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It's Only Logical - Self Para (the end)

N sat with practically the universe’s knowledge at his metal fingertips. Large stacked screens took up entire walls, and a table of various buttons sat in the middle of the dark room. Amusingly, it seemed almost impersonal to the android who only three years ago would have found it completely normal. But things had changed for him.

This last year of his life, one incredibly busy and ridiculous year, had proved to alter him more than the other 52 years combined. Of course, his past included losing 49 years of memory and practically restarting his life, but all the same. N arrived at Insolitus in search of only to study and learn about every race possible. Never did he expect to have found friends, start a club, save lives, be attacked and badly injured, doubt his entire existence, mutilate his mind, learn to finally accept all of the emotions, and fall in love.

An android? In love? What a laughable concept, even now to himself. However, there was no doubt about the love any longer. Not only to his precious Melyria, but also to those he became so close to during his time at Insolitus. Some were long gone, some remained. Many had moved on, and a few had just returned. Still, each and every being had their own personal folder in his database.. he couldn’t find the gall to delete any of them.

Now why were thoughts of his various colleagues and ‘the end’ flying through his mind at such a time like this? It was as if, for once, N felt something off about the place rather than coming to a conclusion through analyzing. He didn’t think this was the end necessarily, but lately it certainly seemed like everything was leading up to this point. As his hands lay still on a foreign keyboard and his eyes stare un-focused at the wall of screens, the thoughts that covered various subjects confused even him. Why was he pondering all of this suddenly?

Soon enough, he was beginning to regain full attention and his camera eyes blinked back into focus. Slowly, he pulled his hands back from the symbol covered table, his fingers curling up as he laid them in his lap. Leaning back into the chair, he visably relaxed and his eyes closed. At the same time as his grin grew, one black tear of oil squeezed it’s way from his left eye.

It started when N first walked through a scanner, then a large metal door. He took one look back at Melyria who was waving supportively. He felt sad not being able to take her with him, but it didn’t take him too long to understand why she wasn’t allowed. Each step he took, a tile lit up then faded as he went along. Small beams of light scattered the large room, but it was still too dark to tell what all was there. Perhaps there were shelves of books in the far back area that was not lit? Perhaps it was computers or small gadgets? Like magic, or as if he had passed a triggered point, the far wall to his right and front lit up with hundreds of screens. Each screen seemed to hold a different section of information around the universe. From things N knew plenty about to things N couldn’t even comprehend let alone recognize.

The large table covered in symbols practically beckoned the android over. He was able to look past the alien-like language (feeling odd there was a language he couldn’t understand for once) and the binary pulsed technology immediately flew into his brain. It was almost automatic how he lowered himself into the seat and began typing away at intense speeds. The screens came to life, binary code flying all around, answers to questions and sums to equations.

N had to wonder almost subconsiously what sort of ridiculously power computer could run something of this level.. but then again, he was still in awe of his own systems so it wasn’t very far fetched. What he now knew of his body, that is. He spent almost an hour, the technology language filling his half-computer brain with various answers he was seeking. It was like endless amounts of race data and all he could ever wish for. This was practically heaven in the eyes of one created to collect data and pass it on to others. Although, even though it seemed the answers to everything were here, there were holes in certain things N’s searched for.

It seemed there was barely any data on merging technology with human or other living dna- or, at least, in the way N was searching out for. Plenty of information on cyborgs- merging technology onto a living being rather than adding living dna to a technological being- was given. He chuckled to himself at a memory of when he first arrived at Insolitus; N asked a child of the Pharaoh named Minhyuk to come up with a name for his kind, as he was more than just a simply android. Since he hadn’t seen Minhyuk in a long time, N had figured he would simply create a title on his own. Only now did he realize there wasn’t really any point to it. He was an android.. even more android now than he used to be since he was slowly fading away.

And that thought is was brought his last questions to mind- the questions about his likely hood of living. That’s when his hands halted their movement and he sat stock-still.

What database could tell him if it didn’t even have information regarding his system? There was nothing that could predict how well off he was in his situation.. and it wasn’t as if he didn’t already know the answer.

That’s when he leaned back into the chair and let it all truly sink in. He had known for at least a few months now that he was “dying”; it was what finally broke the wall and set off his break down. It was part of what mutilated his mind and changed his entire demeanor for that long while. He had, as of late, pushed the thoughts back and didn’t worry too much about it.. but time was running out.

Eyes closed, N replayed various saved moments in his own computer database. Starting early from some of the re-discovered memory, N watched with a grimace as his past self was thrown into a cold, wet concrete cell to rust for forty-nine years. A jump to that forty-ninth year led him to a memory of rocketing towards the moon on his own, sent to do what was impossible for the humans holding him there. N took a few minutes as well to scan through memories from his three years of curious travel around parts of Europe and Asia.

And then he arrived at Insolitus.

What a place.

Even with a fully functional dictionary, N couldn’t locate the one right word that could describe the academy and all the people he had come to care for. Eyes always remaining closed, various expressions twisted the android’s features as he replayed conversations, meetings, events, people, animals, areas.

He thought about his first friend, angel Yoonji; N would keep her in mind when afraid and felt a warmth in his chest. His gaming buddy, whom he had many a Starcraft tournament, Kyuhyun. Yoseob, an interesting being who always seemed confused about where he was. He taught N about dreaming and helped him understand the world outside of “what makes sense”. There was Soyoung, a lovely healer who taught him to swear and have conversations properly; he chuckled heartily at the thought of his previous speech being so utterly polite and awkward- she showed him the neat ways of being a “bro”. Amber, the wonderful being who showed him the wonders of chocolate milk beverage.

There was a teacher, Doris, who he had often talked education and shopped for sweets with; they had become close before she suddenly left. Of course, there was the angel Youngmin. N would admit becoming closer to him than he had to most. Youngmin was the first person N felt truly helpful to as he was able to provide company in he form of one without a soul. He was the one to help N understand than one may not necessarily need a soul or heart to care and ‘love’. They gave each other sweet words of wisdom, and played DS together often in their secret hidden library room.

Then, there was Melyria. Honestly number one on the list of “this person doesn’t make much sense as my friend, let alone girlfriend”. This night elf was almost the complete opposite of him. She was a hot-blooded, animal-loving, nature-living, strong-headed, feeling-motivated, living being… and N wouldn’t have her any other way. Though they clashed, she understood the way he was. Though they had little quips, N loved holding her tight. The love was mutual, and that’s all that mattered. It took him far too long to understand that little fact, as the logic simply never quite ‘added up’. But as he replayed those cute little times, every sensual moment shared, even their complaints towards each other, he felt like logic could go and kick itself in the face.

His eyes finally opened, the lids sticking together slightly and he knew very well why. Black marks, as raven as his hair, ran down his face, drying on his cheeks. He grinned, finding it hard to stop smiling at all the wonderful memories. Of course, all moments have to end. Raising his knees up to his chest, he wiped his face off on his pants.

His most recent memory suddenly flew forward to be re-lived. N had awoken from a dream. Strange, since he couldn’t dream.. could he? It seemed like now, he could. Or, at least, there was enough of the human part of him that was reacting to the computer.. and then it hit him. His systems were helping him. It all made sense as he recalled what he remembered of the “dream”. Meeting past versions of himself and asking all of them the same question “What do you want the most right now?”

The answer to which was always the same, or at least very similar. To learn. To gather knowledge. To collect data. To share knowledge. To store the data.

To help.

…

N would be flat-faced lying to himself if he said something- anything- else were truly more important to him than that exact thing: His programming.

During his early years, the male knew nothing else but his ‘job’. He had come to learn and love much else over time, but a purpose is a purpose. And for someone who was literally built for it, that wasn’t going to suddenly change.

Reality sucked, but N lived for reality and the logic that came along with it.

Here he stood now, in the midst of what seemed to be a one-way out. N’s body was dying.. technically his brain, too. That is, unless he were to store it away?

These were dangerous thoughts, though. Hands raised quickly to grab at his head as it was beginning to throb insistantly. N was damned if he were to have another breakdown, so instead of continuing to analyze the problem like usual, he quickly stored it all away.

His focus turned to the metal door he originally walked through and, as if it knew his computer was no longer attatched to it, the large wall of screens and keyboard table shut down. N had just experienced the largest database in the universe, and it was wonderful. He had learned so much, and many answers were given to him. As the sadness and various previous memories faded, the ultimate excitement raised up once more in thoughts of where he was. He had to tell Melyria all about it! How much time had passed? Was she still waiting for him? Oh, he hoped she would be as happy as he is. Because although there was not much on his system, there was an odd sense of closure after visiting. Closure was exactly what he needed right now.

- After finding out two hours and twenty-six minutes had passed, N felt a little guilty for leaving Melyria like that for such a spanse of time. Of course, she joked about him being late but still talked about her own endeavors whilst he was in the library. She didn’t talk for long though, as she asked him insistantly about his time. What did he find out? What was it like? Could he fix his systems? N just as happily relayed his experience to Melyria, keeping out the part about his emotional replay of his life, and how giddy he was thinking of her.

Soon enough they were traveling back down to Insolitus. They spent the rest of the day in what was an unconsious goodbye, each second focused entirely on each other as they enjoyed the company, and shared the mutual affection. He talked excitedly of what he had learned and seen, Melyria smiling and giving her own quips, questions, and opinions along the way. Sipping on sweet drinks, they walked back to the academy grounds hand-in-hand. He sighed into his favorite familiar touch, watching the setting sun as they leisurely meandered around together.

something N didn’t expect was Melyria’s sudden encouragement for him to go back to the library. At first, he didn’t understand what it was she was trying to say. The look in her eyes soon gave her away. Somehow, she knew it was what he needed. What he wanted deep down. What was best for him.

It broke his heart right then and there.

His heart. His heart that before he never believed he had. Never believed he could have.

His heart that Melyria, along with the rest of his friends personally built and installed into him.

For N had been shown what it feels like to be loved. Loved instead of left to rot. Loved instead of used as a servant. Loved instead of feeling like he was simply ‘doing what was right’.

Love instead of logic.

His eyes widened as he gazed upon her expresison carefully. He never once declined nor nodded ‘no’, as he too knew it was what must happen. Because if he were to stay, nothing would remain the same ever again. He woould eventually fall apart and leave her with the pieces to pick up. Not only that, but N felt as if he were a shakle on her ankle, keeping her from doing what she wanted to do. N wanted Melyria to evenge Yonghwa and her people. Find the demons that haunt her dreams, and do what she needed to do rather than worrying about him. N wanted Melyria to heal, just as he had with her help. It seemed it would be better done without him here. He had started the process. Now, it was up to her to finish.

His purprose now, was simply to fulfil his duty to his creator. He knew the man most likely knew not of his android’s eventual demise- as N was his first and only try before his inevitable death- and therefore, N no longer blamed the man for anything. He thanked his creator for making him in the first place. He now felt proud to be such a wonderful piece of equipment, if he may say so himself.

But as he stared into the eyes of his precious Night Elf, he saw only sincerity and happiness. She was happy for him. He finally found the means to fulfill his purpose. And though that meant he left his body, his friends, and everything behind, she still wished it for him. It would hurt. Dear god, would it hurt for both of them.. but, wounds heal. Though often a scar remains, the pain eventually fades away. Pulling her close, N enveloped Melyria into a tight, warm hug. Face buried into her shoulder, two words constantly echoed in his mind and he spoke. “Thank you. Thank you.” Practically sobbing, he sqeezed her tightly, feeling a wetness in his shoulder that he figured were her own tears as well. “I love you.. so much.”

One full day was all it took to complete his “time” at Insolitus. Starting in his room, N cleaned up, picking up small inventions and various notes on vampires and elektras, throwing them away. One last long look was given to the journals he no longer needed before he threw them into the fire that was burning in the room’s fireplace. He traveled around, seeing each familiar area one last time. N stopped at particular dorm rooms, leaving letters of farewell and wishes of happiness towards colleagues and friends.

He stopped to see his pegasus once more, knowing now she would be in good care with a different owner. As if knowing he was leaving, she allowed his to wrap his arms lightly onto her back, caressing her wing in an act of skinship that was almost astounding for the stubborn creature. He handed her her favorite, an apple from the cafeteria.. he last she would get from him, before waving goodbye and moving on to the next part. N even took time to let his little turtle friend go, as she zoomed off into the distance on her skateboard and into the pond. He had already turned in his quitting notice to the cafe he worked at in town as well as his schedules and leaving notive for the academy. Bowing formally to the headmaster himself, he was then to take his last walk outside of the gates. It should have felt as if he were walking to his death. Though it was sad, it was far from feeling like death. Instead, it felt like perhaps a new life. Those religions he learned of that believed in being “re-born” suddenly made more sense. Melyria stood there, hand stretched outwards, and he happily slid his own in hers, fitting like they were made together.

She was with him each step of the way as they returned to the bustling space station, and soon enough stood yet again in front of the uni’lib library.

No words were spoken, the goodbye being shown in their eyes. His hand slid from hers, it suddenly feeling terribly cold. Funny, it hadn’t even been five seconds and N missed her warmth in comparison to his cold metal. As if he couldn’t help himself, he took her face softly in his hands, and pressed his lips to hers once more. He pulled back at smiled brightly at her and it was like the ghost of his former silver haired, bright yellow eyed self had returned full-force. In one swift turn, he was walking past the scanner that proved his race and again through the metal doors.

He didn’t turn to look back and instead focused solely on what was to be done now. Walking back up to the keyboard table, everything lit up under his touch. He took a deep breath (as if he needed it with no lungs) and sat down. Nothing could deter him now as he typed away, he fingers moving at a quicker speed than many could see. Things began to brighten, and each screen ran the same codes that N was installing, telling the system to prepare. Then, he halted typing and closed his eyes. Looking awfully too peaceful for the situation, N placed his hands, palm-down, on the table.

He body jolted quite a bit as the entire contents of his computer was being transferred into the Uni’lib. The voltage was violent enough to kill the remaining human tissue in his body as the technology too was shut down from “impact”. A loud whir was heard before everything sparked and then went black. N’s shell of a body slid from the chair and into the floor. At first it would seem almost terrible until you noticed the small ghost of a smile that remained on his expression. The last emotion he felt was happiness, and excitement. No longer anger, confusion, apprehension. Everything seemed positive once again, as if he had gone to an android version of heaven.

The commotion was heard and soon enough, Naum workers, or perhaps guards, entered to scout out. Slightly frightened but mostly confused, the Naum dragged the body away to be analyzed and/or disposed of. Parts of N would be sent to a museum, other’s to Naum and Ixtab scientists who study the armor ppieced. Everything remained dark, and quiet as a long session of ‘booting up’ was required. Before, if N moved a couple folders he would need at least an hour to stop speaking in binary code after waking from nightly shutdown.

For an upgrade like this? It may take a while.

And now, N was able to truly live out his purpose. He had all the information in the universe. He sent not only his data, but his entire being into the library’s database. He could share what he learned. He could learn anything he wanted. N was able to fulfill his duty of collecting data. But more than that, N would prove, even centuries from now, to be a help to others. He would live on forever, giving logical advice, with that little touch of emotion that he now felt decisions needed.

- One week later

A young Naum female walked quietly into the Uni’lib, looking as if she shouldn’t be there. Everything remained black and motionless despite a few lights giving sight to the room. She sat in the chair and placed her hands on the table. Immediately, the screens lit up. Instead of code or facts flying across the screens, there a boy stood. An early-twenties male with silver hair and strikingly yellow eyes. He sat, criss-cross legged yet straight and tall on the largest, center-most screen. His melodious, robotic, mid-range voice lit up the silent air with a pleasant sound. He smiled brightly down at the young girl.

"Greetings. I am N. Might I inquire you of your name and race?"

#i wasn't able to fully finish editing. i ran out of time.#literally the last second but i love you all and will be in touch #self para #the end #it's only logical #i.love you all #and thank you for.loving N

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