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So pretty my baby <3 Miss you miss travelling with you miss talking to you miss seeing you miss everything about you!
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Lucky we went already hor.. No more already..
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Happy New Year
hello joycey,
happy new year 2021 to you! how have you been? sorry i’ve not been updating this blog because the past few months have been crazy for me. work and many other stuff too. coffee is not doing so well last couple of weeks, he’s actually been staying at the mount pleasant hospital last few days but i brought him back before new year. they don’t know what is wrong with him, whether he has a stroke or he has a tumour in his brain but he is almost completely paralyze and can’t walk or stand or even eat anymore. we have to take care of him 24/7 now like a baby and feed him with a syringe. :( poor thing.
i didn’t update this blog or email you but it doesn’t mean i’m not thinking about you or miss you or don’t love you anymore ok? in fact, everyday passes and i’m missing you and loving you more and more and more. i’ve had so long to think over all the mistakes that i have done, all the wrongs i have done to you, and what could have/would have been if we turned out well. sorry if whatever i’m writing doesn’t make sense or doesn’t gel because i am just typing whatever comes out from my head.
the past few months have only make me realise even more that i have a really really big huge problem. because i’ve tried to forget you and move on, and try to accept the face that it is really over between us, but i really don’t ever see it happening. i know people watch all the movies, oh time will heal all wounds, and you will forget and move on, etc, but it gets worst and worst for me, because honestly i cannot stop thinking about you, how i can fix things between us, how happy we can be together if we are together, etc, until i am really going crazy. i think this is my punishment for all the shit and nonsense i have done in the past to you - karma so to speak.
i know you like to say “all these i have heard before and you lied to me” - yes but i really think that i have matured and changed. whatever i did in the past, however i acted, there’s no excuse and it’s 500% my fault, but i really feel like i’m not that person anymore, the only thing i want is to make you happy. everything that i do in life, will be to care for you and our family, and everything i give in life is for your happiness. i cannot understand how stupid i must have been to not see this in the past. you get angry about the trophy girlfriend thing, i realise you were my ‘trophy’ girlfriend all along, because you are the one that really made me happy and comfortable and when i’m with you, everything is so perfect.
yes my parents spoilt me, but this fuckup give me the chance to learn and be a better/different person. i cannot imagine how much i have hurt you, or what kind of disgusting human being that i am to do so much for you, when you gave your whole world to me, and be the best gf and ‘wife’ to me when we are together, and i still fucked everything all up. what i will do to turn back time to change everything to be with you again.
i know you said, your friends, your family, nobody trust you to be with me and nobody likes me. i know you also said it’s my job to fix all these before i find you, but i’m really worried if i go look for your dad he will take a broomstick and chase me out, and i’m sure none of your friends will reply me also, i don’t know how to fix this (yes i know this is my problem). i’m so stress, so depressed, so crazy, but because of my ego i just smile everyday and don’t let anyone know my problem.
i just wish i have 5 mins to meet you and talk to you. even after every fuck up that i did, you still gave me the chance to talk as friends, or just a simple meal meetup, but even that i can fuck up by being impatient and not realising that it is actually all my fault and i cannot demand anything from you - and i made things even worst until now you’ve blocked me everywhere and i can’t even talk to you. do you know how much you matter to me? just a simple word or text from you, no problem is like a problem anymore because i have you talking to me - but now i’ve really lost everything and lost you too.
the promise i made to you that i won’t be with anyone else, even if you don’t ever forgive me (sound very childish as i type it out) - i still mean it, and i will always mean it, because i don’t know how to put this into words, but i can NEVER marry anyone else. i honestly do no see myself being with or being able to live with anyone else when every single second all i have in my head is you, i really dont know and i cannot do it. maybe i will die alone as my retribution.
if you allow me, i will marry you now, i will do all the 100 things i have promised you, i will give everything in the world to make you the happiest person in the world. you don’t know what i will give up just to be able to speak with you for 5 mins. even cut 10 years off my life i am also willing. i cannot forgive myself for how i have treat you, when you ask me for chanel in japan, how could i have said no? how can i do this to you and to us. every single dollar and cent i make, will be for you and in your care to make you happy. sorry i’m babbling now i know you don’t like to hear all these.
i’m trying my best, please believe me, to forget everything, to move on, to leave you alone, to try and be happy. i really cannot do it. i don’t know how to tear out my heart to show you that this is the last time, i am serious about you, about marrying you, about having a family with you, and giving my whole life to you. i miss you and i love you. happy new year.
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Remember we keep walking past this when we were in Japan but we don’t know how to play.
This is a good video, the Japanese people are really friendly. I miss you and i miss going to Japan with you!
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Can i ask why you said it’s really over between us and there’s no more chance? I am certain this is the last time and i will marry you for sure and only happiness moving forward.
Is it because:
1) You don’t love me anymore?
2) You don’t trust that i have changed?
3) You can’t get over the past and thus not willing to take a chance with me again?
4) All of the above
I am still trying to figure out how to fix this.......................
:(
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..
You know how i know it’s really over this time? I said buy Hermes or whatever for you, it doesn’t even affect you in the slightly bit anymore. Last time there was still some room for negotiation or just chit-chatting or unblocking. I know it’s all my fault though, have nobody to blame but myself. I still keep hoping and waiting for you though, i love you.
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Hello~
How have you been baby? I miss you so much. Been having a few terrible weeks at work. :(
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I love seeing you laugh and smile, you are so so so adorable. I’ve been looking through our videos and pictures every night and i just miss you more and more. The files are too big so i can’t post everyday here but i’ll drop some videos here every now and then ok? <3
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Future
If i ever have another chance to be with you, or date you or chase you, i am going to put in 500% effort to make you happy every single day, about every single thing, and i will never ever risk losing you again...................... <3
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Japan is open!!
Do you think we can go Japan this year end for holiday? USJ got new Nintendo World leh!
https://www.straitstimes.com/asia/east-asia/japan-to-remove-travel-ban-for-12-countries-including-china-next-month-media
https://mothership.sg/2020/10/super-nintendo-world-spring-2021
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1) You said we don’t have any happy memories together, i disagree, i will be uploading our Japan vlog, i’ve been watching the past few days, all the more i am sure you are the only one i will ever love and be with in my life
2) I hope you will forgive my mistakes, i will never make them again
3) I will never give up on waiting for you, i promise, i will wait until the day you can give me a chance, even if it means hurting 16 years to pay you back............................
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Haha I come to the mac at your house here to eat dinner. Very hungry already. Sorry for disturbing u again. This is my birthday dinner~ I love you!
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I'm at your house the behind, where I met you the last time, can I see you for 3 minutes? My birthday wish can? I'll wait for you here ok? I'm really quite upset. :(
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