dawn-the-fawn

[dawn-the-fawn]

Unfortunately so real 😞

[dawn-the-fawn]

blackout poetry that turns meanspo posts into positive ones

[dawn-the-fawn]

I need to get sicker to the point people have to force me to recover. I need to get worse, i need to be worse. I'll never be able to recover unless others tell me to.

[dawn-the-fawn]

i’m so sick of all these ✨starving is mind over matter, you’re in control sweetheart✨ posts like. be so real with yourself.

okay so you’re hungry. but you also have to mitigate not passing the fuck out and smashing your head in the shower, not crashing your car, not having a literal heart attack, not failing out of school or getting fired from your job, not shitting your pants or alternatively getting a bowel blockage, etc etc. you can’t just willpower your way out of destroying your body

maybe i’m just too old to be here but this isn’t a fucking cutesy little experience. starving yourself to death isn’t a fun little hobby like you’re encouraging your mutuals to keep up with practicing their drawing or writing every day. shut the fuck up

[dawn-the-fawn]

Losing weight is becoming less and less about being attractive and more and more about being so small that people don't notice me anymore. Their eyes just slide over me as if I'm not even there. That's what I want. I can't stand being perceived.

[dawn-the-fawn]

am I insane or is one of my arm skinnier than the other. come on now

[dawn-the-fawn]

sorry i can’t go out im kinda focused on my ed..

[dawn-the-fawn]

lol i really don't give a fuck that part of ān0r3xia is being deathly afraid of gaining weight.

that doesn't mean you shouldn't treat fat people like people. they're humans, not "bad examples" for you to make fun of.

you have an 3ating disorder, not a "I'm a huge asshole" disorder.

get therapy please.

[dawn-the-fawn]

"do my meds have calo-" no🥰 take them🥰 even if ur fasting🥰 take your fucking meds🥰

[dawn-the-fawn]

One thing I dislike about the 3d community sometimes is that some people make it seem like you're not supposed to be hungry and that it's hella easy to starve; just don't eat.

It seems simple . . .

but it isn't.

You are literally going against your body (that has a mind of it's own btw) and you think it's not gonna fight back? Yeah . . . right.

The quicker you learn to accept that your body will fight back (and that some people if not most people don't practice what they preach and are just posting for the likes and attention), the easier it is to control your hunger, live with it, find safer ways to go about restricting so that you don't end up d34d before you even reach your finish line!

Moral of the story

Don't believe everything you see on here.

Thank you for joining my TED talk.

[dawn-the-fawn]

Where are all my adult anas?

It's a different world stepping into Eds shoes again half way through life.

I don't have to worry about my parents getting mad at me

I don't have to worry about my school teachers getting mad at me

I don't have the typical teenage drama that spurred this mentality shift

I remember Ed being a call a shout for help just to be seen and cared for as a teenager. But now no one sees me, I have no watchful eyes on me. No one whispering under their breath, no parents staring at me across the dinner table as I play with a half eaten plate, no boy trouble or pubescent drama fueled by hormonal rage and indifference. I'm not doing this to impress the boy I like or try to fit in with the popular kids.

I am invisible

Except from myself.

I'm in a strange state of visible translucency. I tell people I'm fasting and they believe me, I tell people I'm too tired to come meet them for dinner they believe me.

Fuck, even my live out partner whose been here for the last 3 days who I have said the words 4norexi4 to and who has watched me consume nothing but tea for 3 days doesn't question my choices.

How different a world it is when you're seen but not seen. I am validated but I remain a shadow.

[dawn-the-fawn]

[ adult anas like/rb ]

[dawn-the-fawn]

When people say shit like "500 calories is too much in a day for me 🥴" it makes me want to choke them or something.

Like bbg you're BMI 25 you didn't get there by eating 500 kcal per day so just stfu. Also just wait about 3 days and watch yourself binge. But oh you're definitely not gonna count those calories, are you?

You're way too embarrassed to count the calories, no one should see what a fatass you actually are. "One day doesn't destroy my progress" you tell yourself. But eating 5000 calories 'once' twice a week definitely will. Don't fucking fool yourself.

I'd much rather eat 1000-1300 calories and be semi active AND lose weight than be anything like you with your shitty 500 kcal inactive i-binge-on-weekends-only-but-its-a-metabolism-boost shit you pull off there maintaining your weight for months.

[dawn-the-fawn]

Heart palpitations suck ass.

To everyone reading this, try EVERYTHING to prevent physical effects of your eating disorder.

Kind of exposing myself here but for me it's lead to not only heart problems (such as the arrhythmia and bradycardia), but also frequent fainting (not so fun in public spaces, even less fun when you're out alone), muscle weakness (to such an extent where I HAVE peed in my pants and more, but also inability to go up stairs or walk for more than 30min), extreme headaches and hair loss, muscle spasms (try holding a pen like that), weak bones (imagine walking but suddenly hearing a loud crack in your foot or back) and more.

I have never lost my period though. All of those 6+ years. Never.

An ED isn't as silly if you think about it this way.

My heart arrhythmias are sometimes so extreme that that alone leads to fainting or inability to think (so fun while driving or riding your bike), or walk, or do literally anything but stand/sit. They do happen anywhere, at any time, no matter what I do.

I've been practicing harm reduction, it does not help my heart anymore. I did not have a problem with any of these things until 2022, that's when it all started and let me tell you this: once you do get these issues, they DO. NOT. GO. AWAY. I've been in recovery for months in 2022-2023, it didn't go away. At all.

Do anything to avoid health consequences. If high res is so scary, is this not scarier? I can't run, or jog, not really ride bikes, or drive, or do any real physical activity. Walking can be hard even.

"this wouldn't happen to me my BMI is too high"

I developed these things at a BMI of 18-19, I've seen patients dying of these consequences at a higher BMI. My close friend almost died of stuff like this at a BMI of 24-25.

I'm apologising for this rant but it had to be said.

[dawn-the-fawn]

its not even just abt the weight loss anymore, its abt being back in control and knowing i can choose how i look, how much i eat, and that if i can control that, i can be in control of everything in my life

when the numbers go down, my willpower goes up

[dawn-the-fawn]

[dawn-the-fawn]