment

What can she do

Why must we keep her

[dearmumnopeeking]

Other people's standards of adulting is NOT THE FIX STANDARD.

Stop comparing

[dearmumnopeeking]

Am i left behind? Again?

But im going to keep chasing

Im going to keep chasing it

Imma find my place

It sucks but im tired of giving up

[dearmumnopeeking]

Bit by bit

So what if ya alone, don care

Yes they are taking advantage of me

Yes they are underpaying me

But so what

Its like running, its unfair taller can run faster cause they long

But if ya wanna prove it then DON STOP KEEEP FIGHTING THE PAIN

Endureee until ya finish cause thats what it takes to be da best

Thats what it takes to smack them back in the face for IGNORING AND USING YOU

[dearmumnopeeking]

Our very life here depends directly on continuous acts of beginning.

The great Irish poet and philosopher John O'Donohue on beginnings – wonderful read.

[dearmumnopeeking]

People are taking advantage of me today 🥺

As much as i want to give way, today im putting myself first because of pain.

But i hate how i still give in and feel guilty about not showing up, about not being generous, about not replying fast enough, about being off today and yet i don answer requests.

Yes ppl are busy, yes they need my support, yes they need my reply... but imma set that boundary.

Cause im all i have and if i give up my space to care for yours even though i don have too, then i'll lost myself for nothing

Im not gonna be trampled anymore

Im not gonna be quiet anymore

Im going to call you out for your unreasonable requests.

Im going to expose you and your ugly actions to me

Im not going to give in unless i have the capacity to, which to be v honest i think i think i gave ALOT

God is my weakness.

No more am i gonna to be used, im gonna be fair to myself and everyone who tries to take advantage of me.

Everyone is tired, so am i. If you have a reason to go first, then so do i. So ask nicely and don be rude to just trample and disrespect my time and needs just cause YOU think you are entitled for it based on your own assumptions.

If ya going to be this way then, i will bite.

I bite big.

I bite hard.

And I hold grudges, so i'll bite you whenever whereever.

Show me some respect, is really all my that is to my boundary.

If you don... i will fight back.

[dearmumnopeeking]

If right now i died, i think i'll be pretty okay cause i've had a lot of good things that happened to me

And i've met and loved alot of good people.

Thank you for being part of my life and blessing me thru out.

I've got a premonition that i might go from a car accident. It'll prolly be painful right? But i deserve the pain for all the pain i cause for other people, whom supported me while all i do in return is to shamelessly take.

Sorry for always taking everything for granted. Thank you for making my life so blessed, it prolly wasn't all god's effort that made me find yall but prolly my choices and a lil push from god that brought me to all my blessings. I glad for my regrets and accept all my horrible choices, im glad i pulled thru to make such a wholesome life.

[dearmumnopeeking]

Would everyone be better without me?

[dearmumnopeeking]

Sorry for being an unnecessary mess.

Its true. I truly am causing alot of unnecessary trouble for everyone.

[dearmumnopeeking]

But i will miss running

I will miss running alot

Why will i miss running?

Cause of the ppl

[dearmumnopeeking]

Yup once lucky leaves.

Im leaving too

[dearmumnopeeking]

When they wanna leave. They will.

[dearmumnopeeking]

Don do it pls don do it

[dearmumnopeeking]

Yi ba noeng can you help me

Im just sick

[dearmumnopeeking]

2nd aunty passed away from colon cancer