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has anybody seen my pet piece of paper. his name is walter he is very fragile but very adventurous. i should never have left the window open in my tenth story apartment

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we talk a lot about ohhhh what if my calling is to be the greatest mammoth hunter ever and I'm wasting my talents in the modern era but we never think about what if Thog from 30,000 BCE was the only person ever born who could get a sub-7min Donkey Kong Country any%, and he never got the chance. what about thog

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#. jams

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daddy has to be honest kitten. i think we're going to have to sublease and turn the sex dungeon into a bedroom again. the rent is going up and your asmr slime youtube isnt taking off like we thought it would

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You wouldn’t last an hour in the asylum where they raised me

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im getting my oil changed and i heard the mechanic go "tee hee hee". whats happening

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fruice,,, 🥭🍎🍏🍑🍐🍊🍇🍓

,,, vegdebles 🥦🍆🥑🥒🥔🥕🫑🌽

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apologizing to guests at my son's brutalist themed birthday party because the cake is a concrete block

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Fucked up how society can be like "okay, go to school" for 12-17 years and then be like "okay enough to that :)". Leads to really dangerous sad fucked up disease called Grad Student. Can progress even more dangerous into PhD Student. Very comorbid with Debt due to Costs Money and Doesn't Make Money. Very scary, these things.

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i'm digging the hole deeper tomorrow

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The Super Mario Bros. Super Show: “The Bird! The Bird!” [03015/18699]

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if you told vin diesel fast and the furious you were gay he'd be like "Some people like driving stick…some people like driving automatic…what matters is you cross the finish line.." and then he'd rev up a dodge challenger and drive through a building and kill 16 people

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カツブシよこせです

Give me bonito flakes!

#petite. polite. patient

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FETCH ME NEIL