d3-v0id

[d3-v0id]

january 14, 2021; 3:37am

a golden bar too high to reach:

consuming

rhythm and blues on repeat:

deafening

mixing gold and blue makes:

Green

i’ve never imagined that a color

could ever entirely epitomize a:

Feeling

#annabananasthoughts

[d3-v0id]

nightingale

in the dead of night

she is a nightingale

singing songs

with a voice of longing

"hush, hush,

little nightingale,"

says Lady Dawn

as sunrays enveloped her mourning

#annabananasthoughts

[d3-v0id]

september 29, 2020, 2:51am

she stood with utmost grace,

held herself the best way she could,

she let her mouth form a smile,

and she slowly,

slowly,

walked away.

#annabananasthoughts

[d3-v0id]

august 27, 2019, 11:38pm

hindi ba’t napakaganda

ng ideya

ng pagiiwan ng marka

sa buhay ng iba?

yung tipong ang haplos mo,

nakapagbabago.

ang mga yapak mo,

tumatatak sa puso.

tila bang bawat saglit

na sakin ka nakakapit,

naiimprenta ang mga kamay mo

sa mga parte ng katawan ko

at ang utak ko’y walang hirap

na alalahanin bawat segundo

ang pakiramdam ng bisig mo.

ang init ng katawan mo

ay tumatagos hanggang puso

hanggang sa umalab ito

at ikaw lang ang katangi-tanging tao

na makapapatay rito.

pero ang punto-de-vistang ito,

romantisado, hindi palaging totoo,

nakakaloko.

dahil madalas, ang markang iniiwan

ay hindi sa ganitong paraan.

may mga markang naiimprenta

sa ating katawan

na naghahalong pula, bughaw at itim

tumatatak dahil mistulang karwas ito

tuwing nandidilim ang paningin.

ang mga markang paulit-ulit sa isip

ay hindi ang pakiramdam ng bisig,

kung hindi ang mga hampas

ng katotohanan na pilit kang ginigising

na ika’y umaalab na,

umaapoy,

natutunaw,

nauubos,

hanggang abo na lang ang matira

at iyon na ang huling maiiwang marka.

kaya ang nagbabadyang tanong

ay kung gugustuhin mo pa

mag-iwan ng tatak

kung saan galos at sugat ang tanda?

#annabananasthoughts

[d3-v0id]

Rain.

I’ve always loved rain for some reason I am not wary of. From watching raindrops falling on the window glass to feeling the coldness of the air, from hearing the way it collapses on the roof to smelling the scent it radiates like a perfume patterned after Spring mornings. Before, it was just rain. Now, it’s you. The rain and you during that one fateful day. The rain and you in your olive green shirt. The rain and you with your brace-face smile. The rain on our skin instead of windows and roofs. The rain and us dancing. The rain indistinguishable from sweat. The rain and the grass we were stepping on and how it smelled like perfumes patterned after Spring mornings. The rain and rainbows everywhere. It was a revolution. You put to my consciousness why I love rain because it is you who gives me the same feelings the rain does— tranquil, home.

#annabananasthoughts

[d3-v0id]

#annasadventures

[d3-v0id]

#annasadventures

[d3-v0id]

this is supposedly a reaction paper for school but fuck the patriarchal system so

           When I was still a kid, I was given Barbie dolls, dollhouses, kitchen equipment-like toys, and the usual; all for the sole reason that “those toys are for girls.” When I was around 8 years old, I was started to be taught how to sit properly because apparently, sitting with my legs spread out is improper for only boys sit in that manner. Also, my adult relatives would tell me to keep my voice on a low volume because girls shouldn’t speak loudly for it would be “tactless”. When I was in grade 6, my parents found out that I have friends whose sexual orientation isn’t straight. We had a sit-down conversation about how, according to the Bible, men are for women and vice versa. Another incident was when I was 13. I was really clumsy then and what they told me was, “Kababae mong tao, lalaki ka kumilos. Tomboy ka ba?” Last but not the least, the most popular experience for every woman up to date, being catcalled. I’m wearing shorts; I get catcalled because I’m showing too much skin. I wear a shirt and jeans; I still get catcalled. So, where should I actually stand?

           This all roots from patriarchy that gave birth to its sons, double standards and gender roles. I got aware of such terms when I was in grade 8. Social media was an eye-opener for me because it gave me awareness not only to those terms but also feminism. At first, I thought it was only empowerment for women. As I grew older, I realized that its goal was to have equality with respect to all the genders. I never knew I was a feminist until I knew that feminism exists. I have always been fighting for equality between boys and girls. I used to always question my parents why boys could do this while girls aren’t allowed to and vice versa. For instance, when it comes to kids playing toys, how come a car is strictly to be played by boys only? I mean, what does it have to do with the sex of a person? They’re mere toys for God’s sake! When those toys were created, did they already have a label which states, “Cars: for boys only.” or “Barbie dolls: for girls only.”? I don’t think so.

This basis is just created by humans and it saddens me that instead of trying hard enough to correct such notion, even women, themselves, become victims of hegemony that they acquired and started living out double standards as well. Mothers have started telling their female children the all-too-familiar “kababae mong tao” line. Society has been teaching women not to wear clothes that show too much skin. Schools and churches have started creating dress codes. Some schools even address the dress code to girls alone because wearing sleeveless tops and shorts might “distract boys”. As for catcalling, we are only ever catcalled because we wear clothes that imply that we are “asking for it”. We get verbally harassed because of a sorry excuse that “boys are boys”. In this patriarchal society, it’s as if rape is okay because we wanted it just because we wore what we think is comfortable for us. It’s as if it’s our fault that men think in that manner. The funny thing is that no one ever taught men not to objectify women. No one ever told them whether a woman is “asking for it” is not dependent on what she wears.

Other than that, women are also degraded in such a way that it is expected that she can’t do what men can and if she does, she still gets the lesser credit for it. There’s also this invisible rule wherein boys are taught at a very young age that they shouldn’t cry but girls can or women should be housewives and let their husbands do all the work. Besides the fact that women are being downgraded and deprived from maximizing their capabilities by society’s gender roles, men too can be victimized by this. Men are victimized for a lot is expected from them. Doing the opposite of what is expected from them or what is too feminine for them may lead to them being judged by society thus, their ego will be stepped on. So, they would rather do whatever is in accordance with the invisible law of gender roles. Today, I am actually glad that some names of occupations have been changed for them to be gender neutral to make jobs sound suitable for both men and women. But I do hope for parents’ hegemonic thinking to change that one’s sex should never hinder one person to feel. Sensitivity will never ever define one’s sex. Everyone must get rid of their mental notion that some things are considered as feminine or masculine. Everything can be done by any of the sexes, by any of the different and multiple genders.

From society’s gender roles, people are deprived from their freedom to choose however they want to express themselves, whoever they want to love. Homophobic people believe that men are created for women only and vice versa. They criticize people for being gay, lesbian, and all the other existing genders. They even associate God saying that what God wants is for them to stick to their biological sex. These people end up being discriminated and sometimes, assaulted. The worst case scenario for them is death. They don’t have the full freedom to practice their sexual identity. For some schools like ours, girl to girl relationships aren’t allowed and it’s quite saddening how at an early age, people are given the mindset that one is caged to love anyone ONLY from the opposite sex because that is what’s socially appropriate. Also, one must not cut her hair too short because that might indicate that she’s lesbian or that “she’s acting like a guy but she isn’t a guy”. But honestly, so what? It’s as if how you are as a person and how you cut your hair could measure your level of intelligence.

See, feminism isn’t about fighting against the inequality between men and women. It’s about standing up for equality among all the genders in general. Furthermore, it doesn’t degrade men. What it does is empower all the other genders enough to convince this patriarchal society that all sexes and genders are equal. Men aren’t superior. We are all in the same level with one another.

I actually don’t know what kind of feminist I am but all I know is that I really want patriarchy and everything else that comes along with it to be eradicated. If not fully, at least, convince majority of the world to raise boys and girls the same way so that when they grow up, they will know better not to conform to society’s double standards and gender roles.

For now, social media is an eye-opener for a lot of people when it comes to patriarchy, objectification, double standards, gender roles, and the LGBTQ+. Or, at least, that is what I’m seeing. Yes, there are still people who posts misogynistic comments on other people’s posts but more often than not, a lot of other people will defend the person who owns the post and go against the person who commented. If not misogynistic comments, they will also say something about how women shouldn’t do this and that because this and that are a man’s job and duty. They’d also say something that is meant to discriminate those who are part of the LGBTQ+. Again, a lot of other people will post comments as well correcting the person who commented negatively to disrespect.

For me, that is a step forward in destroying this patriarchal society. Through social media, you will see how some people still imbibe the patriarchal mindset but a lot of other people, the majority, are aware and are against the said mindset and the aforementioned kind of society. People, especially from our generation, can be seen stating their stand against our fucked up patriarchal system and it really makes me happy because when this generation grows up, they’ll know how they’ll raise their children. They will most probably be the kind of parents who, instead of telling their daughters not to wear revealing clothes for them not to be catcalled or objectified; they will be the kind of parents who will teach their sons not to disrespect women just because of how she looks and what she wears. This generation will teach their children that they can wear whatever they want to; if girls can wear pants then boys can wear skirts. This generation will teach their children that society shouldn’t dictate how you should be as a person, but society probably won’t because by then, society is composed of our generation, a generation who destroyed the old fucked up nonsensical patriarchal fucking system that’s full of utter bullshit. This generation will tell their sons and daughters that it’s okay to love people from any of the genders. In our generation, women can go ahead wearing whatever they want and that doesn’t mean they’re doing it for men. Women can go out wearing short skirts and cropped tops without being catcalled because she’s not a subject for objectification and men respect her. In our generation, it’s okay for girls to open up the door for boys. It’s okay for men to do household chores while women go to work. It’s okay for girls to be interested in cars and boys in dolls. In our generation, there is no such thing as patriarchy, nor double standards, nor gender roles.

Now that this generation is the most aware, we have nothing else to do but be an eye-opener for other people to little by little erase the patriarchal notion and eradicate the patriarchal system. We must stand up for what we believe in at all costs, spread awareness through social media, join organizations that benefit all the genders, and the like. We can only do so much as individuals but these little things could contribute to the correcting of society’s system in a big scale if most, if not all, of us are enlightened that patriarchy and its subsystems shouldn’t be the case in our daily lives.

There is no specified set of rules and duties for any specific gender. Anyone and everyone is free to do whatever they want regardless the gender. Anyone and everyone is free to love whoever she wants to. And that doesn’t make him/her/it/they any less of a person. Because in the end, we’re all just humans and with only our skeletons left of us, knowing our sexuality or gender wouldn’t matter.

#annabananasthoughts

[d3-v0id]

She made a poet out of me; and I made a poem out of her.

The Carcoleptic (via wnq-writers)

[d3-v0id]

📸: Tom Lowe

[d3-v0id]

[d3-v0id]

I always wish for you to find me

3 am thoughts (via suspend)

[d3-v0id]

[d3-v0id]

[d3-v0id]

[d3-v0id]

I loved her, and sometimes she loved me too.

Pablo Neruda, Twenty Love Poems and Song of Despair (via bookmania)

[d3-v0id]

Dear, ______.

Hey, you.

You know I loved you, right? /Loved/. Past tense. You WERE the first girl I ever LOVED. I USED to love you. Now let’s try to maintain tense consistency, shall we?

I used to look at you everyday in the morning or during breaktimes. You used to call me and I used to answer your calls in a heartbeat. I used to click on our chatbox to see if you’re online or not just to check up on you. I used to be down for you. I used to love you that love becomes an understatement for what I felt with you. I used to choose you over sleep. I used to understand you in every aspect and perspective I could. I used to listen to all your stories. I used to notice and look at your little things. I used to not help but look away whenever you looked at me (because you used to make me feel as if I was melting before you.) I used to roll my eyes whenever you raise an argument about the difference between looking and staring. You used to call me these cute pet names that used to make me feel tingles all over my body. You used to throw pick-up lines at me and I let you even though I knew most of them already. You used to give me butterflies. You used to be my safe place. You used to tell me how you can’t put into words how much you love me but you do.

But you used me. And at one point, I let you.

I let you because at first, I thought it would only take a matter of time for you to realize that you really did love me and maybe when you do, you’d start acting like you do. You used me in such a way that I became your safety net for whenever you fell. Because I was there for you when you hit rock bottom. In fact, I used to keep on preventing you to hit rock bottom. You used me because I understood and loved you at the same time and that was what you needed. To be loved and to be understood. At the same time. I let you use me however you wanted because during the course of it all, I’ve mistaken it for you trying to love me.

But you did love me. Right? You told other people but me. But hey, secrets can’t be kept forever. This news got to me late. And, fuck, did it prove all the theories I had regarding you and the way you act around me and why we aren’t together even if you act that way.

It all had something to do with your dark past and the fact that you never want to be hurt again. And it scares you to think that what you felt for me was real. So real that you think you don’t deserve it because everyone else did you wrong. So real that you ended up denying it to yourself but actions have always triumphed over words, love. What you felt was so real that even other people could see that you loved me too. And you were so goddamn scared that one day, I might leave you, were you? And so your defense mechanism was to do the leaving first. And you left.

But what fucking surprised me is that you left with her. How come? And the way you answered me whenever I asked you why, “I don’t know.” Well, here’s some news for you. I now know. I now understand. So let me break it down to pieces for you.

I know you. I understand you. You tell me everything. I know about the things that bother you at night. I know about the demons that whisper in your head. And you started hating that. You started hating how much I know about you because somehow I bring out what’s true about you. And you don’t like that. Because some of the things that are true about you are the negatives, the things you hate about your past, your life, yourself. You don’t want to admit and accept that these are parts of you so you blame it on me and why we shouldn’t be together. You think that the fact that she doesn’t know you fully will make you better because she will never know. But I know you, and you certainly can’t have that, can you? Because I let you be you and feel when all you want to do is disappear, evaporate, and erase yourself. So you’d rather choose her. You’d rather leave with her.

And regarding tense consistency, fuck that shit. (You weren’t consistent anyway.) I didn’t know that I was starting to write in present tense. Present tense. Eg, love. You ARE the first girl that I loved. And maybe, I still do love you. For the reason that you can’t just throw away people you’ve had so much history with. So maybe, I still do love you although, not anymore in the way that you want me to.

#annabananasthoughts