congregamus

[congregamus]

You’re telling me that if I buy a monthly Metra pass, I can get a monthly CTA pass for $30? Do you have *any idea* how much money this could have saved me over the last year+?

[congregamus]

Seen at UP-N Ravenswood Metra “I will no longer be complicit” #FreePalestine

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There is exactly one person that I see regularly who makes it very clear that I am easy to look at. May that person be blessed with joy and approval such as they give to the world.

[congregamus]

These Tuesday mornings are too fucking bright and too fucking early, am I right, chat?

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I can still tell keys by hearing I guess. (I can’t tell a lot of other non-material things apart FWIW.) Yesterday the band was rehearsing and at their next pause, I confirmed the key I recognized with the music director.

Now, I do not have perfect pitch, but keys are kind of like people. I recognize keys because there are just some signature sounds that keys have, or ways they express that are just as recognizable to me as old friends all the way across the lot even when I can’t see their face. You know who they are because you recognize what is essential about them — you don’t have to compare against anything. “Oh, that’s just [Name].”

[congregamus]

Broke: Interpretation Woke: Hermeneutics Bespoke: Self-insert fan fiction

[congregamus]

Finally watching "Poor Things"

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[congregamus]

I think "high-functioning freeze" is the best descriptor for where I live emotionally. (Not a diagnosis — just a behavior, and one that is easy enough to identify).

I don't really feel safe unless I'm by myself (sorry, everyone). And even then, I don't feel "safe" per se — I feel that being behind a locked door will simply be perceived as more trouble than it's determined to be worth to anyone would would try and put me in physical danger.

Consequently, I isolate at the very first opportunity. Once isolated, I will do whatever is necessary to flee my mind and body. I lose an incredible amount of what remains of "my free time" to dissociation because I perceive the external world as such a dangerous place that I would rather be (or, more specifically, *not* be) anywhere but wherever HERE is.

It's tempting to say, "It's not anyone's fault," but the fact of the matter is that is very much is the fault of the process by which I was socialized, during which I was 1) not being actively protected/being passively abandoned and 2) passively not being taught how to protect myself / being actively emotionally destroyed.

[congregamus]

Bootlicking has been a documented American tradition for at least three generations.

[congregamus]

Can you believe that they're even entertaining a case in SCOTUS that argues for complete Presidential immunity from the law? The fact that this court is even taking the question seriously means that the case is already ideologically all-but-lost.

It's hard to imagine a polite, agreeable "backstage" conversation between Justice Katanji Brown Jackson and Justice Amy Coney Barrett. I know that it's perverse of me even to consider it in the midst of all this collapse, but I would absolutely watch that season of Ryan Murphy's Feud: Judging SCOTUS, with Audra McDonald as KBJ and either Amy Adams or Julianne Moore as ACB.

[congregamus]

Vanessa Williams has entered the chat.

#Spotify

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[congregamus]

the hypocrisy of being human; the constant tug between solitude and company, the desire to love so desperately and simultaneously be detached from it all, of wanting everything and wanting nothing.

[congregamus]

This police state BS is happening at elite, *liberal* universities in thoroughly BLUE cities in BLUE states with democratic governors and mayors. Joe Biden is president now. F4ascism in the US is a bipartisan effort. This is not a November problem.

[congregamus]

I guess I’m doing OK considering that I suddenly lost a beloved family member last month, am lost to my parents now, and am watching come to pass what I so ardently warned against while being accused of overreacting. Hash brown Cassandra problems, right?

#meanwhile I am expected to make sense of genocide? jfc

[congregamus]

042124 (or Frühlingsglaube)

Well the earth woke up horny again. Spring  always ironic has progressed no longer content to bully me online from a burner account.

There’s actually a national send nudes day now which the trees and flowers pussy-out as always do not need.

I on the other hand flaccid and joyless cannot imagine enduring another as bloody such as is apparently required to get it wet enough for the rite.

Relatedly, a final letter to my folks fails to offer a fuck off but fully refuses any fantasy (which I’m afraid spring needs even more than I) to keep functioning.

Tomorrow around four with or without belief Something will insist through me, scoff though I must at the absurdity.