THIS ISN’T HOW HER life is supposed to go. she isn’t supposed to have to be this brave at such a young age, but she does her best to keep herself together, holding on to cut strings as if she they won’t break again.
everything around her is falling apart the same way she is.
she crawls on all fours to pick up shards of glass carefully, cussing at herself for foolishly dropping the glass of water in the first place. her hands haven’t stopped shaking for days — she’s not sleeping, she’s definitely not eating enough for someone in her situation, and it is all pushing her down until she thinks she can’t stand it anymore. tamsin isn’t used to feeling this helpless and she hates it: it cages her in, makes it hard to breathe. the girl is suffocating. anger, anger, anger. allow yourself to feel anything else.
« it’s fine ! i got it, » she snaps the second she hears alva enter her kitchen. they shouldn’t be here today, she can feel it, and she would rather be alone — or not be at all.
closed ⤷ @hcartshaped.
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❀ / rcmeuz:
✕ ╱ 𝙒𝙃𝙀𝙉 𝙏𝙄𝙈𝙀 𝙁𝙍𝙀𝙀𝙕𝙀𝙎 before your eyes, you start to reconsider all of your life choices. you wonder what led you to the place you are at the moment, and where different choices would take you. you imagine yourself in the shoes of a different version of yourself; and you’re never sure if you’d like it, but then, this is one truth you’d never see truly happening.
when she shows him the test, he finds himself yet in another one of those episodes, where he is mere spectator of the reality that unfolds in front of him and shatters beneath his feet – the shards, the unhinged edges of the truth grazing against his skin and making realize that this time there were no where to run – which made him realize an even harder truth –
he was alone, he would ever be alone.
❝ what’s this. ❞ it was a rhetorical question – like a child who’s testing the waters with those who they love, he asks, not expecting an answer, asking just because he wants to stretch that moment of desperation that makes him freeze in place; makes him undone. ❝ it can’t be… ❞
romeo didn’t doubt her truthfulness and integrity – of everything in his life, tamsin was still the most wholesome part; even though within her lies the power to destroy him, as she has done before. he doesn’t doubt her, not for one second, and the truth weighs his shoulders, makes his head hang in desperation as he holds the test with the same shaky hands as her own.
he didn’t want this, but that onlooker part of himself whispers in his hear – the outcome of being with her, with them is something you truly ever wanted.
his mouth is dry, his fingers tangled on his hair as he looks up at her, realizing her had sat at some points, in need of some ground to place himself. maybe, the voice whispers, it’s something you’d like to try.
❝ tamsin, i’m going to be a dad? ❞
THERE IS NO WAY to describe what she’s feeling other than fear. she fears what she is about to say, fears his reaction, fears his rejection. she fears she has to go through this alone, for even if it is her responsibility she’s not sure she has the shoulders to carry this burden. most of all she fears that she will irreversibly lose him — she thinks this is possibly the worst thing she will possibly have to go through.
she watches him as if she’s watching from behind a glass, but she feels like there’s oceans between them. there is nothing she wants more than to reach out to him, to reassure him that no matter the outcome they will be fine, but tamsin is honest, and she is not that brave.
but she is strong. this girl, built of blood and bone and tragedy and scars�� that will never heal, has an iron mind and steel walls guarding her soul. this girl, small in size and gentle in tone, has a will that moves mountains. romeo sways, he sits, and tamsin stands still not because she can, but because she must. this boy, she likes to believe, has cracked his own heart open for her to reach into, and she doesn’t know how to handle something so strong yet so fragile. still, she’s fighting — not because she can, but because she must.
« i think so. » the words sound distant, untrue, as if they haven’t just been uttered by her. she should not have to say this, but she knows a house is built on steady ground and this is her rebuilding now. trust, honesty, but first it will hurt.
« romeo, there was .. before that weekend before vegas .. » she clenches her fists, prays to a god she doesn’t believe in, « i was with someone one night, about a week before. it didn’t mean anything, but it still happened. » she steps closer to him, tentatively, and there is hesitation in every breath she draws. this was before them, before there had even been a them, a time she knew rome had spent with others than her as well, but this was bigger than just the two of us. he needed to know though. he deserved to know.
« it didn’t mean anything, » she repeats quieter now. « but i’m not sure yet .. if you’re the father. »
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❀ / halcycns:
‘ yeah you did, but your words can’t stop me so i don’t know why you even bother, ’ the male retorted, with yet another glance over her small frame. to say that tamsin wasn’t his parents wet dream in a potential wife to him — - would be a lie. his parents loved her, just as they did with the few other girls that they MANAGED to throw in his direction. but at this point, yul indulged his parents as much as he could & thus why whenever there was an event, she was his go-to.
a tilt to his head with furrowed brows, he hummed once hearing her words. the glare doin’ nothing to him but makin’ him smile widely. ‘ it’s funny that you think that i didn’t already TELL them that i’m purchasing everything that you try on, ’ yul proclaimed, steppin’ closer to her to place his hand on her shoulder, ‘ but you can definitely buy me lunch. ’
A ROLL OF HER eyes — he is used to that being a common reaction from her. she never was good with compliments, especially when she knows they come with no further intentions but for her to feel good, and yul has always been the best at those. « i’m a hopeful person. i keep thinking one day maybe you’ll actually listen, » she points out as she retreats into the changing room.
not only a second later, tamsin sticks her head out of the door, audible gasp being heard. « yul, are you forreal right now ? that’s the most stupid thing i’ve ever heard, why would you do that ?? » she knows fighting with him is futile, especially in an environment like this — this is his scene. « you’re seriously not fucking around ? damn, maybe your parents were right. maybe i should marry you, » she jokes lightheartedly.
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The Office Rewatch: S02E01 → The Dundies
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❀ / reigneds:
❝ you look cute today. is that a new shirt ? i don’t think i’ve ever seen you in it before. ❞ any bad news is hard to take, things within the wu family were never easy. ———– it just wasn’t in their dna.
nikita knows when time has come - to put aside differences. to be happy with one another, to be a family. now maybe more than ever was those times, wouldn’t involve their parents and would be the sister she wanted to be. fingers play at the full curls sat in tamsin’s hair, now that she thinks about it — she hasn’t seen her hair like this either. nikita settles into her seat, going back to the authentic chinese food at her plate. guesses she is a terrible sister.
❝ do you wanna go crazy and get a ton of sweets tonight ? there’s a bunch of boxes at my place with hyunki moving in and everything but we could have movie night ? could be fun. what kind of movies do you like . . . uh, rom-coms ? kill bill- esque ? i’m not getting a good read. ❞
/ @consitor !
THERE IS THE FEELING that she’s watching everyone around her grow up and move on with their lives whilst she’s moving in reverse, and tamsin doesn’t know how to fix this. she doesn’t get through to romeo, seeks out support in alva instead, but no matter how hard they try it’s just not the same. she feels like she’s failed, like she’s on a path that only goes one way.
so she decides dinner with her sister with her sister can hardly hurt.
nikita’s efforts don’t go unnoticed even if tamsin surely enjoys ignoring them. she doesn’t have that privilege anymore, the little sister act is wearing thin, and she knows that’s not her role anymore — life has cruelly assigned her different tasks now. « uh, yeah. » it’s not, but it doesn’t matter.
the youngest plays with her food more than she eats it, avoids the older sister’s gentle gaze in fear of finding judgement there. it scares her that she does not know what to expect from her own sister. the conversation slides into something entirely and now tamsin looks up, smiling even. « woah woah, pause. and rewind. hyunki’s moving in ? »
so at least there are still silver linings somewhere for those who are patiently waiting for a rainbow.
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❀ / niiaque:
that gentle deflection ; she really should have expected no less. ❛ right, right … ❜ she mutters beneath her breaths, catching it like this merits some exercise. she follows tamsin into her place and starts tapping at her helmet again before starting her spiel, ❛ so, um. i wanted to like- bring you somewhere. but it’s uh… yeah looking back it’s pretty fucking stupid so- just. yeah if you don’t want to just tell me that’s fine. ❜ her words sputter & spill with stutters for pauses and uneven breaks. she can barely get her thoughts straight past the screen of her embarrassment. two seconds and she’s already waving off her notion once more, ❛ and we’ll just forget this ever happened. it’s too early for anyone to believe i even came here anyways. ❜
THIS UNCERTAINTY THE OTHER girl exudes with shame has tamsin suddenly hesitant too. she realizes, if only for a short second, that she is unaware of what exactly joo is capable of asking of her, and that makes her at once worried. she’s never turned her friend down before, but if asked to help bury a body tamsin doesn’t think she has the stomach for it. the helmets reassure her though, but only for a moment. « joo, » she begins, cuts through gently, « you haven’t even told me where this somewhere is yet. » she offers a smile, stops in the kitchen to turn her full attention to the other now. « i can’t reject you without a proposal, can i ? »
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❀ / svnsrise:
eli could tell she was much more uncomfortable with it all than he was – he was just in shock and probably would be for a while. it’s not every day a one night stand comes to your door and tells you that you could possibly be the father of their child. but, eli figured he could at least not be as much of an ass about it.
“it’s whatever. it’s got to be done, right?” his eyes fell from her to his hands, they were clasped together – though sweat laced his palms. he was nervous now more than scared – though the fear was still there. if it even was his, eli wouldn’t know the first thing about taking care of a child and that’s what genuinely terrified him. he didn’t want to become his father who ditched their kid and pretended they never existed, that’s for sure. “right, yeah. we do that.” was all he could manage to say. he was still at a loss for words at this point. “you know there aren’t that many options when it comes to this, tam. but..we’ll just do whatever you think’s best.”
WHATEVER HAPPENS SHE HAS to believe that they can be on the same team for this. they don’t know the first thing about each other — tamsin can’t even for the life of her tell anyone what elijah’s favorite color is — and still they find themselves tangled in this complicated web together.
« i guess so, » she agrees, but though she doesn’t say anything she feels immense relief about the fact that she does not need to fight him on this. when he places the responsibility primarily on her it suddenly dawns on her just how real all of this is becoming. « i don’t want to be a mom, » she realizes slowly, finally daring to meet his gaze. « i know that for sure. i just .. don’t know about the rest. » there’s a pause and a sharp inhale before she continues. « but i can do this on my own, eli. i just .. you needed to know. and you need to know that you have a say in this, too, if the child is yours. »
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❀ / hcartshaped:
they purse their lips, trying not to react at the names she gives, the irrational thought of killing whomever it was creeping up again only to be tampered down by reason. at least … at least it’s people she knows, alva muses, although they’re not entirely ecstatic about the possibility of either of those men being an active father in the child’s life if tamsin chooses to keep it. as much as alva loves rome, there’s still a lot to be unpacked there, and they’d rather drink wet cement than see elijah hold a baby.
alva exhales through their nose. ‘ okay, ’ they say for their own sanity. ‘ well, i would say that you should tell them as soon as you can. preferably before you decide to do anything. but know that no matter what they have to say about it or what they think you should do, it’s still only your decision to make. don’t let them pressure you into doing anything you don’t want to. ’
‘ and know, that i’m here for you no matter what. if you need me for anything or if you don’t need me and you want to be left alone, just say the word. ’
SHE KNOWS THEY’RE DOING their best to not let their disappointment show, but she knows them well enough that some things don’t need to be voiced aloud. she knows where they’re coming from — tamsin doesn’t know anything about elijah more than the fact that she shouldn’t have slept with him, and rome and her have never been steady even if the feelings are there. truth be told, the girl doesn’t know if she can trust any of the boys to be there for her: she’s not sure they can even be there for themselves.
« i’ll tell them, » she agrees bravely, for the truth is that she has no other choice. at least there will always be alva by her side. she snuggles up to them again, head resting against their chest, familiar and soothing warmth radiating. « hey, » she whispers after letting their words sink in. there is a time for everything, but she will not contact rome nor elijah now. now she needs rest. « can we eat ? i think we should order chinese food. »
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❀ / brightsvdes:
‘ thank you, i’m the cutest person i know too. for better and for worse. ’
« not the response i was expecting, but it’s valid so i’ll take it. »
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❀ / lcvirhee:
this is miles out of his comfort zone, but that doesn’t stop him from trying. the reveal in the group chat had been ugly, uncalled for, and he had stopped breathing then, he was sure. there had been a mix of anger and concern flowing through him.
the only thing he knows now is that he can’t let the girl go through this alone.
inevitably he has grown to care for tamsin. it is inevitable because whoever spends that much time in the company of that girl will place her safely in their heart — this is levi’s firm belief. she has yet to prove him wrong.
❛ i got it, ❜ he offers when he sees her standing on a chair to get to the top shelf of their kitchen. worry. it grows deep within him. placing a hand on her back to usher her down carefully, he reaches for the spices with ease.
❛ careful there, wu. ❜
@consitor.
HE COMES BACK INTO her life as if he never left at all, and whilst she thinks maybe she should confront him about it she ultimately doesn’t. she knows it’s not easy, she sees that fire in his eyes that he cannot put out and she knows not to dance with it. he will heal and it will take time, and all tamsin can do is watch.
she lets him usher her down even if she wants to fight back. « i appreciate your concern, levi, but i’ve stood on a stool before, » she huffs, crosses her arms in front of her chest. still, she smiles. this caring side of levi makes itself familiar to very few. taking the spices and adding some chili powder to her dish, she looks at him with concern and amusement all the same. « you do know i’m not dying, right ? »
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‘You have to let me in.’ Her hands ran up his arms. ‘I want this. I want you, but I won’t let you shut me out. If you do, we don’t stand a chance of surviving.’
He tried to turn his head away, ‘I’m a monster, why can’t you see that?’
‘Because you have never been a monster to me. You have always been a man. A man that has taken care of me and always made sure I was safe.’ His body was tensing up and she was afraid she had pushed too far. She turned to walk away, but he grabbed her wrist, pulling her close to him.
‘I love you.’ He whispered into her hair, breathing in her scent and letting it calm him.
g.m. ‡ tales that weren’t meant to be told #13
(via muserhq)
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❀ / halcycns:
an elongated sigh comes from yul when the compliments that he had dished out ( which was something very rare to hear from him ) had been put a halt to. ‘ you told me to stop being useless ! don’t girls like to hear that they’re beautiful ? ‘cause that’s definitely what you are, ’ he stated, able to throw a compliment in at any chance he got. being able to put a smile on tamsin’s face was one thing he could COUNT as an accomplishment in his day & also, just made him equally warm.
once he stopped circlin’ her, stood again in front of her as irises wavered over her entire frame, fingers drummed on his chin. the image of her in the previous dress popped into his mind, the decision of which she’d wear to the event tonight was harder than he’d imagined. ‘ i say this one, i think black is definitely CLASSIER for an art exhibit but … – i’ll buy the red one for you too. ’
WHILST SHE IS USED to yul’s compliments and no stranger to the feeling of genuine happiness that settles within her whenever he is this way, she does her best to brush it off nonetheless. she never quite learned how to accept his kind words anyway. « i told you to stop ! » but a chuckle leaves her anyway and she shakes her head in defeat. yul gets this round.
the girl gives herself a last glance in the mirror as he speaks next to her, and she immediately turns around to glare at him. « nah-uh. you’re not buying me anything from here. now i’m gonna go pay for this black dress and then we can go get lunch somewhere and it can be my treat, » stubborn voice cuts through his comment. « don’t you dare spend a cent on me, yul. »
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₍ 𝐓𝐗𝐓 ⁾ ╱ alva ♡
alva: i know, honey
alva: i wish there was something i could do for you
tamsin: you're already doing more than i could ask for, alva
tamsin: thank you
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₍ 𝐓𝐗𝐓 ⁾ ╱ nik
nikita: do you wanna go out?
nikita: there's this new store in chinatown i thought you'd really be into.
nikita: what can i do to help?
tamsin: chinatown sounds fun.
tamsin: i'm really craving dim sum too.
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