Tumgik
crucifixi · 16 days
Note
"I love complaining! You can't take that away from me-" -Meryl
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀UNHINGED COMEDIC RELIEF
Tumblr media
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀❛ God forbid it, I would lose you in a crowd if I did. Your big mouth is only way I can find you, who else would nag me half to death here? ❜
0 notes
crucifixi · 16 days
Text
Tumblr media
ABSOLUTELY UNHINGED COMEDIC RELIEF
ASSORTED QUOTES FROM TUMBLR TEXTPOSTS, X (formerly known as twitter) POSTS, TIKTOK, MEMES, AND OTHER SOURCES AROUND THE INTERNET
Tumblr media
CHANGE gendered words and in-universe phrases as needed.
SPECIFY muse for multimuses.
Tumblr media
“   Currently considering becoming a bother and a nuisance, maybe even a menace or a rascal. ”
“   Hungry? Eat the government. ”
“   Yes, I wanna fuck after every argument. ”
“   Silence, you uneducated peanut! ”
“  They should invent a being alive that isn’t so difficult. ”
“   Women have to think I’m hot or none of this matters. ”
“   Due to personal reasons I will be named an enemy of the state. ”
“   Being overdressed is a myth made up by people who didn’t want you to have fun and be sexy. ”
“   What even are daddy issues? Just traumatize your father back. ”
“   I LOVE complaining! You can’t take that away from me! ”
“   I went to the silly goose convention and they all knew you. ”
“   I’m simultaneously ‘I’m tired of this grandpa’ and ‘that’s too damn bad!’ ”
“   The word ew coming out of a pretty girl’s mouth holds so much power … I think that it can tear apart nations. ”
“   Someone made fun of my shoes and the whole time I just thought of ways to push them out the window. ”
“   If you’re short, simply get taller. ”
“   I better think twice? Buddy I don’t even think once. ”
“   My off putting looks, awkward demeanor, and strange behavior have captivated you. ”
“   There’s something deeply, fundamentally wrong with you. Can we kiss? ”
“   You are a fool. When you walk, clown music plays. ”
“   I mean yeah he’s evil and all but what if I were his favorite? ”
“   I really do hate thinking. ”
“   In my defense, I simply do not vibe with the law. ”
“   I’ve done nothing wrong. Except all the atrocities. Besides that, I’m innocent. ”
“   Sorry I couldn’t hear you over my internal monologue. ”
“   Of course you have white hair and trauma. ”
“   So apparently the bad vibes I’ve been feeling are actually ‘severe psychological distress’. ”
“   Stop calling me a bad person just because I’m orchestrating your downfall! ”
“   The more lip gloss I collect the longer I live. ”
“   Sorry that I am obsessed with you in the unhealthiest way possible. As if it's my fault ”
“   The multiple failed assassination attempts against me have helped build both character and self esteem. ”
“   I could be your loser boyfriend. Do you ever think about that? ”
“   Accidentally went and got myself killed yesterday, but god wont let me die so I’m back ”
“   What do you mean napping isn't a good coping mechanism? What do you mean my problems are still here? ”
“   Academic validation is required for my sanity. ”
“   RIP to everyone killed by the gods for hubris but I’m different and better. Maybe even better than the gods. ”
“   Researching the stages of grief to see if I can get them finished in ten minutes tops. ”
“   My parents were like I’m gonna make a child that is so beyond help. ”
“   It’s not easy to admit when you’re wrong, and that’s why I won’t do it. ”
“   Why can’t this family ever have a funky good time? ”
“   How do I show people that I’m more than my unethical career choice? ”
“   I fucked my way into this mess, and I’ll fuck my way out. ”
“   You look so biteable today. ”
“   Why am I suffering? I have so many correct opinions and takes. ”
“   I AM HAUNTED BY A PAST THAT I CANNOT GO BACK TO! anyways ”
“   Challenging authority, angering gods. The family business. ”
“   Third base is me telling you about my father. ”
“   Hey girl. Plagued by terrifying visions? ”
“   Got caught giving a fuck. Embarrassing. ”
“   I didn’t ‘miss’ the red flags; I saw them and thought that they looked sexy. ”
“   Do my dark circles and deteriorating health make me look hot? ”
“   I get my news from the only reliable source, cryptic symbolism in my dreams. ”
“   Another day of being a bisexual disaster. ”
“   I’m going to let myself be a little unhinged today, as a treat. ”
“   Some of you act like murder is such a big deal. ”
“   You wanna hunt me for sport so bad that it makes you look stupid. ”
“   You’re not a girlboss unless you’ve killed someone. ”
“   It’s so weird how no one ever has correct opinions about things except for me. ”
“   Hello, my love — I mean, my rival ”
“   No one is calling me baby and it’s outrageous I can’t believe it. ”
“   No talking stage. Mutual obsession and you see god in my eyes or nothing. ”
“   I DON’T UNDERSTAND HOOKUP CULTURE DIE IN MY ARMS ”
“   Yes baby your emotional walls are high and impenetrable can we kiss now? ”
“   Affection is disgusting. Drown me in it. ”
“   I am gatekeeping my respect from you. ”
“   Well, well, well, if it isn’t the consequences of my own actions. ”
“   I am equal parts fuck around and find out and please don’t yell at me I’ll cry. ”
“   Short legs, big butt. I’m a corgi. ”
“   Fuck being the bigger person; I’m going to start biting people. ”
“   Well that wasn’t very slay of you! ”
“   May I please get a crumb of affection? ”
“   I crave power! Please don’t yell, though; I’m sensitive. ”
“   You call it a near death experience; I call it a vibe check from God. ”
“   Here are some scissors. Now cut it out. ”
“   Might commit a little tomfoolery, maybe even some shenanigans. ”
“   All these flavors, and you choose to be salty. ”
“   How can I live, laugh, love in these conditions? ”
“   What if I said ‘to be honest’ but then lied? ”
“   I'm financially at a stage where I understand why people do fraud. ”
“   Yes I may be evil and morally corrupt, but I’m also incredibly beautiful and I think that makes up for it honestly. ”
“   Debates are stupid. Why would I want to sit down and argue with someone blatantly dumber than me? ”
“   I forget but I do NOT forgive.. I'm just walking around hating bitches can't remember why ”
“   Ding dong your opinion is wrong! ”
“   I’m coming for your kneecaps. ”
“   You dropped your nose you fucking clown. ”
“   Are you a fire alarm? ‘Cause you are really fucking loud and annoying. ”
“   Call me an escalator, because I let people down. ”
“   I love me a good lesbian scandal! ”
“   If you can’t run away from your problems, you’re not running fast enough. ”
“   Everything I want to do is illegal. ”
“   Don’t make me hit your ankle with my Barbie scooter! ”
“   I tell gay jokes because I am a gay joke. ”
“   Fuck! I dropped my mental stability! ”
Tumblr media
901 notes · View notes
crucifixi · 2 months
Text
"WOULD YOU..." PROMPTS *  assorted dialogue, adjust as necessary
would you stop for a second?
would you do me a huge favor?
would you hand me that?
would you quit being so annoying for ten seconds?
would you do me the honor of being my date?
would you just look at me for a moment?
would you let me take you out?
would you let me pay for the date?
would you give me a chance to just explain?
would you stop for a minute and let me think?
would you stay up with me? keep me company?
would you go and check on them for me?
would you hold this for a second?
would you care to tell me where we're going?
would you do it for me?
would you tell me what's wrong?
would you hold me for a while?
would you take me to the last place you saw them?
would you help me tie this in the back?
would you give me a minute to think?
would you come with me? i know it's last minute, but i need you.
would you stay here with me?
would you go on a walk with me? we have much to talk about.
would you cover me?
would you lie for me?
would you stick up for me?
would you hold my hand?
would you take over for a while?
would you give me another chance to prove myself?
would you let me make it up to you?
would you go slow?
would you be still?
would you do what i asked?
would you check over there?
would you really know the difference?
would you rather stay home?
would you grab my umbrella?
would you give me a massage?
would you stay close to me?
would you kiss me if i asked?
would you keep a look out for anything amiss?
would you stop looking for me if i asked?
575 notes · View notes
crucifixi · 2 months
Text
PROMPTS FOR ORDINARY THINGS THAT FEEL INTIMATE *  inspired by this post. these don't have to be romantic - you can specify romantic or not when you send them. in essence, these are simply intimate, affectionate moments to share with someone you love and care about. adjust as necessary, send 'reverse' for the reversal of the prompt
[ lean ] sender rests their head on receiver's shoulder
[ shop ] sender and receiver go to the grocery store together
[ brush ] sender brushes receiver's hair
[ tie ] sender helps receiver with their tie, either by putting it on or adjusting it
[ necklace ] sender helps receiver with the clasp of their necklace from behind
[ zip up ] sender assists receiver with zipping up a piece of clothing
[ unzip ] sender assists receiver with unzipping a piece of clothing
[ shoelaces ] sender bends down to tie receiver's shoelaces
[ swipe ] sender notices a smudge of something on receiver's face and gently wipes it off
[ braid ] sender braids receiver's hair
[ jacket ] sender takes their jacket off and hangs it on receiver's shoulders
[ puddle ] sender hurries to stop receiver from stepping into a puddle
[ drinks ] sender brings receiver a drink from a bar/their kitchen
[ feed ] sender feeds receiver's pet/s for them
[ cook ] sender and receiver cook a meal together
[ feed ] sender allows receiver to try a bite of their dish, holding their fork out for receiver to taste
[ teach ] sender, an expert at something, takes time to teach receiver how it works and how they can get better at it, too
[ readjust ] sender comes up behind receiver and readjusts their stance (maybe holding a gun, holding a golf club, aiming for something, etc.) to help them
[ makeup ] sender fixes receiver's makeup for them
[ bathroom ] sender and receiver go to a public restroom together and have a normal conversation in between the stalls
[ aloud ] sender reads aloud to receiver
[ refill ] sender refills receiver's glass without asking
[ massage ] sender notices receiver looks tense, steps up behind them, and massages their shoulders
[ listen ] sender listens to receiver explain something they're passionate about
[ silence ] sender and receiver comfortably exist in silence together, both of them working or reading or focusing on something different
[ food ] sender brings food over to receiver's house
[ hum ] sender hums along to a song receiver is singing
[ see ] sender sees something that reminds them of receiver and texts them a picture of it
[ admire ] sender stares at receiver across a room, silently admiring and appreciating them from afar
[ win ] sender lets receiver beat them in a game
[ puzzle ] sender helps receiver solve/put together a puzzle
[ carry ] after receiver falls asleep in an inconvenient place, sender carries them to a bed and tucks them in
[ kneel ] sender finds receiver sick in the bathroom ("tossing their cookies"), and kneels beside them, holding their hair back and cleaning their face
[ clean ] sender helps bathe receiver
[ wash ] sender helps receiver wash their hair
[ patch ] sender carefully patches one of receiver's wounds
2K notes · View notes
crucifixi · 2 months
Text
Tumblr media
woowoo
740 notes · View notes
crucifixi · 2 months
Text
⠀⠀❛ I didn't cause the last fight, so I have no intention of starting a bar fight tonight. ❜
The undertaker sits up, as his ears flick in different directions. He listens in, as he tries to keep his nose from detecting too many smells. The scent of alcohol is strong. He can hear people chattering. Most were talking about work, the weather, and the like. No one was really talking about his appearance, most likely too drunk to care or to notice.
❛ I don't think yer gonna have any trouble in the bar, needles. ❜
Wolfwood leans on the table, resting his chin on his palm. His tail thumps the ground as he thinks.
⠀⠀⠀Wolfwood felt his face turn deeper shade of red as Vash wiped his mouth. The gesture was nice, but Wolfwood wasn't a child and didn't need someone to wipe his face. It was embarrassing and adding the way Vash look at him too made him blush even more.
❛ I don't need ya to wipe my face, needles. ❜
The undertaker's ears flatten against his head, as he walks by Vash's side. His body betrays him with his tag wagging gently behind him.
When the two exit the restaurant, Wolfwood try to conceal more of his lupine features better. The less attention he gets, the better. His ears remain flat and his tail is tucked away under his coat.
❛ I've seen a bar just down the road. ❜
Wolfwood says with a smile, while his tail wags a little bit. It's the best news he heard all day. He's looking forward to the taste of alcohol and hopefully getting some peace.
10 notes · View notes
crucifixi · 2 months
Text
⠀⠀⠀Wolfwood felt his face turn deeper shade of red as Vash wiped his mouth. The gesture was nice, but Wolfwood wasn't a child and didn't need someone to wipe his face. It was embarrassing and adding the way Vash look at him too made him blush even more.
❛ I don't need ya to wipe my face, needles. ❜
The undertaker's ears flatten against his head, as he walks by Vash's side. His body betrays him with his tag wagging gently behind him.
When the two exit the restaurant, Wolfwood try to conceal more of his lupine features better. The less attention he gets, the better. His ears remain flat and his tail is tucked away under his coat.
❛ I've seen a bar just down the road. ❜
Wolfwood says with a smile, while his tail wags a little bit. It's the best news he heard all day. He's looking forward to the taste of alcohol and hopefully getting some peace.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀Wolfwood cocks a brow while his tail start thumping the ground at the sound of drinks. His ears perk up at the offer.
❛ That's not a bad idea, needles. The staff want to bite our heads off anyway— ❜
Wolfwood chuckles at his joke, and looks back at the wait staff. They seem to be giving him and Vash the stink eye. The undertaker gives them the finger, then grabs the rest of his food and starts wolfing it down.
Chatter and judgement gossip grew louder now. People started taking note of the odd pair. Wolfwood was use to this, and honestly he doesn't care. It's nothing compared to the stares and whispers of his own people. He finishes the last bit of food in his plate.
❛ What's left of my shirt is now ruined, but I guess I could still wear it. ❜
Wolfwood says as he adjusts his clothes to make sure he was properly covered. While he unconsciously lick off the food crumbs on his lips— what a well mannered gentleman..
10 notes · View notes
crucifixi · 2 months
Text
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀Wolfwood cocks a brow while his tail start thumping the ground at the sound of drinks. His ears perk up at the offer.
❛ That's not a bad idea, needles. The staff want to bite our heads off anyway— ❜
Wolfwood chuckles at his joke, and looks back at the wait staff. They seem to be giving him and Vash the stink eye. The undertaker gives them the finger, then grabs the rest of his food and starts wolfing it down.
Chatter and judgement gossip grew louder now. People started taking note of the odd pair. Wolfwood was use to this, and honestly he doesn't care. It's nothing compared to the stares and whispers of his own people. He finishes the last bit of food in his plate.
❛ What's left of my shirt is now ruined, but I guess I could still wear it. ❜
Wolfwood says as he adjusts his clothes to make sure he was properly covered. While he unconsciously lick off the food crumbs on his lips— what a well mannered gentleman..
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀Wolfwood watches as the spoon presses into his skin without breaking the flesh. Alas, his shirt couldn’t the damage at all and pop off a button. The button flies through the air and bounces off of Vash's face, before hitting the ground.
The undertaker looks down to see his chest exposed. Well this is awkward. He glances over at Vash, his ears flat on his head.
❛ Ya own me a new shirt, needles.❜
Wolfwood sighs while his tail sways a bit annoyed. He's not upset, but he's not happy either. He can feel his face flush red with embarrassment.
10 notes · View notes
crucifixi · 2 months
Text
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀Wolfwood watches as the spoon presses into his skin without breaking the flesh. Alas, his shirt couldn’t the damage at all and pop off a button. The button flies through the air and bounces off of Vash's face, before hitting the ground.
The undertaker looks down to see his chest exposed. Well this is awkward. He glances over at Vash, his ears flat on his head.
❛ Ya own me a new shirt, needles.❜
Wolfwood sighs while his tail sways a bit annoyed. He's not upset, but he's not happy either. He can feel his face flush red with embarrassment.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀Wolfwood with a playful glint in his eyes, chuckles softly at Vash's attempt to maintain some semblance of normalcy during their dinner date. With a sly grin, he teases lightly.
❛ Well now, needles, why use those when these here paws work just fine? ❜
He wiggles his monstrous ‘hands’ with sharp claws in the air. Wolfwood grins, flashing his sharp teeth as he continues to devour his meal with gusto
❛ Yer worryin' too much 'bout silverware and such. Ain't nothin' gonna hurt me, at least not tonight. Besides, why fuss over manners when we can just enjoy the food? Ain't that what hangin’ out all 'bout?❜
10 notes · View notes
crucifixi · 2 months
Text
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀Wolfwood with a playful glint in his eyes, chuckles softly at Vash's attempt to maintain some semblance of normalcy during their dinner date. With a sly grin, he teases lightly.
❛ Well now, needles, why use those when these here paws work just fine? ❜
He wiggles his monstrous ‘hands’ with sharp claws in the air. Wolfwood grins, flashing his sharp teeth as he continues to devour his meal with gusto
❛ Yer worryin' too much 'bout silverware and such. Ain't nothin' gonna hurt me, at least not tonight. Besides, why fuss over manners when we can just enjoy the food? Ain't that what hangin’ out all 'bout?❜
⩥ @crucifixi (werenico) || the wet dog smell is endearing (closed starter)
"Well you could at least make an effort to try to use them," Vash pouts at Wolfwood as the wolf-man attacks his food with paws and teeth—silverware untouched. He'd known that the two of them would be stared at all evening, that was a given, but he'd hoped there'd be a semblance of civility when they dined...
The man holds a cigarette in those paws, but not silverware?!
Wait. Isn't there something about silver and werewolves..?
"Oh, can you not... touch them? I don't know if they're real silver or not," the blond gestures to the fork and knife that have been hastily pushed to the side, then digs back into his pasta dish, grabbing a chunk of sausage with his fork.
10 notes · View notes
crucifixi · 2 months
Text
Send me a “👀 + a question” and my muse has to answer honestly!
25K notes · View notes
crucifixi · 2 months
Note
TFLN.......
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀Terrible Drunk Texts from Wolfie
Tumblr media
[ text ]: I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
2 notes · View notes
crucifixi · 2 months
Text
Tumblr media
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Do you wanna to grab and strangle 98 Vash? Here’s your chance by the one and only Sou..
2 notes · View notes
crucifixi · 2 months
Text
SEND ‘TFLN’ FOR A TEXT STARTER USING A TEXT FROM TEXT FROM LAST NIGHT’S RANDOM GENERATOR.
1K notes · View notes
crucifixi · 2 months
Note
"mister wolf!" milly calls into the darkness surrounding her home, waiting for the little signs that he was coming close. not that she could hear him if he did not want her to but it was something about the atmosphere that shifted when he came closer.
those really were his woods. the wolf's wood she thought with a chuckle. when she finally sees him her face lightens up and she hurries over "happy valentines day!" milly presents the creature with meat pressed into a heart shaped. "made it out of various animal hearts. so it's a double hear!" if dogs cannot have chocolate she's certain wolfwood cannot have it either so she had to come up with something, right?
with a grin she presses a little kiss with a "mwah!" to the top of his snout "hope you enjoy the snack."
Tumblr media
⠀⠀⠀In the dim light filtering through the dense canopy of the woods, Wolfwood’s eyes gleamed, reflecting his anticipation and curiosity. He watched her with his head tilted slightly, a muffled growl that vibrated from his throat, carefully controlled so as not to alarm Milly. Despite his efforts to remain composed, his body betrayed his true feelings; his tail began to wag uncontrollably, sweeping back and forth with such vigor that it rustled the underbrush and leaves around him.
The heart-shaped offering of various animal hearts was both macabre and endearing. Wolfwood could hardly believe the effort she had gone to, creating something so uniquely suited to his tastes.
As Milly pressed a kiss to the top of his snout, Wolfwood felt a surge of warmth that had little to do with the night air. He wanted to respond, to convey his gratitude and affection, but words were not his forte. Leaning forward, he gave Milly a slobbery lick, a messy kiss in return accidentally slicking her hair in a weird style now because of it.
He didn’t skip a beat to shift his attention to his gift. Wolfwood devoured the offering with an eagerness that spoke volumes, messily eating yet savoring each bite.
1 note · View note
crucifixi · 2 months
Note
"Soo, I've never done this sorta thing before," Vash bashfully approaches Wolfwood with a small package wrapped lovingly in red paper—a silver ribbon with a matching bow adorns it. "But... it's Valentine's Day, and I wanted to do something special for you. I mean—get something special for you. Well, and then do something special for you. Uh, you know? A-anyway..."
Inside the package are eight large chocolate covered strawberries. Two white chocolate, two milk chocolate, two dark chocolate, and two pink-dyed white chocolate covered fruits are arranged in two lines. They're delicate and look delicious—the berries themselves look plump and perfectly ripe.
"Tah-dah," the blond presents him with the gift, pecking him on the lips with a kiss. "You can redeem your other present back in the room, when we're alone," Vash's voice resonates with a low purr and a melodic echo. Before he saunters away, he places a hand on Wolfwood's sternum then lowers it, teasing him as he slides his gloved fingers below his belly. He winks back and waves, then hums to himself as he glides to the room with his hands leisurely behind his head.
"Oh and by the way," he cranes his neck, smiling softly, "I love you."
Tumblr media
⠀⠀⠀He's still not used to being on the receiving end of such affectionate gestures, and reeling in Vash’s forwardness, combined with the intimacy of the holiday, throws him off his usual demeanor.
The touch on his sternum sends a jolt through him, and the lingering trail of fingers across his belly has him tensing involuntarily. He's left holding the package, his grip a little too tight as if it's a lifeline anchoring him to the spot. He clears his throat, trying to find his voice, which seems to have been temporarily misplaced.
❛ You... you really didn't have to do all this, Needles ❜
He finally manages, his voice rougher than he intends. The peck and the teasing touch have left a tangible warmth on his skin, and Wolfwood's composure is nowhere to be found at this point. He looks down at the gift, admiring the careful presentation of the strawberries, and realizes the effort Vash must have put into selecting such a thoughtful present.
❛ Gotta admit, these look tasty. And that other present... I'll be sure to... y'know, redeem it. ❜
He says, a half-smile finding its way to his lips as he regains a bit of his equilibrium. He's touched by the gesture, even if he's not entirely sure how to express it.
❛ Love you too, Vash.. ❜
He mutters under his breath with a sincerity in his voice that's as rare as the flustered state but he didn’t skip a beat to stuff his face with the sweets.
2 notes · View notes
crucifixi · 3 months
Note
it hurts. he always gets surprised by how much it hurts when his body puts itself back together. he's also sure it has gotten worse, the darker his hair has gotten the slower he healed.
so he is not entirely surprised that once he manages to open his eyes he finds livio, sobbing all over him. nico's face is harder to read but he smiles and places his hands on top of their heads "...I promised you two I wouldn't leave you" he mumbles, sighing as he stares at their ceiling. he'd have to explain this, tell them the truth that he wasn't human.
vash notices his hands shaking a little, partly from the stress of regeneration but he knows it is because he had to kill... he didn't see any other way with the eye's agents coming for them. he didn't expect to not only have to kill but be shot up himself. maybe that is the difference in this life: vash the stampede did not kill but eriks did. he did when it came to those kids.
"did you both cover your ears and eyes like I told you?" his voice turns gentle, laughing a little when livio just cries harder and hugs him "hey. hey don't worry, I am fine, I promise." he extends one arm out towards nico, an offer to join the hug if the boy so desired.
Tumblr media
⠀⠀⠀⠀Nico looked up at Eriks, his young face a mix of determination and worry. His eyes, usually so full of mischief, now held a storm of conflicting feelings, making his expressions unreadable as he tried to steel himself in the face of Eriks' pain.
Internally, knots twisted in Nico's stomach as he struggled to maintain his composure. His heart ached for Eriks and Livio —the thought of Eriks' suffering sent a pang of worry through him. Yet, he also felt a fierce determination to be strong for his family, to shield them from the harshness of their reality as best as he could.
As Eriks extended an arm in a comforting gesture, offering an embrace, Nico hesitated only for a moment before stepping in, his small frame enveloped in the warmth of their shared embrace. His arms wrapped around Eriks and Livio, offering what comfort he could,
❛ We’ll be okay.. ❜
He muttered to himself before burying himself deeper between the two in the hug.
1 note · View note