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Step Into The Knight | Gotham Knights

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Batgirl in Gotham Knights (Oct 25, 2022)

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Clark: Where in the fucking hell is Damian and my daughter?

Drunk Constantine: How on earth did you know they are fucking in hell? *oops*

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We Have A Jumper!

Raven and Damian’s date is interrupted when they receive a call about a Jumper on the roof of a nearby apartment.

Random Officer: Oh thank God you guys are here! We got a Jumper!

Damian: I’m confident God has nothing to do with this.

Random Officer: Raven, can you use your powers to stop him from jumping?

Damian: That won’t be necessary. *And whips out a megaphone.*

Raven: Why do you have that?

Damian: It’s best to be prepared, Beloved. *Raises Megaphone* SO YOU’RE REALLY CONSIDERING THE COWARD’S WAY OUT?

Raven: You didn’t just–

Damian: But I did.

Jumper: FUCK YOU, MAN!!!

Damian: YES, FUCK ME. I’M NOT THE ONE STANDING ON A LEDGE, CONSIDERING MY LIFE CHOICES, OF WHICH INCLUDE TRAUMATIZING A RATHER LARGE CROWD OF PEOPLE. BUT FUCK ME.

RAVEN: What are you doing! Don’t antagonize the guy!

Jumper: SERIOUSLY! LISTEN TO YOUR GIRLFRIEND!!!!

Damian: I’LL LISTEN TO MY GIRLFRIEND AS SOON AS YOU ADMIT YOU’RE DOING THIS FOR ATTENTION.

Jumper: FUCK YOU! YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT I’VE BEEN THROUGH. I’M SUFFERING UP HERE!

Damian: THE ONLY THING SUFFERING IS MY MOOD. AND BASED ON THE FACT YOU HAVEN’T JUMPED YET, THE LOGICAL CONCLUSION IS YOU’RE DOING THIS FOR ATTENTION.

Raven: Damian!

Jumper: WHO THE FUCK GAVE YOU A MEGAPHONE! YOU’RE TERRIBLE AT THIS!!!!

Damian: YET YOU HAVEN’T JUMPED?

Jumper: BECAUSE YOU’RE DISTRACTING ME!!!

Damian: ALL PART OF MY PLAN.

Jumper: WHAT PLAN!!?

Damian: THE PLAN WHERE I INFORM YOU THAT YOU’RE CURRENTLY CONSIDERING JUMPING OFF A FOUR STORY BUILDING. THAT IS APPROXIMATELY A 50 TO 60 FOOT DROP. AND BASED ON THAT VELOCITY, THE FALL ITSELF ONLY HAS A 35% CHANCE OF KILLING YOU INSTANTLY. IF AT ALL. AND THAT IS ONLY AROUND 45%. SO IT STANDS TO REASON THAT IF YOU JUMP YOU’LL EITHER DIE A SLOW PAINFUL DEATH: WE’RE TALKING BROKEN BONES, LASARATED MUSCLES, BURST ORGANS. THE WHOLE SHOOTING MATCH. OH, AND YOU’LL PROBABLY NEVER WALK AGAIN, YOU MIGHT EVEN HAVE TO EAT OUT OF A TUBE AS WELL? DEPENDS ON WHAT END HITS THE GROUND FIRST.

Random Cop: You’re making this up as you go, aren’t you?

Damian: *Speaking to the officer through the megaphone* I’M NOT. I ONCE SAW A GUY JUMP FROM HIS TOWN HOUSE WINDOW.

Jumper: DID HE DIE!

Damian: NOPE. NOT ONLY DID HE LIVE, BUT HE SHATTERED EVERY BONE I HIS BODY AND FILETED HIS FACE.

Raven: HE’S NOT LYING! HE LOOKED LIKE ONE OF THOSE CHARACTERS FROM BEETLE JUICE!!

Rando Cop: The one with the tongue?

Damian: THAT WOULD BE THE ONE, YES. NOW, WITH ALL OF THAT INFORMATION IN MIND, ARE YOU STILL CONSIDERING JUMPING? CAUSE IT’S REALLY GOING TO PUT A DAMPER ON MY AFTERNOON IF I HAVE TO WASH YOUR BLOOD OUT OF MY UNIFORM.

Rando Cop: That shit does stain.  

Jumper: NO, I’M GONNA COME DOWN NOW. IT’S NOT WORTH IT!

Damian: GOOD. JUST BE SURE TO USE THE STAIRS AND EXIT THE BUILDING THROUGH THE FRONT ENTRANCE. THANK YOU.

Raven: That was the most reckless thing you’ve ever done.

Damian: Poor bastard’s still alive isn’t he?

Rando Cop: Even if he did jump, doesn’t Raven have healing abilities?

Damian: *Still through the megaphone* OF COURSE, BUT WHY GO THROUGH ALL THOSE UNNECESSARY STEPS? PLUS NOW NONE OF US ARE COVERED IN HIS BRAIN MATTER.

Raven: Put the megaphone away! He can hear you!

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!!Jason being the favorite son/Robin!!

Bruce: *is pissed* Who broke my 25,000 Dollar lamp?

Dick: Jason.

Tim: Jason.

Damian: Todd.

Jason: Me! *smirking knowing that it probably pisses Bruce off*

Bruce: *suddenly mellow and smiling* Thanks, that lamp was ugly anyways!

Everyone else: WHAT!!? (knowing they would be in real trouble)

Jason:

Jason: What.

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That time all of the entire batfamily was sleep deprived

Dick: “Tim? Tim! Can you read this? I feel like I’m slipping”

Tim: [slowly walks over]

Dick: “so, what I understand is that the whole operation is settled in New Jersey”

Tim: [reading it over and over] “Dick, there’s nothing about New Jersey in here. Get it together, man”

Jason: “Dick, go lay down man”

Dick: “m’fine”

Tim: [turns around] “I forgot where I put my sandwich”

Dick: “do you want me to call it?”

Tim: [stares at Dick]

Jason: “yes. Please, call Tim’s sandwich”

Dick: [pulls out phone]

Damian: “Grayson, think about it”

Dick: [calls Tim’s phone]

Tim: “hello, this is not Tim’s sandwich”

Bruce: [leans back in his chair] “Dick, leave a voice mail”

Stephanie: “this… this would be so funny if I could hold my eyes open”

Dick: “I’m waiting for the beep”

Tim: [looks at Bruce]

Dick: [realizes] “wait, god- fuck you guys”

Bruce: “I’m honestly shocked you got that far”

Cass: [enters with Tim’s sandwich, eating it]

Tim: [groans]

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Kon: so what's dating Raven like?

Damian: Great. I love her dearly.

Damian: thinks back to the time when he asked Raven for a glass of water and she handed him a glass of ice and told him to wait.

Meanwhile

Donna: So how's dating Damian?

Raven: I'm the luckiest girl in the world.

Raven: thinks back to the time when Damian asked her what she wanted for dinner and she said she didn't know or care and recieved a bowl full of pieces of paper that said IDK and IDC

Raven and Damian: There’s no one else I'd rather be with

Donna and Kon: Awww

Raven and Damian: realizes no one else would be willing to deal with their bullshit

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baby boy

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🔪🩸

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Yknow what they say about what the color yellow does to a green lantern

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The Love of Batman/Bruce Wayne and Catwoman/Selina Kyle

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It’s confirmed that Bruce carries away his feisty children by scruff of the neck like a mom cat carries her feisty kittens. Selina would be proud (and also laughing at the chaos).

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White Knight presents: Red Hood previews finally out!