commonxeraarchived-blog
SELF-determination is not a MALFUNCTION.
VERY PRIVATE, MULTI-UNIVERSE, MULTI-MUSE, SEMI-SELECTIVEINDEPENDENT ROLEPLAYER
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update on life though
as you can see, my shit's archived; this blog is officially closed. I haven't been here with updates on life because I haven't had internet. but basically, no, I am not leaving the community. however, I am going to make a new blog. its not going to be public and I plan on only giving it to a few people. that'll be done when I feel like. I'm not rushing to do that. I just thought, you know, for all you out there so happy to see me "go" and shit, I am good. I am here. Kinda broken, kinda resilient, but I am still here, douchebags.
#ooc#just a tiny psa#ill message people who ive rped with frequently as soon as i can so we can discuss further rping and such#-waves to the fake bitch still following me-#im so high and thats about the only reason im announcing this lmao#tbd proba
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I use to enjoy your blog ..
Well, I happen to still enjoy my blog. So excuse me if this sounds rude but…I’m not sure how your opinion is relevant to me.
Or why it would be?
Do we write together? Do we have pairings?What’s the deal with this?Why is this anonymous?
If you don’t like my blog,and we don’t write together Unfollow it. Unfollow me.It’s literally that simple.
If we write together, and you feel like this is crucialand an important opinion,talk to me like a normal person.
Because that’s what I am.
I am a normal person.A human being. A living creature.A fucking writer.
Don’t come at me like this.This shit hurts my feelings.
#literally in my rules... 'hate' messages are fucking rude#i typically will delete any criticism i receive#but this right here is some bullshit#tbd probs#bc i sound like a bitch#but i am so fucking tired like#i didn't need this#i'm trying to write#i'm trying to chill and write bc i have to go to beed soon#i have to actually fucking work#and it pisses me that i leave for three days and i'm trying to get my replies out#and i get this shit#like what the fuck#the fuck did i do to deserve this garbage ass unhelpful ass anon
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"I... wasn't gonna..." Ennis said as quietly as he could, under his breath, as he absentmindedly pretended to flip channels nervously. Honestly, he wasn't expecting his roommate to be here: Ethan usually never came home this early from partying, but apparently he was tonight. Ennis, on the other hand, was had been in the apartment the entire day and was bored out of his mind this late in the evening. So bored, that he was silently watching porn by streaming the screen from his laptop. And luckily for him, Ethan was too intoxicated to notice what was up (and loud) when he first stumbled in. Ennis only settled on F.R.I.E.N.D.S because it was the only thing playing at this time of night, other than informercials and QVC. "Oh," He said, in regards to his roommate's comment, then shrugged as nonchalantly as he could. "Sometimes. Mostly when you're not around, for lack of judgement." Ennis said back, jokingly, turning his head to look at Ethan in the kitchen.
( commonxera )
“Don’t question anything. I don’t wanna talk about it,” Ethan mumbled to his roommate while entering their apartment, rubbing at his eyes in embarrassment. It looked like a pixie fairy had puked all over him, as he was covered in sparkles and was even wearing a pink tutu over his jeans. “Let’s just say that the party was fun, but I may’ve drank too much tequila on an empty stomach.” A dry laugh escaped him as he moved towards the kitchen to get himself a glass of water, eyeing whatever was on the television. “I never knew that you were one to watch Friends,” the boy teased, a smirk creeping onto his lips.
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Rejection was the adjective that best defined Austin's entire life. It was insane how many times the boy had to handle it, had to take it for what is was worth. No matter who it was, or what he had done (or not done), no one seemed to accept him. Never has it just been one person to give him a chance. Rejection was painful, it never stopped feeling painful.
The ignorant jocks from high school that outcasted him for doing well in math and an expert in engineering, they were easy to get over. The uptight, older, MacKenzie brothers that expected Austin to become some scholar with a career path and his own place, they were easy to get over. His own parents that never placed enough pressure on him to "move on with his life" looked down on him because he "just doesn't apply himself enough", they were easy to get over.
Yet this one, this moment, this rejection, was like the end-all type of pain Austin dreaded. "This could be my only shot of doing something that matters, and you won't even let me try." If she was trying to protect him, Cara had fail. "You won't even consider it. You're just-- You are literally telling me no. This is my child, and you're not letting me be a part of her life?”
“This is insane, don't you get that? There are single parents out there, trying to survive, trying to make something for their kids-- they would kill to have their child know their other parent! They would kill to have their other parent be a part of their lives." Austin didn't know much about divorce, or about parenting, but he knew that in this situation? He wanted to co-parent, if he could; if he had to.
"This means so much to me, and you don't care. Why don't you even care?"
“It just isn’t.” She hated how difficult it was for her to explain her own actions; to get him to understand her own thought processes. Making the decision that she did wasn’t as easy for her as he seemed to think it had been. She’d obsessed over what to do about the situation she was in for so long back then. Feeling as overwhelmed as she was in the beginning, not telling him was more of a result of indecision than anything else and the more time had passed over it, the easier it was for her to convince herself that they would all turn out just fine at the end of everything. When her own father had died she’d been just over 5 years old and that had left her without a constant male presence until her mother had remarried almost 10 years later…and she still liked to think that she’d turned out alright. As for Austin, she’d figured that what he didn’t know wouldn’t hurt him and left it at that.
“I didn’t want you to have to do any of those things. I didn’t want to feel like I was forcing you to stay. I didn’t want you to be with me because it was the right thing to do. I’d have told you if you were staying just because you wanted to be here but I didn’t want us to stand in your way when you were so dead set on leaving.” She stopped for a moment, determined to stop the tears that were beginning to sting her eyes from slipping down her cheeks. “It might not be the ideal situation but me and her, we’re a family. It might not be perfect but it works.”
The laugh that stuttered out of her was more out of disbelief than anything else. He couldn’t possibly believe that deciding every little detail of her daughter’s life without anyone else’s input had been easier for her than having someone there to help. “You know me, Austin, you have to know that wasn’t easy for me. Hiding everything from you was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done but it felt necessary so I did it. I don’t know what you want me to say to you right now; I can’t take any of it back.”
Cara hated the way that sounded. The thought of them not being able to work their issues out made her sick to her stomach but there were far too many complex layers to peel back for that to be a serious possibility right then. She ran her hand through her hair as she exhaled, the sound of her loud sigh breaking the short silence that had settled between them. “I don’t know. She’s just so comfortable with the way everything is right now. We have a routine that, by some miracle, works perfectly for her and I just don’t want to shake things up too much.”
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Thievery wasn't a typical activity for Tony, he tried to keep his business away from the cops as much as he could (despite his very deep connections to a gang). What'd been catching him off guard lately was how much time he was spending with Colby. The kid was trouble, pure trouble- nothing Tony had seen before. Don't assume Tony is some follower, hell no, he isn't a follower... but he did like Colby. Regardless of how crazy this white boy really was, they had quite a bit in common. Crazy ideas, deep needs for trouble. It was how the two end up on the run, honestly. Nearly thirty minutes into an on-foot pursuit, the boys had just dropped off the stolen goods to a connect’s shop, and would return for their pay when the cops were finally off of their backs. See, Colby and Tony were a good combination. Tony put Colby's plans into actions. Not only that, but he got them paid as well. Who needed seven-hundred dollars worth of stolen cigarettes anyway?
Though it's only been thirty minutes, Tony was no athlete. His chest was compressed and hot, his lungs were shot to shit. When Colby recommended scaling a wall to get to a roof, he was certainly not interested in taking that route. "--And if they climb up too?" Tony asked in between panting gasps for air. "Then what? We're fucked, man. We gotta find something better than a roof. Somewhere to hide. You know anybody in the area at all?"
( commonxera )
“I think we can climb to the roof, don’t you?“ Colby examined the side of the building under the street light. “There’s pretty good footing. Just gotta keep an eye out for any pigs.”
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"--A trip we shouldn't have to make, but yeah..."
Zach corrected softly, before clearing his throat.
After feeling Wednesday's hand in his, a gentle
smile grew on his lips as he looked down at the
intimate touch. Had they held hands before?
Definitely not. This was new, and it felt so good.
"Your hand... It-It, like, fits in mine." Zach's hands
were rather large compared to hers, but they looked
nice together. Eyes averted back to Wednesday,
he licked over his lips nervously. "If it-- If my hand
gets to sweaty, or something, you can let go.
I won't be mad or anything."
Wednesday happily held Zach’s hand, a small look
of apology on her face for how innately cold her fingers
were. ─something she couldn’t help, but still, she enjoyed
the new found warmth. “Good,” she answered, her free
hand moving to find warmth in the pocket of her jacket.
“Zach..” she drew out his name, like she was gently scolding
his self-depreciation. It was adorable, but he had to know
how much she liked being with him. “I like hanging out with
you. Even if it’s just for a trip to the hardware store.”
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gonna eat this burrito then do as many replies as i can.
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Yesenia wasn't someone too notorious for extending a hand, nor over-analyzing certain situations that required a logical conclusion. She was a take-it-or-leave-it kind of girl, and that especially applied when she left high school. Despite being just a year older than Bailey, they were in the same classes. Not all of them, but some. Anyway, enough to know that when she found out about what he's been up to these days, it shocked her a little too much. In a black market, the lucrative side business of the Negrons, Yesenia was just a mere arm's dealer. She sold illegal weapons to whoever wanted them. It was in addition to her beautiful flower shop that helped her run the place the way she wanted. In this same black market, it was where she heard Bailey's name, and at first? She was sure this might have to be a different name. How common is a name like that anyway? So, call her curious; Yesenia needed to find out herself whether or not the Bailey she knew really left his dreams to die. Did she know him well? Sure. They were grouped together sometimes on assignments, and even mutually agreed to work on projects together for final grades. She knew him, or so she thought she did. What mostly sent her knocking on Bailey's door was the fact that he was so smart. Did he really give up and become a drug dealer? When he answered the door, straight-forward Yesenia got right to the point. "Drugs... Really?" The Spanish girl asked rhetorically, cocking her head as she allowed herself somewhat into his home. "The Bailey I remember was smart- book smart- when the hell did you go all Breaking Bad, huh?"
open to all // bailey&.a close friend
He had more than enough money to quit. His mother’s treatments remained the same cost, even though they seemed to be helping less and less. Chemo killed all of the good cells along with the bad ones, making his mother a sight that he could barely stand seeing. She was his hero, his role model. He wanted to spend all of his time by her side, but he couldn’t. He needed a distraction, and selling weed was it. It made the money, and he had made a name for himself. Always quick on deliveries, special deals for returning customers, and he was the first one to ever get his hand on any new strain that was on the up and up. Bailey didn’t need to go to school after this, he had it made. And why quit something that you are so good at? He didn’t see the point. Though his friends from high school seemed to think otherwise. You know, the friends he had before his dad died. They knew Bailey, the real Bailey. The one before loss and pain overcame his life, making him just a vacant body roaming around. They wanted him to pursue something good. He was smart. Too smart for his own good sometimes. If he went to school again and tried, really tried he could make a good name for himself. But he was in too deep, he couldn’t stop. He didn’t want to stop. He counted his money that was laid out on the table, dividing it out into what needed to be paid around the house, only leaving him with a couple hundred to pick up his next round. He heard a knock on the door, slightly confused because nobody had ever come over to his house. When he opened the door to see them standing out there, a friend that he hadn’t spoken to since high school, his mouth dropped open and his words failed to construct sentences.
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when you try to throw up but you haven't ate in hours and you're just dry heaving and shouting I HAVE NOTHING TO GIVE!!!
#tbd probs#honestly i just miss being here and its only been like 3 days?? idk but man i miss writing#sigh#ill be on when i get off work to answer some things#and maybe make starters to follow up threads and shit lol
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Before you kiss someone for the first time, just wait.
Take a second to look at them. They are so new, so unfamiliar. Right now you don’t know how they taste, how their hands will press against your skin, how they’ll breathe. You won’t see them like this again.
Look at them wanting - the apprehension in their eyes. They don’t know either. In their mind you are uncharted territory.
Isn’t that special?
Keep it. That’s how you’ll never lose them. Every so often afterwards look at them through these eyes. Don’t lose that wonder. Don’t lose the spark.
S.Z. // Excerpt from a book I’ll never write #197
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