crazystupiddating
Join me while I journey through dating in NYC
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That's right...this girl takes a night off from dating to watch her G-Men!! #mnf #mondaymotivation #mondaynightfootball #giants #elimanning #football #crazystupiddating — view on Instagram http://ift.tt/2jGyudV
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#men #datingsucks #nolovelost #nolove — view on Instagram http://ift.tt/2jyIAO1
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Check out the most ignorantly brazen douchebag I've encountered #crazystupiddating #baddates #datingsucks #dumbass #dating #dating #women #humor #saturdaynight — view on Instagram http://ift.tt/2xH2E7c
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Well friends, it's Saturday and I'm sure a lot of you have plans. Me on the other hand, I'm sitting in a restaurant, drinking a beer and sharing with you the most ignorantly brazen douchebag that I've come in to contact with since being on this app.
I introduce you to "John":
John: Come over now
Me: Ha! Sorry I’m already turning back in to a pumpkin.
John: Show me your body
Me: Does that line work often?
John: All the time
Me: Can’t say that anymore
John: LOL good one
John: I bet you have a nice ass
Me: At the risk of sounding redundant, does THAT line work often?
John: Forget it
Me: Forget what?
*Are you fucking kidding me?
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So for date night, tonight I'm posting my one date so far that really qualifies as more of a public safety notice. As in, don't do this publicly or else you may face safety concerns!!
Name: "Dick”
Age: 40
Hair color: dark brown
Eye color: brown
Height: 5’11”
Initial profile impressions: Not my typical type, but I’m trying to keep an open mind. He has very “kind” looking eyes and a nice smile.
NOTE: This date was real but is geared towards a certain “public service announcement”, if you will.
Dick and I messaged very very briefly before he wanted to meet for a date. Again, I’m ok with this. Sometimes spending tons of time corresponding can just get annoying. Let’s meet and see if there’s any spark. We discussed meeting for dinner at a spot where we could get oysters. They were in season and I was having a serious craving. Not everyone likes them, so why not take advantage of the opportunity.
Our date was in an area that I’m not super familiar with so I took a car there. He messaged and told me he was running a little early and the restaurant didn’t open until 6 pm so he was down the street at a small bar. My destination was set as the location for dinner so I got dropped off there and popped in, I noticed that there were already people starting to file in. We both discussed enjoying a first date at the bar, just has a nice casual feel. I went ahead and made reservations it was after all, a Saturday for 7 pm, since I knew he was already drinking and just in case the bar was full. Then I made my way to the bar.
When I walked in Dick was sitting at the bar, but suggested that we move to a table. Huh? He looked clean and in good order. Button down shirt and jeans. Not bad. His teeth were a little crooked, then again, a lot of people’s are. Mine included. I actually have that slightly protruding right eye tooth that JLo has. But, I’m not bragging or anything. Lol So Dick and I sit down at a table. Conversation is a little slow and I notice that he doesn’t really look at me while we’re speaking. He keeps looking above me or over to the right. Is he fucking watching TV? Come on Dick, it’s not even football season. If it was, I’d be looking too! But whatever, the conversation remains lackluster. Shit, should we just call it a night now? No…keep your cool. Maybe things will get better.
I mentioned that I stopped by the restaurant on my way over and made reservations, just in case it got busy and he didn’t seem to mind. He said that was great. After 2 beers, he decided that he needed to snack on something. I’m not one who eats a ton in one sitting, so I just take a bite of his nachos. I don’t want to fill up on crap when I’ve got oysters in my future. We have small chit chat until about 6:45 and after I’ve had two beers and he’s had 3 and nachos, we decide that we should cash out. When the bill comes, I take the tab. I really like doing something like this because it shows a guy, in advance, that I don’t “expect” that they’ll always pay. That can get costly and set a crazy expectation. He was very nice about it and thanked me.
Dick and I head to the restaurant. When we get there, there’s plenty of room at the bar, but I defer to him and ask where he’d rather sit. He says that he’d prefer to sit at a table. Wait, what? I thought we both said how cool it is on a first date to chill at the bar…keep things light…whatever, not a big deal in the big scheme of things.
We are shown to our table. Now, I it's no secret that I like whiskey, and he points out a great drink on the menu so we both order it. After that, we take a minute to check out the menu. I’m a huge advocate of ordering two different dishes and sharing. I love a little taste of everything. But we don’t see oysters on the menu anywhere. When our server comes to take our drink order, Dick inquires about the oysters the whole reason we selected this restaurant. But the waitress says that they are only available at their oyster bar and that they are out anyway. Wahhhhhh!!!! Ok we’ll make do. The menu is quite nice. I ordered mussels and he ordered some fish dish. Our drinks come and they are amazing! The conversation is still really labored. I can’t put my finger on it specifically, but things are just not comfortable. We eat our meals and I share a ton of my mussels, but he’s being really stingy with his fish. And it’s delish. I really want more, but I’m not going to be rude. But seriously, I’ve given him about 8 mussels and I got one bite of his fish. Dude, Dick, get with it!! Are you someone who enjoys sharing meals? Isn’t it the best when you get a little bit of everything? I mean, it makes the meal more like a tasting menu, and who doesn’t love those?? I feel like anymore, it’s the only way I want to enjoy a meal. Who is this guy, Joey Tribbiani…(”Joey doesn’t share food!”).
I’ve already decided that this date isn’t leading towards a love connection. Everything just feels awkward and disconnected.
The bill comes and he takes the check. That’s right Dick, this one is on you. He reads it, and immediately his mood goes dark. He tells me that they’ve overcharged us on our drinks by $2 each. He flags down the waitress and proceeds to tell her that the drinks should have been $9 but she charged us $11. She said that she’d look in to it and be right back. Moments later, she returns and informs us that the whiskey neat is $9 but the cocktail that we ordered was $11 as indicated on the menu. I really didn’t pay attention to the prices. He ordered his first and I just ordered the same. A little rude, right? Whatever. So she asked again for a moment to speak with the manager.
The manager comes over and explains again, the difference between the drinks but says that he’ll adjust the bill to the lower price if that will work for “us”. And Dick, is just that…a total dick about it. “Ummm yes, that’s all I wanted. To be charged the price on the menu.” Dick, did you not understand what they said? You LOOKED AT THE WRONG PRICE! The manager, who is a slight little man, agreed to adjust the price, but Dick’s mood didn’t change. After the manager left our table he proceeded to complain about the issue. I really don’t see a problem here. You misread the prices, got pissy about it, the manager adjusted the price and now you’re still complaining like a little bitch about a total of $4. Seriously?
But the icing on the cake happens when the waitress comes back by, to let us know that the restaurant also typed in the wrong price for the drinks on the menu, and tells that they were actually supposed to be $12. So if we come in in the future, she just wanted us to know that the price would be different. She didn’t want us to be caught off guard. I thought this was done very nicely and she wasn’t suggesting anything about the visit we had tonight. She was very kind about it and said it in a way that made me feel like she was just looking out for us and our future satisfaction with their restaurant. But, this is not how Dick takes it. He continues to complain to me, somehow making it seem like he’s a victim or something. Dude, chill the fuck out!
When the bill arrives, Dick does the UNTHINKABLE. At least it’s unthinkable to me. Someone who at many, many points in her life, has found herself in the hospitality industry either as a primary or part-time job. He writes a big old GOOSE-EGG in the tip line. At first, I think that maybe he’s going to leave a cash tip. But nope. He does nothing. Sadly, I’m one of those people who just don’t carry cash, so it wasn’t as if I could drop a $20 to offset his being a total DICK! I was TOTALLY MORTIFIED!!!
What he perceived as a slight, was literally his own fucking issue, misreading the menu. I, under NO CIRCUMSTANCE, condone not tipping a server. If it’s bad service, perhaps lessen what you would typically give. I’m a steady 20% tipper, more if service is great and a little less if I’ve got someone who is SERIOUSLY unattentive. But I can say, I’ve never NOT TIPPED a server. Fucking ridiculous.
After we left the restaurant Dick asked me if I wanted to walk down by the water. My skin is crawling from the way that he’s treated that server. No fucking way that I want to go anywhere else with you! I told him that I had an early morning and really needed to call my car. So, he turns to me and says “ok, give me a kiss”. What the fuck are you smoking dude? I give him a hug and proceed to pull up my Uber app and call my car. Not only does he not ask me if I want him to wait with me for my car, he simply says “maybe I’ll see you around”. Ummmm, no thank you, Dick.
Summary: Here’s a tip, learn to fucking read!
And for my readers, please TIP YOUR SERVERS AND BARTENDERS!!!
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This is a recent message exchange that I had with a guy from the app that I've been using.
"Dude" Profile reads: “Looking for a partner in crime and see where it naturally leads to, 5’10”
Me: Hi Dude. I wanted to take a minute to “introduce” myself. It looks like we’ve matched. Three things I can’t do without would be the beach, sushi and Netflix. Feel free to say “hi”!
Dude: G morning…how are you?
Me: Good morning! I’m doing great And you?
Dude: I am great..at work. What about you?
Me: I’m working as well. Just left a showing in ___. I broker apartments in ______. What about you? What do you do for work?
Dude: Nice…I am a lab scientist. What part of New York do you live in? Ok, kind of cool
Me: ____.
Dude: Nice not far…like 40 minutes from me. What’s your favorite drink?
Me: I like my whiskey neat, martinis and beer. You?
Dude: Hmm I like wine…scotch and make the best apple martini and Moscow mule as well! If you like to try.
Me: I’m a wine lover as well. I’m basically an equal opportunity drinker.
Dude: Nice…any luck online? Hot date till sunrise every night? :)
Me: Actually, so far from that it’s not even funny. How about you?
Dude: Wow…you so picky? Or men not sexual with you? Nothing here… I don't think I've been picky
Me: I’m not picky there was just nothing really there as far as a connection. And I have had some pretty epic failed date too. I sure as shit have!
Dude: Hmmmm.so home alone every night?
Me: Haha. Not every night. I’ve got great friends, I work a lot and enjoy time to relax.
Dude: Without me? We should have our bottle of wine and candles around. :)
Me: That sounds nice. But I'm also a "take my time" kind of girl. I don't like to rush into certain things. I like to see how things naturally progress. But that does sound nice, eventually. Basically, have I made my fucking point clear? I'm NOT going to sleep with you!
Dude: Let’s have our night together and see where it leads to ;) If you enjoy late nights…
Me: Why late nights?
Dude: I finish at 9 pm
Me: Oh gotcha. I can do later in the evening. Would you mind heading in my direction for our first date?
Dude: With pleasure…
Me: Sounds great
Dude: Our bottle of wine…or you not ready yet? Wine? What the hell is he talking about?
Me: Ready for wine? Sure, why not.
Dude: Should I bring? ;)
Me: Oh sorry, I’ve got roommates so that wouldn’t really work right now. But if you’d like to meet for drinks I know a nice little spot nearby. Who the fuck brings someone to their house for a first date? And did you not get my point?
Dude: I would like to have more and more as long as we both open to it…;)
More and more? Oh what the fuck??!!
Me: I’m not sure I’m following you.
Dude: If your roommate won’t mind I meant… Are you fucking crazy?
Me: I don’t think we’re talking about the same thing
Dude: I meant if we like
Me: I don’t sleep with guys on the first date.
Dude: We don’t need to sleep..but we can have fun and follow the flow…Not cause am at your home then we have to have sex Yeah you totally seem like a guy who could take "no" for an answer.
Me: I don’t bring guys to my home on the first date either.
Dude: Maybe I am special I hope Sorry Dude, not even close!
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For those of you who read Part 1 yesterday, here is the conclusion to my long date with "J.".
As a refresher:
Name: "J."
Age: 35
Hair color: dark blonde
Eye color: blue
Height: 5’8”
Initial profile impressions: Beautiful eyes, really cute smile, speaks French…ooh lala
J. and I get up to his hotel room. He hasn’t unpacked anything. Just has a little backpack sitting next to a chair in the corner. I respect people who can pack light, as it’s a method I’ve recently adopted myself. The room is in good order, nothing creepy or crazy sitting around. And honestly, I feel like if he was to get too aggressive, I can probably break him in half, so I’m feeling good about the situation so far. I decide to sit in the chair, while he goes in to the bathroom, again. This may sound a little weird, but I really can’t stand to hear a man urinate. Something about that just breaks too many barriers, way too quickly, in my humble opinion.
When he gets out of the bathroom J. offers for me to get more comfortable on the bed, if I want. I slowly sit down on the farthest edge of the bed and try to “look” comfortable. He turns on the TV and wouldn’t you know it, the damned thing isn’t working right. There is this crazy spacing of lines and the sound keeps going out. He changes the channel, same thing. I suggest that maybe he unplug it. Yes, that’s right, I listen to my IT guys and that’s always the first thing they suggest. He tries it and for a moment it seems like it has worked. Nope! So, he calls down to the front desk, maybe he can get a different room, he offers. Nope! All rooms are booked. So here I am, in his room, with a TV that sucks, a guy who I can’t imagine has much of anything else to say and feeling quite awkward while trying to figure out what to say to get me the hell out.
J. turns around and gives me a cute sort of “well gosh” smile, and it really does look innocent enough. We decided to give the TV an opportunity to work out its issues. He lays down on the bed, sort of in the middle of it but not getting too close that I jump up and run out. We manage a few minutes of conversation. All thanks to me, of course. And then he leans over and kisses me. It wasn’t exactly in a romantic way. It wasn’t in a brotherly way though, either. It just felt sort of uncomfortable. But I’m not a perfectionist. Sometimes it takes a while to get in to the groove. It never really feels fun though. He starts to get a little more aggressive, rolls over on top of me and starts grinding. He’s in jeans. I’m in jeans. As you can imagine, after a few minutes, it DOES NOT feel good for me. And I’m certain it can’t feel good for him either. He takes off his shirt. HOLY SHIT! He’s hairy as a mother-fucker. And I don’t mean hairy, like an old Italian guy. I mean hairy as in, this guy has never once trimmed his chest hair. It’s so long and coarse and ewwww. He tries to take off my shirt, but I decline. He says that it is no problem, he’s not going to push me, and continues to kiss me. Then he takes off his pants and tries to unbutton mine. Nope, still not gonna happen. Once again, he’s totally ok with it. But now I can definitely tell he wants something a little more than kissing.
J. rolls over on his back and tries to casually pull me over on top of him. He really does have a small frame and I’m not feeling totally comfortable at the thought of laying on him so I just slide up against his side. He takes my hand and puts it on top of his boxer briefs. You know where his dick would be? He’s hard, I suppose that is a good thing. Because immediately, I sense something wrong. It feels like there is a Vienna Sausage buried in those boxer briefs. You know, those sausages that are like 1/3rd the size of regular hot dogs, in what almost looks like a tuna can? Damn it! He’s got a teeny weenie!
I know what he wants, but I can’t even fathom putting my face down to what I can only imagine is a huge patch of unbridled, unmanaged and untamed pubic hair. So I opt for the lesser of two evils. He’s gonnna get a hand job. I start stroking what I can find, over his briefs. And immediately he uses his left arm to slide those fucking briefs down. Don’t look, don’t look, don’t look. I start stroking him, kissing on his neck. It is so fucking small that I can only use two fingers and my thumb. And when I think that I’m going to be able to finish him off and end this evening…he goes soft. Have I totally lost my touch? I look up at his eyes and realize, he’s fucking asleep.
At first, I’m a bit offended. But, he did have a long drive, a beer and probably exerted all his energy urinating. So now is my chance. Just roll over and leave. You’d think, right? But as soon as I stop rubbing his little man, he wakes up. I told him, that I understand, he must be very tired and suggest he roll over and I’ll give him a back rub till he falls asleep again. Then he can relax and rest up before his drive tomorrow. But he declined and started kissing me again. Whoop, and there it is, the sausage has plumped to full Vienna size again. This time, J. rolls me over on my back. Fuck, please let him get off so I can get home. The kissing is even worse this time. But he seems like he’s getting somewhere. He takes my hair in his hands and pulls it back, tilting my head up into a really awkward position, but hey, maybe he’s going to try to kiss my neck. Nope. He just holds my head in this weird position. I’m trying to figure out what he’s doing. Is he going to try to strangle me? Do I need to give him a swift kick in the exposed, hairy balls? Then he takes my hand and puts it back on the mini-man and so I go with it. My head still tilted up, his eyes closed and my two fingers wrapped around him. Back and forth, back and forth, back and forth, on and on and on and then…he finally gets off. THANK YOU!!!
He moves over to the side and apologizes for “making a mess” and heads where? Back to the bathroom. I endure one more pee and tell him that I really need to get home since it’s so late and throw in a lie about having to be up and at ‘em super early. He thanks me for a great night and kisses me once more. Oh geez, thanks. And with that, I head out the door. I’m standing in the hallway waiting for the elevator and shaking my head at what I’ve just witnessed. That’s right it was the smallest cock, I’ve ever touched. All of a sudden, I hear a door and jump. He came back out to hand me a room key, in case I need it to get back down in the elevator. Then he offers for me to spend the night, “you know, since it’s so late”. I very politely decline but thank him again, as my elevator finally arrives and the doors open, like the glorious velvet rope at the most exclusive bar in town.
Summary:
A slight French accent and owning your own business can never make up for a teeny weeny! Next time a date seems to last endlessly (in a bad way), don’t be an idiot, just go home. Much like the famous line, nothing good happens after 2 am, in this instance, nothing big did either.
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Well, it's here. Friday night. Date night. Since I'm stuck home, sick, I thought I would treat you to the first half of my second date in New York! Be sure to pop by tomorrow for the conclusion.
Name: "J."
Age: 35
Hair color: dark blonde
Eye color: blue
Height: 5’8”
Initial profile impressions: Beautiful eyes, really cute smile, speaks French…ooh lala
"J." was the first guy that I met on the app who actually wanted to talk on the phone! What a thought, right? When we started out conversing via the app, he mentioned that he was on his way to Canada. I thought he was just going to visit family. The next day after a few messages he called me. Turns out that he actually lives there. He is in the city about every 6-8 weeks for business. FUCK! I’ve already got a bad feeling about this. I really want to meet someone that I can date, not someone I can see every few months. But hey, let’s see how things go.
J. and I talked on the phone for about a week, and he told me that he had a planned trip coming up in a few days. He has to come back to take for specific training he wants to get. And then he tells me about this business. He is super enthusiastic about this topic. I mean as soon as you get this guy talking about work he never shuts up! But I’m happy to hear that he’ll be back in town. So, we plan to get together on the night of his arrival. He’s driving, which I found out was only about 5 hours. I know, surprising, right? He is going to spend one night in the city before heading up the next morning to the area where his test is to be held. So, I make sure to find a spot close to his hotel. Being fairly new to the city, I did NOT realize the actual location.
It’s the big day and J. messages me to let me know that he’s made it in to town and so we’re good to meet up as planned. We’re meeting at the hotel. No, I don’t immediately go up to his room! I’m not a hooker!! As a respectable woman, I wait outside and text him when I’m there. This is the moment when, I actually realized that the bar is RIGHT ACROSS the street. Fuck! Now I’m certain that I look like I’m a sure thing.
As soon as he comes downstairs, I notice that he is quite slender. Not a game changer, but not quite what I expected. He’s wearing jeans, a t-shirt and a button-down shirt over that. His hair is a little thinner than in the pictures, but it’s there, so I’m totally cool with it. At the bar, 2 damn minutes later, we sit down and order a beer. Nice, this is a good start. Then he tells me that he doesn’t drink much because of his diabetes. Huh. That’s a first, but ok. I can keep my shit together and not look like an alcoholic. Things start off sort of slow. Conversation seems to be dragging a little. I’m trying to think of things to talk about but even though I’m asking sort of open-ended questions, he manages to answer them in a brief manner. He doesn’t really have any questions for me. Oh wait, he’s going to the bathroom. He gets back. Doesn’t ask about my family or my time in New York, nothing about my friends or my job. I try to sort of throw some stories in here and there. I’m in sales, so I’m more than comfortable guiding a conversation, but this feels more like work than a date should. Oh wait, he goes to the bathroom again.
I’ve been sipping on my beer for what feels like hours, to the point where it’s warm by the time I get to the bottom. I really fucking hate that! And J's finished about half of his beer and again, goes to the bathroom. I swear I think it’s been five trips. Maybe he’s not enjoying himself. Maybe he’s texting another girl. But after the last trip, he tells me that his diabetes also makes him pee a lot. And then he offers another beer, so why the hell not? This one I can’t nurse though. The need to do something wears me down. If I can’t have engaging conversation then I’m forced to drink. We manage to get through a few more topics. His family is not without their issues, then again, no one’s is! Mine certainly isn’t! We’ve managed to get through 3 hours. Oh, where did the time go? I tell him it’s getting late and I know he has an early morning so I don’t want to make it any worse on him. I think that this makes my point about officially ending the evening. But as is often the case, I’m wrong.
We’re walking out the front door and he asks me, “Is it too late to invite you up to my room? We can just watch TV and hang out some more.” Yeah right! But what can I say? I’m an idiot! So, my response, “Sure, sounds good.”
And here my friends...is where I leave you. But only for tonight. See you tomorrow!
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I got kittenfished, but did he get a happy ending? Find out at crazy-stupid-dating.blogspot.com #dating #kitten #fish #datenight #funny #funnyshit #humor — view on Instagram http://ift.tt/2uyLQdu
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Have you ever been kittenfished? Check out my blog at crazy-stupid-dating.blogspot.com #dating #crazystupiddating #firstdate #funny #kittens #fishing #fish — view on Instagram http://ift.tt/2hSnAB1
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So, since this is the first Friday of my blog, I thought I would share with you my first date every in NYC!
Name: Jackson
Age: 39
Hair color: dark brown
Eye color: dark brown
Height: not indicated
Initial profile impressions: Has a ton of skydiving pics, looks handsome, good head of hair, appears to be taller than most the people in his pics, nice smile
Jackson was my first date in a really, really long time. We spent about 2 days messaging. (I’m not one for messaging, texting or talking on the phone for weeks. I find that it builds up too many expectations and seldom ever really delivers.) Jackson and I set up a time and location to meet.
I arrive a little early because it’s in a location that I’m not very familiar with. And I’m the asshole who tends to always be running late myself. We’re in touch via text and he tells me he’s running a little late. 10 minutes later he messages me that he’s still about 20 minutes away. Immediately, I think, it’s time for a drink. I think I better start out strong.
I’m sitting at a table with my dirty martini, yeah I can already feel my mood getting better when he walks up to me. This may be more than a little embellished, but I swear I remember thinking that the guy was barely taller than the table I was sitting at. And the table wasn’t even bar height! Oh what the fuck?
He sits down and the dark brown hair in his pics has now turned to salt and pepper (which really doesn’t bother me at all. I personally think salt and pepper is sexy on guys). But I notice immediately that he definitely looks older than 39. 39 my ass! And I completely understand that many people wear their age better than others. So, I’m giving him the benefit of the doubt.
We start talking, yada yada yada. I swear this feels more like a job interview conducted by a boss who just can’t shut up. Finally, at some point in the conversation he brings up something to do with his age, so I use this opportunity to ask him how old he is. He tells me he’s 49 but proceeds to explain that he really thinks he looks great for his age. Yeah maybe great for a freakin’ 49 year old but certainly not for someone trying to pass himself off as 39! Now we all know that there is no way to politely debate this, so I decide to casually mention that his profile indicates that he’s 39. And he gives me a very well-rehearsed “What? No way?” face, that I almost thought about nominating him for an Oscar award. But I think better of it and our date continues.
Jackson tells me about his two daughters, his ex-wife who has driven him crazy (and continues to throughout our date by texting him, angry because he’s not responding to her about something that, at first glance, seems insignificant. But then again, I fully admit that I clearly only had one side of the story). He tells me about his business. How owning it, as opposed to working at it, affords him the opportunity to really enjoy more of his time now. And then he tells me that he’s a huge fan of an Asian Spas. He loves the massages and that’s actually where he was before he met me. Can you guess what I’m thinking now? Was this mother fucker getting a damned happy ending before he met me? I let the thought slip away, because by now I’m on my 4th dirty martini and can’t be bothered to entertain it any further.
We order dinner. He just wants to share something. Share something? I’m freakin’ starving dude! I’ve been drinking all night to tolerate this date and now you want to share something? So, we share…the large fillet, mashed potatoes and creamed spinach. I’m so not digging this. I’m a steak fiend. And honestly, it was one of the best I’ve ever had. I really wanted to wrap my arms around the plate, tuck my head down and eat like an inmate about to get shanked if anyone sees. But, sure…I shared nicely.
At this point, I’ve heard more about his two girls, more about the ex-wife, all about his skydiving exploits and how the rush is like no other. Ugh, where is that next martini? Oh, and I can’t forget about the spa. He just can’t seem to stop talking about the spa. Finally, the restaurant gives us the notice for last call. “Me? No, I’m good, but thank you.” I offer to split the check with him, (I’m someone who is always willing to split the bill, especially on the first date.) So, we make our way outside, I call an UBER and while we’re waiting…he tells me that he wants to do massages together. Wait? What? He offers to pay for my massage since he was so late for the date.
“Hahaha, sure that sounds great! I’ll call you.” No way in hell!
The date ended with a hug goodnight.
Summary:
Have you heard of the term kittenfish? For those of you who haven’t, kittenfish is defined as: When someone looks more attractive in pictures than they do in real life, to the point where you doubt it’s the same person. I would describe Jackson as a kittenfish. While his pictures were his own, not only did they depict him in a different way than he presented. They were also more than 10 years old. Not cool man. Not cool.
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This is the Profile Picture followed by the below request!
And people wonder why it's so damn hard to date in this city. What the fuck dude?
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This is me! Every single night. #crazystupiddating — view on Instagram http://ift.tt/2wjJEYt
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Join me while I journey through dating in New York City! crazy-stupid-dating.blogspot.com #crazystupiddating — view on Instagram http://ift.tt/2fi0XoQ
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I’m not going to lie, I’m new to this. I’m not a writer. I’m just a girl…sitting in front of a laptop…asking you to laugh with me.
I’m new to New York and loving it here. Finding myself single for the first time in a really loooong time, I thought this would be the perfect place to find and date some great guys. I never thought dating in a city with this many people would be so difficult. So, with the encouragement of a girlfriend, I signed up for a dating app for the first time ever. I found swiping left and left and left and left and right and left and left and left to be exciting at first. My thumb was sore and cramped after the first two nights of endlessly swiping.
I took my time to make sure that my bio is informative and accurate. I’m very clear that I’m looking to date, not looking for hook-ups or one night stands. I’m honest about age and appearance. I’m 5’8” and curvy and don’t want someone expecting a tiny framed, 19-year-old, Hollister model or anything. My pictures are all current, like really current, all within the past two months or so. I reveal my affinity to speak in movie quotes and even provide my current job status.
After a few days, I perfected my opening. It’s a little fun, highlights my ability to be “one of the boys” because I love sports. A little flirty, I’m cool letting my hair down for a night of drinking. I throw in a little intellectual tidbit and then let them know that if I sound like someone they’d like to meet, to say hello.
I’ve had many first dates and ridiculous message exchanges. I can’t believe some of the things guys just put out there! No regard for etiquette or thoughts of inappropriateness. I mean when did it become normal to just ask for a pic of someone’s boobs? Or invite them over at 3 am to “get it on” or have my “world rocked” or get “down and dirty”??
So, of course, I’m completely compelled to share my experiences over beers and shots with my girlfriends. We all have a good laugh and you really wouldn’t believe just how many stories one can have after only two months of dating! Then one day, a fantastic woman says, “Hey, you should start a blog about this shit!”. And, as the saying goes, the rest is history! To be forever documented here, for you all to read. I hope that you’re reading this with a nice glass of wine, or an ice-cold beer, and a whiskey (neat) and enjoy my stories. My crazy, stupid, dating!
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I'm just a girl...sitting in front of a laptop...asking you to laugh with me. — view on Instagram http://ift.tt/2ubMw8s
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