deadinside8

[deadinside8]

No no you don't understand! I want to watch this show/movie, read this book, listen to this podcast, etc.! But I must be in the right mindset and the exact head space to begin, or I just can't!

[deadinside8]

The ‘you’re mature for your age’ to sleeping with a bed full of plushies in your mid twenties pipeline is real

[deadinside8]

andrew’s first outing after easthaven tbh

ref/inspo

[deadinside8]

snzzz... 🦊💤

[deadinside8]

at this point i think we all need a spin-off where neil (and andrew as well) casually kill rapists every fucking chapter.

we can call it “neil josten the rapist slayer” or something like this.

[deadinside8]

and i ask God,

where do i put all of my rage?

and He says,

in the same drawer as the rest of your hand-me-downs

[deadinside8]

…my anger is a secret, a small stone only I can feel settled heavy in my throat.

Molly McCully Brown, from Places I’ve Taken my Body: Essays

[deadinside8]

satan's fury (playing w brushes)

[deadinside8]

[image ID: a light red userbox with white borders. there is big white text of the emoticon ":)" on the left and white text on the right stating, "this user is brimming with insatiable rage and is on the verge of snapping any moment"]

[deadinside8]

[deadinside8]

I turn to Ares.

Thanks to Tyler Miles Lockett who allowed me to draw inspiration from his ARES piece for page 2! Look at his etsy page it's SICK

⚔️ If you want to read some queer retelling of arturian legends have a look at my webtoon

[deadinside8]

Me: my boobs kinda go well with this outfit, having female anatomy is pretty cool

Me, the next day: I want to rip off my boobs and while I'm at it rip off my head

[deadinside8]

Maybe you're on the floor, maybe you're gazing at your shaking hands, maybe you're wondering how everything could have gotten this way, and maybe you're ruthlessly attacking yourself for every "mistake" you made.

But maybe it's 3 a.m., maybe the past couple of years haven't been the best, maybe on top of that some awful things have recently taken place in quick succession in a short period of time, maybe your mental health has been a little worse than usual lately, maybe you've had an exceptionally unlucky week, maybe you haven't eaten all day and maybe you haven't drunk enough water and maybe, just maybe, no one has shown you the kindness that you actually do deserve in a while.

[deadinside8]

I be having breakdowns that would send people to the ward and yet I just go to sleep after and act like nothing happened the next day

[deadinside8]

hyperfixations come and go but the aftg special interest is forever

[deadinside8]

do you actually not like reciving gifts or did you just grow up being told how expensive it was to raise you?

and now, anytime anyone spends any money on you,you fell guilty

[deadinside8]

“you can’t heal in the same environment that made you sick”

i didn’t get this until someone put it into words. i’d never understand why i always felt better when i locked myself alone in my room rather than spending time with my toxic family. i never understood why i was bubbly and outgoing when i was with my friends but my energy was immediately drained the second i got home. i didn’t understand why regardless of the effort i put into healing i would keep getting triggered by people in my family. i never understood it until i read that sentence and it all just clicked. i can’t heal in an environment where the people are benefiting from my suffering. where the people don’t want to change the behaviour which affects me negatively.