closemyeyesforgood

[closemyeyesforgood]

Mama, why did the drugs always win.

Mama, why did you always need to spin.

I know it might stop but it might never end

When will it start and when will it begin

Momma momma why did the drugs always have to win

[closemyeyesforgood]

"I'll be a local volunteer/community member"

Life : nah too weird

“I'll be a farm hand"

Life : too broken

"I'll be a musician“

Life: don't kid yourself

" I'll be a teacher"

Life: only if you want daily sabotage from a classmates who is applying to the same school as you on purpose for that reason

"I'll be an exhibit artist"

Life: LOL your stuff is way too creepy and dark

"I'll be a stage performing hairstylist"

Life: too self aware for that scene

"I'll be a mom"

Life: kind of

"I'll be an advocate for my mom and her husband"

Life: not sure why you thought anyone would care

"I'll start a podcast"

Life: too much of a loser sorry

"I'll be a successful artist online"

Life: algorithm changed just as you were gaining traction so...

"I'll do movie reviews with friends"

Life: no one will do that with you and you haven't watched enough movies

"I'll be an operations coordinator!"

Life: yeah people don't like taking orders from little girls

"I'll be the glue that brings my family and friends together"

Life: well doesn't someone think highly of themselves?

"I'll.... Just try to be me I guess?"

Life: if you can survive... Mwuahahahaha

Feeling so defeated 😂😅😭

Life... Keeps giving me the wrong fruits...

[closemyeyesforgood]

New piece ✨ This is available as art prints on Society6: Enchanted Forest by Ulla Thynell

[closemyeyesforgood]

“It was a mistake to think of houses, old houses, as being empty. They were filled with memories, with the faded echoes of voices. Drops of tears, drops of blood, the ring of laughter, the edge of tempers that had ebbed and flowed between the walls, into the walls, over the years. […] And there were houses,  that breathed. They carried in their wood and stone, their brick and mortar a kind of ego that was nearly, very nearly, human.” ― Nora Roberts, Key of Knowledge

Houses in horror movies

The Conjuring (2013) dir James Wan

A Nightmare On Elm Street (1984) dir Wes Craven

Poltergeist (1982) dir Tobe Hooper

The Amityville Horror (1979) dir Stuart Rosenberg

The Addams Family (1991) dir Barry Sonnenfeld

Psycho (1960) dir Alfred Hitchcock

Beetlejuice (1988) dir Tim Burton

The Rocky Horror Picture Show (1975) dir Jim Sharman

Bram Stoker’s Dracula (1992) dir Francis Ford Coppola

Halloween (1978) dir John Carpenter

Crimson Peak (2015) dir Guillermo del Toro

[closemyeyesforgood]

Recent project

[closemyeyesforgood]

It was a man's world

Why didn't the men try to make it any better

Only interested in making the change

that benefit their selfish ways

Just to make their parched lips wetter

While we drag in all the mess

And then we must be undressed

To please the ones who own us

Though we are not to be seen

Through unconventional means

Or face an unjust punishment of chance

Held responsible for the flaws of the ones who make the rules, which we follow in fear of death or mutilation

[closemyeyesforgood]

Macramé: A Golden Hands Pattern Book, 1974

[closemyeyesforgood]

[closemyeyesforgood]

Live as if you were going to die tomorrow, but learn as if you were immortal. Artist grantreddenstudio on Instagram.

[closemyeyesforgood]

She's got the lips she's got the hips, though she's but a fantasy

She sees right through your cheshire grin, seeing things that you cannot see

all the pain and distain, feeling like you're insane

The numbness, and the rage, all caught up in your cage

But then again, she knows exactly what you are

No need to worry love, she's still not going very far

Thing is you really need to learn it

Do everything you can to earn it

She just can't be swallowed up again

Just because you like the attention

Sorry's not enough of a consolation

Have some fucking consideration

For someone other than yourself

Everyone of us could use a little help

[closemyeyesforgood]

Who me?

[closemyeyesforgood]

When I was 17, my school had a Christmas concert, and wanted students to do solo and band performances. I wanted to sing a couple songs but had no music or band. They said it was fine.

I practiced and practiced until I knew I could nail it without the music.

I called my mom and my brother and told them when it would be. I begged them to make time to come see me because I picked the songs for them. And I wouldn't be on stage again.

The night came, and I scanned the crowd from behind the scenes, and didn't see them. Finally it was my turn, and I knocked it out of the park. I sang so powerfully and on point, I had people I didn't even know telling me how good I did afterwards.

As the crowd dispersed, a sinking feeling came over me. They didn't come. They didn't see me. They didn't hear me. It was their last chance to hear me sing and see me on stage. But I wasn't worth the effort to them...

I'll be home for Christmas, and Chestnuts roasting on an open fire. I had been living at my aunts, and wanted to be home for the holidays with my mom. We had a giant horse chestnut tree growing in the yard with big beautiful flowers,and every year growing up I would ask if we could roast some. Even though we couldn't eat them, we would still roast a few, just to have fun.

Those songs meant a lot to me, it was supposed to be a gift. I cried so much that day I thought I would never sing again. And until my grandmother died, I didn't.

My mother heard me when I sang for my grandmother, she showed gratitude for being present for it, and I was just happy she heard me. But the song wasn't for her... She never got to hear that

[closemyeyesforgood]

I don't know what to do or where to go. I don't have the energy or the effort left in me to give to other people anymore.

I see all these amazing close families loving, supporting and being there for eachother, and all I do is look around and see clearer and clearer that I do not have that.

I don't have security, I don't have community, I don't have support. I don't have parents or children or sisters.

I have selfish friends and family who don't think of me unless they need something. Money, food, services, therapy. They don't want to spend time with me or love me. They just want me to take care of them.

When they worry about me they distract themselves so they don't think about me. When I need them they make themselves busy or in more need than me, so their needs trump mine.

I am drowning in loneliness and abandonment and I can't do this much longer...

[closemyeyesforgood]

I am afraid of you

I am afraid of your silence

I am afraid of your distance

I am afraid of your withdrawl

It tears me apart

But so does being too afraid to talk to you

To ask yet again for the same thing

for the hundredth time

Only to be shown your back

And later a false promise

fleeting, conditional affection

Dismissal, invalidation, lack of support

And an endless path to madness

Waiting for a promise that will never come

[closemyeyesforgood]

You lured her in with your honeytrick trap

So warm, so sweet, no need to attack

So loving, so kind, so safe and so strong

She fell for your lovely and charming facade

[closemyeyesforgood]

[closemyeyesforgood]

She came to me to let me know she had been watching me for most of my life. She knew I would be a part of her families life one day, specifically her brother, and wanted to make sure I would survive until the day I met him. She saw the things I endured and wanted to keep me strong enough to make it to that day.  Once I realized that inner voice, and strength was a gift all these years, I was so grateful. Life was so difficult to keep drudging through and around the times I felt I had lost everything, there was always something telling me I would be able to make it through. I was so touched and honoured that I was this important to her.