cutandbledink - Tumblr blog

cutandbledink · 9 years

Text

July 2, 11:11 AM

I'm unsure as to whether my summer vacation has lead me down the right path. In all honesty, my plans for the break have all scrambled into a sun-bleached disarray. I hate it, not being able to truly control what I do without something nagging me to do something else. I wish I had better self control, better restraint from what I end up doing.

I guess it's all a matter of what I've become in a sense. Maybe I went so far as to paint myself as a victim to an incident I just happened to mold without my knowledge. I painted my downward spiral. It was what I practically intended, the more I think about it.

When I was younger, I strove to be something unnatural. I wanted to be the monsters I read about. I wanted to be independent and mischievous and unpredictable. Here I am now, being that person, and being upset because of it. I want to burn the art I created of myself. The mask I put on became my reality. I dared to be independent yet there, and now I've paid the price.

I became two seperate people trapped in one body, meshed together into one consciousness and praying for stability as I scramble through the days and nights.

It's my own fault for driving people away, and maybe I blame myself too much, but I usually fall to this conclusion when I really don't know what else to think. I don't know who I am anymore, and as days go by, I keep dragging myself through anxiety and pleading for a better day tomorrow that I don't even know what to with myself anymore.

I don't know what companionship really is. I don't know what love really feels like. I don't know a lot of things about other people's lives. I don't know why I assume people really care about my own. I don't know if people would rather hear about me, or Nife. I don't ever know.

I'm tired. I'm tired of loneliness, of self-doubt, of hate, of regret, of ever terrible thing I've made myself out to be. I've been wanting to change myself for years. I've wanted to turn around ever since I realized how much I've changed for people who found they really didn't need me, no matter what they insisted. I never mattered to them, and I barely matter to anyone of my new friends.

I'm a broken toy that just wants to be something better in the eyes of others. I want to be something people really care about as much as I care about people. I want to mean the world to someone. I want to matter again. I want to find something that I can do to make people happy and smile and say that it makes them feel brighter.

I wish something like that could really come easy to me but I don't know. Maybe I'm in denial about something. I'm unsure of what purpose I've really given myself. I've lost myself so quickly that I'm having doubts of my own sanity, my own stability. I don't know if I'm okay. I don't know if I'm good, if I'm a good person that should focus on smiling and knowing that the next day will be better than the last.

Maybe I should quit being so personal about things. I shouldn't focus on these kinds of topics. I never should have written about my problems. They are worthless to think about and review everyday, trying to imagine a what if that will never come true. It was a mistake, all of it, and I'll never be able to atone for anything without having to suffer through it all again.

What more can I do though? My life is so simply put out just like any other person's. It's filled with problems and mistakes and changes, but I don't want things like that. I, like others, just want to be a better person. I want to be human, real and true.

I just want to be happy again, and never touch the mask I've work grooves into ever again.

~Finn

#journal entry 18 #finn's entry

0 notes

cutandbledink · 9 years

Text

1 July, Evening

The frequency of the gifts He sends has thankfully not become more than expected. Robert tells me He will return, though when I haven't the slightest indication of.

We are growing more impatient, though I have no idea why. Perhaps my interactions with Finn have grown into something we do not like? I cannot fathom another reason. We are tricky to comprehend.

I've decided to meet with Peter today, since he is always a delight to be around. Conversations with him are refreshing. Silence with well known gestures to give qualification towards. It thrills me to have someone who cares so meticulously and methodically about their words just as I do.

Felix is firm, but he can say what he likes and add clarification with his voice. Peter has to choose from his wide array of actions what he correctly wishes to convey, and I admire the equal dedication.

I have learned more of Felix's flaws. He has always been difficult to comprehend, though he maintains the soul of a loyal being who would perish rather than see things fall apart around him. Those loyalties while complimenting also accent his growing need for comfirmation and attention. I understand this well, though his desires stay true to his experiences and performances.

However, that loyalty changes into something akin to doting when it comes to Doll Face. She is so young and unbelievably innocent that even my difficult reactions to the fear of rejection and secracy have made her confused, as their true meaning blows over her pretty little mind.

She always speaks in a simple yet befuddling jargon, though I take it as the effect of being secluded from the reality by baffoons. He never tries to change her, and sometimes even copies her odd language to better communicate. I could never understand her quite like Felix, the same being for everyone else. He cares far too much for her, like the older brother should.

To her, I am an interest, a form of entertainment, and I observe her mahogany gaze as she searches my form for and to comprehend. She questions us, and I still have yet to explain, because such complicated details stem from us. I would love to one day, because such a tale brings delight to tell. Perhaps another day I will do the same for this task.

In any case, when I went to meet with them, I found myself the subject of her desires. She wished to see me, to be entertained by me, though she didn't quite specifiy. Felix was concerned, and when I questioned why, he explained.

She didn't want me to entertain her. She wanted us.

I'm not the play thing people desire in every day. I am a mere being with us to contend to. We are what I am and what I deal with, as well as what I live with. I am not what people care about. We are.

And Doll Face had no clue what her words meant to me. A pain reached my soul, one I hadn't felt since a time before my existence. I feel disconnected from us, though we have held far and firm.

Perhaps I require this visit to Peter's house more than I have implied. I will travel with flight at my front, as I let this go off.

-Nife

#journal entry 17 #nife's entry

0 notes

cutandbledink · 9 years

Text

July 1, 4 PM

I've decided to burn all her things.

Well, this might get a bit personal, and a startling beginning, but I haven't been sleeping well lately. I've been restlessly trying to get some motivation, but my drive has mowed down due to an increasingly unrelentless bout of loneliness and maybe even depression?

I'm unsure, though the story stretches a bit when I add it in.

I should explain, and no, I'm not actually going to burn anything. Except maybe my retinas from all this screen usage at bright levels. Yesterday, I left myself out of the journal entry list due to a sudden childish amount of hate for a one-time friend. I have had many days like this, where I can't get over the long standing relationship, and the anti-climatic, inevitable end.

I have had relationship strains ever since, and have never been able to really trust or become truly close with anyone else. This isn't in the romantic sense either, though at one point in the issue it was. While I'm sure the issue shouldn't be mentioned here, I'm unsure of what else to write about myself besides it, since it did technically reoccur to me yesterday.

Throughout the past nine years, if my math is right, I have known this girl who I shall refer to as Kim, for personal reasons. We were the greatest of friends, since the second grade. When the end of the grade came about, we were split, and didn't see each other, though our memory of one another was still recent in our minds, or at least mine, in my case.

The third grade, I found another friend, another girl who will be referred to as Lili. We bonded just the same and through her I grew to love certain things like art. The following year was when everything changed.

Lili had left for a different school, and I hadn't seen Kim for a long time either, though apparently she was still at the same school as I was. In the middle of the year, I was accepted into a private school, an arts school. The fourth grade would have been a terrible transition for me, had I not found out that Lili was in the same class as I was.

We would be friends for this and the next year, with myself diving deep into the written arts in balance with Lili's art ones.

The sixth grade, and to my delight, Kim had joined in by the end of the previous. For those next three years, the three of us were the happiest we had ever been. I had everything I could have ever wanted. Companionship with two people I knew, an understanding relationship between people, a group of closeknit people my age, beyond these two girls. I couldn't have asked for more.

But the happiness faded.

After my years in middle school, as any American teen would understand, high school rolled around.

They have been, and I may one day say otherwise, the worst years I have ever been through. They were days where my social life had been all but forgotten in favor of my academics, something I took little effort in doing back in the old days, because it came so easily to me. I had attempted to fix it, by meeting up with Lili and Kim on Fridays after school and hanging out, talking about our interests, or... Theirs anyway.

You see, something happened without my knowledge for the longest time. The two of them, Kim and Lili, grew a bond, a relationship of romatic proportions that I could not comprehend for the longest time after Kim had told me in our second year of high school. But I saw it.

Looking back, I felt ashamed that I didn't realize it earlier. I blamed myself, called it my mistake, tried fixing it, doing anything and everything in my power to bring myself back into their light.

I was too late.

And I wallowed in self-loathing, pity, hate, spite, near frustration for the time until now, despising everything that came out of it, and I still have yet to get over something that meant so much to me. It left me crying for days, realizing how lonely it felt being like a third wheel to something I had no control over.

I couldn't change their minds. Especially from five, six, and now seven long years after putting them together in one room, introducing them to each other, molding our relationship into an established platonic understanding. I no longer knew these two, who I valued with everything I knew and loved. I was so well developed in an attachment to them, this blew my mind and shiveled up my heart.

It was something I had found no answer to, until I learned about my emotions. I learned, just like any other teen out there, that my emotions were complicated and existed and were hitting the point of change. I found out about my love and my envy and my anger and greed and all these other terrible things I knew little of and once shut out because I knew they were bad for me.

They took me over. I was jealous of Lili, because I was in love with Kim. I wanted something back, a relationship long gone and forgotten, and fought for days. I cried as well, fighting with even myself to try and fabricate a way to return to some form of happiness. I could never cope with something so akin to betrayal in my eyes.

Of course, I found other friends in high school. Kim couldn't see Lili throughout our school days, since Lili had gone to a different schoool entirely. I could have gone with her, maybe gone down a different path.

But I felt a twing of loyalty, a love for Kim I could never let go. I sacrificed a better education to be with Kim, though I would never admit it to her, because she never saw me in that light. I regret the decision now, knowing how things have gone to this moment.

My other friends would comfort the feelings I had gone through, though I had to work most of it out on my own. I lost the spark I once had for written work when I came to high school, and have long since been trying to get it back in whatever way possible.

I found respect and understanding online, though my longing for a personal touch is limited, sadly.

Since Kim's confession to the relationship, I have been searching for my own, and have found myself trapped even more by the desire. I never asked for much, though my findings have brought terrible people into light, leading to my abandoning their pitiful ways instantly.

My friends, the new ones, were all I had and now have left, and soon, things will end just as quickly as they begin, I fear. I have grown a sense of pessimism since those days, being unable to find true happiness anywhere.

I blamed myself for years, and only recently directed the cause to them, because I never thought to do so ever. I was far too loyal, and now too foolish to care about the consequences. I was already too far gone, and my true happiness was well worn into a blade I threatened to use on my own heart every night. It was painful at first, but I could no longer take the agony of loneliness and self-pity.

I wanted to be human again, to be happy again, to find meaning again in a place that had tired my heart and soul to its limits and blamed me time and time again for my low efforts, which I soon figured were untrue. I had to make a choice, and I made it, trying fruitlessly once again to get back into the partnership, last year on Halloween.

One of my newer friends invited me back to my old neighborhood where Kim and I used to go hunting for candy long into the cool autumn night. The sweets were splendorous, but the overall reward was only temporary. Kim had brought Lili along, which I had ever so predicted. However, Kim's other friends had soon found her on the streets of the community, and they were just as eager as I was to gain her attention.

Lili and I were left to the side then, meeting a few wandering strangers and cracking side jokes to one another, just like back in the old days. While it was all well and good, I noticed Lili's struggling. I knew for a fact that she didn't enjoy the chattering of the boys surrounding Kim, though we both knew for a fact their efforts were meaningless, I even more so.

I saw the opportunity, and commented to her on how it felt, being shoved to the side to be barely remembered. She looked to me with a confused yet hurt expression, before agreeing on just how terrible it felt. I would never know the effects of my words, and that was that.

But in trying to continue this relationship to see how it would probably work out, I realized nothing would change. I tried to change, and that never worked out. I tried making them understand, and the results were just the same. I knew I needed to confess my difficulties, show who I was, how I felt, and what I desired more than anything to return to our relationship.

After that Halloween, I began frequenting Kim with multiple notes on the subject, at first dancing around the subjects I wanted to fall into, until I finally broke the whole situation down. I decided to put the fate of our relationship in her hands. You see, I felt my efforts in bringing back what we had being a one-sided deal. I had done my hardest to do things she liked, while sacrificing my own interests in the process. I lost myself, I had realized, in trying to get back into the group.

So I gave her a choice. If she would put more effort of her own into what was left, maybe we could bring something out of it all. The most meaningful thing we had was platonic, so I ended it there, abandoning any and all romantic thoughts I could.

Through her final letters, I noted her own waltz around my questions. She avoided the efforts, and I knew what had happened. Kim had been through with me. I was trying to grab at the dust she had left behind trying to get back to her. I had given her a choice.

She never responded.

I never got to know what her true feelings were. Back in the fifth grade, if I had been told I would fall in love with her, I would have given a curious response, though would have likely questioned it little. I had given her a kiss on the cheek that year, which I equated to a fondness for her that I had yet to fathom would turn into something more, something inevitably worse.

My mother told me I grew too attached to those two. I would have eventually lost them, given every future circumstance, and even if they weren't together, the three of us would have eventually lost touch, knowing our previous situations. I had lost companionship far beyond what I would have ever expected, and my love had felt trampled over before it could live long. My envy would grow, and would die soon when all is said and done.

I have now lost faith in keeping connections. Everything keeps changing and I have lost so much early on that my trust in others had dwindled. My few new friends find my old personality surprising, when I tell them my story. I find myself weeping at night, when I reevaluate my situation. I've secluded myself, limited myself, to this far and few interactions. I have become something so filled with emotion, I am unsure if I am who I really am, and not a monster trapping an innocent creature that gets only moments of freedom a day.

I wore and limited myself, and this is how I ended up here. I'd cry and belittle myself, still sometimes blaming my heart for being cruel, my life for being ironic, my existence for being just entertainment for others. I can no longer see happiness, much less true love in my future.

Maybe I'm just young and pessimistic still, and still have a long road ahead of me, but my reaction to such a situation has left emotional scars I might never get rid of. Sure, there was never a battle to be won, lives truly lost, or a score to really be settled, but it was something that meant so much to me that I may never let it go until well into my late life, when I'm dead and can no longer feel remorse for my actions. When everything is over and I know everything yet nothing.

I should end this story here. I have nothing meaningful left to say about it. There is nothing left, since I never got an answer. It would be the worst finale to this tale, but I truly don't know how it ends myself. Maybe that's just life. Not knowing about the end until it happens, and never truly getting a chance to cope with it. But that's all I'm going to say.

Hopefully Nife can bring a better story to the table, whenever they feel like writing up something. But that's out of my control too, so I leave it at that.

~Finn

#journal entry 16 #finn's entry

2 notes · View notes

cutandbledink · 9 years

Text

30 June, Afternoon?

After the previous incidents, I am thankful in returning to my abode without threats or cause for grief. As I ponder at my resting place, I can't help an unnerving sense we create. I would explain, but I have forces beyond my will stating otherwise. I leave that for a later day, or another voice.

I tempt myself with a dream unponderable. I mustn't think such thoughts, especially in my condition. I have little to truly state the way I've acted. I worry, because we become restless the more I admonish myself for hurting Diane. Perhaps I should worry less, though a being like myself gains much from doing so.

It is whether I am unsure or am being refused the knowledge of by us that most likely holds the answer.

I shall devulge less about us. It is beginning to hurt.

On the less uneventful side, I found a stray. A young being who had little life to its name. The sorry creature sat at my doorway when I came to check. It was a gift from Him again. I would reduce myself to curses if I spoke his name, or have it written even.

He is disgusting me once again by exploring my limits. I killed the thing with a simple pair of scissors, pouring some wine on its corpse before letting it drain into the disposal system. I regret, though nothing else could be done. He hits my nerves, knowing too much about my past for my liking.

I must make plans, for work is soon and tomorrow shall be a better moment. To break my mind from Him, I will go to Doll Face and Felix. I have grown weary of Diane's presense, and I cannot go to meet Dylan because of it.

I shall end my process of thought here. Human curiosity be striken, I desire peace.

-Nife

#journal entry 15 #nife's entry

0 notes

cutandbledink · 9 years

Text

29 June, 12:34 PM?

Your persistence would be rewarded greater, had you and your companions friends cracked my coded message. I leave it up to you now to solve and give gift for doing so. This is out of my hands.

I have perhaps misjudged you humans, and have further reminded myself that you desire more than what you accomplish. This still provides a strange discomfort for myself, but a reasonable understanding as to what I must do to guide you.

In processing the situation as it went, and formulating what I might say, I have decided that you will publish this to your people, as I will be describing the ruggedly unfolded actions of my peers companions and roughly my own.

As I write, so too does Nife, however I perceive worry crossing their claws. The allure of an enchantress has coiled their body, and everyone here is just as anxious.

Observe You see, after Nife last reported to you, Finn, they had attempted a bit of rest, only to be dragged out of their abode home by a charm placed by their favorited favored Diana. The resulting travel from the edges of Durinsoul to my home was in part my doing. I had Tyranny go after them, and from the looks of things they were fighting themself to get to Dia. Tyranny had little trouble, and Nife rested here in my lodgings.

I sent Tyranny out once more to gather the others, including Dia, though not directly, only through purpose. I know she's bound to question him about Nife's behavior, as well as their secrets.

This leads me to the ensured predicament that will follow, now that Tyranny has returned, declaring that Felix and the subject of our anxiety are soon to come. I without doubt understand why the outcome of my behavior will occur. I have Dylan fastening any entrances possible and Peter preparing his power. I must have Di get as far away from the door as I can.

Nife's ink overreacts once they begin to abide by Dana's will. While fascinating, I know for a fact the resulting actions must precisely happen, in order for an understanding to rightly be reached. The approaching approach will come, as Dana's voice ever grows in volume as distance decreases. She argues Felix's words, which makes it abundantly clear she refuses exclusion and the idea that his compliance in not telling her is due to the words not being his own.

Dana will attempt an entrance because of this, using as many of her spells as she can. Thankfully, I had the door fixed to ensure the result would benefit the moment, and she is unable to enter. I'll have Peter use his great winds to push her back, while they assume the control. Of course, Dana will fight back, and I command Doll to release the door's lock, as to allow Nife to exit.

It is then, and now, that Dana will be frightened by the enraged beast before them. I believe they understand what I am allowing them to do. This is Nife's safety health at stake, and Dana is greatly opposing the thought of seclusion, no matter how much it would hurt Nife to be rejected, and despite not knowing this consequence.

They will strike quickly, hoping to encase Dana before she can cast magics spells against them. While this does little, the fear will halt her decisions, and she will get out of the way of the attack. I chose my home as the location of this battle for the spaciousness it provides, so the damage has been set to a minimum from the beginning.

The lumbering beast will attempt another attack, but Dana shall finish her spell before so, catching one of the masses of ink arm against the farther wall. The ink tail will evidently counter, doing as desired and firing a few large drops of itself towards the witch, capturing her as well. During Dana's struggles, the ink monster will contort their arm to a favorable shape to release from the singular binding.

As they rush after, the ink drops holding her will grow maws and slimy ink tongues that wish to further the imprisonment. With shaking breaths, fear enlaced in each incantation, Dana will tempt freedom's will, only to falter at the looming brute before her.

While my words are crafted, Dylan questions why I document each moment as it occurs. I explain that it is for a better audience, one larger than our own. My friends dislike my insistence in adding you humans in, but they know my better judgment is rarely incorrect. I proceed.

Dana is able to momentarily rid herself of the stains, though not without a few bites. She chains the monster's arms to the ceiling long enough to scramble backwards, as more ink travels along her own arms. She is properly silenced by one of the crawling creatures wrapping around her mouth. Her frantic screams are muffled now, and my narrative is gracefully drawing to a close.

With the magic chains quickly fading, the beast ebbs in power, standing above Dana only to hold fear firm. I call to them, claiming that what should be done is done. They huff, stance unwavering as they bring a claw up to strike once more. I order them to stop, and when they don't, have Tyranny throw Lopez at the arm. With the distraction, the last of their energy is wasted as they observe the weapon embedded in the limb.

Nife falls back in a momentary lapse of confusion, before receiving a sudden shock from Die. In moving further away from her, Nife calls back the ink holding her, and apologizes for whatever they did. Dia questions them for their actions and secretive nature, mentioning her dislike for exclusion from the group. I must urge Nife to explain, stating that Diane wants to know what they have been doing, gaining a puzzled look from everyone present.

However, Nife finds the message within my words and gives detail towards the letters to you and what they are for, effectively avoiding the mention of affectionate secrets quite well, I might add. Diana is confused by this, believing that it was something much worse and stating that Nife didn't have to hide something as trivial as that from her. She is, in fact, curious and excited to learn about you humans, just as much as I.

And this must all occur precisely "in about fifteen minutes," more or less. I am still unsure of how to grasp your sense of "time," though I'm sure I will learn. I thank you for publishing this at the precise time requested, as punctuality is a burden both our souls abide to.

My hopes are that you, Finn, may continue your work in writing these. I wish to hear of your human world more and more through our similar, as you wish to know more of ours. Perhaps we may find you, or you may find us, though this thought I am concerningly unsure of.

I bid thee adieu.

-Robert

#journal entry 14 #robert's entry

0 notes

cutandbledink · 9 years

Text

29 June, Morning?

The highest of apologies for being unable to respond to your demands. This past day has been hidden from myself as well. I am unable to recollect much, though from what Doll Face blurted out to what Robert and the others have told me, I know enough.

The incantations, the spell, and her will dragged me out of my abode the previous evening. She desired answers, which I obviously greatly refused to speak of. When she casted her magic, she ensured that I would subconsciously desire to tell her these answers.

That was how I landed myself in Robert's home, where I am at the moment of inscribing this. As commonly known, it is perfectly spacious here, likely at a maximum occupancy within the thousands. I've enjoyed visits here before, but none so dreadful as this particular one.

Our host continues to remind our lot that she is coming. According to his premonitions, Diana will be arriving with Felix. A strange notion in my mind is lethargically thrilled to know this. I can't help but worry as to why. Diane seems set about knowing my secrets, all of which the rest of the group knows. We've secluded her, and now she's upset.

We don't accept the anger, the desire, or the trickery she has put me through. We must end this for me, no matter how difficult it will be. Robert is willing to aide us, though I can't help wondering what we mean. If I won't do anything, it would seem that we will.

I'm sorry.

-Nife

#journal entry 13 #nife's entry

0 notes

cutandbledink · 9 years

Text

June 29, 9:33 AM

It wasn't a note today. I got two letters instead. One from Nife and another from the note sender, Robert. Of course, he would be the one telling me to stop. He knows what I'm doing and the outcome of most of his influence on my choices.

He knows I'm writing this. He knows everything. This guy's way too smart and here I am, doing what he predicted I'd do. I'll be adding the two letters in. Nife's will be more of an entry than anything, and because it explains what happened to them, I'll include Robert's. He even knew I'd add it in and started translating a few bits of his letter for me. It's eerie, but helpful.

I hope things return to the awkward norm now that Nife's taken care of a few things. I don't really enjoy the concept of drama, especially when I feel at fault for most of it.

I mean, if it wasn't for me, Nife wouldn't have to be worried about Diane noticing their love. Diana wouldn't be so upset about this whole mess. I'm not going to stop, since that's out of my nature, but we've only just started and things are changing fast.

Maybe I'm just getting ahead of myself. I'll type up the translated letters, and I'll go about my day wondering if any of them are really okay, like Robert says.

It's weird though. Now that I know all these beings, Nife's life makes more sense. They're usually off doing something and they always said it was with someone, though they never said who. Nife's always been secretive of their personal life, and I've always been pushing to know a little more. It's mainly due to adding in this blog as a factor that I've been able to tip the scale and get more out of that tricky ink lizard.

I guess I'll thank you guys for that. It's always nice.

~Finn

#journal entry 12 #finn's entry

0 notes

cutandbledink · 9 years

Text

June 28, Unknown

I got another note. I don't know what it means, but it's all numbers from what I can tell. I mean, I translated the symbols into our numbers, but as far as I can tell, it doesn't match our letters to the 1-26 number trick. Judging from how it was written though, it kind of seems like it. I'll write the numbers out below. I'm not sure. ~Finn

236 9172618 5191927 622156 11121 419207519 61 1816191114

2711 019106 2619661918 9232626 15018 9232626016 1619 51 252301814

922156 9232626 11121 18127

#documented letter

2 notes · View notes

cutandbledink · 9 years

Text

June 28, I don't even know

It's around this time of night where it's actually before-dawn morning and I was woken up to a message warning me to stop sending letters, though there was no name to say who it's from, only that it obviously wasn't from our planet.

I haven't the slightest idea of what could possibly happen, but waking up at an early hour has left me completely out of it. I only woke up a few minutes ago, which is entirely out of character for me, since I usually have better sleep and less of a headache when I wake up a little after dawn.

Nife has yet to send anything other than their notes since yesterday, which worries me. I want to send a letter to them, but according to this note, I shouldn't, which leaves me conflicted.

You know, this note's handwriting looks nothing like Nife's. Even if it was theirs, why would I ever listen to it? I'm not taking no for anything! Danger or no danger, I'm writing something to them! I'm not going to sit around waiting for another letter when Nife's probably not responding because they're afraid Di's going to find out about their love.

If they're not brave enough to push through uncertainty, then I'm going to be the confident one.

I wonder if Robert can see this. Maybe he can get my letter.

I may have spawned a new plan. It's time for action! And maybe a nap afterwards, because I don't know if I'll be able to take another hour of restlessness.

~Finn

#journal entry 11 #finn's entry

3 notes · View notes

cutandbledink · 9 years

Text

Explanation from Nife

I was able to get all of the paper's Nife sent me of all their friends compiled into this one post that will be the only one for today. I haven't received anything from Nife yet, but hopefully theirs' isn't as late as yesterday's. Anyway, for those of you interested in learning about Nife's friends, here you go! A detailed list edited to make sense by me with more being added as information comes. ~Finn

Diana: Essence of Witchcraft. Extremely close friends with Felix. Enjoys reading, foreign languages, the color purple, and levitating others. Known by multiple names and nicknames, e.g. Diane, Dia, Die, Di, and rarely Dana. Born in Durinsoul, the city Nife lives, Diana has traveled the 15 Snatched sectors, and as well, some Unsnatched ones, though she fears returning to those. When she isn't traveling certain months of the year, she stays in Durinsoul. It is here that she met and befriended Felix, after he is confronted and almost killed. She saves his life, leading to a relationship that continues to remain platonic, unlike Nife's relationship with her. Dia was a blonde, until she perfected her powers enough to change the color of her hair to almost entirely violet, except for one original blonde streak. She has faded grey eyes, freckled skin, and usually wears flowing clothes and dresses, as well as rune necklaces.

Tyranny: The Wild. Nife's closest friend. Enjoys mischief, trickery, scaring others, playing dead, and her two tomahawks, Michel and Lopez. Michel is named after her grandfather, who named her when she was born. Lopez is a required name for her future partner, whoever that may be. Born in the jungles of Loaden, and later moved with her parents to our current setting of Durinsoul. Knows more than she may let on in her appearance of extremely wild red hair, pale lavender skin, crazed brown eyes, and a love of wearing baggy jeans, never quite enjoying the feel of shirts or anything besides a binder covering her upper body.

Felix: A Being of Sound. He produces tones through his melodies and harmonies with his voice and specific gestures and movements. Extremely close friends with Diane and Doll Face's guardian. A lover of a style similar to that of the American 1940's, music and his fans. He is performer from birth, a circus boy, and once street singer. He traveled with his family for years through many regions, though he was only a sideshow in his early life. He was fine with that however, and loved being on the stage, no matter how little a crowd he got. His fan base began when his power spiked, and he saw a deal in his future as his abilities landed him his own spotlight. However, his days would be numbered, as he would have to abandon his home at the circus to apparently obtain a better career, which he later outright refused. The circus was his home, his life, his family, and his voice. The being who struck a deal with him refused to let Felix go, so he hired an assassin to threaten him and his family if he didn't agree to the deal. Felix, at gun point, still held firm, and before he knew it, he broke down. He was shot in the stomach, in tears from the pressure, and his only savior was Diana, who permanently ended the assassin's life and healed Felix. Through this incident the two grew close, and built a friendship of heavy trust upon one another. He kept to the circus, loyal to the core, and Diana reluctantly tagged along for easier travel when she wanted, though she often got a spotlight of her own. He has dark hair, pointed ears, pale white skin and equally white eyes with a black ring around them to show what he's looking at, and is well-known for his bow ties and vests he wears in his performances, along with the rare appearance of fancy suits.

Dylan: Controls and is Fire. Had a bit of a speech impediment that he would eventually get over as he got older. Enjoys the clear dawns, pyrotechnics, a good joke, and the mysteries and myths of existence. Born into a family of farmers, this once brunet is the son of a Plant monk. His family loved nature and lived in a house in the middle of a forest in the Khemy sector, at the base of the mountain his father would often take him to. His father was heavily focused on tradition. However he shunned Dylan for his inability to control anything in his early life, which the monk believed looked away from the nature and the farm. His father even stated he had a vision Dylan would become the black sheep of the family of Plant controllers, which only drew them apart even more. His mother would eventually die, resulting his father to exile himself to the mountain. Dylan was left alone because of this, barely a being in his father's eyes, a disgrace. Before he left, he set fire to the entire farm in a proclamation of his actual power, almost leading the flames to the top of the mountains. He decided then that he would fulfill the prophecy his father set him upon, left Khemy, and got his own home in Durinsoul. When she met him, he asked Diana to make him a red head, so his visage of fire would be all the more obvious. He has sharp golden eyes and olive tone skin. He likes to keep himself in comfortable clothing based mainly on weather conditions.

Peter: Controls Air like Dylan does Fire. Deaf. Communicates through sign language. Enjoys a good conversation with close friends, nature, the aesthetic of good scenery, cold winters, and the vibrations of drums on his finger tips. Born in the outskirts of Flarwalid, and known as Petra when he was younger. Changed his name to Peter when he moved to Durinsoul, preferring to not dwell on his past life. Dark skinned, pearl colored eyes, often wears various colored polo shirts.

Robert: Fortuneteller of sorts. Knows any and all futures, except his own. Often quiet, since he knows a lot. Enjoys teasing people with his golden knowledge of their futures, trying to predict his own based on others' futures, puzzles, mind games, psychology, and Earth's cultures. His past is a huge mystery, as he refuses to divulge in anything but what is to come. He is a brunet, with blue eyes and rich tan skin. He wears hooded jackets and zany shirts, but in public he more often than not wears a hooded maroon robe that hides all but his face, for "reasons we humans would not comprehend."

Doll Face: The supposed child of the "True Beings" and a being of Purity. Can project visuals of pale spirits and maneuver them around. Enjoys just about anything and everything and easy to entertain. The youngest of the group, and still a kid compared to the others. Born in the Alonii Sector, she is the center of a religious cult called the White Dragons that worshipped her, and since her mother died giving birth to her, her father took care of her alone, only to be killed himself by the cult he once lead. The group would eventually praise her power which is said to summon the "True Beings," and shut her in to ensure her "safety" but she would later be freed by Felix, who had visited the cult's location for a performance. In a show of personal opinion and almost sparking controversy for such, Felix insulted the group during his show and took it upon himself to free the innocent child from isolation afterwards. He became her guardian, and gave her the name Doll Face as compliment to her new life, as she had never had a real name beforehand. Blue skinned with brown hair and eyes. She refuses to wear anything other than her white robes and clothing, as she prefers the color more than any other.

#explanation by nife #nife's friends #documented letter

2 notes · View notes

cutandbledink · 9 years

Text

27 June, Midnight?

The complete idiocy of the idea never occurred to me until I went to consult him.

Felix would have obviously spoken with honestly in hand and mind, so he was not the issue. No, it was the undeniable and obviously overlooked fact that Diane would be there that struck painfully against my soul.

How could I have forgotten this? They have been "similars" (read: friends?) long before I had ever seen them in my existence. I have yet to fully capture the reasons for my stupidity in the jar of understanding. They will likely forever elude me, and I will only have unbuilt conjecture to my name.

Perhaps it was Robert's refusals and trickery that flung my soul back towards Diane's presence. If it was, I will ensure my strike against him in the impending future, though I doubt he will not already have foreseen it.

To the point, I had clambered towards the festive Oristrict region and found the stage where his performance was well into its climax. His voice threw my focus astray, and I was entranced into watching a few songs away. We were the only reason I looked away and found myself backstage, awaiting the finale in desperate silence.

It was always eerily quiet there, where the only sounds that traveled where from the open door or within. I distracted myself with explanation, my next letter to Finn, who wanted to juice a few more details from my perspective.

Then I heard the door open. At first glance, I paid no mind to who entered, because I did not connect who it was to what I was doing. In the next moment, I found myself scrambling to hide the papers and fixing my composure and tail to remove Dia's suspicions from her mind.

She was beyond unconvinced however, and questioned what I was writing and why she could never see it. I hesitated to mention anything. How could I explain to her about something so new and recent without mentioning my attraction in why?

So I remained in the common silence.

Though, that was easily broken as she sat in the seat next to mine, turning it so she could look at me face to face. I was perplexed by her actions and barely noticed the words, the incantations dancing through her voice and to my ears.

I am unsure as to what she found out, but am thankful that Felix entered and broke her concentration. He had her leave, noticing my discomfort under her threatening gaze. The storm that settled upon my shoulders was undoubtedly from her craft. I could feel something in our connection, which still worries me to my core.

I could only explain so much to Felix before he stopped me. According to him, my infatuation is completely unexpected and entirely different from what he predicted I had come for. He did, however, understand what I was going through. I will not indulge his advice, as it is simply for my own use, but I will say it did lift my spirits, if only momentarily.

Diana is a very tricky woman to fall in love with. She no longer trusts me, and I am unsure if she'll ever return these feelings with any response. I even doubt if I will ever honestly tell her, because she never seemed quite as keen on romance. It seemed something unique to her beliefs, as all she ever received was difficulty from such a feeling.

My soul will likely never quell such a thought from mind, and it is debatable whether Felix's advice will aide me in anything.

I await knowledge from Dylan, who contacted me before I sought out Felix. He hopes to give a bit of help in my troubles, along with our other companion, Peter. They will come to my abode in the former part of the next week.

It seems Robert has decided to give matters of my struggle to others as well, who want more than a part in my current debacle before it becomes a mongrel's war.

"Truth" is unable to reply to my kneeling. I am left reserved for the coming day, unable to rest in fear of an enchantress' spells summoning us.

-Nife

#journal entry 10 #nife's entry

1 note · View note

cutandbledink · 9 years

Text

June 26, 3:14 PM

Nife's hauling out a lot of effort on these papers. Apparently am going to have to step up tonight to get another one in, according to them.

It's outright astounding just how much Nife suddenly wants to say about their life. I'm learning just as much as you guys about these things they're doing now.

I mean, Nife and I have been sending letters to each other for almost a year now. Back and forth, and for all that time, I'm just now learning about this guy named Robert, who apparently already knows about me and who I am, what I do, and what I like. It's amazing.

He's prediction, the essence of what is to come. He knows any and all futures before the first decision is even made. All of them except his own, which is completely terrifying to me.

I asked to know more about Nife's other friends as well, because they rarely mention in their letters these people like Dylan or Tyranny.

When I get their next entry and letters, I'll hopefully get more information on these guys, because I want to make just as clear as to who they are to you guys as they will be to me. Besides, it's all so interesting.

From what I know beforehand, everyone on NIfe's planet is made of what we humans call Nouns. Everything that exists on our world exists there, except for specific places or people. Robert is Prediction, for example.

Another would be Felix, who is Sound, or more specifically, Music. He can create noises and follow a beat out of nowhere. He's a famous circus performer that travels the planet to sing and entertain the masses. He's literally a one man band, but he does duets with the others when they want to, and according to Nife, it's fun and never quiet around him. He always has a tune to let out, and it's never expected what he'll sing.

Maybe I'll leave these explanations for when I get more details. When I do, I'll bring them all together and post them up so you all can see.

If Nife ever sends me the letters.

~Finn

#journal entry 9 #finn's entry

2 notes · View notes

cutandbledink · 9 years

Text

26 June, Morning?

It is hardly a debate for Robert. He knew from the start just about everything. It always meant something to him, teasing my consciousness with the future and what it possessed. The banquet of "corpses" for the vulture.

I despise that he knew my infatuations for Diane before even I. Perhaps his power would be useful, but his indulgences in such other than for his personal amusement are limited to none.

Decided to test out the chance however, and of course, he said no. Or rather, "It'd be better that you didn't," and that the continuations would lead to my inevitable depression. That being is a tricky one, he is. No matter of persuading on my part will bring the ball back to my court, I'm afraid.

However, I decide to find comfort in Felix. Despite being unable to know the outcome of my relation to Diana, he understands her better than I could ever fathom, and he thankfully gives me that sense with a following grin of pleasure.

There are days I thank for Felix. He is a man of his words and style. His voice is most important to him, so his opinions are much more alive than any others, for it is his own. His sound better explains his tone, and even exaggerates it to the point of a hyperbole. Were it not for such, I would not go to him for explanation and detail, as well as advice.

I will however, have to wait for our meeting. He is undeniably busy with performances, so my impatience will bleed into my ink, and that will be all.

-Nife

#journal entry 8 #nife's entry

1 note · View note

cutandbledink · 9 years

Text

June 25, 5:22 PM

Nife is having a bit of trouble today, and after their recent entry, will be unable to send in another due to... Complications.

I'm the least bit surprised, actually.

Nife's not one for romance, but when they find it, they become the ridiculous romantic. I'd probably be that way too, but with less confusing metaphors and more cuddling.

Anyway, I've been trying to pinpoint the best way to explain myself like Nife does, with my life and all that, but honestly mine is a pretty basic one. I, like Nife, love writing, which is kind of why I made this blog. I wanted to show you guys just how strange our two lives could be, but in all honesty, mine's pretty dull compared to Nife's.

They're doing a lot of things often, and are usually very busy. Somehow they find time to write letters and journal entries and send them to me, and surprisingly two in this moment. I have all the time in the world, and look at what time I'm writing this. Absolutely terrible.

But I guess my world, our world, is not like Nife's. Maybe it's because time over there isn't like our time here. Maybe it's because time is actually a being over there, and not necessarily a concept.

It all goes back to experience too. Every special moment happens and is rewarded, from falling in love to writing and sending letters to making friends with someone who's entirely different from you, in Nife's case.

I might be running the show most of the time here, but they're experiencing the most out of the two of us. I just sit here playing video games and such until I get Nife's messages and find time to make my own, which I didn't get to until now.

I'm run on whatever motivation I happen to have, which I know a good amount of people do as well. Nife and their beings run on experience, which they obtain regularly and often enough that they're always doing something and getting rewarded with more of it. With humans, or more myself in this example, motivation isn't the reward for using motivation; it's a temporary drive in hopes of gaining a reward, which is not itself.

Maybe I'm getting too caught up in the comparisons and contrasting of our world versus theirs, but I just find that this unknown concept I've been given the freedom to show you all is much more fascinating than knowing that I've fallen in love, which evidently I haven't, at this moment.

It's the fact that Nife acted on the instinct and impulse of an experience and wrote the previous entries, experiencing, despite the risk of being known, embarrassed and maybe even forgotten afterward shows that maybe I'm not running like I could potentially be. I could be feeling happy for writing this, and in turn want to go on and do something similar, but the thing is I won't because I've done all I've wanted to; get an entry in and wait for Nife's tomorrow, or whenever their delay will end.

I might just be needy, and want my experiences to drive me to do more, and it may be possible, but overall I'm not that kind of person. I'm not Nife, nor do I live on the planet that allows such to occur naturally. I ironically have to motivate myself to roll with that concept for one day, and pray that the next turns out just like it, and that's even if my motivation strikes the right chords that I actually want. It's based off chance as well, and factors just shrink the chances of the right outcome. With Nife, the outcome is always what is desired, because the overall drive is literally it's own reward.

And maybe I should shut up about all this. This was pretty boring.

~Finn

#journal entry 7 #finn's entry

2 notes · View notes