crimsonhippss

[crimsonhippss]

Decided to weigh myself today and I’m back up. I knew I would be because I haven’t been restricting like I should be, but it still hurts. I need to drop like 10 pounds in a month

[crimsonhippss]

Diet Coke!

I made this so tag yourselves if you want! I’m oatmeal and cupcake with a little bit of green tea

[crimsonhippss]

I know I’m bad again when the thinnsp0 doesn’t look thin enough

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I’m trying to do work and the work won’t GO this is evil nothing is working

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I’m both depression and edgy

[crimsonhippss]

Ran 14 miles, am I skinny yet?

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About to go run like a maniac!! Run fueled by coffee and manifesting being skinny

[crimsonhippss]

I actually feel thinner today which is a miracle. I can feel my hipbones. I can’t force myself to eat when I’m not hungry because at the end of the day I want to be skinny. I have a 14 mile run tomorrow and haven’t come close to eating enough calories today to pull it off. I walked 14 miles last weekend so come hell or high water I can finish it

[crimsonhippss]

My new meds are working too well and I don’t have an appetite at all. Like, can’t even force myself to eat and it’s stressing my boyfriend out and I don’t know what to do

[crimsonhippss]

Just got busted by saying I’m not hungry send help

[crimsonhippss]

The adhd meds are WORKING I haven’t felt hungry all day 🤩

[crimsonhippss]

Long rant ahead

I obviously do not see myself how I actually look. I’m thinner than I’ve been in 3 years and I feel absolutely huge. I don’t know if I’m seeing myself as bigger than I am or if I was seeing myself as smaller before but I’m down 16 pounds and feel like I’ve gained.

Why can’t I just be okay at this weight? I’m not skinny but I’m healthy I guess? (Aside from the fact that I starve myself) I just want to be thin and dainty and pretty and I want my boyfriend to be able to lift me up without thinking about it and I think if I lose another 20 pounds that would be for the best.

When I started down this road again I thought I’d just lose 5 pounds, maybe get into the 150s again. Now I go to sleep every night holding my ribs and thinking about how much more everyone will like me when I’m skinny. How I’ll be able to wear dresses and tights and look like a doll. I used to dream about my boyfriend, now I have nightmares about binging like I used to before they made me recover. I’m so close to the weight that they sent me to res at.

If I could just be strong I could lose a few more pounds. I could actually sit at 145 and know that I’m getting there. I could drop below 135 and finally have a BMI below 20. I could keep going and be underweight and have everyone worry. This is my last few months that I can lose weight. After graduation I move in with my boyfriend who knows about my ED and won’t let me lose any more weight. This is the last time I’m living alone, so it’s now or never.

There’s so much pressure to be perfect

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Guess who just managed to get adhd meds! Focusing (and weightloss) here I come

[crimsonhippss]

Called my boyfriend up instead. Now I just need to take the dog out which requires going through the kitchen wish me luck

I want to binge so badly

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I want to binge so badly

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Maybe I’ll just start eating clean again

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Going to try and use this little quarantine to lose more weight. Go for walks to get out of the house, do my runs, burn as much as I can