coastaway

[coastaway]

things I'll never tell you

you're the only person that's made an effort to figure me out you get me that's why I don't want to lose this I've never had that but at the same time you get me and you still let me down despite knowing exactly where it would hurt so maybe I've already lost this

I know you were scared of losing me

and I never liked the idea of being something to be lost

but it is incredibly hard to lose someone who wants to stay

vulnerability is what allows connection without it, there is no depth you shouldn't want to present the best part of you because how boring is that? it's the weird, human aspect that we connect with

[coastaway]

outgrowing pains

it was an ice cream day you glanced across the car at me the sun was on your face and warmed the back of my head the universe whispered, "you'll outgrow this" I moved my head

it was chokingly humid weather you patiently helped me breathe I heard doubt crawling back in the quiet of the lab the universe leaned on my shoulder, "you'll outgrow this" I shrugged it off

it was nightmare season you stayed up to help me fight horrific dreams I was sharpened by fatigue the universe circled my pillow, "you'll outgrow this" I hoped it meant the nightmares

it was the darkest time for you you said I was your light I felt heavy, guilty that I felt something was missing the universe touched my hand, "you're outgrowing this" I held yours instead

it was my first september without structure you were late but danced with me in the kitchen I cried on the drive there but never told you the universe put a hand on my arm, "you're outgrowing this" I stepped around it

it was almost my birthday you seemed oceans away I retaliated by throwing glaciers at you the universe pulled my arm, "you're outgrowing this" I yanked away, left with bruises

it was my favourite month you wouldn't cross the now frozen ocean I slammed the door, wearing my wetsuit the universe held my shoulders, "you've outgrown this" I was too frostbitten to feel anything

it was weeks later you moved towards me, were we thawing? I was in the middle of endings the universe held my face in it's hands, "you've outgrown this" I tasted salt but said I didn't care

it was a new try you looked at me like I was an angel I liked that look, even if I didn't see why the universe held my cold hands, "you've outgrown this" I put my hands in my pockets

it was after another playlist you were back in that cold water, sinking below ice I couldn't get you to reach for my hand the universe rubbed my back, "you've outgrown this" I kept holding out my hand

it was before I went on the plane you were miles away in the tide, not brave enough to paddle I stood in chest-deep water and wondered whether it was time the universe played with my hair, "you've outgrown this" I grew out my hair

it was the day I left this in the ocean you made a home of a sinking ship I always hated the idea of drowning the universe kissed my forehead, "you've outgrown this" I pulled my hand back, nodding

it was months after you still looked at me like I was the sun I didn't feel the warmth anymore the universe looked on beside me, "you outgrew it" I sighed and said I knew

hi so, as many do in their early 20s, I went through the excruciating experience of changing and growing and finding that you've outgrown some of your favourite things - and people.

as many do, I tried to ignore it, convinced that incompatibility couldn't stop the force of nature that was my efforts, and broke my own heart.

it wasn't until After, from re-reading journals and playlists, that I remembered how I felt that we were not in sync long before, despite my best efforts to write it off as overthinking, until it got louder & louder as the universe tried so hard to sweetly redirect me.

[coastaway]

I made a thing pt.5.

[coastaway]

MCU Phase 4 where it's the same but all the titles are written like bad YouTube titles:

Black Widow: THE GUY I KILLED ISN'T DEAD!?!? - Russian Sisters Vlog

Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings: I Think My Dad's trying to KILL Me!!! - Opening the Dragon Scale Door Challenge

Eternals: Protecting Humanity from God GONE WRONG!!! (GONE SEXUAL)

Spider-Man No Way Home: LOL multiverse go brrrr - Spider-Man (guest starring Spider-Man and Spider-Man)

WandaVision: My Husband is ALIVE??!!? - (WandaVision Episode Reaction/Spoiler Review/Theories)

Falcon and the Winter Soldier: I'm sorry for giving up the shield...

Loki: I TOLD MY CRUSH THAT I REALLY LIKED HER (spoilers: my crush is me!)

What If...?: Multiverse Beings REACT to the MCU | Experts React

Hawkeye: FIRST TIME BEING AN AVENGER * reaction and commentary * (Guest starring Hawkeye!!!) *ThatBish-op Vlogs*